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Keeping me from being a father...

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crayiii

Member
What is the name of your state? OR and AK

I posted some of this stuff on the “divorce board” but I though I would post the custody stuff her to get some feedback. I have an attorney and we have put together papers but at the moment we can’t find my wife and children. All we have is a cell phone which she does answer but only so she can throw insults.

We were married 8 years and she recently left to go to her parents house in Alaska on a “vacation”. The vacation extended to point were I asked her if she was coming back and she told me “no”. Up to that point I was calling and talking to her and our son daily at her parents house.

Even after that, we were on good “speaking” terms. Then her boyfriend got into the picture and she moved in with him and I no longer could contact her. She told me to call and leave a message at her mom’s house and she would get back to me. Every time she would call me back the caller ID was blocked so I didn’t know how to call my son. She wouldn’t let me talk to my son and was just nasty on the phone.

I sent a vehicle and left her on our checking account (until she drained it) so she would have money. I suggested she fill out CS papers so she could get a judgment against me because I wasn’t going to just send her money. I calculated what CS would be and have that in a separate account to cover back CS. She refused to get a judgment because she said she moved and doesn’t want me to know where she is.

She and her BF continue to tell me that they are going to keep moving from State to State to keep me away from my son. Apparently, the new guy wants to be the man of the house and doesn’t feel there is room for me to be my son’s dad. The BF said they are going to have my son's lastname changed to his. I call 3 times a week and ask to speak with my son. Only once has she let him (he’s 5) and that was so he could tell me that he has a new dad now. After that, she hasn’t allowed me to speak with him.

My attorney has hired a PI to track her down and serve papers but I am really worried that she is going to continue this. All I’ve asked for is every other Christmas, every other spring break, 2-months in the summer, and 3 phone calls a week.

I’m worried that she is going to move all over and I won’t be able to afford the travel costs. I have people around me telling me that I should try to get physical custody, try to get to pay for travel, and on and on. It’s too easy to get wrapped up in all the revenge thoughts and I’m trying not to do that.

Does anyone have advice on the best way to move forward with this to limit the chances of her to screw with my parenting?
 


ntagaincolorado

Junior Member
Been There...Still There

My husband and I have been together for seven years and his ex has done nothing but screw with him and his daughter's relationship. She tells everyone that he is just the sperm donor, they have already got her name changed by announcing it in the paper three times, and they have moved to somewhere we don't know. Child Support Registry doesn't understand why her address is "confidential", we send her money every month just so we won't get screwed with the court order if we don't pay, you know the process, license suspension, jail, etc.etc.

When the divorce was final did the custody papers state your visitation terms and her "rules" to follow by also? It sounds to me like she is violating a court order, and it also sounds like if you can find her and you get papers served that any judge would look at your child's situation as unhealthy. Stability is a number one in the courts eyes when it comes to kids. And it sounds like she is not going to offer that. Do you have a history of any physical or domestic abuse with her? Has she got anything against you that may give her the leg up here?

All in all, you have done what you are supposed to, and all you can do is pray that they find her and your son right now. I know it is hard, and that revenge is usually the only thing on your mind. We have not seen his daughter for two years now, even when they were here in town. We are currently trying to find her too to serve papers to her. I think the only way you are going to prevent her from doing this to you and your son is to try for primary custody or sole custody. You have rights as a father which so many people ignore and I hope that your lawyer can get those back.
 

crayiii

Member
We aren't divorced, I am trying to find her to serve papers.

There isn't any history of abuse although she told me on the phone that she would lie about it if it would keep me away. She said that she would say I kicked my son and pushed her around. I told her that I could do the same thing and lie too but it wouldn't make anything better.

I have a heart condition that she is trying to use against me but my doctor said I'll live a long life. I've worked in the same field (engineering) for 13 years and am very stable.

She has a daughter from a previous marriage so I'm doubtful I will get custody because that would mean separating the siblings.

In all honesty, all I want is to have my relationship with my son back...
 
untitled

id go for sole custody,both legal and physical-it sounds like shes trying to cut you out of the childs life,and thats not right,a child is in enough emotional pain when their parents spilt up.as for the bf.firmly remind him that YOU are the childs father,not him,he has no legal rights to this child,has no say in the divorce proceedings,and to mind his own business.they cant change the childs name unless the bf adopts him(theyll also need your permission)and if they change it without your ok,theyve commited fraud,and could go to jail.please let us know how it goes.and take care of yourself.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I understand how you feel and you have every right to maintain a relationship with your child. Since you have an attorney it would be best to follow the advice of your attorney. How long has mom and the child been gone?
 

BL

Senior Member
Ask your attorney to file an initiate a FPLS ( Federal Parental Locater Service ) Form application , and have it approved ( signed by ) a Judge , DA , or others that have the authority.

Also , I used an organization called Child Find Of America . You provide them with Birth Certificate Info ., Etc , and for a small reasonable fee , they will try and tract there whereabouts down for you .

Others are correct , IF you want a relationship with your son, file for physical Custody . If the Mother is willing to go as far as she has , it will be a pattern of hers for years to come. You need to protect your Father/Son relationship , otherwise you will have none for long years to come .

I've been there .
 

crayiii

Member
They left on vacation in August and I spoke to them through the entire month. When she extended their vacation I asked about school and she said they weren't coming back. I wasn't happy but I tried to be calm and work things out. I packed up their clothes and my sons favorite toys and put them in my truck and shipped it all to them.

After that, she stopped letting me talk to him.
 

ntagaincolorado

Junior Member
crayiii said:
They left on vacation in August and I spoke to them through the entire month. When she extended their vacation I asked about school and she said they weren't coming back. I wasn't happy but I tried to be calm and work things out. I packed up their clothes and my sons favorite toys and put them in my truck and shipped it all to them.

After that, she stopped letting me talk to him.

So you were still in a relationship with her when she went on "vacation"? If so...you must have known that this was coming for you to pack up everything and ship it to them-unless she threatened you in some way or another. Do you still have contact with her parents? Have you filed for divorce?
 
crayiii said:
They left on vacation in August and I spoke to them through the entire month. When she extended their vacation I asked about school and she said they weren't coming back. I wasn't happy but I tried to be calm and work things out. I packed up their clothes and my sons favorite toys and put them in my truck and shipped it all to them.

After that, she stopped letting me talk to him.

By packing up their clothes and your sons toys you may have made it look to an outsider that you agreed to the move?..........You will definately want to document any and all phone calls that you get from your soon to be ex including times, dates and length of phone call and include in the entry if the phone number was blocked. This will help you in the future when you finally get her in front of a judge your personal notes can be used as evidence in a parent alienation case,but only if you document at the time and not from memory!!! Hope all goes well!
 

djohnson

Senior Member
Also talk to your attorney about filing in your state. If they haven't been there long enough to establish residence you can do everything where you are and domesticate to Alaska. It will easier on you. Because she is trying to keep him away from you, you will have a good chance at custody. Most judges don't look highly on that.
 

crayiii

Member
Well, the process server gave up, they left town. He was able to find out that the boyfriend is in the Coast Guard though.
 

ntagaincolorado

Junior Member
Blonde Lebinese said:
Ask your attorney to file an initiate a FPLS ( Federal Parental Locater Service ) Form application , and have it approved ( signed by ) a Judge , DA , or others that have the authority.

Also , I used an organization called Child Find Of America . You provide them with Birth Certificate Info ., Etc , and for a small reasonable fee , they will try and tract there whereabouts down for you .

Sounds like this is the next step!!
 

crayiii

Member
the PI found them but he wasn't too subtle... He tracked the guy down through his work and followed him home. Knocked on the door and my wife answered. He told her his name and stuck his hand out to shake it and she told him her name and shook it. Then he left...
 

crayiii

Member
She flaked again and bailed. She called my attorney and told him to f off.

We contacted the last school that my son was enrolled in and I knew the administrative person. She told me that my wife didn't have school records forwarded anywhere.

We've filed in Oregon (today) and now our working on diposing my mother-in-law to find out where my wife and son are.
 

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