My dad needs child support help . . . jail . . .

[Silverplum]

I was able to make it to college with scholarships, however I went out of state. There's no sense of entitlement to be had. My sister is in-state and is paying her own way through Grand Valley. My mom can afford two new cars (not used) and frequent trips offshore but there's no help from her for either of us. When we ask we're spewed with vitriol.

Our situation was never horrific, but it was subtle and demeaning and he tried multiple times to get custody. We were plied with guilt when we proposed a move.

I don't feel any particular urge to expound on this any more; as I mentioned, I'm a little put off by the attitude of these posters. Anyways it's already a pretty sh!tty afternoon. Thanks anyways.

Okay.
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(meeting that 10-character minimum)

 

[CSO286]

A little background . . . my mom is abusive and an addict. Whoever is operating under the assumption that we're going after her to kick up some ****, or that she is the victim here somehow, is sadly mistaken. My dad has paid her whenever he could for the past decade -

And did mom feed you only at those times? Did your mom proivde a roof, warm place to sleep, food, clothing? Sounds like she most certainly did.

I know this because I've seen the checks and I've unfortunately seen where they went as well.

Do you understand what child support is? It reimburses the CP for money spent caring for the children. Mom can do whatever she'd like with the support. Once those check are deposited, how do you KNOW exactly what money paid for housing or heat or a spa day or a weekend bender? Again, if she (through whatever means she chooses, has provided toe basics for the kids, she can spend the money however she sees fit.

EX. My ex pays sporadically. So I pay for all of LittleCSO's needs. Rent, lights, heat, school lunch, band fees, clothes, food, etc. Out of my money. If and when the child support comes it, it sometimes pays for us to have "Date Night", sometimes buys her something new and cute, or sometimes buys me something new and cute.

Moreover, it was my mom that told me about this to begin with . . . not to inform me but to rub my nose in it. She's currently going through her second divorce and has another child support issue on the sidelines with another addict, and my two half-brothers are going through the same bull**** we did.

So, both your parents are foolish for discussing this with you at all.

I am not a "brat" nor are my three sisters . . . we're all good people, and my sister and I work our asses off FT to pay our way through school (my mom has a successful career as an RN but chose not to help either of us with college).

Your abusive, addict mom is a successful RN. Ok.

I don't think anyone should expect their parents to foot the bill for college. My mum could have, but I worked a lot harder and smarter knowing I was there on MY dime.
I expect LittleCSO to earn scholarships and work her way through college. She'll appreciate it that much more.

I'm startled by the snobbery that was posted in response to my question. There's a difference between hard facts and blatant coldheartedness. This has been a very difficult few weeks. My dad is in jail now, and my sister and I are currently working on coming up with bail money.

Your Dad is in jail for failing to pay his court ordered obligation. In order to get to the point of jail, he has already had (or maybe skipped) his day in court where he could have offered some type of arrangement to the court that would have gotten him on a path to paying his support and avoiding jail time.

My mom left my dad the week my sister was born after cheating on him for twelve years. I find it hard to be flippant about my parents' makeup sex, as well as the matter of the divorce in general. For anyone who's been through it, it's an emotional and difficult journey that echoes well into adulthood.

Thanks for the feedback.

sigh.

 

[mistoffolees]

I was able to make it to college with scholarships, however I went out of state. There's no sense of entitlement to be had. My sister is in-state and is paying her own way through Grand Valley. My mom can afford two new cars (not used) and frequent trips offshore but there's no help from her for either of us. When we ask we're spewed with vitriol.

What part of "adult" do you not understand? You're 23 years old. Your mother earns her own money and she is free to spend it as she wishes.

Similarly, you are free to earn your own money and spend it as you wish. If Mom asks for money, you are free to respond with vitriol. And maybe her vitriol is really resentment from the fact that she's supported you your whole life without help from Dad and you don't appreciate it - you keep wanting more.

Our situation was never horrific, but it was subtle and demeaning and he tried multiple times to get custody. We were plied with guilt when we proposed a move.

And, yet, Dad was unsuccessful in getting custody. I guess Mom wasn't as bad as you say - or he wasn't as great.

I don't feel any particular urge to expound on this any more; as I mentioned, I'm a little put off by the attitude of these posters. Anyways it's already a pretty sh!tty afternoon. Thanks anyways.

There's no need to expound further. You got your legal answers right up front. Dad has been in arrears for some time and needs to pay up to stay out of jail. That's the way the system works - both parents are expected to support their children. Your Mom has done her part, Dad has not (other than what you describe as 'small payments here and there' which doesn't put a roof over the kids' heads).

 

[Antigone*]

I applaud mom for being able to afford her two cars and trips abroad. Most addicts live with tin foil over their windows looking out their peep holes for the people who are coming to get them.

Incidentally, why does the OP keep coming back if we are so snotty. I see her lurking. I guess she is a glutton for punishment.

Doesn't she have a daddy to bail out of jail or something??

 

[CSO286]

I am not a "brat" nor are my three sisters . . . we're all good people, and my sister and I work our asses off FT to pay our way through school (my mom has a successful career as an RN but chose not to help either of us with college).

I was able to make it to college with scholarships, however I went out of state. There's no sense of entitlement to be had. My sister is in-state and is paying her own way through Grand Valley. My mom can afford two new cars (not used) and frequent trips offshore but there's no help from her for either of us. When we ask we're spewed with vitriol.

You and your sisters are ADULTS. Your mom expected you to be self-sufficient to the point of paying for your own college. This is not unreasonable.

She has spent the past 20+ years supporting you.

I find the vitriol warranted.

 

[Antigone*]

You and your sisters are ADULTS. Your mom expected you to be self-sufficient to the point of paying for your own college. This is not unreasonable.

She has spent the past 20+ years supporting you.

I find the vitriol warranted.

without help from their dead-beat father, I might add.

 

[mistoffolees]

Your Dad is in jail for failing to pay his court ordered obligation. In order to get to the point of jail, he has already had (or maybe skipped) his day in court where he could have offered some type of arrangement to the court that would have gotten him on a path to paying his support and avoiding jail time.

Actually, unless the story changed later on, OP's original post said that Dad has a hearing and if he doesn't pay, he MAY go to jail.

Sounds like a contempt hearing for non-payment. Dad can pay up or possibly work out a payment plan to stay out of jail. It's really in Dad's court.

 

[Ohiogal]

I was able to make it to college with scholarships, however I went out of state. There's no sense of entitlement to be had. My sister is in-state and is paying her own way through Grand Valley. My mom can afford two new cars (not used) and frequent trips offshore but there's no help from her for either of us. When we ask we're spewed with vitriol.

Our situation was never horrific, but it was subtle and demeaning and he tried multiple times to get custody. We were plied with guilt when we proposed a move.

I don't feel any particular urge to expound on this any more; as I mentioned, I'm a little put off by the attitude of these posters. Anyways it's already a pretty sh!tty afternoon. Thanks anyways.

The posters are a bit put off by you.
YOU when you were a child had no right to propose a move. YOU did not have the legal right to choose. The fact that your dad is in jail is because he broke the law. The fact that you are posting in such a way to have us believe you are a spoiled brat speaks volumes. Your mother owes YOU nothing. You need to understand that.

Oh and your dad informing you about child support and such -- shows craptastic parenting on his part.

 

[CSO286]

Actually, unless the story changed later on, OP's original post said that Dad has a hearing and if he doesn't pay, he MAY go to jail.

Sounds like a contempt hearing for non-payment. Dad can pay up or possibly work out a payment plan to stay out of jail. It's really in Dad's court.

Story did change.

I'm startled by the snobbery that was posted in response to my question. There's a difference between hard facts and blatant coldheartedness. This has been a very difficult few weeks. My dad is in jail now, and my sister and I are currently working on coming up with bail money.

 

[proud_parent]

Story did change.

Yes, because Dad's hearing was yesterday.

09-28-2011, 12:03 PM
raedar

He's being taken to court on Wednesday of next week because my mom is putting some kind of order out for him.