I am a step-mom - I NEED HELP!!!

[ellencee]

Good, googla, moogla, lady---You just don't get it do you? How many people are going to have to tell you things are not going to be changed in any way that you imagine?

Now, you have stated that the support order is five months old or less, and your husband did not show up in court (at this point, the court doesn't care why) and your husband did not file an appeal within 30 days of being notified of the ruling (if it was eligible for an appeal).

Well, sister, that's the end of this story. There has to have been a significant change in circumstances and there has to be a reasonable period of time between modifications of an order. Usually that time period is two years.

If you had said all of that first, we could have all told you that there had been no significant change in circumstances and there had not been an adequate interval of time.

Save your time and your money; there is no cause for another court order and if your husband tries to change custody at this point...well, you don't want to be there for the ugly words from the judge.

EC

 

[kellimoore45]

E.C.

I am new to all of this. That is why I am asking questions. You can criticize me all you want, but you are only defending the mother of the children. Like you told me, you cannot criticize me until you have walked in my shoes.

If you do not like that I am still asking questions, don't reply. You are not being forced to reply.

But if you want to reply to my questions I would certainly like hearing your answers - not criticism.

You mentioned an appeal if it was eligible, how would we find out if it is eligible for an appeal?

 

[theother]

Well, is 729/mo more than the guidelines for your state based on your income and timeshare? Even so, unless you can show some kind of change in circumstances since she got the order, then I'm not sure that there is anything that he can do about it. If the visitation was in your SO's orders, then they would take that into account if he tried to modify, I would think. However, while I can understand how you would think that amount is high for your timeshare especially if you guys don't make that much money (which I would assume is the case seeing that you two work four jobs), your hubby doesn't want to rock the proverbial boat. The agreement works for them. This is really something that he needs to decide. If you push him, he may end up resenting you for it. The only thing that you can really do is decide whether you can live with this situation. Are you willing to leave him over this? Do you really think your husband is letting himself be taken advantage of or do you just not like the situation? Do you feel like he is not doing enough to protect ALL of his children because of his unwillingness to stand up for himself and take care of business? Believe me, I understand completely how you feel, but your problem isn't the ex. It's your husband.

 

[kellimoore45]

Yes, 729.00 is a lot. When we had originally talked about doing child support as a court order the mediator that they had gone to had set the amount at 521.00 (of course this was a year ago). This was when they had set up the agreement on visitation.

Everyone seems to think that I am pushing him on this. I am not. I am very satisfied with having the boys every weekend and to be quite honest I know what it takes to support a child. I can certainly understand paying child support - that is not an issue with me. My husband is the one who originally wanted to check into this. He does not have the time and drags his feet when he does (probably because he is tired and wants to just relax), that is why I began looking into this for him.

This isn't an issue where anyone is going to resent anyone else, nor is either of us going to leave the other because of this.

You all keep saying that I should support him - that is what I am doing. I am doing the leg work on something that he is wanting done.

 

[Lil Miss Smarty Panties]

Is there an official custody agreement? If not he could look into filing for one and request joint physical/joint legal since he has the kids so much already.

Honestly, I'm probably one of the few who can see where you're coming from with this. I've been through the welfare fraud scam and paying support on top of it. Unless he's making $80k a year, he shouldn't be paying that much if he has the kids more than the mother. He needs to set up court ordered visitation with proof of how often he has the kids and even go for the joint physical custody.

 

[theother]

If it was set at 521 a year ago, how did she get it modified so high so soon?

I tend to agree with LMSP that the only thing that he can do is make the visitation arrangement official and then modify for that reason. But, if your hubby isn't willing to do that, then I think that you're kinda stuck.

 

[kellimoore45]

Thank you Lil Miss!!

I am glad to know that someone is understanding me. I will let him know that would be a good place to start. I will also let him know that he may want to plan on taking a few days off work to sort through this.

It is just soooo frustrating!! I feel like all I am hearing is that it can't be done. But I know that it can. There are many dads who have custody or atleast joint custody.

We are just desperate to keep moving forward in life and not justbe at a standstill. Once you take 700.00 out of a budget it sets everyone behind, including our own children.

Part of what we are working so hard for is we planned on taking all of the kids to Orlando for Christmas. Now that we are paying this I don't think they will get to go, and it is a shame when we were all working as one unit (me, my husband, and the ex) before all of this happened.

I just wish others could understand that it is not that we have to pay, there is more to the story than anyone can understand. And I wasn't expecting to have to tell all of that when I started asking questions, I just hoped to get a direction to go.

 

[ellencee]

Now, I really want you to go to court; I've changed my mind.

Good heavens, not being able to go to Disney World at Christmas.
By all means, take it before a judge.

Ec

 

[stealth2]

>You mentioned an appeal if it was eligible, how would we find out if it is eligible for an appeal?

He would've likely only had 30 days from the hearing date to appeal it, so it's a moot point.

 

[Joe Schmoe]

Obviously they had his tax forms or recent paystubs to determine the support amount. They do not pull those numbers from the sky. Has the OP even looked up their state guidelines to see if this amount is in line?

 

[Holly Golightly]

See, it was okay for the stepkids you "love" to be living in Section 8 housing, while their mother ripped off the system for disability, as long as the child support was low enough so that you and your 'real' children could go to Disneyworld for Christmas.

Now all of a sudden, you want to jump in and correct this awful situation! Go you!

I'm sure the judge will understand your plight. Sheesh!

 

[Wiggy Ex]

KelliMoore45 --

there is a great website for loving fathers that is very supporting -- you could probally find better info there instead of being insulted like you are here. Its called Delta Bravo and the people are for equal rights (fathers and mothers) not just mean vendictive people that have nothing better to do but throw out insults repeatedly.

This forum is not for Step-parents, I have found that out myself -- the other forum has real information -- check it out and good luck.

The child support laws are horrible -- I mean - 2 people make a child together and then if something happens with those 2 people -- autimatically the father is out of the door and working 2 or more jobs to pay for BM to get her nails done, hair dyed, membership at the gym (so she can find another man), tanning bed, new clothes every weekend and ect.. cause she didn't have all those vanities while married! and the father only gets to see his children (that he helped create) maybe one day a week and EOW -- what a load of crap!!!!!!

Beleive it or not, there are alot of DEADBEAT MOMS out there too!!!

Good luck and best wishes!

 

[VG1013]

KelliMoore45 --

there is a great website for loving fathers that is very supporting -- you could probally find better info there instead of being insulted like you are here. Its called Delta Bravo and the people are for equal rights (fathers and mothers) not just mean vendictive people that have nothing better to do but throw out insults repeatedly.

This forum is not for Step-parents, I have found that out myself -- the other forum has real information -- check it out and good luck.

The child support laws are horrible -- I mean - 2 people make a child together and then if something happens with those 2 people -- autimatically the father is out of the door and working 2 or more jobs to pay for BM to get her nails done, hair dyed, membership at the gym (so she can find another man), tanning bed, new clothes every weekend and ect.. cause she didn't have all those vanities while married! and the father only gets to see his children (that he helped create) maybe one day a week and EOW -- what a load of crap!!!!!!

Beleive it or not, there are alot of DEADBEAT MOMS out there too!!!

Good luck and best wishes!

~~~I disagree with the CS laws being horrible. But I do agree that there are deadbeat moms out there too. BUT...you fail to mention that there are GREEDY, SELFISH stepmoms out there too. Let's be fair...okay? I am a stepmom as well as a CP...there was no way I would interfere in the amount of CS my husband paid out. I didn't know where the money was going...for all I knew she could have kept it all. But I couldn't care less what she did with it...that was NOT my business, even though it set us back some. As long as my husband was doing the right thing by his son...that is all that mattered to me. I knew all this before I married him...I accepted it, and lived with it, and never interfered with it. So my advice to all women who contemplate marrying a man with baggage is...don't EVER think that once your married to him...you will be able to change anything. It just won't happen. If you can't accept his obligations & rightful duty as a dad... as far as paying CS, then don't marry him! It's that simple. Every woman who gets involved with a man who is divorced and has CS obligations KNOWS the situation BEFORE hand...it's your call!

 

[stealth2]

autimatically the father is out of the door and working 2 or more jobs to pay for BM to get her nails done, hair dyed, membership at the gym (so she can find another man), tanning bed, new clothes every weekend and ect.. cause she didn't have all those vanities while married! and the father only gets to see his children (that he helped create) maybe one day a week and EOW -- what a load of crap!!!!!!

Bull****. For every case you could pull out as an example, I could pull out the opposite where the NCP is living in the lap of luxury while the CP struggles to raise the kids. You can shove your stereotyping, Wiggy.

 

[ycw2210]

Sure. Suggest she put them in daycare over the weekend.

Daycare is NOT considered part of child support in most cases - and your husband will be liable for HALF the cost of daycare, on top of the child support.

The reason your husband is not "too motivated" to take food out of his own children's mouths is that he is a decent guy.

You, on the other hand... Take the CAKE.

I have been on this service 24 hours.

I feel for you and your situation. I would not want to have step children all this time and also have my spouse pay $729 in child support.

I may get out of this service soon because others just seem to find it a reason to insult you like the idiot above.