Need advice on ex-husband & kids!

[Silverplum]

The mother has the right to contact her child when they are at their fathers house and if she does not want him to have to front the cost of the contact then the cell phone would allieviate this inconvience from him. She is in fact doing him a favor.

sigh...Jillian, you obviously know next to nothing about family law.

 

[Jillian483]

sigh...Jillian, you obviously know next to nothing about family law.

What do you mean? You pull up the laws from any state and it will tell you that each parent is allowed contact with the child during their normal waking hours. SIGH Plaum you obviously know nothing except how to be a pain in the butt. I'll be back in about 10 minutes to get your so desired references ok? Or wait I don't know, You can do some research.
HEY jkanttila are you allowed to have contact with your child during all of their normal waking hours?

 

[Jillian483]

Second of all... just a small thing, Jillian is my sisters name. She post most of her stuff on the military law forum. My name is Jessica.

 

[mrsbrown]

The mother has the right to contact her child when they are at their fathers house and if she does not want him to have to front the cost of the contact then the cell phone would allieviate this inconvience from him. She is in fact doing him a favor.

By causing a problem and teaching the girls it is okay to sneak and break rules??? I understand that it may not be a rule everyone agrees with but it is still a rule and still needs to be obeyed when at that house. It is a matter of respect.

If you are uncomfortable with calling the house and asking the BM or SM to talk to the kids then you may have to wait for them to call you. Perhaps arrange a time beforehand that you know they will be calling you. I am sure your marriage and afterwards is as bad as you say but rules are rules and the girls need to learn that they don't have the option to bend them as they want. I am sure you don't want them growing up thinking they are able to choose what rules they have to follow.

You may also be causing animosity and a division between all 3 of your parents. You are telling the girls that it is okay to not listen to their BF and SM and in essence you are pinning them to be the bad people. That isn't fair.

 

[Silverplum]

What do you mean? You pull up the laws from any state and it will tell you that each parent is allowed contact with the child during their normal waking hours. SIGH Plaum you obviously know nothing except how to be a pain in the butt. I'll be back in about 10 minutes to get your so desired references ok? Or wait I don't know, You can do some research.
HEY jkanttila are you allowed to have contact with your child during all of their normal waking hours?

This is what you don't understand, Jillian. If YOU make a statement, YOU have to be able to prove it. I don't have to do research to prove you wrong...you have to be able to back up your own statements. Or, you can just be a yoohoo who gives invalid advice. Whichever. I already have you pegged as #2.

I just feel sorry for the posters who believe your nonsense.

Oh, and it's not too hard to register. You can have your own name, if you want. Until you do, you're Jillian...'cause I can't be bothered.

 

[Silverplum]

By causing a problem and teaching the girls it is okay to sneak and break rules??? I understand that it may not be a rule everyone agrees with but it is still a rule and still needs to be obeyed when at that house. It is a matter of respect.

If you are uncomfortable with calling the house and asking the BM or SM to talk to the kids then you may have to wait for them to call you. Perhaps arrange a time beforehand that you know they will be calling you. I am sure your marriage and afterwards is as bad as you say but rules are rules and the girls need to learn that they don't have the option to bend them as they want. I am sure you don't want them growing up thinking they are able to choose what rules they have to follow.

You may also be causing animosity and a division between all 3 of your parents. You are telling the girls that it is okay to not listen to their BF and SM and in essence you are pinning them to be the bad people. That isn't fair.

Yay! Mrs. Brown is NOT a pigwoman!

 

[mrsbrown]

Yay! Mrs. Brown is NOT a pigwoman!

Um...do I want to be a pigwoman? What is it?

 

[Jillian483]

This is what you don't understand, Jillian. If YOU make a statement, YOU have to be able to prove it. I don't have to do research to prove you wrong...you have to be able to back up your own statements. Or, you can just be a yoohoo who gives invalid advice. Whichever. I already have you pegged as #2.

I just feel sorry for the posters who believe your nonsense.

Oh, and it's not too hard to register. You can have your own name, if you want. Until you do, you're Jillian...'cause I can't be bothered.

Speeking of yahoo go there. I don't have enough space to post over a hundred thousand links. Mrs. Brown you are not a pigwoman. You ahev the ability to give an argument and the reasons as to why you think that you are right. Even though I do not agree the fact that you at least make an argument is what makes it ok. If you do not agree with someone then you had better be able to say why. Hey you are entitled to your opinion just as much as me. At least you don't just tell the poster that they know nothing and leave it at that. You say that you think it is a different way and then go on to explain why. Ah yes PLUM now you see why everybody always argues back with you?

 

[Jillian483]

By causing a problem and teaching the girls it is okay to sneak and break rules??? I understand that it may not be a rule everyone agrees with but it is still a rule and still needs to be obeyed when at that house. It is a matter of respect.

If you are uncomfortable with calling the house and asking the BM or SM to talk to the kids then you may have to wait for them to call you. Perhaps arrange a time beforehand that you know they will be calling you. I am sure your marriage and afterwards is as bad as you say but rules are rules and the girls need to learn that they don't have the option to bend them as they want. I am sure you don't want them growing up thinking they are able to choose what rules they have to follow.

You may also be causing animosity and a division between all 3 of your parents. You are telling the girls that it is okay to not listen to their BF and SM and in essence you are pinning them to be the bad people. That isn't fair.

To make both parents happy the phone should be returned to mom so that they may be used in her house and left there when they go to dads

 

[Silverplum]

Um...do I want to be a pigwoman? What is it?

Oh, no, you do not! I was complimenting you...because you can see the point and that point is NOT to be a PIG about things.

 

[mrsbrown]

Oh yeah...I forgot about the total issue of holding the phones hostage. They definately need returned and I agree that they need to stay at Mom's house when it is Dad's time. I have to admit that if my husband and I had some pet peeve against cell phones and it was a rule in our house and the kids deliberately tried to break it (with or without the BM knowing) we would be upset. Just as a matter of respect for our house. Whether you are a BM or a SM it is still your home and you want to feel like you are being respected in your home.

 

[mrsbrown]

Thanks to everyone for your replies and advice on the stupid cell phone issue. Here's the latest word from the ex and my options:

* I stopped payment on an expense check I owe him for $488.11. I am reissuing him a check for $288.11 - $200 less to reimburse me for the cell phones.
* He says that "Keeping the money from expenses is a violation of our separation agreement and a contempitble offense in the eyes of the court." And until I reissue him the check in full - he will not reimburse me for any of the girls' expenses - school, sports, dance, orthodontics, etc.
* I had insurance on the cell phones and I reported them stolen to Cingular. They are sending me new ones - not that I have told him that.

My options:
* Pay a $25 filing fee for Small Claims Court
* Hire an attorney - not just for this cell phone issue - but for all the harrassment issues I have to put up with him (although I cannot afford an attorney - I would have to do a 401K loan)
* Pay him the full amount for expenses, and make sure the girls NEVER bring their cell phones over to his house again.
* Just hold out for the $200 until he returns the phones.
* Call the police to get them back (although the prospect of his reaction is rather frightening, frankly)

I hate this! I am good mother and cannot see why he has to make our lives so difficult - both for me and our daughters!

Jan

I am not a lawyer at all but I am pretty sure you will be in contempt for withholding payments. And you had to have lost money to stop payments on a check! I just don't think the courts will care what your reasons are and if he is as bad as you say he might take you to court over it just to get you in trouble. Just a thought! If they are sending you new phones why not let the issue die? Are you losing money for the new phones? I wouldn't even tell him new ones are on the way. It isn't his business as long as you keep them out of his house. Good luck.

 

[Jillian483]

Oh yeah...I forgot about the total issue of holding the phones hostage. They definately need returned and I agree that they need to stay at Mom's house when it is Dad's time. I have to admit that if my husband and I had some pet peeve against cell phones and it was a rule in our house and the kids deliberately tried to break it (with or without the BM knowing) we would be upset. Just as a matter of respect for our house. Whether you are a BM or a SM it is still your home and you want to feel like you are being respected in your home.

Yes both parents rule should be respected in their own homes but the phones need to be returned. I don't see the point he would even make by keeping them.

 

[stealth2]

LOL Be glad Dad didn't pull what mine did - and say the cell was "lost". Luckily, I had been smart and got them a TracPhone - $25 for a reconditioned phone and an hour prepaid time.

In addition, one factor to be aware of - a court CAN limit your access to the kids during their father's custodial time. Frankly, kids this age do not neeeeeeeeeeeeeed to be talking to Mommy repeatedly every day. Really, they should be able to go the weekend without talking to her once. Longer than a weekend? Yeah, a coupla calls a week is reasonable. Much more than that borders on interfering with his time.

Dad is also allowed to restrict how much time they spend on the phone while in his home. If he doesn't want them spending the whole weekend talking to girlfriends, boyfriends, the pool boy, the gardener, etc - he's allowed to say no.

And Dad is correct - you cannot deduct money from what you owe him unilaterally. Nor can he stop reimbursing you what he owes you. A judge is going to have a field day with the way the two of you are acting like kindergartners.

 

[jkanttila]

Silverplum must be my ex-husband!

I really think that Silverplum must either be my ex-husband or related to him; based on all of his replies to me and everyone else, that's the only conclusion.