Mentally Disabled Sibling

[Wendy217]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Maryland
My mentally disabled brother and I own a home together. My sister thinks she can "control" the house finances, and internal issues of the house because he is mentally disabled. We split expenses fairly. She is now asking to see all my financial information on how I run this house with my our brother. She thinks I am ripping off my disabled brother. I am not. I told her what happens in my home is none of her business.

My brother has a job and is very capable even though he is mentally challenged. She appears to be jealous that she is not in the house left to me and my brother after our father died. I have been on the title for 11 years and my brother has been on since the beginning of the home ownership. I am now feeling like she is planning to do something to us i.e., calling social services, etc. What can I do to protect us? She is also wondering if my dad's estate was settled correctly. I had nothing to do with that. My other brother closed out his one account over four years ago.

 

[Antigone*]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Maryland
My mentally disabled brother and I own a home together. My sister thinks she can "control" the house finances, and internal issues of the house because he is mentally disabled. We split expenses fairly. She is now asking to see all my financial information on how I run this house with my our brother. She thinks I am ripping off my disabled brother. I am not. I told her what happens in my home is none of her business.

My brother has a job and is very capable even though he is mentally challenged. She appears to be jealous that she is not in the house left to me and my brother after our father died. I have been on the title for 11 years and my brother has been on since the beginning of the home ownership. I am now feeling like she is planning to do something to us i.e., calling social services, etc. What can I do to protect us? She is also wondering if my dad's estate was settled correctly. I had nothing to do with that. My other brother closed out his one account over four years ago.

You are worrying about something you have no control over. If social services comes to check on your brother, let them. When they see everything is fine, they will go away.

I do suggest you ignore your sibling. Do not give her any information.

 

[mistoffolees]

You are worrying about something you have no control over. If social services comes to check on your brother, let them. When they see everything is fine, they will go away.

I do suggest you ignore your sibling. Do not give her any information.

I would temper that advice - OP certainly does not OWE her sister anything (assuming that the estate was properly settled and OP is not dipping into funds set aside for the brother), but her sister can make life really, really miserable and expensive for her. Obviously, I don't know the sister and what is likely to work, but it could be simply that the sister wants to be sure that the brother is well-taken care of and a little more openness might make the problem go away.

 

[Wendy217]

Actually, she was just in the house and told me that I needed to renovate his bathroom! It's an older home and so the bathtub looks well older. She said I needed to spend money on a new bathroom upgrade. It may not be perfectly beautiful in there but it is perfectly clean as I have a cleaning crew come through the house twice a month. She is insinuating that I don't spend enough money on the upkeep of the home. I just put in brand new gutters with a large roof repair etc. So, this is simply not true. She started yelling at me and said I will have all the information I need about you and your house in two weeks. I don't know what she is even referring to but most people who know her said she has a screw loose.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Does someone have a POA on the disabled brother?

 

[xylene]

Your sister has no interest in the house?

It seems she is a crank, change the locks and do not allow her entry.

 

[mistoffolees]

Actually, she was just in the house and told me that I needed to renovate his bathroom! It's an older home and so the bathtub looks well older. She said I needed to spend money on a new bathroom upgrade. It may not be perfectly beautiful in there but it is perfectly clean as I have a cleaning crew come through the house twice a month. She is insinuating that I don't spend enough money on the upkeep of the home. I just put in brand new gutters with a large roof repair etc. So, this is simply not true. She started yelling at me and said I will have all the information I need about you and your house in two weeks. I don't know what she is even referring to but most people who know her said she has a screw loose.

Then do as Tigi suggested and ignore her.

And please answer Tink's question - does someone have power of attorney for the brother?

 

[Wendy217]

No one has any POA over my brother. We both share a home equally and this has really gotten her goat. She is renting a home, lost her job--her life is simply a mess. She wants to try to run my home and look at my checkbook. She asked me what I made per year etc.

 

[Wendy217]

She has no interest in the house. She recently moved back to the area after being away for 25 years. She wants to control the house. She thinks she can walk in anytime because OUR mildy challenged brother lives there. I told him she is not allowed in our house anymore. He said he understands.

 

[mistoffolees]

No one has any POA over my brother. We both share a home equally and this has really gotten her goat. She is renting a home, lost her job--her life is simply a mess. She wants to try to run my home and look at my checkbook. She asked me what I made per year etc.

Then you just ignore her.

I am, however, concerned that no one has a POA for your brother. Even if he doesn't need it now, he likely will at some point.

I'd suggest getting together with your other siblings to see if you can agree to have you (or one of them) given a POA. That will further take the wind out of sister's sails.

 

[Zigner]

I'd suggest getting together with your other siblings to see if you can agree to have you (or one of them) given a POA. That will further take the wind out of sister's sails.

The most important person to involve in this discussion is the brother who would be GRANTING the POA. If the brother is not competent, then our OP would attempt to have a conservator appointed, not a POA.

 

[Wendy217]

I mentioned a health directive to a sibling about a year ago and he said our brother didn't need one. He protested loudly about it in fact. No other sibling is interested in taking care of him. The sister wants his/our house and the other brother is just absent. I am the only one who does anything to help him. Like I said, they would only be motivated by money. My parents didn't set up anything legally for him.

 

[Zigner]

If your brother is legally competent, then your brother would be the one to grant you power of attorney.

If your brother is NOT legally competent, then you would need to seek a conservatorship.

 

[Wendy217]

I understand about a POA vs. Conservator; however, what is the point--at this point? I don't want to go through someone else to run OUR home.

 

[mistoffolees]

I understand about a POA vs. Conservator; however, what is the point--at this point? I don't want to go through someone else to run OUR home.

Because it might get the sister off your back.....

Particularly if the brother is mentally competent and can give you a POA, it might help to get the sister out of your hair.

If brother is NOT mentally competent, I would definitely look into a conservatorship - either you or someone neutral. Otherwise, you could be facing a lot of trouble and be forced to explain how you're spending every penny somewhere down the road. You may decide that the risk/reward falls on the wrong side of the equation, but it's worth looking into it.