In the past has the ex been sort of a "controlling" individual? Or have there been instances between the two of you that have caused rancor? How do you treat phone calls from him when he calls your home? In other words, when Dad calls kiddo at your home, does kiddo take the calls? Does she act like she enjoys talking to Dad on the phone when she gets calls from him, or does she get off the phone ASAP?
Another thing to think about are how does the kiddo use the phone at his home? Does she abuse phone privileges while there? (Spends family time talking to her buds rather than participating in family activities?)
Personally, I don't limit the time my kiddo spends with the ex on the phone. What would irritate me would be if Dad was a "helicopter" parent. (Multiple, multiple phone calls during the day, evening, or night that might interrupt a routine set up at my house). Please note I am not implying that this is what is going on in your situation, just stating what would "bug" me regarding calls.
I think what I would attempt to do is talk with Dad in regards to this in as calm as fashion as possible. And if you guys can't communicate well via the phone, then send Dad an email. If this is indeed a "tit for tat" situation (and I'm NOT saying that it is) perhaps taking a fair look at how phone calls are handled at your home from Dad may help a lot. Making a few "adjustments" oneself can often make a situation a lot better.
I pulled up the old thread you had regarding this. One person suggested that you not make a big deal about this with kiddo. I tend to agree. Sounds like this area is causing her stress if she cries when you call. (Despite whatever parent is being reasonable or unreasonable in their expectations regarding the phone). Tell her you love her when you call, make the five minutes as pleasurable and reassuring as you can for her, and then talk to Dad at a later time regarding this. (Privately either by phone or email when the kiddo isn't around).
Dad is a control freak. Our daughter is not allowed to call anyone from his house. He does not even allow her to give friends her phone number. I taught her his phone number although he didn't want me to. He said it was none of her business. I said she lives there, and is his daughter, so it is her business!
Her dad rarely calls her at my house, adn when he does I always get her for him. There are no time limits, and she just sits there and barely talks to him. She talks to her stebbrother, halfsister, and stepmom on the phone. I let my mom talk to her once when I called her and her dad yelled at her. He does not allow her to have any phone calls from anyone else, no Aunts, Uncles, Grandma, Great Grandma, cousins... NO ONE is allowed to call her according to him, and he actually says that is they call.
I do not call her more than once in a day except once when she was coming to my house the next day. I had forgotten to tell her something, so I called her to remind her to bring her gym shoes for school after we had spoken. I told her dad when he answered the phone that I had forgotten to remind her. I have her put them in her backpack while we are talking, so I know she does it. I do my best to put the time limit out of her mind, and I watch the minutes on the clock go by. I listen to her talk about her day. I tell her I love her, and that we'll talk again te next day.
Does your daughter have access to email? That has help tremendously with my communications with my daughter when she is at her dad's.
Dad does not allow access to email. He will not set up a child safe account for her on his computer. We're talking about a man who won't allow his child to use the phone! I sent a picture of my sister's baby to my daughter via dad's email when I knew that it would be a week before she got to see the baby, and dad blew up. He's gotta be in control or everyone and everything is wrong!
