I do not agree with the laws!

[audster]

Actually the point of CS IS to provide for the child's nees. Whether or not the child has th esame lifestyle after the divorce is irelevant. You cannot realisticaly expect the childs lifestyle NOT to change after the divorce.

I know this sounds slightly sexist but here goes anyway,,,what the heck, it's at least realistic....consider this scenario, because it is all too common.........
Wife files for divorce. The dreaded "no fault" divorce is the bad guy here, it's made divorce all too easy. The reasons vary: "I just don't feel the same way", "I just need something else that you can't give me".....Let's not forget the new one that is sweeping the world in the Information Age...."I've met someone on the Internet and he makes me feel so loved, I think he's my soulmate!" Believe it or not Women file for the vast majority of divorces. That's not sexism, just statistical fact.

Now....Wife files for divorce, despite Husbands wishes to work things out....Usually gets the choice of cars, primary residence and Custody of the children.......Is it really ethical to bankrupt the father after he has already lost so much against his wishes? Then to expect him to be responsible for maintaining the ex's lifestyle, because if the child is expected to have the same lifestyle after a divorce, then, natually, the ex will also. Today's CS guidelines are outrageous, if viewed that way. Going out and working hard is the price for custody of the children and CP's should realize that. if they want primary custody, they are going to have to work to support the kids, not depend on the ex.

 

[tigger22472]

I agree with you when it comes to 'the lifestyle' thing. My current husband and I were discussing this the other day. I became the CP of my children in my divorce. Throughout my ten year marriage we struggled every single day to stay above water. There were times I worked 2 and 3 jobs because he wouldn't work or whatever. Currently I'm in college. This is not only because I can but because I'm supported by my current husband, not only financially(BTW.. my husband is disabled and brings in more on disability then my ex did working a full time job) but emotionally. He's there supporting me through school and helping run things at home so I am less stressed and given the opportunity to advance my career. Had I been the NCP in my divorce and got a college degree and paid CS it would be raised once I got through school (if in fact I could get through school and pay CS) based simply on the fact that my income raised. Reality in my situation is that my ex wouldn't of supported me the way my husband does so had we remained married my children wouldn't have the same lifestyle as they will when I graduate or before. Would I have a problem supporting my kids? No... Would I spend more money on them then the support allotted if it remained the same? I'm sure I would. But again these are how the laws are and they all the way around.

 

[audster]

Laws that need to be changed......here's a thought.... Why not have Child Support/divorce/visitation handled by the Federal Government instead of the State?
Think about it...it would totally eliminate "state shoping" for Child Support and probably do alot to reduce parental kidnappings.
I know the Federal Government has a "Full Faith and Credit" Clause which basically states have to honor each others Court Orders but the local yokal DAs/Cops/Judges usually give you the "duhhhhhh" stare whenever you show up in another State/County with an out of state Court Order. Federal laws could quash all that! And think of the kooshy government jobs it would create!

 

[Theresia]

Amen to audster! You said it all. Get this one. When my husband and ex divorced (his son was five at the time) he had put $5000 in a savings account for his son for college. He's now fifteen and when my husband asked her how much was in the account she said she spent it on a down payment on her Jeep four years ago. What kind of mother is this? My husband told her that she knew what that money was for and she said he could never prove it. Now she's calling telling him that he better count on paying half his college and she would pay half..right! He would've had college paid for by now if she had kept her grubby little hands off of his fund. Well, my daughter worked 40 hours a week at her job and attended college full-time. Hello....why can't some of these kids nowadays help pay for their own education??????????? My daughter did! I also wish there was a law that CP's (myself included) would have to report child support as income. I know it's not counted because it's already taxed money, but all the same, some laws should benefit the NCP also. They should be given credit for being paying NCP's. This will never happen unfortunately.

 

[audster]

I would be happy if they would make CP's give NCP's a monthly breakdown of CS expenditures. If they cna't show reciepts and account for all of it then it should be modified accordingly.

As for higher education...A friend of mine told me he would be happy to help his kids pay for school. He said he would tell them he would pay for half.....the second half! He plans on making them pay on thier own without help for 2 years then paying the last 2 years for them when they've learned a little responsibility. Should help with the "Whoohooo! I'm a stupid freshman on my own for the first time! Let's Partyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!" syndrome.

 

[tigger22472]

I also disagree with the college issue. There's no judge around that orders a married couple to pay and send their children to college so why should it be legal for them to order divorced parents to do it. Although child support isn't an issue in my husband's case as he and his ex share complete 50/50 without support, college has come into question here as late. His ex believes it's a 'law' that each parent and the child pay 1/3. We questioned our lawyer about this and said that the judge they will be facing a few weeks does in fact order college most of the time but bases it on income of the parents.. giving the child a portion of about 20%.

 

[Theresia]

I live in Illinois and that seems to be the law. My brother paid 1/3, his ex 1/3, and his daughter 1/3. When we cross that bridge, this may be how it will have to be. My husband said that if his son came to live with us when he was 18 he would pay for all of his college. Hell with that? She spends his college fund on a car, and we pay for him living here and his college while she gets off scotfree. Don't think so! I love my step-son to death, but somehow this woman is going to have to cough up some cash finally.

 

[audster]

Actually (and I could be wrong about) this but I think there are some condition that have to be met in Illinois before they can force the NCP to pay for higher education.
Something about they must tell you a year ahead of time and I think they must be attending school full time within 1 year of 18th birthday. As i said, I'm not sure about this and could be wrong.

 

[stealth2]

My ex is actually 100% responsible for college and all associated expenses, but there are very good reasons for it. For starters, he volunteered. And, at the time of our divorce, he had an employee benefit that provided 100% tuition reimbursement for dependants. He's since changed jobs and no longer has that benefit, and consequently has tried to get that part of the order rescinded. The judge has refused to do so.

Moral of the story? Don't volunteer.

 

[DrewfromCA]

I have nothing constructive, but I just wanted to add a post to what has to be the longest post ever, or at least close to it.

And to top it off, there is no real legal question... lol

But, hell, my 2 cents is that women get knocked up all the time and expect support.. that is the way it is, and the way it always will be. And yes, most women don't spend all the support on the kids. That's the way things are.

Fact: The thing women seek most from men is economic resources(read: money). That will never change

Reena... hope you future "FINANCE" gets this all worked out. And FYI, in most states, gifts and inheritances are not split in the case of divorce, so why not work on pops instead...

lol Ah, I crack myself up sometimes...

 

[audster]

ewwwwwwwwwwww

Good Point!

 

[Theresia]

Well, just got the lowdown from the lawyer. My husband will have to pay $828 a month now instead of $600. He now has to lower his 401K contribution because he can't afford to put any money towards retirement because this woman is taking everything from him! Yet, she can't work! Go figure! I'm pissed, but will stand by my husband because he is already stressed enough. How in the hell can someone justify not working to support their child? Meaning his ex. She does nothing to support this child and we cough up that amount of money a month. Something needs to be done!

 

[Theresia]

I've always heard that the CP doesn't have to provide a breakdown on the support. After she called us once ranting and raving because my husband refused to pay for half of his school registration (has to go to public now ) which was $58, told her to take it out of child support because that's what it's for. Education is supposed to come out of child support. My lawyer said school clothes, school supplies, and registration come out of support. Anything extra-currilcular is extra. Anyway, I asked her what she used support for...a car payment? She screamed a house payment! Well, I'm sorry as hell that she just completely remodeled their house and doesn't have any money left, not our problem. That house should have been paid for twice by now. It was probably a $25,000 house when my husband bought it in l983! Now my husband says he's pulling out all stops with her. Mentioning that she spent his college fund, her son's personal savings (he was trying to save for a car), and other little details my husband tried to avoid. Looks like his son's personal savings looks very nice in green shutters now and yellow siding. New porch, new deck, etc. Plus the fact that my husband drives 100 miles a day roundtrip to work, drives a '96 Aspire to save gas, and now the "Check Engine" is coming on. Hmmmm. Please wish good luck on us, people, we need it right now. He meets with the lawyer to sign papers on Monday, but is going to bring all this crap up, maybe a continuance is in order to drag it out so she can pay her lawyer alot more, sounds like a plan to me.

 

[stepmom&mom]

I think I can provide an objective perspective on this issue. First of all, for background, I'm the mother of a six year old whose dad has never been around (at least, not since he was about 2 years old) and has never paid one penny in child support. On the other hand, I'm married to the father of a beautiful little four year old girl whose mother prevented him from even seeing her for an entire year until we could afford to go to court to demand visitation. Not only that, but he has been required to pay child support since day one. His child support payment just went up by $100/month.

Now, I know that the average custodial parent would logically think that any expenses he/she would incur are valid expenses that child support should apply towards. While I believe that it is not cheap to raise children, I do not believe it is nearly as expensive is purported. It is assumed that when a non-custodial parent pays child support, that he/she should incur expenses for the living quarters of the child. I do not believe this is the case. I do not believe that child support should include, rent/mortgage or utilities. There's a good reason for this. The non-custodial parent has to maintain his/her own home, and if he/she has visitation with the child, most likely, that child has to stay in that home on weekends. In many cases, the noncustodial parent would be just as happy having the child living in their household (and we all know, like it or not, that many times, the father gets the short end of the stick and the mother gets first preference just for being the mother.) I believe that if the custodial parent doesn't want to incur the cost of having the child live with them, then they should give custody to the parent that does. It's bad enough that the noncustodial parent has to be punished by not being allowed to spend as much time with the child, but in addition to that, they should not have to pay expenses that are not specifically related to the child.

I'm sure there are individuals that disagree with me. Just remember, I'm a parent of a child whose father has never forked over a dime. I'm thankful that I have my child in my life and that he lives with me. So many times, child support is a hangup for parents. One parent doesn't want to pay to punish the other parent and one parent wants to make the other pay more to punish them. It's just not right. Here are what I consider to be legitimate expenditures for a child (though the list may not be exhaustive):

food
clothing
healthcare (medical, dental, vision)
childcare
gasoline used to drive the child to and from the school, doctor, or childcare facility
school activities


These expenditures should not be incurred by non-custodial parent:

family vacation
vehicle for the custodial parent
cable tv
rent/mortgage payment
utilities
yardwork
hired help
furnishings for child's room (they SHOULD already furnish a room for them in their own home)


possible expenditures if agreed upon as necessary by BOTH parents:

vehicle for child
private school
church functions


Shawna

 

[Theresia]

Very well said. See there's also a problem with the visitation of my step-son. On my husband's days, his mother will keep him with her to babysit his little sister for her or let his dad spend a few hours one day a week with his son. She'll call and tell his son that he HAS to get home. My husband works 48 hours a week, swing shift. He works four days on and four days off alternating between days and midnights, 12 hour shift. He looks so forward to his time with his son, and then he's here less than three hours and the phone is ringing demanding that he come home. Know what? My husband takes him. He's 15 years old, for heaven's sake! My husband says it won't do any good to say anything to her and thinks that his son should tell her that he wants to be with his dad. Well, his son does what his mom demands because if he doesn't then he (the son) has to listen to her over it. No win situation it seems. Here he has his own room, with her he has (always) had share a bedroom with his five year old sister. Does this sound good? Here they can remodel their house yet not find some way to divide this huge bedroom (my husband lived in this house so he knows) into two rooms so this boy can have some privacy? Selfish...He's so relaxed when he's here. It's the only peace he gets, but he's never allowed to be here. For all the money she gets, I think my husband is finally going to mention all this to the attorney. She has got to stop calling all the shots. His son lives four miles away from us and we see him an average of three hours a week!