New visitation problem

[justliving]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ

Hello all,

I have posted here before about losing contact with my child (it was my fault). Anyway, I also mentioned getting in contact with the mother (finally found her) and started the court proceedings. I know have another problem, My wife is not that welcoming of having another child visiting our home. I explained to her that my child will be coming to visit and that my child will only come to visit during the times that I'm home. I will not leave my child with her. She seems to think it will be unwanted drama and feels we already have a family together. The other problem is my ex wont allow my child at my home around stangers...Im not a stranger! My ex says she wants to meet my wife before anything happens. When we go to court, can I request that my ex not meet my wife and that I can just take my child when I want to? I want no dealings with my ex, I just want to see my child.

 

[cappadocia]

My wife is not that welcoming of having another child visiting our home.
....

She seems to think it will be unwanted drama and feels we already have a family together.

After reading your previous posts and now this, don't you think it's probably time to sit back and ask yourself what would be in the best interest of the child? Are you capable of removing your ego from the situation long enough to do so?

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ

Hello all,

I have posted here before about losing contact with my child (it was my fault). Anyway, I also mentioned getting in contact with the mother (finally found her) and started the court proceedings. I know have another problem, My wife is not that welcoming of having another child visiting our home. I explained to her that my child will be coming to visit and that my child will only come to visit during the times that I'm home. I will not leave my child with her. She seems to think it will be unwanted drama and feels we already have a family together. The other problem is my ex wont allow my child at my home around stangers...Im not a stranger! My ex says she wants to meet my wife before anything happens. When we go to court, can I request that my ex not meet my wife and that I can just take my child when I want to? I want no dealings with my ex, I just want to see my child.

Get a court order covering visitation. If you have a court order, then you can let your child see whoever you want (unless the order specifically prohibits it). Your ex does not have the right to demand meeting your wife first (although it is not unreasonable for you to arrange a meeting out of courtesy).

The bigger problem is that your wife doesn't want your child there. If my wife demanded that I not bring my child around, I think I'd be looking for a new wife. Or, I'd tell her "my child is going to be here on the following dates. If you want to disappear, that's your choice".

 

[CSO286]

Get a court order covering visitation. If you have a court order, then you can let your child see whoever you want (unless the order specifically prohibits it). Your ex does not have the right to demand meeting your wife first (although it is not unreasonable for you to arrange a meeting out of courtesy).

The bigger problem is that your wife doesn't want your child there. If my wife demanded that I not bring my child around, I think I'd be looking for a new wife. Or, I'd tell her "my child is going to be here on the following dates. If you want to disappear, that's your choice".

Yes, but Misto--you put your children first. Before girlfriend/wife shopping. Before sex. Before anything else.

It still amazes me--the number of "parents" who will place a new spouse above their children.

Seriously, if I met someone who "didn't feel comfortable with a child from a previous relationship" around---I'd unmeet him quick.

 

[Proserpina]

I agree with both of you.

And honestly, if current wifey eventually gives OP that old ultimatum...who do you think he's going to choose?


OP - you and your wife have got to understand that you, at least, WILL have to deal with Mom on some level if you want to be part of your child's life.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ

Hello all,

I have posted here before about losing contact with my child (it was my fault). Anyway, I also mentioned getting in contact with the mother (finally found her) and started the court proceedings. I know have another problem, My wife is not that welcoming of having another child visiting our home. I explained to her that my child will be coming to visit and that my child will only come to visit during the times that I'm home. I will not leave my child with her. She seems to think it will be unwanted drama and feels we already have a family together. The other problem is my ex wont allow my child at my home around stangers...Im not a stranger! My ex says she wants to meet my wife before anything happens. When we go to court, can I request that my ex not meet my wife and that I can just take my child when I want to? I want no dealings with my ex, I just want to see my child.

Divorce your selfish self centered wife. Then you can have a relationship with all of your children.

Oh and prepare to have supervised visits for a while.

 

[Ohiogal]

I agree with both of you.

And honestly, if current wifey eventually gives OP that old ultimatum...who do you think he's going to choose?


OP - you and your wife have got to understand that you, at least, WILL have to deal with Mom on some level if you want to be part of your child's life.

Op will choose his wife because she gives him sex. Who cares about the child? He forgot her once, he can do so again.

 

[frylover]

I just read over this "person's" other threads. He doesn't seem to know if he has a 2 year old or a 4 year old, or whether or not the child is a boy or a girl. Whatever.

One thing he IS consistent about is that the new wifey poo doesn't want the child around. So, IF this guy is for real, I think the child would be better off if dad just let him/her be. He'll never stand up to his wife and will only end up dumping the child again in favor of his "new and improved family"

Why anyone would be involved with someone who wasn't willing to welcome his child with open arms is beyond me

 

[CJane]

Get a court order covering visitation. If you have a court order, then you can let your child see whoever you want (unless the order specifically prohibits it). Your ex does not have the right to demand meeting your wife first (although it is not unreasonable for you to arrange a meeting out of courtesy).

The bigger problem is that your wife doesn't want your child there. If my wife demanded that I not bring my child around, I think I'd be looking for a new wife. Or, I'd tell her "my child is going to be here on the following dates. If you want to disappear, that's your choice".

Misto, did you read the posting history?

Mom is right to be concerned about what happens at Dad's house. This is the guy that was "too busy" with his pregnant wife for TWO YEARS (which is a really long pregnancy, btw) to have anything at all to do with his child. And now he wants long distance visitation.

 

[Proserpina]

This is seriously a case where post hx is VERY relevant.

There's one post in particular which just kills me every time I read it:

This is about me and my child, no one else matters..you guys can say what you want. My child Will know me, my wife and her sibling and any other child me and my wife make together.. and if i cant see my child, then when she grow up, I'll tell her why I couldn't see her (because mommy and daddy hated each other and couldn't get along so daddy left).

It's ok to tell your child that you didn't love her enough to grow up and put your hatred aside, apparently.


Poor, poor child.

Dad - please, I am literally begging you here..think about what's best for YOUR CHILD.

Not you.

Not Mom.

YOUR CHILD.

 

[LdiJ]

Misto, did you read the posting history?

Mom is right to be concerned about what happens at Dad's house. This is the guy that was "too busy" with his pregnant wife for TWO YEARS (which is a really long pregnancy, btw) to have anything at all to do with his child. And now he wants long distance visitation.

I am certainly not impressed. I think that dad will get ordered some phased in visitation, which will have to take place in mom's community to start with, and will be supervised to start with. He might have to go as much as a year before he gets visitation in his own home.

I suspect that no matter how good his intentions are that he will end up not following through on the phases because his current wife will resist him doing so, and he will eventually end up abandoning the child a second time.

And if he man's up with his second wife, he might end up being divorced again and fighting over two children.

 

[Proserpina]

I am certainly not impressed. I think that dad will get ordered some phased in visitation, which will have to take place in mom's community to start with, and will be supervised to start with. He might have to go as much as a year before he gets visitation in his own home.

I suspect that no matter how good his intentions are that he will end up not following through on the phases because his current wife will resist him doing so, and he will eventually end up abandoning the child a second time.

And if he man's up with his second wife, he might end up being divorced again and fighting over two children.

History repeating itself? I can completely see that happening, yes.

 

[mistoffolees]

Misto, did you read the posting history?

Mom is right to be concerned about what happens at Dad's house. This is the guy that was "too busy" with his pregnant wife for TWO YEARS (which is a really long pregnancy, btw) to have anything at all to do with his child. And now he wants long distance visitation.

I read some of the history. What is clear is that the child is not a priority in the guy's life. That's really all I need to know to lose interest in helping him.

 

[CJane]

I am certainly not impressed. I think that dad will get ordered some phased in visitation, which will have to take place in mom's community to start with, and will be supervised to start with. He might have to go as much as a year before he gets visitation in his own home.

I suspect that no matter how good his intentions are that he will end up not following through on the phases because his current wife will resist him doing so, and he will eventually end up abandoning the child a second time.

And if he man's up with his second wife, he might end up being divorced again and fighting over two children.

Yup. That's what I said a month ago, and he sure didn't argue with me.

CJane
Senior Member

Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 15,119

You know what guys? Let this guy go into court with exactly this attitude. Let him show a judge how it is in this child's best interests to have ANY time with him at all.

We all know that if he's granted visitation after this absence (remember, it's "only" a year, but it's HALF THE CHILD'S LIFE), it will be supervised and it will be in Mom's community. And I'm willing to place wagers that he will NOT follow through on that once it becomes inconvenient. Especially since his wife is not at all supportive of this.

What are the chances it's going to be ok with HER that he 1) Pay child support 2) Pay for frequent trips to see the child WITHOUT HER 3) Pay for the child to visit them eventually?

Not happening.

 

[justliving]

Yup. That's what I said a month ago, and he sure didn't argue with me.

to all those who think they know what my next move is...can just be quiet! I know what I want and as long as my child know that I want a relationship is all that matters