Indiana Parenting Guidelines - Transportation to sporting events

[jonben123]

I understand your stance, however, I guess the line for me is very blurred in terms of "my parenting time" and the best interest of the child. Mom would never agree, for a laundry list of reasons, depending on her mood. She will never have the chance to be a talented athlete, if she so desires, as she can only participate half the time. She has no control over her transportation.

Moms time, in my opinion, needs to be spent doing things not only she wants to do but things the child wants to do. My child wants to go to the park, well it is my parenting time so we are going to watch tv. I guess that seems selfish in a sense to me.

Zigner,

I absolutely will speak with the coach and had planned on it. I was hoping I could get some more insight on here as well, which I have and thank you for that.

Have you heard the expression, it is very difficult to win an argument with an intelligent person, but almost impossible to do so with an ignorant one? I relate that to mom unfortunately. Her best interest never has and never will be the child, hence why I was looking for alternatives. Co-parenting just doesn't happen on her part as she sees and hears what she wants to. (kudos to me for not seeing those red flags while with her lol)

 

[jonben123]

Zigner,

I absolutely will speak with the coach and had planned on it. I was hoping I could get some more insight on here as well, which I have and thank you for that.

Have you heard the expression, it is very difficult to win an argument with an intelligent person, but almost impossible to do so with an ignorant one? I relate that to mom unfortunately. Her best interest never has and never will be the child, hence why I was looking for alternatives. Co-parenting just doesn't happen on her part as she sees and hears what she wants to. (kudos to me for not seeing those red flags while with her lol)

The child's best interest is precisely why the guidelines were written, am I wrong?

The mom wanting to watch tv vs the child wanting to engage in an activity are very different and one is clearly in the best interest of the child while the other is not.

 

[CTU]

Zigner,

I absolutely will speak with the coach and had planned on it. I was hoping I could get some more insight on here as well, which I have and thank you for that.

Have you heard the expression, it is very difficult to win an argument with an intelligent person, but almost impossible to do so with an ignorant one? I relate that to mom unfortunately. Her best interest never has and never will be the child, hence why I was looking for alternatives. Co-parenting just doesn't happen on her part as she sees and hears what she wants to. (kudos to me for not seeing those red flags while with her lol)

I'm seeing more red flags coming from you, actually.

You're two steps to becoming what's known as a "gatekeeper" parent. What typically happens then is that the court eventually modifies custody to make the gatekeeper the NCP ... and the child "votes with her feet" as a teenager and does whatever s/he can to avoid the new NCP.

So how do you want this to end?

 

[CTU]

The child's best interest is precisely why the guidelines were written, am I wrong?

The mom wanting to watch tv vs the child wanting to engage in an activity are very different and one is clearly in the best interest of the child while the other is not.

You lost the ability to control Mom's parenting the second you became divorced.

Seriously - you're way out of line here. You're lucky Mom hasn't really done anything to object strongly yet ... and if she ends up here, that's exactly what I'll be encouraging her to do.

 

[jonben123]

I'm seeing more red flags coming from you, actually.

You're two steps to becoming what's known as a "gatekeeper" parent. What typically happens then is that the court eventually modifies custody to make the gatekeeper the NCP ... and the child "votes with her feet" as a teenager and does whatever s/he can to avoid the new NCP.

So how do you want this to end?

The basic questions seems to still remain...at what point is moms desire more important than the child's?

I have to do what I can to allow my daughter to participate in things she may not be able to. I am her voice that she doesn't have with her mom.

Is the childs best interest more important than the moms best interest....ie....watch tv for me or go to activity for daughter?

Of course she can do what she wants, but is that not selfish to constantly make that choice of her own best interest?

Who will stand up for the child if mom constantly makes those selfish choices?

 

[Zigner]

I dunno, staying inside enjoying one-on-one time with mom every other weekend sure seems to outweigh getting schlepped around in a car for (at least) two hours. Not to mention the increased possibility for injury (both during that 2+ hours of driving and while participating in a sport), or illness (have you ever seen any sizable group of kids where one didn't have a cold)?

 

[henbob6]

Is there an i-9 league close to mom? Practice and games are on the same day, and parenting-time travel would fall on your shoulders.

 

[Zigner]

You, sir, are a control freak, plain and simple.

 

[LdiJ]

The basic questions seems to still remain...at what point is moms desire more important than the child's?

I have to do what I can to allow my daughter to participate in things she may not be able to. I am her voice that she doesn't have with her mom.

Is the childs best interest more important than the moms best interest....ie....watch tv for me or go to activity for daughter?

Of course she can do what she wants, but is that not selfish to constantly make that choice of her own best interest?

Who will stand up for the child if mom constantly makes those selfish choices?

You are missing the entire point with the bolded. The child's best interest is to spend quality, uninterrupted time with both parents. By scheduling an activity that interrupts that time, you are interfering with that quality time. Had mom agreed, because mom felt that sports were important, then that might be acceptable. However, if mom does not agree or does not feel that sports are important, then you cannot interrupt that time.

Find things that your daughter can do without interrupting mom's time...or talk to her coach about partial participation. But, stop dissing mom for not agreeing with you. You do not have the right to do that.

 

[CTU]

The basic questions seems to still remain...at what point is moms desire more important than the child's?

I have to do what I can to allow my daughter to participate in things she may not be able to. I am her voice that she doesn't have with her mom.

Is the childs best interest more important than the moms best interest....ie....watch tv for me or go to activity for daughter?

Of course she can do what she wants, but is that not selfish to constantly make that choice of her own best interest?

Who will stand up for the child if mom constantly makes those selfish choices?

I know you're going to dismiss this suggestion outright, but I'll try anyway.

Your child is 8. Sometime during Mom's weekend, PBS is showing a documentary on school bullying. Mom wants to watch with daughter and use the opportunity to discuss bullying and acceptable vs. unacceptable behavior.

Is that bad? Is that selfish?

Or, perhaps Showtime is showing the movie "StepMom". Despite it being a light-hearted comedy, it may raise important questions about blended families.

Is that also bad? Is that also selfish?

Do you see the point at all?

 

[jonben123]

I know you're going to dismiss this suggestion outright, but I'll try anyway.

Your child is 8. Sometime during Mom's weekend, PBS is showing a documentary on school bullying. Mom wants to watch with daughter and use the opportunity to discuss bullying and acceptable vs. unacceptable behavior.

Is that bad? Is that selfish?

Or, perhaps Showtime is showing the movie "StepMom". Despite it being a light-hearted comedy, it may raise important questions about blended families.

Is that also bad? Is that also selfish?

Do you see the point at all?

CTU,

I completely see the point in your post, absolutely.

There can definitely be a point where those things can be productive and result in quality time.

The only point I was making is that mom routinely puts her wants/desires ahead of the child and I wanted to assess all avenues to do what I could in helping my daughter during those times when she is at the leisure of her selfish mother.

Zigner,

Mom has 4 kids with 4 different dads, and currently only has custody of one because the father of that child is a felon. I obviously made a huge mistake in becoming one of those statistics. However I would not change it as my daughter was an amazing result of that. She is never in control of anything, let alone her child(ren).
If I don't attempt to have some kind of control, my daughter, and unfortunately the other children suffer. I cannot force her to do anything, but I can ensure I never stop finding ways to assist my daughter in engaging in things she otherwise never would, on moms time, because mom routinely makes bad, selfish decisions.

 

[Zigner]

The time to assert control was when you were lowering your pants.

 

[jonben123]

The time to assert control was when you were lowering your pants.

And now relinquish all ability because I made a mistake, at the expense of my daughter? That sounds like a terrible solution.

 

[Zigner]

And now relinquish all ability because I made a mistake, at the expense of my daughter? That sounds like a terrible solution.

You are relinquishing nothing because you had nothing. You never had any control over how mom parents the child, just as she has none over you.

 

[CTU]

CTU,

I completely see the point in your post, absolutely.

There can definitely be a point where those things can be productive and result in quality time.

The only point I was making is that mom routinely puts her wants/desires ahead of the child and I wanted to assess all avenues to do what I could in helping my daughter during those times when she is at the leisure of her selfish mother.

Zigner,

Mom has 4 kids with 4 different dads, and currently only has custody of one because the father of that child is a felon. I obviously made a huge mistake in becoming one of those statistics. However I would not change it as my daughter was an amazing result of that. She is never in control of anything, let alone her child(ren).
If I don't attempt to have some kind of control, my daughter, and unfortunately the other children suffer. I cannot force her to do anything, but I can ensure I never stop finding ways to assist my daughter in engaging in things she otherwise never would, on moms time, because mom routinely makes bad, selfish decisions.

Your option - your ONLY option - is to teach your child coping skills. You need to understand that if you keep going the way you're going, you're going to lose custody.

Don't think it's possible? Stick around and read these forums. You do NOT want to be the "gatekeeper parent". You do not want that.