Opinions please...

[IrishLady47]

Why are both families not entilted to Christmas time?

I did not say that.

Yes, you did.

What I did say was, is there a reason that all should not see the children on Christmas?

No, that is perhaps what you meant to say originally.

Once again proving how important a word or two can be in the meaning.

 

[Childrencome1st]

Apparently you have reading comprehension issues.

Is there a reason that all of the families should not see the child/children at Christmas?

I do not expect you or the father to "give up Christmas"

But is there a reason the rest of the family should?

Isn't that important to all children?

Can there not be "other arrangements"?

 

[Rushia]

I did not say that..


What I did say was, is there a reason that all should not see the children on Christmas?

Explain to me why I or their father should not see our children for Christmas? We've been known to all be together for that day.

Have you ever read ANY of my posts. My ex and I get along. WE put OUR children 1st. WE work together for OUR children. I'll go one better. Do you realize that when I say "we" I'm talking about me, dad, stepmom, stepdad, ALL of OUR children. His, mine, theirs. We are a non traditional intact family. The 4 parents make decisions TOGETHER. I consider their stepmother just as much of a mother to our children as I am. Their father considers my husband just as much of a father as he is to them. HER son is mine too. My youngest is hers too. She is MY best friend.

My ex and I are grown up enough to realize that just because we couldn't make it together that our children shouldn't suffer for it.

 

[Rushia]

Apparently you have reading comprehension issues.

Is there a reason that all of the families should not see the child/children at Christmas?

I do not expect you or the father to "give up Christmas"

But is there a reason the rest of the family should?

Isn't that important to all children?

Can there not be "other arrangements"?

And what would you propose? The order simply says 4th Sunday 12 to 7. How do you figure that dad and I would see the children in any time frame outside of that order? Grandfather should get the bulk of the day and dad and I should somehow split the remaining few hours?

 

[Childrencome1st]

Yes, and I commend you. I really do. I think you are the minority in family custody cases.

I wish others dealt with child custody and visitation as you do.

I in no way, am taking away from you.

If more people were like you it would be a better place in the lives of all children.

But, I just want to know, why? Even 2 hours at Christmas cannot be set aside for the grandparents?

Do you not think, regardless of what you feel that they love them too?

Isn't it all about the children?

I am positive that nothing is being done to intentionally hurt you or the children.

I just do not understand. Please explain?

 

[justalayman]

. Her visitation is derivative in nature and contingent upon the good judgment of the Grandfather to insure proper contact with his grandchildren.

no, I do not read it the same way as you do. While it does put the onus upon the grandfather to insure the step g-ma's contact is "proper", it does not require grandpa to be constantly within eyesight of step g-ma.

In other words, if g-pa is comfortable step-g-ma will act properly, he has no duty to prevent the child from being with step- g-ma.

so, if there is a problem, g-pa is is responsible for the failure to insure the proper contact and as such, could jeopardize his visitation rights.

 

[Childrencome1st]

I would say, take it back to court, instead of saying, you are not going to do it.

Think about what you said??

Who are you, to go againist court order?

Do the right thing and take it to the judge.

Instead of going againist court orders on your own.

This way, you can explain to the judge and the GP can too. Both sides.

Do what is right, not what you think or want to be right.

The judge has heard it all before and he/she will make the right decision in the best interest of the child/children.

I am not ragging on you. Just want you to realize there is another side.

 

[Childrencome1st]

I do have to ask, one more question, why is it that you nor your ex can not discuss this directly with Grandpa?

Is Grandpa that uncaring?

 

[Rushia]

Yes, and I commend you. I really do. I think you are the minority in family custody cases.

I wish others dealt with child custody and visitation as you do.

I in no way, am taking away from you.

If more people were like you it would be a better place in the lives of all children.

Thank you. I do not mean to say that dad and I do not have our moments. But we work it out.

But, I just want to know, why? Even 2 hours at Christmas cannot be set aside for the grandparents?

Because the order is specific and he WILL NOT budge. I KNOW this. The father and I should not have to have 2 hours set aside for US. It should be the other way around.

Do you not think, regardless of what you feel that they love them too?

No they do not. Any person who attempts to send the mother of their grandchild to prison does not love their grandchildren. Any person who cannot be happy with seeing a grandchild a few times a month and sues to disrupt the life of the child does not love their grandchild. Any person who attempts to bribe people to lie about the stepfather abusing the children does not love their grandchildren. Any person who tells their grandchild that their mother is a horrible beast cause the have to do chores, homework, etc does not love their grandchildren. Shall I continue?

Isn't it all about the children?

It should be, but it is NOT. A majority of grandparents who sue, do so for control issues or for a "do over". The are articles all over if you care to research it. Read the gpv forum over and you will see that most grandparents want custody cause their children aren't raising their children the way that the grandparents want them too.

I am positive that nothing is being done to intentionally hurt you or the children.

I just do not understand. Please explain?

Do you want to bet? My oldest suffers from ODD. He firmly believes that I am a non entity. "OH, mom says you can't go to the movie until your room is clean, well then, let's go!" Mom won't buy you Bakugan, let's go to the toy store. My dd is starting to suffer because they NEVER wanted to deal with her. They only wanted my son. She is left off in the corner by herself or forced to do whatever her brother wants to do. Please don't make statements when you have NO clue what you are talking about.

 

[Rushia]

no, I do not read it the same way as you do. While it does put the onus upon the grandfather to insure the step g-ma's contact is "proper", it does not require grandpa to be constantly within eyesight of step g-ma.

In other words, if g-pa is comfortable step-g-ma will act properly, he has no duty to prevent the child from being with step- g-ma.

so, if there is a problem, g-pa is is responsible for the failure to insure the proper contact and as such, could jeopardize his visitation rights.

Hmmmm goes against case law for NY. Grandparent visitation is just that....for the grandparent. Some judges have even gone so far as to forbid other people from being present during said visitation. I may just have to get this clarified. My attorney felt this meant the same thing as I did, but sometimes I didn't feel that she was really up to the job. I was her first gpv case.

 

[BL]

Rushia ,Do any of your's or Dad's orders outline holidays ?

Holidays would trump the 4th .

And quit honestly I can't see a Judge giving a grand holidays over parents .

 

[Rushia]

I would say, take it back to court, instead of saying, you are not going to do it.

Think about what you said??

Who are you, to go againist court order?

Do the right thing and take it to the judge.

Instead of going againist court orders on your own.

This way, you can explain to the judge and the GP can too. Both sides.

Do what is right, not what you think or want to be right.

The judge has heard it all before and he/she will make the right decision in the best interest of the child/children.

I am not ragging on you. Just want you to realize there is another side.

I do believe that I did mention that I wanted to have that clarified. The only thing the order says about holidays is: "There is no specific provision for any additional visitation (including holiday and extended visitation) because of the competing interests of all of the parties involved concerning their request for time with the children.

I do have to ask, one more question, why is it that you nor your ex can not discuss this directly with Grandpa?

Is Grandpa that u ncaring?

Yes, there was a scheduled visit on their half brother (thru dad) bday. Grampa refused to alter the schedule for that. Said he already had plans that day. Wanna know what they were? To walk around a toy store and get ideas for Christmas. Does that sound very caring to you? Wouldn't let them see his OTHER grandchild on that childs birthday.

 

[justalayman]

Hmmmm goes against case law for NY. Grandparent visitation is just that....for the grandparent. Some judges have even gone so far as to forbid other people from being present during said visitation. I may just have to get this clarified. My attorney felt this meant the same thing as I did, but sometimes I didn't feel that she was really up to the job. I was her first gpv case.

I would think this would be treated similarly to a visitation with a parent and step parent. While the visitation is for the parent, courts do not typically demand that the child be with the parent 100% of the time. They do accept that others may actually be watching the child at some time while the person with the designated visitation does other things.

and understand, this is just my opinion based on common sense and logic. Since the courts do not always use common sense and logic, I may not agree with court rulings.

 

[Childrencome1st]

I apoligse to you. If the grandparent acts that way. I feel for you and I am sorry.

I do so hope you take it back to court.

Breaking a court order is not in anyones best interest.

For whatever the reasons the grandparent is bitter, and that does not help your children.

But please do not just say, I won't do it or I'm not going to do it. That would be so very wrong.

Get in court now and explain.

As far as calling, reporting and trying to have you locked up. I know. It happened to me.

 

[BL]

Hmmmm goes against case law for NY. Grandparent visitation is just that....for the grandparent. Some judges have even gone so far as to forbid other people from being present during said visitation. I may just have to get this clarified. My attorney felt this meant the same thing as I did, but sometimes I didn't feel that she was really up to the job. I was her first gpv case.

Yes, for the bolded ,eventually with the grandmother's friend I was talking about at one point in contempt proceedings ,the Judge included an order that visit would be with the grandmother ONLY .Of course the child spilled the beans when she violated that order.