Holiday Parenting time modification

[profmum]

Exactly my point. If youre going to choose something to "stick to the court order" about, why choose THIS of all things? How did it benefit your child? That is my question. Aside from you trying to teach him a lesson about how he treats YOU.

Since our conflict escalated I have stuck to the CO for everything else. So not singling out Father's day by any means just the one I posted about since it was about a question regarding whether another modification of the holiday parenting time would be allowed in less than 2 years (incidentally with the exception of OG and LD, no responses to the real question at hand but a lot of rhetoric about being the wicked stepmother!)

 

[profmum]

I don't recall objecting to a week on/week off schedule in the past.
Sorry I meant, you among others encouraged me to think about this schedule as being fair to what Dad needed for his travel requirments.

 

[Silverplum]

Since our conflict escalated I have stuck to the CO for everything else. So not singling out Father's day by any means just the one I posted about since it was about a question regarding whether another modification of the holiday parenting time would be allowed in less than 2 years (incidentally with the exception of OG and LD, no responses to the real question at hand but a lot of rhetoric about being the wicked stepmother!)

Oh, come on.

Who could forget the Instant Classic, Easter Nightmare!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=398967

 

[jbowman]

Dad enjoyed Father's day from 10-7 pm per our agreement, just as I will enjoy 4th July from 10-7 pm per our agreement as it is his parenting day, so being dramatic about "keeping DD away from Dad on Father's day" is pure hyperbole.

Well, not so much. If dad was happy then he wouldnt have flipped out.

Well on Friday he send me an email stating that he was picking DD up at 10 am on Sunday and dropping her back the next morning at school. (keep in mind we have been following this holiday schedule since Feb 2007). I reminded him that the drop off was 7 pm on Sunday and not Monday morning and sent him a copy of the Court order.


That is when all hell broke loose and he yelled and screamed (via email) about how he had lost days due to his travel and I was being a "witch" in not giving him this night (keep in mind the court denied any parenting time he he has lost or will lose due to his travel in May 2008).

You could have prevented "all hell breaking loose" but just letting him take her to school.

ETA: Thank you, Silver. I remember the Easter situation quite well. Profmum seems to have terrible difficulty with co-parenting. Maybe therein lies the control freak.

 

[penelope10]

Careful with assumptions here, DD is doing fine, in fact in May I testified again to the courts that despite Dad's travel schedule I think 50-50 is the way to go for DD to truly have a relationship with both parents. The judge was very specific that because Mum said that DD was thriving under a 50-50 he was going to maintain it with a week on, week off schedule.

She is not a party to any of this except the wasted $$ in legal fees that could have paid for her college education at Harvard, what is happening is, Dad and I are in heavy legal debt which of course does not help DD, but we both leave her out of it.

I do have to climb out of this debt and trying my best to. Emotionally i do not let Dad's motions/threats bother me anymore, dont get emotional or into pissing contests with him, even my blood pressure issues are better as a result of it. So DD is doing well, I am doing fine despite the debt, not sure how Dad is doing but clearly not in a place of peace. To me, that is the bigger picture. We have 3 motions pending in some form of the other with one more on the way I am sure.. so be it.

Dad enjoyed Father's day from 10-7 pm per our agreement, just as I will enjoy 4th July from 10-7 pm per our agreement as it is his parenting day, so being dramatic about "keeping DD away from Dad on Father's day" is pure hyperbole.

This is not meant as an insult to you. You can do as you wish. I am speaking from experience. I had to look at myself and my contribution to making things better. And I do feel that going back and forth to court often has an indirect impact on kiddos. It takes away the time, energy, emotion, and money that could be better spent in other ways. You have 3 motions pending---see them to the finality. Follow the order. But for goodness sake, if there is some room for flexibility in the future please do so. Sometimes even the biggest @$$ responds to positive reinforcement. Or an olive branch.

 

[wileybunch]

She is not a party to any of this except the wasted $$ in legal fees that could have paid for her college education at Harvard, what is happening is, Dad and I are in heavy legal debt which of course does not help DD, but we both leave her out of it.

I am not criticizing you, profmum, but I do think you could have/should have handled the current situation differently.

But, I want to say that it cannot be true that DD is not a party to any of this except financial fall out. Humans have their limits and the way you two are at each other, it is NOT POSSIBLE that fall out of other types haven't come down on your DD, too, no matter how much each of you think you may be compartmentalizing. I'm not blaming you for this, just saying it's impossible for an imperfect human to compartmentalize to that extent and have unlimited patience, graciousness, tenderness, a listening ear and warm heart, etc. when engaged in such battle.

 

[jbowman]

Im am cracking up because CourtClerk really called it:

Sadly, in a couple of weeks or a couple of months, there will be another "nightmare" or "tragedy" or something else that will come up and OP will be at it again. Again, there are some men in this world where I can absolutely understand why they are the way they are... and why they are divorced.

from the Easter Nightmare thread!

 

[profmum]

Im am cracking up because CourtClerk really called it:



from the Easter Nightmare thread!

Exactly JBowman, which proves my point, we had the same go around two months ago, I gave Dad his "Demanded" ovenight to be "flexible" and he did not want it after all the yelling and screaming he did. But it was a ridiculous pissing contest which I acknowledged as well, because I did have a "let me show you" mentality.

Now I hope you see why I decided to follow the Court Order, there is still yelling and screaming, but less of it, because I do not participate in any of it. Dad clearly does not remember or cares to remember what the CO states from March 23, 2008 to June, 15, 2008.

Jbowman, we are not coparenting but parallel parenting. Our core value systems are the same so for now DD is doing very well. I can "let" him have an overnight, have his parenting plan, pay all his attorney fees, file a contempt motion on myself, pay whatever CS amount he wants, give him all decision making authority and then maybe, just maybe he will be at peace, sadly I am also human and a mother.

Penelope 10, Wiley, I agree with you, over time, all of this will have an impact on DD, no matter what I do. That is my fear, so am trying my best, for example by offering the "olive branch" on the CS issue I mentioned earlier. But he seems to be in such rage right now, so hoping all this ends on July 16th (last court date for now) and then we can slowly start healing respectively. That truly is my fervent prayer.

 

[penelope10]

Exactly JBowman, which proves my point, we had the same go around two months ago, I gave Dad his "Demanded" ovenight to be "flexible" and he did not want it after all the yelling and screaming he did. But it was a ridiculous pissing contest which I acknowledged as well, because I did have a "let me show you" mentality.

Now I hope you see why I decided to follow the Court Order, there is still yelling and screaming, but less of it, because I do not participate in any of it. Dad clearly does not remember or cares to remember what the CO states from March 23, 2008 to June, 15, 2008.

Jbowman, we are not coparenting but parallel parenting. Our core value systems are the same so for now DD is doing very well. I can "let" him have an overnight, have his parenting plan, pay all his attorney fees, file a contempt motion on myself, pay whatever CS amount he wants, give him all decision making authority and then maybe, just maybe he will be at peace, sadly I am also human and a mother.

Penelope 10, Wiley, I agree with you, over time, all of this will have an impact on DD, no matter what I do. That is my fear, so am trying my best, for example by offering the "olive branch" on the CS issue I mentioned earlier. But he seems to be in such rage right now, so hoping all this ends on July 16th (last court date for now) and then we can slowly start healing respectively. That truly is my fervent prayer.

Good, continue. But I agree with the other posters who stated Father's Day is not a hill you want to die on. You don't have to "let" him have everything he wants. But Father's Day is a sentimental holiday that is devoted to Dad. And no matter how much you work with the guy, and how unreasonable you feel he is, you don't want to end up looking unreasonable over an issue such as Father's Day to the court. And he's probably going to bring it up as much as you guys have been traveling back and forth to the courthouse...

And yes, hopefully over time this will get better.It should with work. It's perfectly ok to stick by the order. Just don't do something silly that's going to shoot yourself in the foot. What has helped me is that I'm a patient person. I don't necessary believe one gets an immediate reward when one does something generous. But in TIME it generally gets returned. The word TIME is key here. (To move past all the hurt feelings and fighting).