NCP Visitation Rights/Tough Choices

[stealth2]

For once, I wish the CP's would step up and support a relationship that a child needs with their NCP! Its not a case of revenge people, it's a case of ..."we have a child together, let's make the best of it!"

And the majority of us do - even when we have an a$$ of an NCP. Just as the majority of NCPs actually do love their kids and want to spend time with them.

 

[critterperson]

~Exactly! Maybe dad should have "drama queen" ask mom why she chose to wait till the last minute to inform dad of the show! Maybe she should know that if mom would have informed him of the show in due time he could have worked it into their schedule! Moms who due this to the childs father are SICK! For once, I wish the CP's would step up and support a relationship that a child needs with their NCP! Its not a case of revenge people, it's a case of ..."we have a child together, let's make the best of it!"

You said in your post that mom and dad need to work together---so your reference to having the CHILD tell mom is totally off!!!
The children should not suffer because mom and dad can't get along.. But maybe the dad can have more of an interactive relationship with the daughter and he can find out her schedule from her............she is 14 and able to communicate right?... all you have to do is show interest and ask........ I agree that mom might be the beast in this situation but dad should pull mom aside and let her have it.........not the child.

 

[critterperson]

Actually, if you had even a miniscule clue, you'd pray to be one of my kids. So bite me.

You couldn't afford me .......... BIG KISS!!!

P.S I don't bite anyone......I'm a friendly critter most of the time

 

[ETG]

Filing of contempt actions and being in contempt are 2 different things. My son's father got the court to order that in addition to paying 50% of his arifare to visit our son--that I pay 50% of his lodging, 50% of his car park in CA where he leaves his car when he fly's. I have done that. Now the father chooses to spend part of his visitation in someone's home and wants me to pay for groceries versus lodging. I could do the simple thing and simply do what HE WANTS but I am not in contempt as I'm not ordered to pay groceries where he buys wine and other items not consumed by my son. He asks the court to order me to do one thing and then decides that he wants something else and if I don't do what he wants then he files a contempt action to GET WHAT HE WANTS. This has nothing to do with the health and welfare of a child--but more to do with using to court to get what he wants. But when asked if he will contribute to paying for cub scouts, piano lessons etc--he would say--it's in the C/S--I'm not REQUIRED TO DO ANYTHING ELSE. There is no winning with an abuser and certainly one focused on minimizing costs associated with raising a child and one that is intent on USING the court to get anything and everything JUST BECASUE HE CAN.

 

[stealth2]

You couldn't afford me .......... BIG KISS!!!

Why would I need to? Pray, not Pay.

 

[lanne6]

If you call the police on your daughter's mother, and not allow your 14 year old daughter to pursue your hobby, you're in serious danger of harming your relationship with your daughter permanently. When she gets to be 18 yrs. old, you won't be able to force her to see you any more, and my guess is you're not going to see much of her.

Why don't you calm down and just try to switch weekends with her mother if you don't want to bother to take her to the horse show.?

 

[Chelle0511]

And the majority of us do - even when we have an a$$ of an NCP. Just as the majority of NCPs actually do love their kids and want to spend time with them.

~Geez Stealth, if only there were more CP's like you!
Have you ever considered teaching a class....LOL

 

[stealth2]

~Geez Stealth, if only there were more CP's like you!
Have you ever considered teaching a class....LOL

I would - but too many people think I'm a b*tch.

 

[djohnson]

I agree with stealth on this, I think ETG is using her personal situation to make emotions where there aren't any. Not every CP or NCP is perfect. Most will do little things (or big) to nit pick at the other. That is normal. What is not normal is what ETG is doing to her child and I can't believe no one has called her on it. She says if something conflicts with dad's weekend she tells dad and then tells dad how bad the child wants to go then leaves it up to dad. All this does is makes dad into the bad guy (or good guy). That's not a mature way of handling it. It's not good for your child to be put in that situation. I think OP should stick to his guns as long as he has a legit reason and make her come to visit and miss the horse race. There are better ways of handling this where it's fairer to everyone, but no one seems to want to do those.

 

[Rushia]

I also agree with stealth. It would be much easier if parents could just "get along". OP has stated that this seems to happen on all of his weekends. I happen to know a woman who does the same thing as ETG, she puts her children in a lot of activities and makes the dad feel bad if he doesn't let them go on his time (In her case though, gramma won visitation with the father and because gramma is involved the children, 12 and 16, have the right to refuse visitation if they don't want to go), so mom involves them in things and tells them that they have to tell their father and grandmother no. In the long run gramma and dad won visitation and she still gets to keep the kids at home because they get to do "fun things". My son is only 5 and so this is just starting for me. When he wanted to get involved in bowling, hockey and now baseball, I talked to his father first as it would interfer with some of his visitation, lucky for me dad didn't have a problem and has shown up with him or if he couldn't, allowed me to take him for the couple of hours. I divorced their father, they didn't and the X and I won't make them pay for it.

 

[ETG]

In response to djohnson "what ETG is doing to her child and I can't believe no one has called her on it. She says if something conflicts with dad's weekend she tells dad and then tells dad how bad the child wants to go then leaves it up to dad. All this does is makes dad into the bad guy (or good guy). "

What I AM DOING TO MY CHILD?--MAKING THE DAD INTO THE BAD GUY? How absurd of a comment. I have to tell my son "no" daily--why can Dad simply take responsiblity for telling the child "no" on occasion if that is what HE wants to do. And not

No one said the Dad couldn't say no--I have simply stated throughout this string--that Dad saying no simply because it was inconvenient is "LAME"--and people responded by saying the Mother should be held in contempt for not forcing the daughter to go.

My advice to this poor man after reading all the responses is that he should be on the side of his daughter--not turn everything into a matter to be settled through litigation and that WHATEVER decisions he makes based on whatever rationale he puts to it today--will either bear fruit in his relationship with his daughter or have an impact that is less than what he would like when she is too old for the mother to be held in contempt

 

[stealth2]

Unfortunately, too many CPs DO play the fun activities up to the kid before mentioning it to the NCP - and then leave the NCP in the role of bad guy. That's simply wrong. I don't leave those decisions up to the kids. I tell them that Dad will have to be consulted and he may already have plans for that particular weekend. Yes, sometimes they need to miss activities - but they understand that time with Dad is the priority. Funny - for all the other issues they have with him, they do respect that he wants his time with them.

 

[Rushia]

In response to djohnson "what ETG is doing to her child and I can't believe no one has called her on it. She says if something conflicts with dad's weekend she tells dad and then tells dad how bad the child wants to go then leaves it up to dad. All this does is makes dad into the bad guy (or good guy). "

What I AM DOING TO MY CHILD?--MAKING THE DAD INTO THE BAD GUY? How absurd of a comment. I have to tell my son "no" daily--why can Dad simply take responsiblity for telling the child "no" on occasion if that is what HE wants to do. And not

No one said the Dad couldn't say no--I have simply stated throughout this string--that Dad saying no simply because it was inconvenient is "LAME"--and people responded by saying the Mother should be held in contempt for not forcing the daughter to go.


My advice to this poor man after reading all the responses is that he should be on the side of his daughter--not turn everything into a matter to be settled through litigation and that WHATEVER decisions he makes based on whatever rationale he puts to it today--will either bear fruit in his relationship with his daughter or have an impact that is less than what he would like when she is too old for the mother to be held in contempt

You telling the father how bad the child wants to do it will make him feel guilty. If you are the CP, then you have the child living with you and dad only gets to see him on his allotted time. The OP has stated that this happens on all of HIS weekends. The mother and/or daughter have had plenty of notice and time to notify him to this schedule. Ideally this should have been discussed with Dad before enrolling her in this if the schedule looked to interfere with his time. It matters not what his reasons are for not wanting to take her to this event. It is HIS time with his daughter and doesn't have to cater to her every whim. There is a court order in effect and if the mother doesn't send her then he can hold her in contempt. I highly doubt that telling her no a few times will be detrimental to their future relationship. Most children grow up and realize that they don't get everything they want in life

 

[ETG]

Nor do I "Play UP" activities to my son--nor do I have my son "involved" in so many activities so as to "conflict" with fathers time. I'm dealing with a man that no matter what I do--he will want something different. He wanted to be involved in my son's scouts and then when the meetings took place on his weekends--he asked that they be changed. He wanted to be involved in my son's school activities and then when an event happened on his visitation weekend--he suggested that perhaps next time the activity could be changed. He wanted to be invited to recitals and communion and then declined to attend suggesting that perhaps these events could be scheduled to be held on the weekends of his visitation.

As I have stated--I would suggest that this man simply NOT turn a minor request from his daughter into a matter to be settled via litigation and accusations. No one wins here except the lawyers. He should simply COMMUNICATE WITH HIS DAUGHTER.

 

[Rushia]

As I have stated--I would suggest that this man simply NOT turn a minor request from his daughter into a matter to be settled via litigation and accusations. No one wins here except the lawyers. He should simply COMMUNICATE WITH HIS DAUGHTER.

And he was told that his daughter refused to communicate with him and was acting the "spoiled brat", sounds to me that she could stand to be told no and if the mother refuses to send her any way then she should be held in contempt.