motion to modify? Voluntary changes

[angeleyzad]

I would stronly suggest you either settle this issue with the ex or have the court void the particular paragraph as against public policy and issue it's own ruling.

In cases like this, alternating each year or a split deduction allowance.

I have tried to settle things with the ex...he does not want to settle things. He does not budge on anything that he has asked me for. He wants to change our entire divorce agreement, I do not. I tried to compensate him, giving him extra visitation time in the summer, but he is not happy with anything that I proposed, he wants what he proposed, which I think is ludacris.

Besides, it was the judge that ordered the tax exemption paragraph...I did noth ave anything to do with it. I did not know what it was going to be until we got the paperwork from the judge. So, obviously it was the court's own ruling that was given.

 

[stealth2]

which I think is ludacris.

As an FYI - name of a band. The word you're looking for is ludicrous.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

I did not know what it was going to be until we got the paperwork from the judge. So, obviously it was the court's own ruling that was given.

Which matters not one bit. Courts and judges can be overturned.

 

[angeleyzad]

Which matters not one bit. Courts and judges can be overturned.

Wouldn't the time for that be immediately after the ruling was given? If it was not "public policy" as you say, and he was not happy with it then, shouldn't he have filed an appeal of it right away? There is no difference now to when the judge ordered the tax exemption stipulation, so what is the basis for it changing now? It is not written anywhere that the exemptions has to follow one or the other, I have heard of plenty of people having buy out options for tax exemptions.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Wouldn't the time for that be immediately after the ruling was given? If it was not "public policy" as you say, and he was not happy with it then, shouldn't he have filed an appeal of it right away? There is no difference now to when the judge ordered the tax exemption stipulation, so what is the basis for it changing now? It is not written anywhere that the exemptions has to follow one or the other, I have heard of plenty of people having buy out options for tax exemptions.

I am not going to sit here and argue the merits of any possible scenario he might employ. Simply put, he has the right to ask the court to vacate the decision and rehear the case either in it's entirity or as to specific clauses in the agreement.

 

[CJane]

I have tried to settle things with the ex...he does not want to settle things. He does not budge on anything that he has asked me for. He wants to change our entire divorce agreement, I do not. I tried to compensate him, giving him extra visitation time in the summer, but he is not happy with anything that I proposed, he wants what he proposed, which I think is ludacris.

So, you say you've tried to settle things... what did you agree to compromise on? I haven't seen much intent to compromise in any of your posts. What this seems to amount to is he wants X, and you feel like he's taking something away from you, so you're going to adamantly oppose it without offering Y because darnit, he shouldn't be allowed to change things now, when everything was so good for you and the kids.

Time to wake up. Get this in front of the judge and EVERYTHING in the parenting plan is up for revision. Every bit of it. Ane he's got time on his side. The boys are older, time has passed, life changes. Is this a hill you're willing to die on?

Give him the tax deduction. If you're poor enough, you still get the EIC even if he claims the kid. Stand firm on the XMas thing if it's that important to you. Give him the 6 - 8 weeks in the summer to show how willing you are to compromise. Alternate weekends according to his work schedule if that ensures his relationship with the kids.

How do you know when you've reached the right agreement? When neither one of you is happy, but the kids will be.

 

[angeleyzad]

So, you say you've tried to settle things... what did you agree to compromise on? I haven't seen much intent to compromise in any of your posts. What this seems to amount to is he wants X, and you feel like he's taking something away from you, so you're going to adamantly oppose it without offering Y because darnit, he shouldn't be allowed to change things now, when everything was so good for you and the kids.

Time to wake up. Get this in front of the judge and EVERYTHING in the parenting plan is up for revision. Every bit of it. Ane he's got time on his side. The boys are older, time has passed, life changes. Is this a hill you're willing to die on?

Give him the tax deduction. If you're poor enough, you still get the EIC even if he claims the kid. Stand firm on the XMas thing if it's that important to you. Give him the 6 - 8 weeks in the summer to show how willing you are to compromise. Alternate weekends according to his work schedule if that ensures his relationship with the kids.

How do you know when you've reached the right agreement? When neither one of you is happy, but the kids will be.

The cost of daycare has changed for me (increased), but I never asked to increase child support for it..I have offered him more visitation in the summer, but he is not happy with it (enough time that it amounts to us splitting the summer). He has told me over and over again that he does not want to travel (again, his doing) for one day of visitaion, but then he turns around and wants to have them for only one day...the kids are in school, so there is no way he can have more time during the school year, without taking them out of school. We alternate the holidays, so he has some of the long weekends already. Sometimes we both have to work when we have the kids...that's life...I should not have to change my schedule around to suit his needs...that is what this is about. Half the time they're not with him anyway, they're with his mother. So what's the difference?

Again, I have tried to give him extra time in the summer - but, I should not have to give up my entire time in the summer, either. Don't I deserve to be able to spend time with the boys in the summer, too? If he has 6 - 8 weeks in the summer, that's just about the entire summer. The way we have it now, we alternate every 2 weeks in the summer, surrounding who has the July 4 holiday. We end up having almost the same amount of time, when you subtract the week after school gets out, and the week before school starts (usually half-weeks, because of making up snow days and such).

 

[CJane]

The cost of daycare has changed for me (increased), but I never asked to increase child support for it.

So? Perhaps you should have.

I have offered him more visitation in the summer, but he is not happy with it (enough time that it amounts to us splitting the summer).

Yet here he is, asking for more time in the summer.

He has told me over and over again that he does not want to travel (again, his doing) for one day of visitaion, but then he turns around and wants to have them for only one day.

His choice, not your business.

I should not have to change my schedule around to suit his needs...that is what this is about.

Yeah, I guessed that.

Half the time they're not with him anyway, they're with his mother. So what's the difference?

His choice, not your business.

Again, I have tried to give him extra time in the summer - but, I should not have to give up my entire time in the summer, either. Don't I deserve to be able to spend time with the boys in the summer, too? If he has 6 - 8 weeks in the summer, that's just about the entire summer.

But it IS fairly standard for the NCP in a distance situation to have almost the entire summer because the other parent has so much time during the school year.

The way we have it now, we alternate every 2 weeks in the summer, surrounding who has the July 4 holiday. We end up having almost the same amount of time, when you subtract the week after school gets out, and the week before school starts (usually half-weeks, because of making up snow days and such).

Good luck keeping it that way. IMO, it would be better for the kids to not go back and forth every two weeks all summer long - sort of keeps them out of sports and lessons and stuff, right?

 

[weenor]

Under Maine law- question that trial court must first consider on motion to modify custody arrangement is whether there has occurred since prior custody order a change in circumstances sufficiently substantial in its effect upon best interests of children as to justify modification. Ehrlich v. Bloom, 585 A.2d 809 (Me 1991).

What am I missing? Has there been a change circumstances?

 

[CJane]

Under Maine law- question that trial court must first consider on motion to modify custody arrangement is whether there has occurred since prior custody order a change in circumstances sufficiently substantial in its effect upon best interests of children as to justify modification. Ehrlich v. Bloom, 585 A.2d 809 (Me 1991).

What am I missing? Has there been a change circumstances?

Dad moved.

Also, some states will consider the age of the children (both in school now, etc) a change in circumstance sufficient to change the visitation schedule.

 

[angeleyzad]

Dad's move was voluntary on his part - he knew what the move would do to his travel, but he did it anyway. He could have very well moved closer to his boys, but no - he moved further from them. As I see it, the courts will not look highly on that. We'll have to wait and see.

I have offered to split the summer, but he will not accept that. He wants more. That is his problem. He will not work with me. I have tried, but he refuses. He wants the world, and will not accept anything less than that. Is that my problem? No, it's not.

The kids are in school, he has every other weekend, he has every other holiday, he does have 4 weeks in the summer, I have moved things around to suit his needs in the past, and again, he is not happy with that. Yes, Iknow, most of you will say, well, he would have been there all the time if we were still together. Well, stuff happens, families break up. The boys have never known any different than the way we are now.

School was addressed in our court order when we were divorced. His visitation was different before they were in school. It was changed when they started school. The judge looked at everything, and ordered it this way. The kids do sports during the spring/fall - not in the summer. The summer is spent with the families, both his and mine. Should the boys have to give up family time with me in the summer because their father moved further away? I am not denying that they need to spend time with their dad...They spend half the summer with him now. It is not right that they would spend the entire summer with their Dad because he moved another 2 hours away.