Husbands Rights or Lack There of!

[yerbudi]

What is the name of your state? Massachusetts

I am in the process of going through a divorce. My wife and I had an arguement because she was hiding money someplace, and didn't pay the mortgage. She called the cops, I left, and she had a restraining order placed against me.

Now this is where things go haywire. She comes to court the next day and just lies through her teeth. I understand that the judge had to take her side so he grants her a 3 month restraining order. Sucks because I cannot see, talk, or play with my two kids 4 and 2. But I have to abide until end of Feb. I tried to have the order repealed and she lied again, and again the judge sided with her.

My lawyer is telling me that I have to pick my battles. I want to subpoena all her medical records and what different types of medication that she is on. I also want to subpoenea all of her bank records and those of her parents.

I worked three jobs while she did nothing. She didn't cook, didn't take the kids to the park, didn't clean the house. She got a job for one day, called me and said that she quit.

Am I better off just staying away from her until the end of Feb, or do I try to subpoena all these records, and then some. If my lawyer won't do it, can I do it? I am willing to act as my own counsel when we get into court, with my lawyer as just my guide.

I think the Probate Court date is 3 days prior to the Restraining Order date. My fear is that she is laying the ground work for full custody, even though she combines medication and alcohol. I know getting full custody is costly and rare for a man, but I fear for my childrens safety. She has already kicked her 14 year old (from a previous marriage) out and claims that is due to me, but in fact she could not control her daughter and her report cards were becoming progressively worse. I wish to subpoena her daughters school transcripts also.

So tell me, am I really just wasting my time? Can I legally do this with a restraining order in effect? What are my options, and what should be my next step?

Thank you in advance,
Michael

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Massachusetts

I am in the process of going through a divorce. My wife and I had an arguement because she was hiding money someplace, and didn't pay the mortgage. She called the cops, I left, and she had a restraining order placed against me.

Now this is where things go haywire. She comes to court the next day and just lies through her teeth. I understand that the judge had to take her side so he grants her a 3 month restraining order. Sucks because I cannot see, talk, or play with my two kids 4 and 2. But I have to abide until end of Feb. I tried to have the order repealed and she lied again, and again the judge sided with her.

I should say that after the first order she emailed all her friends to gloat, and told them all that she wanted to go out drinking with them on that Saturday night. So if she was so deathly afraid of me, she leaves her kids with her mother and goes out drinking. I cannot bring this to the courts attention because the restraining order prevents me for finding this information out. Go figure.

My lawyer is telling me that I have to pick my battles. I want to subpoena all her medical records and what different types of medication that she is on. I also want to subpoenea all of her bank records and those of her parents.

I worked three jobs while she did nothing. She didn't cook, didn't take the kids to the park, didn't clean the house. She got a job for one day, called me and said that she quit.

Am I better off just staying away from her until the end of Feb, or do I try to subpoena all these records, and then some. If my lawyer won't do it, can I do it? I am willing to act as my own counsel when we get into court, with my lawyer as just my guide.

I think the Probate Court date is 3 days prior to the Restraining Order date. My fear is that she is laying the ground work for full custody, even though she combines medication and alcohol. I know getting full custody is costly and rare for a man, but I fear for my childrens safety. She has already kicked her 14 year old (from a previous marriage) out and claims that is due to me, but in fact she could not control her daughter and her report cards were becoming progressively worse. I wish to subpoena her daughters school transcripts also.

So tell me, am I really just wasting my time? Can I legally do this with a restraining order in effect? What are my options, and what should be my next step?

Thank you in advance,
Michael

Well you cannot subpeona her parent's bank records because they are not a party to the divorce/case. You cannot subpeona her daughter's school records because she is not a party to the divorce/case.

You would have to have hard, cold evidence that she is mixing prescription drugs and alcohol PLUS prove that it directly placed your children in harm's way. NOT that you are just afraid that it will.

You need to listen to your attorney and do what your attorney advises. I don't mean this as harshly as it sounds, but you sound like the kind of client that makes your attorney's job twice as hard, which means you will end up spending unnecessary money on attorney fees.

 

[yerbudi]

So what is the next step? She will not even allow supervised visitation.

Amazing how the court system will work for the women, and not for the man, despite the fact that she was the physical abuser, and alchol abuser,

 

[Silverplum]

Amazing how the court system will work for the women, and not for the man, despite the fact that she was the physical abuser, and alchol abuser,

This is nonsense and nothing that can be handled on a message board, anyway.

A man can follow the legal process to obtain relief as well as a woman. He needs the same proof she does.

 

[yerbudi]

Silver, when you work to keep something together, you don't try to attain releif using the legal process.

When all a woman has to do is say that she is in fear with no proof except of anything that would cause her to be afraid, and a order is granted, that is a woman that is manipulating the system and lying.

But I thank you for your input anyway.

 

[Dumbhubby]

1st off let me say is she going out to drink with her friends to gloat has no legal bearing. If she took the child to the bar/driving under the influence with child in car, then yes, but being she dropped the child off at her moms house then no danger.
But I will have to agree with the OP. If we just need a forum of political correctness then lets just say how easy it is to abuse the system. All this woman did was produce allegations and this guy looses his kids for 3 months. So I really cant understand why posters like SIlver constantly insist on preaching what laws are in print and not accepting the way it really is. Also SIlver had the nerve to post "a woman needs the same proof a man does" - HUH? Ummmm no proof and look what hapened
3 months is a very long time. Is that normal protocol for a temporary order in MA??

Yeah man I know it sucks. All I can tell is the following:
1) No matter what circumstances DO NOT contact her in anyway. Follow order at all costs. Since she is the gloating type it may piss her off that u dont contact her and may contact you to try and get u to break order.

2) If she does contact u save voicemails, ect...

3) Just hang in there, stay calm, and dont do anything stupid. Im going through something similar. My situation could have ended earlier but she didnt appear on the hearing and she was given another chance! Go figure.

 

[majomom1]

1st off let me say is she going out to drink with her friends to gloat has no legal bearing. If she took the child to the bar/driving under the influence with child in car, then yes, but being she dropped the child off at her moms house then no danger.
But I will have to agree with the OP. If we just need a forum of political correctness then lets just say how easy it is to abuse the system. All this woman did was produce allegations and this guy looses his kids for 3 months. So I really cant understand why posters like SIlver constantly insist on preaching what laws are in print and not accepting the way it really is. Also SIlver had the nerve to post "a woman needs the same proof a man does" - HUH? Ummmm no proof and look what hapened:confused:
3 months is a very long time. Is that normal protocol for a temporary order in MA??

Yeah man I know it sucks. All I can tell is the following:
1) No matter what circumstances DO NOT contact her in anyway. Follow order at all costs. Since she is the gloating type it may piss her off that u dont contact her and may contact you to try and get u to break order.

2) If she does contact u save voicemails, ect...

3) Just hang in there, stay calm, and dont do anything stupid. Im going through something similar. My situation could have ended earlier but she didnt appear on the hearing and she was given another chance! Go figure.

One cannot prove fear. If the judge believes that anyone is in fear, man or woman, he will award a restraining order. This is not uncommon when going through a divorce... emotions run high. The fact that it is only 3 months tells me that this is more of a cooling off period.

OP - does the restraing order include the kids... or just her? It is uncommon for them to keep you from the kids, without solid proof that you are a danger to them.

 

[Bali Hai]

What is the name of your state? Massachusetts

I am in the process of going through a divorce. My wife and I had an arguement because she was hiding money someplace, and didn't pay the mortgage. She called the cops, I left, and she had a restraining order placed against me.

Now this is where things go haywire. She comes to court the next day and just lies through her teeth. I understand that the judge had to take her side so he grants her a 3 month restraining order. Sucks because I cannot see, talk, or play with my two kids 4 and 2. But I have to abide until end of Feb. I tried to have the order repealed and she lied again, and again the judge sided with her.

I should say that after the first order she emailed all her friends to gloat, and told them all that she wanted to go out drinking with them on that Saturday night. So if she was so deathly afraid of me, she leaves her kids with her mother and goes out drinking. I cannot bring this to the courts attention because the restraining order prevents me for finding this information out. Go figure.

My lawyer is telling me that I have to pick my battles. I want to subpoena all her medical records and what different types of medication that she is on. I also want to subpoenea all of her bank records and those of her parents.

I worked three jobs while she did nothing. She didn't cook, didn't take the kids to the park, didn't clean the house. She got a job for one day, called me and said that she quit.

Am I better off just staying away from her until the end of Feb, or do I try to subpoena all these records, and then some. If my lawyer won't do it, can I do it? I am willing to act as my own counsel when we get into court, with my lawyer as just my guide.

I think the Probate Court date is 3 days prior to the Restraining Order date. My fear is that she is laying the ground work for full custody, even though she combines medication and alcohol. I know getting full custody is costly and rare for a man, but I fear for my childrens safety. She has already kicked her 14 year old (from a previous marriage) out and claims that is due to me, but in fact she could not control her daughter and her report cards were becoming progressively worse. I wish to subpoena her daughters school transcripts also.

So tell me, am I really just wasting my time? Can I legally do this with a restraining order in effect? What are my options, and what should be my next step?

Thank you in advance,
Michael

If you have a valid passport, get the h@ll out of Dodge!!!

 

[LdiJ]

If you have a valid passport, get the h@ll out of Dodge!!!

Bali, are you out of your mind? This is a dad that wants to be part of his child's life. Running away won't accomplish that goal.

 

[Dumbhubby]

One cannot prove fear. If the judge believes that anyone is in fear, man or woman, he will award a restraining order. This is not uncommon when going through a divorce... emotions run high. The fact that it is only 3 months tells me that this is more of a cooling off period.

OP - does the restraing order include the kids... or just her? It is uncommon for them to keep you from the kids, without solid proof that you are a danger to them.

proving fear is not the point here. Point is how easy it is just simply saying things can deny someone so much. Even a cop will tell u that anyone can say anything on those things, but one has to do alot of suffering until the judge can hear the other side. Hell there can be something like "ripped the phone cord out of jack" at the same time cops did not investigate scene. It's amazing..."ma'm, do u want a restraining order?" "do you want temp custody?" "Do you want to deny visitation?" All checked yes and granted.
It's unbelievable. And while so many preach here that there is a written process...well it;s just not that simple how it really works.
And for you to say it's not uncommon and this be a 3 month period denying someone kids makes it more a joke.

 

[LdiJ]

proving fear is not the point here. Point is how easy it is just simply saying things can deny someone so much. Even a cop will tell u that anyone can say anything on those things, but one has to do alot of suffering until the judge can hear the other side. Hell there can be something like "ripped the phone cord out of jack" at the same time cops did not investigate scene. It's amazing..."ma'm, do u want a restraining order?" "do you want temp custody?" "Do you want to deny visitation?" All checked yes and granted.
It's unbelievable. And while so many preach here that there is a written process...well it;s just not that simple how it really works.
And for you to say it's not uncommon and this be a 3 month period denying someone kids makes it more a joke.

The courts have to err on the side of safety for the kids. We see news stories daily on CNN where parents have killed themselves and their children....and when men are involved, they have generally taken out the ex and members of the ex's family as well.

If you want to blame anyone, blame society in general. A judge has no choice but to make a temporary ruling based on the judge's best interpretation of what is going on. Its not the judge's fault if the local calendar is so crowded that it takes three months to schedule a full evidentiary hearing. Its simply a sign of what is going on in that city/community.

However, ultimately the courts make reasonably fair decisions in most cases.

 

[Dumbhubby]

The courts have to err on the side of safety for the kids. We see news stories daily on CNN where parents have killed themselves and their children....and when men are involved, they have generally taken out the ex and members of the ex's family as well.

If you want to blame anyone, blame society in general. A judge has no choice but to make a temporary ruling based on the judge's best interpretation.

OMG. No offense, and i do not mean to be cruel here, but quit while while your ahead.
Link me ,in this age of internet, where what U said is common enough that warrants holloween to be celebrated everyday at the courts. You have got to be kidding me.

 

[IndyDad1on1]

OMG. No offense, and i do not mean to be cruel here, but quit while while your ahead.
Link me ,in this age of internet, where what U said is common enough that warrants holloween to be celebrated everyday at the courts. You have got to be kidding me.

Actually LB is right. Indiana had 2 cases recently in the past year that I can think of off the top of my head. One involved a father who rented a plane and crashed it with him and his daughter inside the plane into his mother in laws house.

One fact here as some one else noted the PO is only for 3 months not 2 years as some are issued. As hard as it is to be away from your children, if you stay with in the lines of the law, you come out on top. Maybe not in the legal system but in your own sole.

No judge can take your pride. No court can take a parents love for their children. Your love for your children should be enough to continue fighting for what is right and do so by using the law. Listen to your attorney. Thats the best advice at this point.

Yerbudi go luck to you, I wish all the best. Always remember to stay strong.

 

[VeronicaLodge]

i think your user name says it all

 

[Dumbhubby]

Actually LB is right. Indiana had 2 cases recently in the past year that I can think of off the top of my head. One involved a father who rented a plane and crashed it with him and his daughter inside the plane into his mother in laws house.

One fact here as some one else noted the PO is only for 3 months not 2 years as some are issued. As hard as it is to be away from your children, if you stay with in the lines of the law, you come out on top. Maybe not in the legal system but in your own sole.

No judge can take your pride. No court can take a parents love for their children. Your love for your children should be enough to continue fighting for what is right and do so by using the law. Listen to your attorney. Thats the best advice at this point.

Yerbudi go luck to you, I wish all the best. Always remember to stay strong.

thanx for help proving my point. You had to think of something.
That is ludicrious. Way more then the majority do not harm their kids, and only great writers come up with a story like that to sell novels. It is more likely for someone,and much
easier, who has custody change identity, and flee the country then to do what u mentioned.
BUT no judge will order protection for that.
I'll be fair in saying at least allow supervised visitation, but certainly not something that too many agree that restraining orders are a usual tactic in tough times.