Is there anything I can do?

[CJane]

Actually...with ADHD kids it will also tend to UNDERmine the parent's authority at home. The child will still act out at home- Maybe even moreso.

OP: Have you educated yourself about the negative effects of physical discipline with ADHD kids?

Which is exactly why I was asking. It sounds almost like mom has accepted the diagnosis and gives the kids his pills and takes him to his therapist, but isn't really addressing a care plan. Does that make sense?

 

[Gracie3787]

Yes it's allowed. The only reason I allow it is because it seems like when he gets in trouble at school and he gets disciplined at home, the discipline that we give doesn't help. I figured if he got paddled at school then it might help him behave better there.

I'd like to give a little non legal advice. Like your son, my son was diagnosed ADHD when he was in school. Parents in Florida have the option of stating no paddleing. We thought that it wouldn't hurt the situation, and might even help, so we allowed our son to be paddled. We found out later, when our son's behaviour worsened, that yes, he was getting paddled- all the time, for the smallest infraction of the rules. We had a conference and stopped all paddleings. While Brian's behaviour didn't suddenly get better, it did improve ALOT over a couple of months. So, in our case the paddleing made things worse.

And it's really scary, but about 2 years later, the man who had been our son's teacher was arrested for child abuse- he paddled a student so hard that it left huge bruises.

You might want to rethink the paddleing thing. Make sure that it's not making your son's behaviour worse, and really make sure that he isn't actually being physically abused by the paddleings. Good luck.
Gracie

 

[angeleque73]

Here is an update since I posted this message. My son's father got arrested over the weekend for possesion of crack, intent to sell, driving with no tag and driving with license susupended. This coming weekend is his weekend to get my son, but I won't be sending him regardless if he gets out of jail by then. It is my responsibility to see that my son is safe. My sister is the one who told me about the arrest, but I made sure to call his mother to find out for sure. She told me that it was true. Maybe I can't blame bio dad for my son's behavior, but I can make sure that he doesn't expose him to anything bad.

 

[tigger22472]

Here is an update since I posted this message. My son's father got arrested over the weekend for possesion of crack, intent to sell, driving with no tag and driving with license susupended. This coming weekend is his weekend to get my son, but I won't be sending him regardless if he gets out of jail by then. It is my responsibility to see that my son is safe. My sister is the one who told me about the arrest, but I made sure to call his mother to find out for sure. She told me that it was true. Maybe I can't blame bio dad for my son's behavior, but I can make sure that he doesn't expose him to anything bad.

Then you need to contact a lawyer TODAY and file for an emergency hearing to alter visitation. However, beware that he will still likely get them, just supervised at this point (if this was addressed earlier sorry, it's early and wasn't going through all the posts). I know of a situation much like this one and the only reason the father lost all contact was because there was a chance his 9 year old would be called to testify against him.

If you have filed for the emergency hearing and you deny visitation you won't look as bad as you will if you just decide unilaterally that dad's not going to see your son until YOU see fit. Judges don't like that so it's your responsibility to file for this hearing.

 

[CJane]

Then you need to contact a lawyer TODAY and file for an emergency hearing to alter visitation. However, beware that he will still likely get them, just supervised at this point

The visits may not even be supervised at this point. It's very possible dad would have to be convicted of a felony drug charge/test positive for drugs or mom would have to prove that dad's dealings endangered the son while in his care in order for visits to be supervised.

 

[casa]

I agree with tigger.

Also, OP: This will mean your son needs even more stability and positive outlets.

 

[casa]

The visits may not even be supervised at this point. It's very possible dad would have to be convicted of a felony drug charge/test positive for drugs or mom would have to prove that dad's dealings endangered the son while in his care in order for visits to be supervised.

Although that's sometimes true for drugs like Marijuana~ This father was arrested with crack...and I doubt at the hearing where Mom asks for no visitation or supervised visitation pending rehab, drug testing etc. that Dad will be able to convince a judge he only does crack when his son isn't around.

 

[CJane]

Although that's sometimes true for drugs like Marijuana~ This father was arrested with crack...and I doubt at the hearing where Mom asks for no visitation or supervised visitation pending rehab, drug testing etc. that Dad will be able to convince a judge he only does crack when his son isn't around.

That's why I said he'd have to test positive for use. He was arrested for possession - not the same thing. So, what I was saying was that he'd have to be convicted of the intent to sell (felony conviction) OR test positive for drugs.

I'm not terribly familiar with crack, but I live (unfortunately) in the Meth capital of the US. Lots and lots of people manage to keep their kids or have unsupervised visitation as long as they test clean and manage to avoid felony convictions.

 

[tigger22472]

The visits may not even be supervised at this point. It's very possible dad would have to be convicted of a felony drug charge/test positive for drugs or mom would have to prove that dad's dealings endangered the son while in his care in order for visits to be supervised.

I've seen convicted felons still get supervised visitation as long as the child wasn't in danger.

 

[tigger22472]

THe case in which I talked about above was a case of a dad being charged with possession of meth... in fact, not just the drug alone, but ALL of the ingredients to make it himself. The judge told him the only reason ALL contact was suspended was because again there was a chance the state would call the son to testify, but that once his court was over (and any incarceration served) to come back and discuss visitation. He would get supervised... the judge has all but said so. The only reason he hasn't is that although he's been out of jail he's not filed.

 

[casa]

That's why I said he'd have to test positive for use. He was arrested for possession - not the same thing. So, what I was saying was that he'd have to be convicted of the intent to sell (felony conviction) OR test positive for drugs.

I'm not terribly familiar with crack, but I live (unfortunately) in the Meth capital of the US. Lots and lots of people manage to keep their kids or have unsupervised visitation as long as they test clean and manage to avoid felony convictions.

If you're using Meth...you won't manage to test clean or avoid felony convictions for long. It's rapid degeneration with drugs like crack/meth. The jails are full of users. However, ultimately, it's up to whichever judge they get and how serious he/she takes the recent arrest. This Dad also faces the additional charges for driving on a suspended license, no registration & intent to sell (which is much worse than possession)

 

[CJane]

If you're using Meth...you won't manage to test clean or avoid felony convictions for long. It's rapid degeneration with drugs like crack/meth. The jails are full of users. However, ultimately, it's up to whichever judge they get and how serious he/she takes the recent arrest. This Dad also faces the additional charges for driving on a suspended license, no registration & intent to sell (which is much worse than possession)

I know. And I wasn't meaning to convey that I knew for sure dad wouldn't get supervised visitation. However, I wanted mom to understand that the judge (at this point, when it's an arrest, not a conviction) might not change visitation at all, so her deciding to unilaterally withhold it might be a very bad thing.

Question for mom ~ Do you have any 'real' information re: the arrest, or are you taking the word of your sister and his mother? Was there a blurb in the local paper, can you call the police station/sherrif's department and ask? Anything like that?

 

[angeleque73]

I know. And I wasn't meaning to convey that I knew for sure dad wouldn't get supervised visitation. However, I wanted mom to understand that the judge (at this point, when it's an arrest, not a conviction) might not change visitation at all, so her deciding to unilaterally withhold it might be a very bad thing.

Question for mom ~ Do you have any 'real' information re: the arrest, or are you taking the word of your sister and his mother? Was there a blurb in the local paper, can you call the police station/sherrif's department and ask? Anything like that?

I waited to respond until I got the weekly newspaper. It says that on October 15 bio dad got charged with "possession of cocaine, possession of drug paraphernalia, driving while license suspended, attaching tag not assigned". He got caught within 150 feet from a church and school. He also has a $25,000.00 cash bond. I called the judge yesterday but he was in court. His secretary told me to call back today to see if he was in. I don't know if he was bonded out yet or not. This is his weekend to get my son. If I can't talk to the judge today and get something done, do I still have to let my son go with his dad?

 

[poeypooh]

Legally standing you ar supposed to. However has he filed contempt charges before for your disallowing visitation? If not, if this hasnt been a pattern, I think pretty much all the judge would say is "dont do it again mom.".

 

[angeleque73]

Legally standing you ar supposed to. However has he filed contempt charges before for your disallowing visitation? If not, if this hasnt been a pattern, I think pretty much all the judge would say is "dont do it again mom.".

The only time he has asked for visitation was when we went to court due to him being in contempt of child support. Other than that we never had a set visitation order. All the order says now is "Respondent shall have reasonable visitation".