Question about custody...

[brandiegiuffre]

What is the name of your state? AR

Small amount of background....
I am physical custodial parent of 5 year old little girl, share joint legal with me having final decision making authority. Was an incident last year where father took daughter for visitation and refused to return her while in the middle of a custody battle, had given false addresses out of state, etc.

Question -
Father is now working out of state again, his wife and other 2 children accompany him on the road. Not sure what kind of company - only that he works at one location between a few days and 2-3 weeks then is moved to a new location. Occasionally between 4-5 days off. They (father and step mom) are currently lying to me about their location (which I fully am aware is none of my business as long as DD is not with them - I don't particullarly care - but it is relevant when it comes to visitations ... if they are lying now, why not then?)
Telling me they are in Nebraska but then phone number for hotel is in NC.

There is a scheduled visit for Spring Break, they are supposed to be here in town for, that is fine.
My question is about summer. He is supposed to have visitations in 2 week blocks. 6 weeks total. They are saying that they are going to either drive in or fly her to whereever they may be at the time. I am very concerned about this for several reasons -

1. They have provided false addresses in the past - not only to me but also to the court
2. He has taken her for a visit and refused to give her back before - had to go with Sherriff to bring her home.
3. He is going to be VERY angry when he arrives in town on Friday to find notices of licence suspension and warrent for arrest for non-payment of child support from OCSE.
4. I personally don't feel that it is good for a child to stay in a hotel room for 2 weeks at a time, possible being moved in the middle of the 2 weeks to another state. Not to mention moving her between climates, humitdity levels, etc.
5. I understand that it is extra cirricular - but we agreed to put her in cheerleading (this is her favorite thing to do!) and to make sure she was at all events. Now instead of his wife staying at their home locally during visits (which would be better for everyone) and him coming in for a few days to visit her, they want to take her all over the county with them. She will miss 1/2 of all the events she has been practicing for all year.

I want him to see her for visits, even encourage him to be involved with activites etc. but I am naturally concerned with this situation - especially with the past things that have happend.

Is there anything I can do as far as her having to stay in the state for visits or at least to be able to verify where he is working if he doesn't bring her back(for instance - request his employment info)?

Thanks for any help, I am trying to find a solution that works for everyone.

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state? AR

4. I personally don't feel that it is good for a child to stay in a hotel room for 2 weeks at a time, possible being moved in the middle of the 2 weeks to another state. Not to mention moving her between climates, humitdity levels, etc.

I am going to address this item ONLY, because it is patently ridiculous and you will be mocked out of court if you try this doofus argument.

Do you WANT me to tear this argument to pieces, or do you know where I'm going with this?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? AR

Small amount of background....
I am physical custodial parent of 5 year old little girl, share joint legal with me having final decision making authority. Was an incident last year where father took daughter for visitation and refused to return her while in the middle of a custody battle, had given false addresses out of state, etc.

Question -
Father is now working out of state again, his wife and other 2 children accompany him on the road. Not sure what kind of company - only that he works at one location between a few days and 2-3 weeks then is moved to a new location. Occasionally between 4-5 days off. They (father and step mom) are currently lying to me about their location (which I fully am aware is none of my business as long as DD is not with them - I don't particullarly care - but it is relevant when it comes to visitations ... if they are lying now, why not then?)
Telling me they are in Nebraska but then phone number for hotel is in NC.

There is a scheduled visit for Spring Break, they are supposed to be here in town for, that is fine.
My question is about summer. He is supposed to have visitations in 2 week blocks. 6 weeks total. They are saying that they are going to either drive in or fly her to whereever they may be at the time. I am very concerned about this for several reasons -

1. They have provided false addresses in the past - not only to me but also to the court
2. He has taken her for a visit and refused to give her back before - had to go with Sherriff to bring her home.
3. He is going to be VERY angry when he arrives in town on Friday to find notices of licence suspension and warrent for arrest for non-payment of child support from OCSE.
4. I personally don't feel that it is good for a child to stay in a hotel room for 2 weeks at a time, possible being moved in the middle of the 2 weeks to another state. Not to mention moving her between climates, humitdity levels, etc.
5. I understand that it is extra cirricular - but we agreed to put her in cheerleading (this is her favorite thing to do!) and to make sure she was at all events. Now instead of his wife staying at their home locally during visits (which would be better for everyone) and him coming in for a few days to visit her, they want to take her all over the county with them. She will miss 1/2 of all the events she has been practicing for all year.

I want him to see her for visits, even encourage him to be involved with activites etc. but I am naturally concerned with this situation - especially with the past things that have happend.

Is there anything I can do as far as her having to stay in the state for visits or at least to be able to verify where he is working if he doesn't bring her back(for instance - request his employment info)?

Thanks for any help, I am trying to find a solution that works for everyone.

When he refused to return her after a visitation in the past, what exactly happened? Did he suffer any consequences from that?

Your concern is valid. The combination of him keeping her in the past, giving false addresses, and that he will be angry when he discovers that his license is suspended are all very valid reasons for concern.

Her missing cheerleading is NOT valid. Her spending time with him and his family in hotel rooms is not valid either.

However, your valid concerns have to be addressed in court.

 

[tuffbrk]

Hmm...if his license is suspended, the new wife will have no other choice but to leave their home to drive him around...

What happened when he did not return your dd timely last time? Was he cited for contempt or anything?

 

[brandiegiuffre]

Thank you for the advice. I was just wanting to find out exactly what I would go about doing. I had an attorney before that I was very much NOT happy with (this was her first custody case, and I was not informed of this until after the case was over with)and wanted to do it on my own.

I am very sorry that you feel that being drug all over the county in a different location every week and staying in a hotel room with 2 other children and 2 adults is ok. This is not like a vacation where you go for a week then come home, this would be for 6 weeks!! How do you possibley carry around enough clothes (for all weather because you never know whether your going to be in Florida or Nebraska) without being able to go home to change out clothes, toys, medicines, etc for 3 kids and 2 adults! Not to mention about if something happend to DD or she got sick - what about Dr's? Those Dr's would not only not be covered under insurance, but also would not have her records etc.

I did file contempt for him not bringing her back. It is on record, with police reports as well as the contempt charge that was filed. However, as I said, I had an attorney that I did not know had never worked a custody case (I was referred to the FIRM and that is who my case landed with) and I was not aware of this. Needless to say, we settled out of court because she refused to push the issue along with several others( my daughter had came home with belt marks, been left outside unattended both documented by police, among lots of other issues). By the time it got to that point, I was out of money and had no money for another lawyer.

I have tried to no avail to get something done about all of these things combined and basically i have been told - until he actually takes her out of state and it is considered kidnapping or she gets seriously hurt due to their negligance (sp), there is nothing I can do.
I want him to see her and be apart of her life, but I also want her to be taken care of and safe.

 

[brandiegiuffre]

Hmm...if his license is suspended, the new wife will have no other choice but to leave their home to drive him around...

What happened when he did not return your dd timely last time? Was he cited for contempt or anything?

in my opinion, he should pay his child support and get his licence back - then he wouldn't have to worry about it.

-- he doesn't know it is suspended yet. i just found out today, that is alot of my concern, most of what happens with him is because he gets mad at me about something and he will be finding out about his licesce 2 days before a visit. He blames me for the problems with child support and doesn't believe me that i have no control over the child support office - i found out about things the same time he does.

 

[Silverplum]

I am very sorry that you feel that being drug all over the county in a different location every week and staying in a hotel room with 2 other children and 2 adults is ok. This is not like a vacation where you go for a week then come home, this would be for 6 weeks!! How do you possibley carry around enough clothes (for all weather because you never know whether your going to be in Florida or Nebraska) without being able to go home to change out clothes, toys, medicines, etc for 3 kids and 2 adults! Not to mention about if something happend to DD or she got sick - what about Dr's? Those Dr's would not only not be covered under insurance, but also would not have her records etc.

Huh.

Then I suppose my H, who is a world traveler and has lived in and seen more countries than you know how to spell, ought to sue his parents for abuse.

I'm very sorry you are so short-sighted and unable to see past the nose on your face, or past the next block over in Arky.

 

[brandiegiuffre]

I am sorry that I have come here for advice. I read on here alot and have found alot of answers to other small questions. But apparently some people have no thoughts about what is best for a child. I cannot tell you of one GOOD parent that would think that dragging a child around like that (not like Military etc. where there is a residence etc.) would be in the childs best interest.

I will not argue with anyone or be rude. I appricate the responses but do not agree. If there is no case, then just saying - "your concerns are not valid in court and you cannot do anything." would have been sufficent. I appriciate the people who were not rude.

Thank you.

 

[tuffbrk]

in my opinion, he should pay his child support and get his licence back - then he wouldn't have to worry about it.

-- he doesn't know it is suspended yet. i just found out today, that is alot of my concern, most of what happens with him is because he gets mad at me about something and he will be finding out about his licesce 2 days before a visit. He blames me for the problems with child support and doesn't believe me that i have no control over the child support office - i found out about things the same time he does.

The thing is - opinions don't count, only facts. If he doesn't have a license, then he can't drive. If he can't drive - then he can't work and without working, he won't be able to pay support. So - his current wife will need to drive him around.

I think what Silver was pointing out as well was the whole change in humidity? LOL!! Come on...that won't fly in court.

As far as switching out clothes and toys? You said it was in 2 week blocks. I think 2 week blocks are manageable. What type of illness are you concerned DD would get that her records would be necessary in order for her to be adequately treated?!

Some of your arguments are valid - or at least appear to be. If there are documented cases of the child being left unattended, as noted by police - then child services would've been brought in...

 

[Silverplum]

I am sorry that I have come here for advice. I read on here alot and have found alot of answers to other small questions. But apparently some people have no thoughts about what is best for a child. I cannot tell you of one GOOD parent that would think that dragging a child around like that (not like Military etc. where there is a residence etc.) would be in the childs best interest.

I will not argue with anyone or be rude. I appricate the responses but do not agree. If there is no case, then just saying - "your concerns are not valid in court and you cannot do anything." would have been sufficent. I appriciate the people who were not rude.

Thank you.

*yawn*

Typical poster who doesn't get her parking validated, or hear everything exactly as she wishes.

 

[brandiegiuffre]

The thing is - opinions don't count, only facts. If he doesn't have a license, then he can't drive. If he can't drive - then he can't work and without working, he won't be able to pay support. So - his current wife will need to drive him around.

I think what Silver was pointing out as well was the whole change in humidity? LOL!! Come on...that won't fly in court.

As far as switching out clothes and toys? You said it was in 2 week blocks. I think 2 week blocks are manageable. What type of illness are you concerned DD would get that her records would be necessary in order for her to be adequately treated?!

Some of your arguments are valid - or at least appear to be. If there are documented cases of the child being left unattended, as noted by police - then child services would've been brought in...

They were brought in, they spoke to my daughter and she told them what happend(she was at dads for a visit). Then they told the father and SM what she said and proceeded to stand there while she was punished and told she was lying. This not only came from DD but also SM and dad. Now she doesn't not trust anyone because the DHS worked has told her that he couldn't tell anyone what she said, then went right out of the room and told them. Then at the order of the judge, I took her to therapy to get her statements validated. She told the therapist that she was scarred of her dad and Sm and that she wasn't aloud to tell anyone what happens over there because she would get a spanking. The therapist noted this in her notes but also that daughter wouldn't discuss any problems over there --- hello??? she told you that she couldn't or she would get into trouble. Then we ended up settling out of court.

I understand what you are saying about the 2 week blocks - my dd is only with them for 2 weeks. They are out on the road for various amounts of time - sometimes 1 week, sometimes 6 or 7 weeks at a time.

My point about the humidity was about the constant change in climates causes sickness.. if you think thats stupid, thats fine. It is just my opinion that its not good for a child.

Thank you for your calm respectful response.

 

[fairisfair]

They were brought in, they spoke to my daughter and she told them what happend(she was at dads for a visit). Then they told the father and SM what she said and proceeded to stand there while she was punished and told she was lying. This not only came from DD but also SM and dad. Now she doesn't not trust anyone because the DHS worked has told her that he couldn't tell anyone what she said, then went right out of the room and told them. Then at the order of the judge, I took her to therapy to get her statements validated. She told the therapist that she was scarred of her dad and Sm and that she wasn't aloud to tell anyone what happens over there because she would get a spanking. The therapist noted this in her notes but also that daughter wouldn't discuss any problems over there --- hello??? she told you that she couldn't or she would get into trouble. Then we ended up settling out of court.

I understand what you are saying about the 2 week blocks - my dd is only with them for 2 weeks. They are out on the road for various amounts of time - sometimes 1 week, sometimes 6 or 7 weeks at a time.

My point about the humidity was about the constant change in climates causes sickness.. if you think thats stupid, thats fine. It is just my opinion that its not good for a child.

Thank you for your calm respectful response.

Changes in climates do not cause sickness. Sickness causes sickness.

What are they doing traveling from the Antarctica to the balmy jungles of Brazil?

Focus on your concerns that would be concerns of the court. Not on differences in parenting styles.

 

[brandiegiuffre]

Changes in climates do not cause sickness. Sickness causes sickness.

What are they doing traveling from the Antarctica to the balmy jungles of Brazil?

Focus on your concerns that would be concerns of the court. Not on differences in parenting styles.

Thank you. I will stay focused on the false address, not returning her before, etc.

 

[brandiegiuffre]

Can anyone tell me what I would need to do? Based on the false addresses, not returning her etc?

 

[acmb05]

I cannot tell you of one GOOD parent that would think that dragging a child around like that (not like Military etc. where there is a residence etc.) would be in the childs best interest. Thank you.

Are you kidding? When I was younger we went on 2 months summer vacations all over the U.S. and stayed in motels. I would think a child would be excited about traveling around the Country and seeing all the wonders this Country has to offer.