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Letter from Ex wifes attorney/boss

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What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? ohio
Today I recieved a letter from my ex wifes lawyer. It says that he is representing her through the administrative review process and that if I am have an attorney represent me they want to know who it is. Also says that my ex informed her lawyer that I had discussed child support with my oldest daughter and that acording to the law it wasnt allowed. Also said my kids are complaining about not having bedrooms and that they want to know what my rectifications are going to be for them not having bedrooms. And then goes on to state that I called his residence and that it was a discrace to his family and it is ill advised to call him at his home for business related questions.

That is what the letter says. Now to give you the background information.
Mt ex and I got a dissolution in Dec 09, and we agreed that I pay the house payment till my youngest child turned 18, and the child support calculation worksheet was done. Basically they ( her and her attorney, which is also her boss) put what numbers they wanted in for the child support calculation.
I was under the understanding these numbers were correct, well they were way off. I wasnt given credit for the amount of health insurance that I pay for and the union dues I pay. Also her income was imputed at $10,900, which I later found out it should be at a min. of min wage 40 hrs a week. If I would have known that this information wasnt correct I wouldnt have signed off on it.
So i petitioned for an administrative review and of course she went ballistic. ODJFS granted the review, and it is set for july 5th. Her response at first was that MY kid would not be able to eat if I have child support reduced. And that she was going to fight it. I said the kids will be fine as I already pay for their home which include the payment, ins, and property taxes and for their insurance, and half the medical bills. Right now I pay $870 a month for the house my kids live in, and $1160 in child support.

My girlfriend and I recently bought a new home. She has 2 daughters ages 14 and 16. I ahve 2 daughters as well ages 5 and 14. The house is a 3 bedroom house, and my ex is claiming that I dont have adequate bedrooms for my daughters on my weekends. My youngest daughter, she comes with me evey weekend but one every month. My oldest daughters only comes when she wants to, but I envite her every weekend. I even tell her even on her moms weekends, that if its ok with her mom she can come visit with me.
And for talking with my oldest daughter, I did talk to her about the amount o support I pay. Only because she came to me and asked how come I dont have any money to go do things with them. Thats when I explained to her that I pay for their house so I can assure that they have a safe and nice plae to live, then the rest is so her mom can get them the thngs they need. She then asked how much I pay, and I told her. I did not tell her how much I pay for health ins for them and that I pay half of the medical bill copays also. I know this may not have been the best decision, but I dont lie to my kids. I figured if she is old enough to ask the question, she is old enough to get the answer. She is 14 yrs old.
The part where I called her attorney/boss at home, I did call him there. I had to go to their office to sign the QDRO form that took them 1 1/2 yrs to draw up, and I informed my ex that I wanted to talk to him as well. She said he wasnt in, I said ok can you call him on his cell and have hi call me. She said I am not bothering him on his day off. Then she sends me a text message stating that his number is in the book and that I can call him there. So I did, since she is an employee of his, and she was at work while I wanted to speak with him. I left him a message, stated my name and asked that he call me back, and left him my number, and said thank you, then hung up. I have all the mssages leading up to where she told me to call him at home, and the message telling me to call him there.

Ok..now for my question.
My daughters sometimes share bedrooms with my girlfriends daughters, and sometimes they sleep on air matresses and the couch. I would love to have bedrooms for them, but there is just no possible way. We couldnt afford a bigger house, much less me afford it on my own. Are these adequate conditions for the children?

Is there anything she can do to stop me from seeing my kids or reduce the amount of time I can spend with them?


Is there anything the courts can do to me for talking with my daughter about the child support?

She also stated that I needed to start paying for half of their school cloths etc. I told her that is what child support is for. She said that she was going to have the papers changed to say that I have to pay half of school cloths, sports, etc. Im pretty sure she cant do that, but not for sure.

Thanks in advanced
 


mistoffolees

Senior Member
Ok..now for my question.
My daughters sometimes share bedrooms with my girlfriends daughters, and sometimes they sleep on air matresses and the couch. I would love to have bedrooms for them, but there is just no possible way. We couldnt afford a bigger house, much less me afford it on my own. Are these adequate conditions for the children?

If they have a place to sleep, that's all that's legally required in most cases. Check your city zoning laws to make sure about legal occupancy.

Is there anything she can do to stop me from seeing my kids or reduce the amount of time I can spend with them?

She can't, but a judge can. At this stage, I don't see much in the way of grounds for a change in visitation schedule, but she can always try. However, check your court order to see if there is a no paramour clause. If there is, then your ex most certainly can use that against you.

Is there anything the courts can do to me for talking with my daughter about the child support?

In theory? Probably. In practice? Probably not.

She also stated that I needed to start paying for half of their school cloths etc. I told her that is what child support is for. She said that she was going to have the papers changed to say that I have to pay half of school cloths, sports, etc. Im pretty sure she cant do that, but not for sure.

Thanks in advanced

She can ask for a modification of child support. They will generally not order what she's suggesting. Rather, there is a guideline support in your state which is likely to be ordered. CP is responsible for school clothes, etc in most cases.
 

anapr

Member
And for talking with my oldest daughter, I did talk to her about the amount o support I pay. Only because she came to me and asked how come I dont have any money to go do things with them. Thats when I explained to her that I pay for their house so I can assure that they have a safe and nice plae to live, then the rest is so her mom can get them the thngs they need. She then asked how much I pay, and I told her. I did not tell her how much I pay for health ins for them and that I pay half of the medical bill copays also. I know this may not have been the best decision, but I dont lie to my kids. I figured if she is old enough to ask the question, she is old enough to get the answer. She is 14 yrs old.

Dad, you sound like a decent enough guy and it sounds like you already recognize what's wrong with this situation--but it bears repeating. Don't discuss these matters with your kids. Even if they "ask" you about money/custody/etc--tell them those are adult issues between you and your ex.
 
What is a no paramour clause?
I guess I should have asked the question in a better form. I know SHE can't do anything to reduce the amount of visitation, but the judge can. Wanting to know if she would have grounds to petition the judge to reduce the amount of time.
I tried to explain to her that once she spends all the child support money, she doesn't get to come back to me and ask for more money. I explained to her that somewhere along the line, she has to provide some of the finacial responsibility for the children, and once she spends the child support money that's where her part kicks in finacially.
I realize I shouldn't have discused the issues with my daughter, but what is done is done. Im not claiming to be the perfect father or husband. I realize that the dissolution wasn't all her fault, I had my part in it to.
Im guessing the letter is a scare tactic trying to get me to back down so she can continue to receive a larger child support check. Before I asked for the modification she always complained that I only have the kids 6 days a month. I explained to her, I work out of town mon-thur as I had done for the past 12 yrs and that im only home so much. I leave sunday mornings or afternoon depending on where I have to go, somtimes I work over a 1000 miles oneway from home. And I return home thursday night sometimes fri morning. I normally get my kids early fri morning except during school then I get them after school on fri. And i return the kids normally 10am-noon on sunday. Now she's saying that I don't have adequate bedrooms for them. She went from me only having them a few days a month, to sounding like she wants to limit the time I do spend with them.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
What is a no paramour clause?
I guess I should have asked the question in a better form. I know SHE can't do anything to reduce the amount of visitation, but the judge can. Wanting to know if she would have grounds to petition the judge to reduce the amount of time.
I tried to explain to her that once she spends all the child support money, she doesn't get to come back to me and ask for more money. I explained to her that somewhere along the line, she has to provide some of the finacial responsibility for the children, and once she spends the child support money that's where her part kicks in finacially.
I realize I shouldn't have discused the issues with my daughter, but what is done is done. Im not claiming to be the perfect father or husband. I realize that the dissolution wasn't all her fault, I had my part in it to.
Im guessing the letter is a scare tactic trying to get me to back down so she can continue to receive a larger child support check. Before I asked for the modification she always complained that I only have the kids 6 days a month. I explained to her, I work out of town mon-thur as I had done for the past 12 yrs and that im only home so much. I leave sunday mornings or afternoon depending on where I have to go, somtimes I work over a 1000 miles oneway from home. And I return home thursday night sometimes fri morning. I normally get my kids early fri morning except during school then I get them after school on fri. And i return the kids normally 10am-noon on sunday. Now she's saying that I don't have adequate bedrooms for them. She went from me only having them a few days a month, to sounding like she wants to limit the time I do spend with them.

A no paramour clause is no person with whom you have a romantic relationship, that you are not married to, can spend the night in your home when your children are present. (sorry for the awkwardness of that sentence)

If the issue of you discussing child support with your child arises in court, sincerely apologize for doing so, admit that you were wrong, and offer no excuses other than you just weren't thinking correctly when you answered your daughter.

As a teen, your older daughter may be experiencing some reluctance at spending time in your home because of the lack of space and privacy, and because, quite frankly, at that ages teens are more interested in spending time with their friends rather than their parents. That can be even more difficult if you are scheduled to have most or all of the weekends with them.

One way you could help overcome that would be to provide twin beds in the bedrooms so that each of the 4 children had at least their own beds, and perhaps their own dressers as well. The other way you could help avoid that is to allow your teenage daughter to have her normal social life on your weekends, but simply based from your home rather than her mother's.
 
Ok I know there is not a no paramour clause. As she had already moved her bf into the house that I pay for the kids.
I will take note of he advice about the discussion with my daughter if it is brought up in court.
I try to let her continue her social life when she is at my home. I have let friends stay over and vice versa and also let her bring friends when we go to do things from time to time.
In the seperation agrement I have basic visitation. Every other weekend plus certain holidays on even yrs and other holidays on odd yrs. I choose to get them every weekend but one every month.
Some of the reason my oozes daughter doesn't come is her mothers rules are different then mine. I explaind to her that at my house she has certain rules she has to follow, and thy may or may not be he same as her moms. And its nothing major, stuff like no cell phones at the dinner table, bed time curfews, curfews to be off their cell phones at night.
And this doesn't only apply to my kids, my gf kids have to abide by the same rules. We treat all the kids equally, even though my ex seems to think I favor my gf kids over my own. I think that may be because they are around me a little more then my own kids.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
In the seperation agrement I have basic visitation. Every other weekend plus certain holidays on even yrs and other holidays on odd yrs. I choose to get them every weekend but one every month.

Actually - Mom chooses to *allow* you to get them every weekend but one every month. There is a difference.

How far apart do you and Mom live?
 
True that she allows me, she actually wants me to have them more which is great by me. She actually said she wanted me to take custody of the kids and still pay her child support. I told her I would take custody of the kids in a heart beat.
We live approximately 1.5-2 miles away. I stayed close so my kids could stay in the same school district and ride the same buses to and from school wheather they are at my house or hers.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
True that she allows me, she actually wants me to have them more which is great by me. She actually said she wanted me to take custody of the kids and still pay her child support. I told her I would take custody of the kids in a heart beat.
We live approximately 1.5-2 miles away. I stayed close so my kids could stay in the same school district and ride the same buses to and from school wheather they are at my house or hers.

Then here's what you do. You take the kids and continue to pay her child support. If your ex is agreeable, that might well be best for the kids because they can stay in the same school and with the same friends. After the kids have been with you for 6-9 months, you file for a change in custody due to the status quo and ask for her to be paying you child support.
 
Exactly what I was thinking. I told her I would take custody of the kids at any time. But she knows that eventually the checks will stop rolling in, so she wont allow me to to get custody.
Im sure her boss informed her that the support checks would stop.
It has been almost 2 yrs since the dissolution and ODJFS would havbeen doing a review within a yr anyways. She's mad and trying to keep the check coming in. She screamed at me that if I have child support reduced that the kids wouldnt be able to eat, and that I didn't love my kids, etc. I told her I love them very much and I support them fully. I informed her it was my legal right to have child support re evaluated, and ODJFS agreed as they granted the review. I told her it could go up..go down or stay they same.
Her and her boss both know the calculation paper is wrong, and im sure he told her that more then likely child support will go down. And now they are resorting to any tactic they can to try and get me to back down.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I don't think you're understanding what misto wrote. You take the kids as often as she allows you to. You do NOT call it taking custody. You're helping her out. Document having them scrupulously. Keep paying her. And in 6-9 mos, file to change custody.
 
No I understood. What I meat by I would take custody at any time was when ever she wanted me to take custody of he kids just to name the day. I would take them from that date and they would live with me on a full time basis. I wouldnt interfere with any visitation she wanted with the kids, and continue to pay my child support even though they would be living with me. Then in 6-9 mos petition the court for legal custody and have her pay me for child support.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I se
So when I petition the court don't tell the judge I took custody.

Christ on crutches. YOU DON'T TELL HER WHEN YOU SAY YOU'LL TAKE THE KIDS ANY TIME THAT YOU WILL TAKE CUSTODY OF THEM! Just say you'll take the kids any time! When you petition in 6-9 months, THEN the custody issue comes up.
 

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