I am a step-mom - I NEED HELP!!!

[theother]

Obviously they had his tax forms or recent paystubs to determine the support amount. They do not pull those numbers from the sky. Has the OP even looked up their state guidelines to see if this amount is in line?

It's possible that they didn't have any income verification. I've heard of instances where the obligor didn't show up in court and the judge used what the petitoner "thought" the person made. Also, the calculation may not have taken into account the timeshare or any harship deductions that the obligor may have been entitled to. This only goes to show the importance of showing up to court. Also, didn't the poster say that the year before it was calculated at 521/mo? I would be interested in seeing what caused the change. While her Disneyland reason is just silly, if the amount is out of guidelines for their income and timeshare because they didn't appear in court, then I don't see what is so bad with her wanting to go to the guideline amount. Yeah the mom is poor, but it's not like their rolling in dough either, they're both working two jobs. Maybe the mom should find a way to get off the welfare rolls. In the end though, it is really her husbands decision and his battle to fight if he chooses to. If he doesn't want to rock the boat, then she will just have to live with it. Of course, even if he wants to fight it, he may not be able to modify so soon and for these reasons.

 

[VG1013]

I have been on this service 24 hours.

I feel for you and your situation. I would not want to have step children all this time and also have my spouse pay $729 in child support.

I may get out of this service soon because others just seem to find it a reason to insult you like the idiot above.

~~~See...your missing the point and so is this stepmom. This is NOT her business...and there isn't a thing she can do about it legally!!! She cannot take this to court...her husband must. She has NO RIGHTS concerning the children....period! Obviously, if her husband isn't too motivated to take this matter to court...he is fine with the situation. Even if he does take it to court...and the CS is lowered, it won't be by much to make a difference in their budget. Because the CP can very easily put her children in daycare...and then the Bio-dad will be required to pay half of daycare...putting them right back where they started financially. This is what some of us are trying to tell her...but I guess she will learn the hard way, like most stepmoms do. So no, I don't feel for a stepmom who meddles in business she has no place in.

 

[stealth2]

I may get out of this service soon because others just seem to find it a reason to insult you like the idiot above.

Do tell - which idiot?

 

[Lil Miss Smarty Panties]

See THEOTHER, I'm not understanding why this woman is getting such a hard time here. No one even bothered to ask if there was a court ordered visitation agreement. The man wasn't even served properly. He didn't even know about the hearing until his employer started garnishing his wages. Who knows what went on there and how they came to that amount. The CP could have given them an estimate of his income, including his current wifes wages. And of course she's not gonna tell the judge she's working under the table and receiving disability. The dad has the kids the majority of the time but he's required to pay over $700 a month? Obviously he didn't get credit for the time he has them at his home. Did mom tell the judge he has other children? I wonder if mom told them he actually has them more than her? Which is why I think dad needs to file for court ordered visitation and joint custody. I don't blame this step mom for being upset about the unfairness, I would be too.

I think everyone needs to get past the fact that this is a step mom wanting support lowered and get down to the facts of why he's paying so much when he has them the majority of the time and offer advice on the legal aspects of the situtation.

 

[Holly Golightly]

I have been on this service 24 hours.

I feel for you and your situation. I would not want to have step children all this time and also have my spouse pay $729 in child support.

I may get out of this service soon because others just seem to find it a reason to insult you like the idiot above.

Yes.... Do go on!

Please. Impress us with your brilliant legal know-how.

The OP asked whether she should suggest that her step children's mother put them in daycare. She seemed to believe that was better for them than having a relationship with their father. She was also, it seems, quite upset that support was so costly (so costly, the family has to give up a much beloved trip to Disneyworld at Christmastime. Can you believe it??).

I simply informed her that daycare would be expensive.

It cracks me up how so often we find posters with questions, but when they are answered - they still like to argue! Very funny indeed!

 

[haiku]

heres my opinion as mom-step-mom extraordinaire...

Original post-what I got from it was yes, she did not understand that the NCP is usually responsible for half or more of the cost of daycare, that being said, if SHE is the one performing the daycare, it may be time for the children to go to daycare, if it is affecting her in a negative way. but that is not a legal issue, that is something between her and her husband to decide. then it will be up to her husband and his ex to find alternate arrangements, and pay for them accordingly.

her husband screwed up big time not contesting the CS amount.

I did not get the immpression only HER kids were going to disney, but ALL the kids. Granted, no one needs Disney...

ultimately to me this is a miscommunication between a married couple, and what they are expecting out of a relationship.

the only one who can legally change things is dad, and if he is not willing, than our poster needs to deal with that reality.

 

[ellencee]

I may get out of this service soon because others just seem to find it a reason to insult you like the idiot above.

Do tell - which idiot?

momma_tiger

She called you an idiot!! I have it my bio; it's the first thing I say about myself! Add it to yours, then you can be a self-admitted and documented idiot like I am!

EC

 

[VG1013]

Just to clearify this back and forth disagreement...here are some of the things kellimoore has said in her post:

QUOTE>>I have 2 step sons, we have them from 5pm on Fridays until 8am on Mondays. EVERY WEEKEND!! This is not court ordered visitation that is set. It is something that my husband and his ex set up because she decided to get a job where she worked on weekends.

~~~she did mention it was not court ordered and was answered accordingly. Her husband and CP set this up between them...and her husband was okay with this. She and her husband DO NOT have the children more than CP has them...the time she says they have the children, really come out to 2 full days and a half??

QUOTE>>As a step parent is there any thing that I can do to petition the court to either 1) get custody of the children, or 2) get the child support reduced.

~~~ again...she was given an answer, and said she understood she couldn't do anything, that it had to be her husband to do something.

QUOTE>>My overall goal would be to have us get custody of them if possible. My husband does not want to stir things up in fear that he won't get to see the kids (remember,out visitation is just an agreement between us - not court ordered). I would like to know what I can do.

~~~she stated herself that this was NOT a court order...just an agreement between them. She also states her husband doesn't want to stir up trouble for fear he may not get to see his kids. He obviously doesn't want to correct the CS amount, if he did...he would have done so already. She is obviously the one pursuing the matter.

QUOTE>>No, he didn't go to court - we move 5 months ago and she had the papers served to our old address. So we didn't even know about it until we received a letter from his employer that his wages were going to be garnished.

~~~she answered the question about going to court...he DID NOT go to court...so the ex won. If the papers were sent to old address and they didn't know about the increase in CS...he had 5 mos to take this matter to court???? Why didn't he? Because he doesn't want to....she does!

QUOTE>>Visitation has not been court ordered - nor has anyone pressed for it since it has been an issue that they have always been able to agree on between the two of them.

~~~ need I say more?

QUOTE>> I don't think that this is right. I think that since she is now getting all of this child support that she should put them in daycare. These are school aged kids, so she does not get to see them but about 25 hours a week. So I suggested to my husband that he either 1) try to get custody of them (since they are with us way more than they are with her) or 2)he try to get the amount reduced. He says that he will but he doesn't seem to be too motivated to do this.

~~~The reason the CP doesn't get to be with with her children as much, is because she works. If brought up in court...the judge will side with the CP...because she is making an effort to support her children. Besides, it's the CP's business what she does when she has the children. If CP puts children in daycare...husband will be required to pay half on top of CS. So even if CS is lowered, what good will this do them? She was told this by many posters. She says herself....her husband isn't motivated to have CS lowered, it doesn't matter what the reasons are, he obviously doesn't want to do it.

~~~I gave my experiences with what I went through in a situation very similar to hers. My ex DID show up in court to fight my petition on raising child support. He was making no more than 65K a year ( if that much) at the time...and still was ordered to pay $900 per month in CS, along with spousal support of $600 per month. His wife's salary was NOT a consideration, nor were them having 2 children of their own a consideration. Even him having them every weekend from 6PM Friday evening to 6AM Monday mornings was not considered in the timesharing. The judge felt that 2 full days and a half did not constitute him having them more than I did. I understand that each state has different laws, and each situation is different. My ex's wife felt as the OP felt...did all the leg work for him, suggested things to him too. In the end...my ex ended up paying half of daycare expenses on top of the CS and spousal support. So it set them back even further.
So all the meddling and foot work his wife did for him...got him in deeper in debt. This may not be the case for OP if they take this matter to court...they may have the CS lowered. Then again, they may not...that is a chance her husband must take...not her! This is the point I am trying to get across to OP...sometimes you have to let well enough alone. If your husband wants to petition the court to modify CS...then let him be the one to do this. If he doesn't want to do it...then you will have to accept things for what they are and live with it. No one knows what a judge will say and do.

 

[kellimoore45]

All I can say is thank you for those that have given me genuine advise. Obviously I made a mistake by asking for help on where to go from here.

I will make sure that I keep looking into this elsewhere.

Thanks again!!

 

[VG1013]

All I can say is thank you for those that have given me genuine advise. Obviously I made a mistake by asking for help on where to go from here.

I will make sure that I keep looking into this elsewhere.

Thanks again!!

Your better off asking a lawyer who specializes in this field. It will be worth the consultation fee to know your rights and what to do.

 

[ashleigh22]

I too am a step mother. I completely understand your questions and feelings not to say they are right or wrong. You are entitled to feel any way you want. We have been in your shoes except it was no secret my husbands ex blatantly quit her job 2 weeks after his support was raised. And told everyone she did not have to work as she is living on welfare and support.Support was raised because she claimed she needed daycare and we in fact had to pay all of the costs. This is no longer an issue that fuss about because we cannot do anything.We know she is wrong in scamming the system. And others reading this do too. You need to realize that a lot of people in this forum are very one sided and hardened by thier own experiences or have never even been in a similar situation. I'm sorry for the way people have attacked you. You do have a point. But there is probably nothing you can do. the only thing you should do is file court papers getting "set in stone" visitation because you do get a child support discount for the time the children are in your care. My favorite reply to your post is the one that said somthing about you were with her "husband". Oh please, people divorce is out there deal with it! This man is legally divorced and remarried! The LAW says this is no longer HER husband. These are her kids though and no child should do without but I do not think that is what you are trying to do though. I don't believe any child is worth more than another the kids you have with your husband should not have to do without because he had kids previously. (man, people are gonna jump me for that comment). My only advice is to get your visitation structured and see what difference that makes in support. Because since the court has no visitation in thier records they are showing the ex paying to raise them 24/7 if you have them in your care you do now owe his ex for those times. And don't let people drag you down just because you are the "2nd wife".

 

[haiku]

Just to clearify this back and forth disagreement...here are some of the things kellimoore has said in her post:


QUOTE>>As a step parent is there any thing that I can do to petition the court to either 1) get custody of the children, or 2) get the child support reduced.

~~~ again...she was given an answer, and said she understood she couldn't do anything, that it had to be her husband to do something.

QUOTE>>My overall goal would be to have us get custody of them if possible. My husband does not want to stir things up in fear that he won't get to see the kids (remember,out visitation is just an agreement between us - not court ordered). I would like to know what I can do.

~~~she stated herself that this was NOT a court order...just an agreement between them. She also states her husband doesn't want to stir up trouble for fear he may not get to see his kids. He obviously doesn't want to correct the CS amount, if he did...he would have done so already. She is obviously the one pursuing the matter.

you know, for some reason I didn't really see this until VG pointed it out. As a MOTHER, the thought of some woman(she may be family in dads house, but not mine) being able to get custody from me, just because they are married to the dad (vice versa-dad getting it by virtue of being married) is probably the most bothersome thing about this post.

 

[dakoto70]

I agree

I agree that over $700 for two children is a lot for 2 kids. I don't know if legally he can do anything about it. Have you contacted a lawyer? Most of them will give you an initial conciltation for free. I would ask him all things that you are trying to ask here and see what he says. Your husband may have to wait to bring this back up in court because it has been such a short time. But it doesn't hurt to ask. And I don't know I wish the laws were different If you both have the children, equally than noone should have to pay support. Personal opinion on this one.

 

[Bruno6301]

Hmmmm....

http://groups.msn.com/SomewhereToGo--AdviceColumn


Come on over...

 

[VG1013]

you know, for some reason I didn't really see this until VG pointed it out. As a MOTHER, the thought of some woman(she may be family in dads house, but not mine) being able to get custody from me, just because they are married to the dad (vice versa-dad getting it by virtue of being married) is probably the most bothersome thing about this post.

~~~Haiku...I couldn't agree with you more. Before my ex's wife had children with him...she pushed him to gain custody of my sons. He took me to court to do just that...the judge asked him to show cause as to why he felt he could give them a better life. My ex stated that he was re-married ( and could give them a family-oriented environment), owned a home ( and the schools were better where he lived), had a great job (and could provide for them better than I could), mentioned my work schedule ( where I wasn't spending quality time with my boys) and many other things that he THOUGHT were good cause to gain full custody of my sons. Well...the judge came back at my ex and told him, being re-married doesn't mean my ex could give my boys a family structure. As far as owning his own home with better schools...the judge told my ex the schools where I lived were just as good. As for my ex having a great job, and stating he could provide for the boys better than I could. The judge slapped him with an increase on my CS being he had such a great job lol. For my work schedule, the judge praised me for making an effort to share in the support of my children lol. What really made my day in court ( so to speak) was that my ex's wife kept nudging him ( I guess to remind him to say something in his own defense). The judge saw this...and asked her who she was, when he heard that she was his wife...all hell broke loose lol. He told her what I have been telling the OP in this thread, that she has no say, no place, no rights, and nothing to do with my children. He then turned to my ex and asked him if he always did what he wife told him to do lmfao. He also advised my ex to keep his wife home if they ever had to come back to court. He then had her removed from the courtroom. That made my day, because the judge saw right through her...and put her in her place. I don't have anything against "second wives"...I'm not even "hardened" by my personal experiences with her. My ex is an ex for a reason...one day she will find out that reason, and he may become HER ex too lol.