question re: address provision stipulation

[Zigner]

One additional, very important thing: He road raged me 3 years ago in August and hit my car. I have a restraining order on him as a result. There is no communication with this man except through a court-ordered third party, who is a friend of his. Therefore, this is as much for my protection as it is for the kids.

How will knowing his address improve YOUR safety?

 

[dogmom228]

If this is an AGREED stipulation, what will dad AGREE to? You need to be talking to him about this....

But I think you're in a huge hurry bc you are trying to slip something in there and you hope he signs it without noticing.

All it really needs to say is something along the lines of both parties agree to inform one another of changes to address/phone number within x days of said change occurring.

Leave the suspending of parenting time where it belongs -- with the court.

I am in a huge hurry because he is also in a time crunch and wants it by the time I leave work today which is at 2:30. It has nothing to do with slipping "something in there."

Honestly, I'm at the point where I'll just let the Judge make the decision. I was hoping to avoid this.

 

[Zigner]

I am in a huge hurry because he is also in a time crunch and wants it by the time I leave work today which is at 2:30. It has nothing to do with slipping "something in there."

Honestly, I'm at the point where I'll just let the Judge make the decision. I was hoping to avoid this.

Good, let's just hope the judge has the sense to see through your attempt to retain control over your ex. Sure, order that you both be required to give the other your current residence address...but none of that hogwash of denying visitation if *you* don't think he's done things right.

 

[2MsWife]

Good, let's just hope the judge has the sense to see through your attempt to retain control over your ex. Sure, order that you both be required to give the other your current residence address...but none of that hogwash of denying visitation if *you* don't think he's done things right.

Exactly.

OP, you want to be able to impose a penalty on dad but that's not your place. That's the court's job.

And you must have deleted the answer you posted that knowing dad's address would improve your safety so you can avoid him....I call BS on that logic.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Perhaps the seniors can answer this question: what is the point of having a stipulation if there are no consequences for violating it?

Yes, "normal" parents would communicate, and would have no problem letting each other know their address. But if the OP is dealing with an ex who doesn't feel the need to comply with requests unless faced with real consequences, what is she to do?

And frankly, I'd be more worried about bedbugs and fleas than lack of a bath.

In reality, it is the JUDGE who decides if someone is in comtempt, not the other party. I understand the need to know an address. Rather than remove the parenting time, why not have it supervised by (fill in the blank).

And sometimes, you have to wait for the idiot x's to hang themselves enough times to get real consequences.

 

[dogmom228]

You have failed to answer the question. What do you REALLY hope to accomplish? You ENTIRE motive is to have something else to hold over dad's head if he doesn't do things your way. Knowing his address will not prevent ANY of the things you seem to worry about. You can't just just call children's services to check up on him...and if you do, you can get in trouble (if it becomes a problem.)

Look, I can understand a desire to know the address...but you have shown NOTHING in the way of proof that your children are in danger, much less that you knowing his address will reduce said danger.

OK. Let's go back 3 weeks to a motion I filed in court: I requested that the Court suspend overnight parenting time because of my ex's transient situation and the fact that he did not take the safety and well being of the kids into consideration, telling me they were going to be camping up in the mountains in cold weather. I had set 6 different line items in the motion with regard to the children's safety and his lack of consideration for it. The Judge granted the action last week based on my motion and the fact that my ex did not provide HER with the address and failed even to respond that he had provided me with a temporary address. She also stated in the Order that we set this for a status hearing, and my ex came to me through his friend last night and said, "can't we stipulate to providing each other an address?" Sure, we can stipulate, but at what cost? What is the recourse when he doesn't comply? These are the things I need to know.

It is not my intention just to check up on the guy. Obviously I can't just arbitrarily sic the authorities on him, and I don't want to. What I want to accomplish is an order that states we will agree to provide each other with necessary information about our residences. Since I have not had a problem complying with the Court Orders, I don't see this as being a problem for me. However, he DOES. Therefore, I need to make sure that he is not a flight risk with my kids, that they are in a stable situation (or as stable as possible). Does this make sense?

This is a man who continually parades my kids in front of countless girlfriends (which is another issue, entirely) as soon as he meets them, they make friends with the girlfriend du jour's kids, and the next thing I know my daughter is crying that dad won't let her see her friends and she doesn't understand why. It rips my heart out. The kids have told me they don't want to go to his house - I can't do anything about that, until they are of age to tell the Judge herself, so I simply do the best I can to encourage them to go to his house and spend time with him, do the best they can to find something fun.

 

[dogmom228]

In reality, it is the JUDGE who decides if someone is in comtempt, not the other party. I understand the need to know an address. Rather than remove the parenting time, why not have it supervised by (fill in the blank).

And sometimes, you have to wait for the idiot x's to hang themselves enough times to get real consequences.

Thank you, TinkerBelleLuvr! This is the advice I was looking for. I wanted to know if I was out of line without having to explain everything.

Now, the question is, what is a reasonable time for us to provide that information? I've heard between 15 - 30 days.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Did I somehow miss where it was winter in the CO mountains in the past few months? Because unless you waited months to file with the court about the "cold weather" camping trip in the mountains, I am going to have to call a party-foul...

 

[dogmom228]

Exactly.

OP, you want to be able to impose a penalty on dad but that's not your place. That's the court's job.

And you must have deleted the answer you posted that knowing dad's address would improve your safety so you can avoid him....I call BS on that logic.

2Ms - I deleted it because it was a petty response. Did you miss the response that I have a restraining order on him because he HIT MY CAR? He ROAD RAGED ME WITH THE KIDS IN THE CAR. How is that considering their safety??

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

OK. Let's go back 3 weeks to a motion I filed in court: I requested that the Court suspend overnight parenting time because of my ex's transient situation and the fact that he did not take the safety and well being of the kids into consideration, telling me they were going to be camping up in the mountains in cold weather. I had set 6 different line items in the motion with regard to the children's safety and his lack of consideration for it. The Judge granted the action last week based on my motion and the fact that my ex did not provide HER with the address and failed even to respond that he had provided me with a temporary address. She also stated in the Order that we set this for a status hearing, and my ex came to me through his friend last night and said, "can't we stipulate to providing each other an address?" Sure, we can stipulate, but at what cost? What is the recourse when he doesn't comply? These are the things I need to know.

It is not my intention just to check up on the guy. Obviously I can't just arbitrarily sic the authorities on him, and I don't want to. What I want to accomplish is an order that states we will agree to provide each other with necessary information about our residences. Since I have not had a problem complying with the Court Orders, I don't see this as being a problem for me. However, he DOES. Therefore, I need to make sure that he is not a flight risk with my kids, that they are in a stable situation (or as stable as possible). Does this make sense?

This is a man who continually parades my kids in front of countless girlfriends (which is another issue, entirely) as soon as he meets them, they make friends with the girlfriend du jour's kids, and the next thing I know my daughter is crying that dad won't let her see her friends and she doesn't understand why. It rips my heart out. The kids have told me they don't want to go to his house - I can't do anything about that, until they are of age to tell the Judge herself, so I simply do the best I can to encourage them to go to his house and spend time with him, do the best they can to find something fun.

I want to talk about ONE item you have there: children choose at 18 (or 19 in some states) where they live. They may have a voice in the appropriate setting, but they CHOOSE when they reach the age of majority.

 

[dogmom228]

Did I somehow miss where it was winter in the CO mountains in the past few months? Because unless you waited months to file with the court about the "cold weather" camping trip in the mountains, I am going to have to call a party-foul...

OK, OK, I give.

Look. It gets cold at night. It's September. I know how cold it gets up there where he goes - above timberline at times. My daughter complains enough as it is. I tell her that it's up to her dad, and there's nothing I can do.

Can we get back to the stipulation? Please??

 

[Zigner]

2Ms - I deleted it because it was a petty response. Did you miss the response that I have a restraining order on him because he HIT MY CAR? He ROAD RAGED ME WITH THE KIDS IN THE CAR. How is that considering their safety??

...and knowing his address will prevent this sort of thing...how?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I guess I should have been punished for the winter camping I did. And that involved SNOW.

 

[dogmom228]

I want to talk about ONE item you have there: children choose at 18 (or 19 in some states) where they live. They may have a voice in the appropriate setting, but they CHOOSE when they reach the age of majority.

In Colorado there is no minimum age. It is when the children show enough maturity to make a decision on their own without influence from either parent. I have a friend who just LOST custody of her 10-yr-old for that reason.

 

[LdiJ]

OK. Let's go back 3 weeks to a motion I filed in court: I requested that the Court suspend overnight parenting time because of my ex's transient situation and the fact that he did not take the safety and well being of the kids into consideration, telling me they were going to be camping up in the mountains in cold weather. I had set 6 different line items in the motion with regard to the children's safety and his lack of consideration for it. The Judge granted the action last week based on my motion and the fact that my ex did not provide HER with the address and failed even to respond that he had provided me with a temporary address. She also stated in the Order that we set this for a status hearing, and my ex came to me through his friend last night and said, "can't we stipulate to providing each other an address?" Sure, we can stipulate, but at what cost? What is the recourse when he doesn't comply? These are the things I need to know.

Are you sure that he didn't want you to stipulate that he had already given you an address, when he actually has not? He might not have meant that he was willing to stipulate that you were required to give each other addresses.

Also, on the road rage thing...I personally know someone out in the real world who gained custody of his children simply because mom committed road rage on him, with the children in her car. There was an emergency hearing, and the judge switched custody right there temporarily, and a month or so later made it permanent.