I have been doing what I am doing for 6 years and my case for full custody has only gotten stronger. Two separate judges, three separate attorneys, DCS, and two therapists know the bad decisions she makes and have all agreed while heartedly that I have to compensate for her poor decisions and choices.
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Indiana Parenting Guidelines - Transportation to sporting events
- Thread starter jonben123
- Start date
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Zinger,
I do have the power to compensate for her short comings and use the guidelines and laws to ensure mom knows and acts in the best interest of the child to the best of my ability. My daughter is far more important than moms inability to make effective choices.
Zigner
Senior Member, Non-Attorney
You never have had, nor will you ever have any control over the parenting choices that the other parent makes. She's allowed to sit around watching TV all day if she wants, even if you want kiddo to play volleyball. It really is that simple.
Ohiogal
Queen Bee
They can but you don't get to dictate that. You need AGREEMENT of the other parent. You apparently think you get to dictate which you do NOT get to do.
CTU
Meddlesome Priestess
Mom will NEVER be forced to parent her child per your instructions.
Your inability to see reality is a problem.
She has made numerous poor decisions in the past and she has been held accountable for those, by the court system. I may not have power to dictate her actions directly, but I can ensure that she is held accountable for those decisions which have then resulted in court orders forcing her to make better decisions. She can do whatever she wants until after enough time a professional agrees that she is not acting in an appropriate manner and action is taken, as has been the case multiple times in the past.
not2cleverRed
Obvious Observer
We are talking about an 8 year old.
8.
Missing a few games won't kill her. Just let Mom do what Mom does on her time, and if kiddo asks why she can't go when she's with Mom, be neutral. Like, more neutral than, "Mom and I parent differently, but we both love you."
This wasn't a pre-existing activity, so unless kiddo turns out to be Pele reincarnated, you have no grounds.
You just have to accept that, for the moment. Things change as they get older, and who knows, maybe your ex will too.
8.
Missing a few games won't kill her. Just let Mom do what Mom does on her time, and if kiddo asks why she can't go when she's with Mom, be neutral. Like, more neutral than, "Mom and I parent differently, but we both love you."
This wasn't a pre-existing activity, so unless kiddo turns out to be Pele reincarnated, you have no grounds.
You just have to accept that, for the moment. Things change as they get older, and who knows, maybe your ex will too.
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stealth2
Under the Radar Member
Sigh...... Story time. I have two "kids" (adults, now).... A musician and an athlete (field hockey), although both played baseball & soccer as youngsters. Problem was, their other parent lived 300+ miles away, so got one w/e per month and the entire summer (minus two - nonconsecutive - weeks for me). That pretty well killed summer sports for them. Scouts were a problem, too, due to summer camping, etc. But, ya know? Their time with their other parent was, in MY mind, in their greater interests than time with coaches, friends, Scout leaders, etc. Music was easy to work around, field hockey less so. And funny..... Dad wasn't too willing to give up his limited time. And not only did *I* understand that, I worked with the coaches, etc., as best as possible, so that they also "got it". As well as explaining things to kiddos.
Honestly? You need to figure out the carrots to offer to Mom. You'll p/u kiddo and bring her back, and offer Mom extra time - school breaks, summer time, etc. to make it work for kiddo - as well as pay all associated costs (club/team fees, uniforms, shoes, gloves, travel expenses, etc.) - be aware it only gets more expensive as they grow. If she's decent? It will pay off. LOL Kind of. Mine got a full ride to college - oh, except housing, food, books, etc. Sports - like any extracurricular - are not cheap. And don't be shocked if she gets burned out by high school - a lot of kids do.
Honestly? You need to figure out the carrots to offer to Mom. You'll p/u kiddo and bring her back, and offer Mom extra time - school breaks, summer time, etc. to make it work for kiddo - as well as pay all associated costs (club/team fees, uniforms, shoes, gloves, travel expenses, etc.) - be aware it only gets more expensive as they grow. If she's decent? It will pay off. LOL Kind of. Mine got a full ride to college - oh, except housing, food, books, etc. Sports - like any extracurricular - are not cheap. And don't be shocked if she gets burned out by high school - a lot of kids do.
stealth2
Under the Radar Member
Not giving up her parenting time is not, however, a poor choice. Not as poor as your choosing her as the other parent to your child
CTU
Meddlesome Priestess
I see a huge difference however between you and the OP.
You are an incredible parent and have been since ... well, forever really.
LdiJ
Senior Member
Not giving up her parenting time is not, however, a poor choice. Not as poor as your choosing her as the other parent to your child
and, also not as poor as you choosing to enroll your child in an activity that infringes on mom's time, without mom's express agreement.
stealth2
Under the Radar Member
Phhht. Despite MY no longer liking my ex, I knew the kids still did. And for THEM? I would do anything. ANYthing. Even be nice to their other parent. Heck, I STILL remind them to call on bdays, holidays, etc. And they're 23 & 25.
ETA: I love them more than I hate my ex.
Adding more..... She has played since 6th grade. So MS, HS, College - 11 years - and still plays in several adult leagues (2 years). Her other parent? Has NEVER, not once, seen her play. Not one time. I made every game possible - even when I had to drive 5+ hours each way. My oldest? Has had original compositions performed around the country. Who's never attended one performance? <shrug> It is what it is. And it's just not worth stressing over. My kids know - as yours will - which parent to count on.
ETA: I love them more than I hate my ex.
Adding more..... She has played since 6th grade. So MS, HS, College - 11 years - and still plays in several adult leagues (2 years). Her other parent? Has NEVER, not once, seen her play. Not one time. I made every game possible - even when I had to drive 5+ hours each way. My oldest? Has had original compositions performed around the country. Who's never attended one performance? <shrug> It is what it is. And it's just not worth stressing over. My kids know - as yours will - which parent to count on.
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CJane
Senior Member
I like the suggestion on the previous page, that you sign the kiddo up for the league in mom's town. Then, do all of the transportation.
Look, the child will be able to be involved in team sports and miss e/o weekend if that's what it takes. My Steps participate in YMCA program on a regular basis, and until their Mom moved away, were only at practices and games she wanted to take them to. I am not a fan of Girl Scouts, so when Mom signed them up, I made it clear transportation was all on her. She had to pick them up at our house (20 minutes from her house), take them to meetings, pick them up, feed them dinner, and bring them home.
My ex never took the kids to practices, games, etc. He'd allow them to participate, but he'd put in no effort at all. (He was the CP) And yet, they participated in soccer, volleyball, basketball, track, etc. I can absolutely see that this might be Mom's worry - that if she gives on this sport, she'll be expected to give for winter sports and spring sports and summer sports, and on and on.
It was AWESOME when they started middle school/junior high and could be on school teams and very little parental participation beyond occasionally being in the cheering section was required.
Your child will survive.
Look, the child will be able to be involved in team sports and miss e/o weekend if that's what it takes. My Steps participate in YMCA program on a regular basis, and until their Mom moved away, were only at practices and games she wanted to take them to. I am not a fan of Girl Scouts, so when Mom signed them up, I made it clear transportation was all on her. She had to pick them up at our house (20 minutes from her house), take them to meetings, pick them up, feed them dinner, and bring them home.
My ex never took the kids to practices, games, etc. He'd allow them to participate, but he'd put in no effort at all. (He was the CP) And yet, they participated in soccer, volleyball, basketball, track, etc. I can absolutely see that this might be Mom's worry - that if she gives on this sport, she'll be expected to give for winter sports and spring sports and summer sports, and on and on.
It was AWESOME when they started middle school/junior high and could be on school teams and very little parental participation beyond occasionally being in the cheering section was required.
Your child will survive.