Holiday Parenting time modification

[profmum]

What is the name of your state? CO
Dad and I have 50-50 for our 4.5 yr old DD.

A month ago the Courts modified our parenting plan we agreed upon in Aug 07 (adopted my request for a week on, week off) to accomodate Dad's travel. CO law states that a parenting plan can be modified only once in 2 years. Now Dad is having a hissy fit about our holiday schedule which we agreed to in Feb 07, I am pretty certain there is yet another motion to modify etc coming. My question is, will this fall under a parenting time modification in which case Dad is not allowed to request one for 2 more years OR could/does this staute not apply to holiday parenting time?

I say I know a motion is coming, because he yelled and screamed about it on Friday, refuses to mediate and wants to "see me in court " (again).

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? CO
Dad and I have 50-50 for our 4.5 yr old DD.

A month ago the Courts modified our parenting plan we agreed upon in Aug 07 (adopted my request for a week on, week off) to accomodate Dad's travel. CO law states that a parenting plan can be modified only once in 2 years. Now Dad is having a hissy fit about our holiday schedule which we agreed to in Feb 07, I am pretty certain there is yet another motion to modify etc coming. My question is, will this fall under a parenting time modification in which case Dad is not allowed to request one for 2 more years OR could/does this staute not apply to holiday parenting time?

I say I know a motion is coming, because he yelled and screamed about it on Friday, refuses to mediate and wants to "see me in court " (again).

Let me get this straight -- the plan was agreed upon in August 2007, which encompassed the holiday schedule of February 07, or was that a typo and you meant February 08? Because if it was modified in February 08 then you already had a modification within the two year period and then a month ago you had a modification as well. So how did the modification a month ago get done when it had not been EVEN a year? That should have been kicked out.

What does dad want to change?

 

[profmum]

Let me get this straight -- the plan was agreed upon in August 2007, which encompassed the holiday schedule of February 07, or was that a typo and you meant February 08?

sorry, let me clarify, it encompassed the Feb 07 schedule.

Because if it was modified in February 08 then you already had a modification within the two year period and then a month ago you had a modification as well. So how did the modification a month ago get done when it had not been EVEN a year? That should have been kicked out.

see above, sorry for being unclear

What does dad want to change?

I am not entirely sure, he just files motions without discussion what I think he wants is that if it is a holiday, Father's day for example and it falls on my parenting time, he wants the entire weekend to be his.

Now we have a week on, week off schedule already, that makes it 10 days in a new with either parent. What I am proposing is that for Father's day, Mother's day, Labor Day, Memorial Day, Halloween, the parent whose weekday or weekend it is has that holiday. For X mas and Tday, we specify it, spliting the holiday for example or every other year. OR the parent whose holiday it is gets that night if it is not their regular parenting time so DD for example can enjoy 4th July fireworks or trick-treating for Halloween.

What we have right now which is a stip he agreed to and signed to in Fen 2007, was if the holiday is not on your regular parenting time, the parent has DD between 10-7 pm that day. Now he wants to change it, but this has nothing to do with his work schedule which is why we changed the parenting plan, he simply does not like the holiday schedule anymore.

 

[Ohiogal]

I am not entirely sure, he just files motions without discussion what I think he wants is that if it is a holiday, Father's day for example and it falls on my parenting time, he wants the entire weekend to be his.

Now we have a week on, week off schedule already, that makes it 10 days in a new with either parent. What I am proposing is that for Father's day, Mother's day, Labor Day, Memorial Day, Halloween, the parent whose weekday or weekend it is has that holiday. For X mas and Tday, we specify it, spliting the holiday for example or every other year. OR the parent whose holiday it is gets that night if it is not their regular parenting time so DD for example can enjoy 4th July fireworks or trick-treating for Halloween.

What we have right now which is a stip he agreed to and signed to in Fen 2007, was if the holiday is not on your regular parenting time, the parent has DD between 10-7 pm that day. Now he wants to change it, but this has nothing to do with his work schedule which is why we changed the parenting plan, he simply does not like the holiday schedule anymore.

The two of you are going to be in court forever. Sorry and I am not blaming you about it but jeez. The holiday stip sounds just fine. He can take you to court and go from there and most likely end up wasting money.

 

[LdiJ]

I am not entirely sure, he just files motions without discussion what I think he wants is that if it is a holiday, Father's day for example and it falls on my parenting time, he wants the entire weekend to be his.

Now we have a week on, week off schedule already, that makes it 10 days in a new with either parent. What I am proposing is that for Father's day, Mother's day, Labor Day, Memorial Day, Halloween, the parent whose weekday or weekend it is has that holiday. For X mas and Tday, we specify it, spliting the holiday for example or every other year. OR the parent whose holiday it is gets that night if it is not their regular parenting time so DD for example can enjoy 4th July fireworks or trick-treating for Halloween.

What we have right now which is a stip he agreed to and signed to in Fen 2007, was if the holiday is not on your regular parenting time, the parent has DD between 10-7 pm that day. Now he wants to change it, but this has nothing to do with his work schedule which is why we changed the parenting plan, he simply does not like the holiday schedule anymore.

Oh ARG...I am not sure this will ever end for you.

It really may be time for you to end up in front of the judge.

Put together a holiday schedule that you believe is fair. Be very attentative to detail and fairness. Don't leave anything ambiguous....and then let the judge decide. However do point out to the judge that every time that an agreement/order has been put in place, that he wants to change it....so that hopefully the judge will address that issue with him.

However, until he files to change the current parenting plan, you are free to stick with it.

 

[wileybunch]

I am not entirely sure, he just files motions without discussion what I think he wants is that if it is a holiday, Father's day for example and it falls on my parenting time, he wants the entire weekend to be his.

Now we have a week on, week off schedule already, that makes it 10 days in a new with either parent. What I am proposing is that for Father's day, Mother's day, Labor Day, Memorial Day, Halloween, the parent whose weekday or weekend it is has that holiday. For X mas and Tday, we specify it, spliting the holiday for example or every other year. OR the parent whose holiday it is gets that night if it is not their regular parenting time so DD for example can enjoy 4th July fireworks or trick-treating for Halloween.

What instigated this? Did something about Father's Day weekend come up?

I think your plan is backwards, IMO. IF you already have holidays split, then whoever has the holiday should have the weekend, too. Otherwise, if you have Father's Day weekend, you would get Father's Day, too. That doesn't make sense.

He's not asking for a large parenting plan change, seems like some minor adjustments/tweaking.

 

[LdiJ]

What instigated this? Did something about Father's Day weekend come up?

I think your plan is backwards, IMO. IF you already have holidays split, then whoever has the holiday should have the weekend, too. Otherwise, if you have Father's Day weekend, you would get Father's Day, too. That doesn't make sense.

I agree that doesn't make sense.

He's not asking for a large parenting plan change, seems like some minor adjustments/tweaking.

You might want to read/review her backstory.

 

[profmum]

What instigated this? Did something about Father's Day weekend come up?

I think your plan is backwards, IMO. IF you already have holidays split, then whoever has the holiday should have the weekend, too. Otherwise, if you have Father's Day weekend, you would get Father's Day, too. That doesn't make sense.

He's not asking for a large parenting plan change, seems like some minor adjustments/tweaking.

We have a plan in place already, holidays are split by odd and even years and 10-7 pm if the day is not your regular parenting time.

Well on Friday he send me an email stating that he was picking DD up at 10 am on Sunday and dropping her back the next morning at school. (keep in mind we have been following this holiday schedule since Feb 2007). I reminded him that the drop off was 7 pm on Sunday and not Monday morning and sent him a copy of the Court order.

That is when all hell broke loose and he yelled and screamed (via email) about how he had lost days due to his travel and I was being a "witch" in not giving him this night (keep in mind the court denied any parenting time he he has lost or will lose due to his travel in May 2008). So he wants to or appears to want to make up nights he has lost due to work and feels he can take a night when it is his holiday. I did not respond, he must have talked to his attny, because his attny emailed mine and said Dad would drop DD back at 7 pm, then I get 5-6 emails about how he was going to take me to court etc etc.

So back in court.. ironic since we have another hearing about attny fees next week and have been in court every month since Jan 2008!!

but one of these days and several thousand $$ later he will hang himself. Our most recent CO about the new parenting plan specifically states that the Courts do not believe that a 50-50 is possible anymore but will give him one more chance to maximize his time with DD.

Writing is on the wall..

I am not sure exacty what he wants, but the way to request a change is to discuss it first, mediate then and then either reach an agreement or have the Courts decide. He just wants he wants and when it is not what the CO says, well, he files another motion.

 

[penelope10]

I would think that the fairest thing to do would be give Mom Mother's Day weekend irregardless of whose weekend it is. And Give Dad Father's Day weekend irregardless of whose weekend it is. This year MD fell on his weekend. FD on mine so it evened out.

To break this down further, we each had the kiddo 2 weekends in a row due to the holiday. Neither parent got more time or less time than the other.

 

[LdiJ]

I would think that the fairest thing to do would be give Mom Mother's Day weekend irregardless of whose weekend it is. And Give Dad Father's Day weekend irregardless of whose weekend it is. This year MD fell on his weekend. FD on mine so it evened out.

To break this down further, we each had the kiddo 2 weekends in a row due to the holiday. Neither parent got more time or less time than the other.

If they didn't have a true 50/50 plan I would agree with you. But they do have a true 50/50 plan, so its only really the day itself that matters.

 

[Ohiogal]

We have a plan in place already, holidays are split by odd and even years and 10-7 pm if the day is not your regular parenting time.

Well on Friday he send me an email stating that he was picking DD up at 10 am on Sunday and dropping her back the next morning at school. (keep in mind we have been following this holiday schedule since Feb 2007). I reminded him that the drop off was 7 pm on Sunday and not Monday morning and sent him a copy of the Court order.

Why couldn't you give him the overnight however? He was going to take DD to school so what is the big deal about him taking her to school on Monday or you doing it? Both of you also need to be flexible at times.

 

[LdiJ]

Why couldn't you give him the overnight however? He was going to take DD to school so what is the big deal about him taking her to school on Monday or you doing it? Both of you also need to be flexible at times.

Its problematic for her to be flexible with him. What he wants is 50/50, but he wants 50/50 based on when he wants it, not based on a schedule. He travels for work and its not a set schedule. Therefore he basically wants the child whenever he is home, which would make it impossible for the OP to ever have ANY plans with the child, or any weekends for that matter. She tried being flexible and it was a mess.

They have been through several schedules in the last year, and they have finally been ordered to an alternating week schedule and the court has ordered that dad does NOT get makeup time for his business travel. Therefore being flexible potentially puts her right back into the mess that the court eliminated.

Her CO also states the following now:

Our most recent CO about the new parenting plan specifically states that the Courts do not believe that a 50-50 is possible anymore but will give him one more chance to maximize his time with DD.

Dad is being encouraged to plan his business travel in such a way that he does not have to travel during his time with the child, and if he cannot do that, then the court may not continue the 50/50 timeshare.

 

[profmum]

Why couldn't you give him the overnight however? He was going to take DD to school so what is the big deal about him taking her to school on Monday or you doing it? Both of you also need to be flexible at times.

OG I agree it is not a big deal, I sent him an email stating what the CO said (again) and left it at that with an offer to discuss the vacation issue for Father's day and other holidays (we can discuss it quickly and make that our new agreement instead of going to court yet again). He must have talked to is attny in the interim and something set him off and all the "I am taking you to court started" emails started. My attny has always advised me that when he is seeing red, which he has been since the Courts denied him any make up parenting time for his travel, to follow the CO to minimize the conflict.

 

[stealth2]

Personally, given that it WAS Father's Day, I'd have given him the overnight. I also have a difficult ex, but this wouldn't be a hill to die on for me. Nor would it have been worth yet another go 'round on the schedule. <shrug> To each their own.

 

[profmum]

Personally, given that it WAS Father's Day, I'd have given him the overnight. I also have a difficult ex, but this wouldn't be a hill to die on for me. Nor would it have been worth yet another go 'round on the schedule. <shrug> To each their own.

I completely agree, unfortunately, we will be back in court, no matter what I say or do. He wants to have a judge chastize me and tell me I am in contempt or something. This has been his pattern thus far.

For example, we have a CS issue where he wants to consider my consulting income (2nd job) for CS purposes. Colorado statute is pretty specific about not considering any income beyond my 40 hr work week. To avoid yet another court battle, I agreed (we are taking about an increase of $200/month for a total of $350/mo) and said "fine, let us go with that figure".

When he realized that I agreed, and there would no "court" he said he would only allow for a non judicial resolution if I paid ALL his attny fees as well, which he stated was $30K!! so we are back in court.

Funny thing is my email stated, "Dad, as a reminder drop off is 7 pm per the CO, not the next morning as you state, but I will call you to discuss it". So not even a no.. and he is so enraged he wont even discuss an offer.