Interfering w/ Custody

[tanja53]

I would like the following explained to me.

What do you as a "step parent " do if the parents step away form being parents ?

Do you also step away from the child since you are "nothing" to them?

And leaves the child without any parent at all.

Or do you just love the child and close your eyes for the rest and hopes the "parent (s)" will come around ?

 

[stepmom04]

Like I said it's never been an issue. One thing that she does...is respects my position in thier lives. I get what you are saying...that dad should be communicating with her...but when she refuses...she straight up refuses. In one of the sessions that she actually went to, she asked if I could be the person to talk to her. For some reason she thinks we are friends....

IMO....and the opinion of our counselor. She does the things she does...for an excuse. She took us to court this time...to show that she really wants them, but then goes back to a man that she Knew her kids couldn't be around...after leaving another man that her kids couldn't be around. If it looks like we are the bad guys...then she always has an excuse.

 

[tanja53]

Tanja, go away.

******************************************. the friendly quote of the day.

 

[stepmom04]

I would like the following explained to me.

What do you as a "step parent " do if the parents step away form being parents ?

Do you also step away from the child since you are "nothing" to them?

And leaves the child without any parent at all.

Or do you just love the child and close your eryes for the rest and hopes the "parent (s)" will come around ?

Exactly. I don't try to push her away. I actually try to make her spend time with the kids. Though my husband thinks its pointless.

 

[Humusluvr]

Yah know what? I think she means well but needs to learn how to stop communicating with Mom and let her husband know its HIS job not hers.

Its hard to find the fine line especailly when your stepkids are the ones who live with you. You need to back off cause you aren't their mom YET they live in your house 90% of hte time and they need to follow rules etc.

She will get there. Just needs to let hubby know that its HIS job to handle the Ex and not hers.

Absolutely agreed. But she can't even fathom that we might offer some constructive criticism here. That she comes off sounding really really bad, and that may hurt her hubby in the end.

She isn't listening to the legal advice because she doesn't like to hear that she has made a mistake. We've all made mistakes. Don't get all defensive - ask questions and understand.

 

[bononos again]

You need to go back under the rock you crawled out from under.

I am not a babysitter for my stepson and my ex's wife is certainly not their sitter either when they are at their house.

When he talks back to me, do I send him to his room? HELL YES. Do I do it when his dad is there? YES. Why? Becasue he needs to learn that I am not just there for him to walk all over. When he lives in my house and chooses not to follow our rules, there are consequences whether or not his daddy is home or not.

Not going to hijack this thread. It's nice you allow HIS children to live in YOUR house though.

 

[StampGirl]

Like I said it's never been an issue. One thing that she does...is respects my position in thier lives. I get what you are saying...that dad should be communicating with her...but when she refuses...she straight up refuses. In one of the sessions that she actually went to, she asked if I could be the person to talk to her. For some reason she thinks we are friends....

IMO....and the opinion of our counselor. She does the things she does...for an excuse. She took us to court this time...to show that she really wants them, but then goes back to a man that she Knew her kids couldn't be around...after leaving another man that her kids couldn't be around. If it looks like we are the bad guys...then she always has an excuse.

Well she thinks you are friends because you are enabling her to use you. She and Dad need to both grow up and know that they need to communicate together without putting you in the middle. Know what I mean???

The judge won't see you as the bad guys BUT he could see you as interfering with her and Dad's communication and relationship. Do you see that? By not stopping it, you are agreeing it is ok. Its not. If she wants to see her kids bad enough, she will call DAD. Not You. Change your number whatever it takes.

 

[stepmom04]

Absolutely agreed. But she can't even fathom that we might offer some constructive criticism here. That she comes off sounding really really bad, and that may hurt her hubby in the end.

She isn't listening to the legal advice because she doesn't like to hear that she has made a mistake. We've all made mistakes. Don't get all defensive - ask questions and understand.

And what mistake have I made? Because I have talked to the mom. Big freaking deal. It hasn't caused a problem...still not a problem. That is not the legal advice I asked for. The only one that has given any legal advice is Stampgirl...though I disagree with some, but I do understand where it comes from. Most others have been opinions about stepparents...not legal advice.

 

[StampGirl]

Exactly. I don't try to push her away. I actually try to make her spend time with the kids. Though my husband thinks its pointless.

Why do you insist on holding both of their hands through this???? Let it go.

Your hubby is probably right. LET HIM DEAL with her. You can't make anyone spend time with their kids. If they want to, they will. Your hubby needs to make sure its available to her and if she chooses to not take those steps, so be it. Her loss.

 

[StampGirl]

Not going to hijack this thread. It's nice you allow HIS children to live in YOUR house though.

Well it certainly isn't the child's house.

Its our house. We have rules and consequences. ALL the kids do. He gets punished right along with the girls.

My husband also does the same when the girls talk back or don't do what they are supposed to do. Doesn't bother me nor does it bother their Dad.

 

[StampGirl]

And what mistake have I made? Because I have talked to the mom. Big freaking deal. It hasn't caused a problem...still not a problem. That is not the legal advice I asked for. The only one that has given any legal advice is Stampgirl...though I disagree with some, but I do understand where it comes from. Most others have been opinions about stepparents...not legal advice.

Hums just wants you to see the other side of it. One most of us have seen in court: where the step parent ends up (whether the intentions are good or not) hurting the CP case in court. Judges don't like steps who do what you are doing even if the MOM is ok with it. Judge will tell HER and you husband to GROW UP.

 

[Humusluvr]

And what mistake have I made? Because I have talked to the mom. Big freaking deal. It hasn't caused a problem...still not a problem. That is not the legal advice I asked for. The only one that has given any legal advice is Stampgirl...though I disagree with some, but I do understand where it comes from. Most others have been opinions about stepparents...not legal advice.

OK. Wish your hubby luck in court from me. Let us know how it goes.

 

[Humusluvr]

Hums just wants you to see the other side of it. One most of us have seen in court: where the step parent ends up (whether the intentions are good or not) hurting the CP case in court. Judges don't like steps who do what you are doing even if the MOM is ok with it. Judge will tell HER and you husband to GROW UP.

Thanks, StampGirl. I'm out. I'm going to drown myself in pudding. Unless the llamas got it. or the loons.

 

[StampGirl]

OK. Wish your hubby luck in court from me. Let us know how it goes.

Sad but she won't know how it goes. She will be out in the hallway sharing a bench with my Ex's wife and the countless others who refuse to allow their spouses to grow up and actually communicate and parent their children together.

 

[stepmom04]

I'm saying it....you are probably right. I should let him handle it. I talked him to something ..and it was a mistake...working out something for her summer visitation. It is not working out, but I felt sorry for the kids..and I knew it was the only way they could see her.

She lives with her boyfriend...(the one they can't see), she lied to the judge and said she had rented an apartment for the summer....and didn't. She asked if she could get them everyday for a few hours until boyfriend got home. My husband agreed. Now our lives are completely out of whack, she says she's going to come..rarely does. Doesn't call. Comes and goes as she pleases. It really sucks for everyone...expect maybe her. *slap me in the face....I've got to stop feeling sorry for her...everytime...I get screwed!*