To 254Lady-
I’ll try to answer your questions. I think with this forum, the thing to realize is that there are real people behind it, making sure this thing keeps ticking. Some of the people most qualified to answer your question are devoting the equivalent of part-time and full-time jobs without compensation. These folks are also in contact with the moderator at times; it’s not quite the same as if they were appointing themselves to patrol Craigslist. Taken with a grain of salt, I’ve been able to save myself quite a bit of legal drama just by perusing the advice they have offered to other parents who have posted threads within the last month about similar situations. If you come to the forum as the legal stranger and claim not to be emotionally involved, expect your claim to be tested. And not just yours… it’s one way to weed out those who say what they mean and need legal help, and those whose intentions are less pure. The volunteers here are in favor of each child’s true parents working together, without new partner involvement, to preserve as much stability as possible. That being said, they still offer advice to step-parents when they have ascertained them to be seeking the best interest of the child. So to your questions…
1. The court does not grant extra favor to military parents. They will work as best they can to ensure that a child maintains a relationship with his or her deployed parent, but this is because it is in the child’s best interest to have two parents, not because they bend over backwards for those serving our country. Our courts are separate from our military in this country, and for plenty of good reasons. Many parents have committed to careers in all kinds of valuable public service, but choose to give them up for the sake of their children. The military is no different. Heck, I am a molecular biologist, and I’m currently spending more time working in my employer’s fundraising and administration departments (which I loathe) to stay in the same city as my kids. I have a friend whose ex-wife and her new husband are both military. Each time they have been transferred, my friend relocates to stay in the same city as his son. I’m not suggesting that everyone do this, I’m simply reminding you that your husband’s career is a choice. Nobody is saying that your husband “must suffer”.
2. “OP” stands for Original Poster of this thread. As far as being present for pick up, I was simply saying that the court may very well grant mom’s request, if she asks, that your husband be present for pick-up. Especially if your husband requests to have his daughter brought all the way to the airport. If the daughter only needs to be picked up twice a year, surely it can be arranged to have her travel on a flight that arrives while your husband is not working.
3. As far as child support is concerned, I wasn’t picking on you or questioning your husband’s willingness to pay child support. You had originally asked if his ex-wife’s change in household income could “benefit you in any way”, so I was letting you know the factors involved, and that it would not benefit him unless he exercised at least 31% of the year in visitation.
4. I hope that you are not serious when asking why divorce creates bitterness, but I’m going to go ahead and answer your question, assuming that you were serious. Divorce breaks families. Families that were, at one time, formed in love, and provided an environment in which the children (presumably) saw both parents more often and were never forced to question whether they had caused their parents to split. An environment that didn’t require them to behave like grown ups and be shuffled back and forth between arguing parties with new gaps in social status and material means. Even when divorce is the best choice for everyone, it is quite common to have the presence of an ex’s new partner be a physical reminder of the love that either betrayed them or fizzled… a reminder that they were unable to make it work and someone else can, someone who might now be sitting on their former sofa, using their former dishes, and tucking their kids in without them. For many, many, people, this is emotional stuff. I CHOSE to leave my ex-husband, and he waited a good year before going on a date. But it still sent my crying in pillow all night when I found out. The bitterness is normal, and will hopefully heal in time.
5. Has the girl’s mother told you that she insists that her daughter call her husband “daddy”? Five year olds aren’t always the most reliable sources for this type of information. I had to learn this the hard way. When my youngest was 5, he was spouting off things that sounded like his dad had said them, verbatim. I believed him, too. I had to learn the hard way that kids will try very hard to make whichever parent they are with feel better about themselves. It’s really sad. If you feel like you have the “daddy” issue all worked out in your family, and all of the daughter’s family agrees with you, then great. Don’t worry about arguing about it here. Surely you know that the daughter cannot be forced by her mother to call her father by his first name while in his house. Whenever my kids get back from their dad’s, they always seem to accidentally call me dad or occasionally, by my first name. I now realize that it’s just a product of repeating what they hear most often.
6. As for your husband’s question, you’re right. I didn’t understand, which was why I asked for more information. If the parents have an order with specific dates, a change has to be mutually agreed upon or handled by the courts. So if it’s in the decree that he has her those days, she can be held in contempt for not complying with the order. If the agreement was a previous verbal exchange between your husband and his ex-wife and she has since recanted, then the dates are no longer mutually agreed upon. He will have to return to court to make this argument.
, but I played along as best I could. Now that they're older (and both Dad & stepmom refuse to communicate with me LOL), I still ignore her. LOL I once had to spend 30-45 minutes on the phone repeating "Could I please speak with <child's name>'s father?"
...but I do know that I'm nowhere near that level myself even now. She wasn't a saint by any means but damn, she did it right. About as right as you can manage, anyway.
ha ha!!!
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