So my 11 year old calls me crying..

[osmosis]

Hiya, Bay. Thanks for sticking up for me.

Upon speaking with the children today I found out that my daughter is afraid that she is going to " be like" her mother if she stays around her anymore. She says "I see the way people treat you and the way people treat Mommy. I would much rather people treat me like you're treated." and "When I've been with Mommy, people at school begin to not like me because my attitude changes. When I've been with you people who usually don't like me are nice to me again."

Our 8 year old son has already been requesting that his Mom let him move here. She told him that he can move in with me as soon as he's "old enough" but won't tell him how old that is. He says that he feels like she has a grudge against him but doesn't know why. He and the other two children agree that he is picked on far more often by Mom. She's expressed to them that if she ever lets any of them leave to live with me she will only allow the 8 year old. This not only made our 8 year old feel like she wanted him gone, but it upset our 11 year old and 7 year old to think that Mom wouldn't let them live with me.

"We want to live with you because you don't yell at us all the time. You don't wake us up yelling at us and put us to bed yelling at us when we actually get to see you." "You're not gone all the time, so we would be able to see you every day!"

Makes me want to pull my hair out.

 

[osmosis]

just an update..

I called CPS yesterday to find out if the situation warranted their assistance and was informed that they consider emotional/verbal abuse to be as important/detrimental as physical abuse. A little while later an investigator called to get additional details and informed me that they would be speaking with the children today at school. Hopefully I'll hear something back soon, and when I do I'll update here.

 

[wileybunch]

Glad you've got a ball rolling. Mom's behavior is disgusting. I didn't realize she'd visited this forum, too.

 

[osmosis]

Glad you've got a ball rolling. Mom's behavior is disgusting. I didn't realize she'd visited this forum, too.

yes, at one point she and her mother were here defaming me and giving ridiculous arguments as to why she was making the poor decisions that she was.

The children's guidance counselor called me a while ago and said that she was pulling all three children from class to talk to them. She sounded as if she was already suspicious but didn't have enough to go on. My 11 y/o daughter, who is in gifted classes, has gone from being student of the year (literally) to bringing home F's. She said she's going to speak with their teachers as well.

 

[wileybunch]

yes, at one point she and her mother were here defaming me and giving ridiculous arguments as to why she was making the poor decisions that she was.

I pretty much figure the adults can hate either other all their little hearts desire, but keep all that crap away from the kids. She can intensely dislike you without causing direct psychological damage to the kids. She's not the first divorced parent to hate their ex. No excuse for what she's done to her kids. She needs a break from parenting.

 

[osmosis]

What she fails to realize in all of this is that it's not about her, and it's not about me. This is only about the children. Period. In everything she's done her answers and actions have been selfishly motivated, for example "I'm not ready for the kids to live with you" and "I've not done anything to have my kids taken from me".

If the situation were corrected and she began living for the children rather than resenting them I would be happy to leave them where they are. It's not an attempt to steal the children from her it's an attempt to make their lives better by giving them a full time parent rather than a full time baby sitter and the cold shoulder.

I'm anxiously awaiting a return call from the CPS investigator and the guidance counselor. Again, I'll post the update here as it becomes available. Thanks for sticking with my story, Wiley.

 

[Just Blue]

What she fails to realize in all of this is that it's not about her, and it's not about me. This is only about the children. Period. In everything she's done her answers and actions have been selfishly motivated, for example "I'm not ready for the kids to live with you" and "I've not done anything to have my kids taken from me".

If the situation were corrected and she began living for the children rather than resenting them I would be happy to leave them where they are. It's not an attempt to steal the children from her it's an attempt to make their lives better by giving them a full time parent rather than a full time baby sitter and the cold shoulder.

I'm anxiously awaiting a return call from the CPS investigator and the guidance counselor. Again, I'll post the update here as it becomes available. Thanks for sticking with my story, Wiley.

I can't wait to see how this works out. Your situation reminds me of another member...His ex was very much like yours. She posted lies and half truths...He now has full custody and the ex has a criminal record for her behavior. People like your ex generally implode...Hopefully the children will be with you when this happens.

I'll be thinking of you and all my prayers for a good resolution to this!!

 

[osmosis]

I can't wait to see how this works out. Your situation reminds me of another member...His ex was very much like yours. She posted lies and half truths...He now has full custody and the ex has a criminal record for her behavior. People like your ex generally implode...Hopefully the children will be with you when this happens.

I'll be thinking of you and all my prayers for a good resolution to this!!

Thank you! Your prayers are definitely appreciated. I don't want anything bad for her, I just want what's best for the children.

 

[Just Blue]

Thank you! Your prayers are definitely appreciated. I don't want anything bad for her, I just want what's best for the children.

I know. You are a good father and love your children...Unfortunately people like your ex have to hit rock bottom. I have seen it here many times...sigh...

 

[wileybunch]

I know. You are a good father and love your children...Unfortunately people like your ex have to hit rock bottom. I have seen it here many times...sigh...

So true. And, OP you may feel very bad when the book gets thrown at your ex, but sometimes people have to learn the hard way.

 

[osmosis]

I spoke with the school guidance counselor today and she said that she can tell there is something seriously wrong at home, but because the children are having difficulties putting it in to words she has nothing solid that shows any abusive behavior. She said the children all speak very highly of me and how happy they are when they are in my care. She suggested that I begin taking them to family counseling and said that it would look good in the court's eyes that I was doing something above and beyond to assist the children.

Still no word from the CPS investigator, but I left a message and expect a return call by the end of the day. I'll keep you posted.

 

[osmosis]

The CPS investigator called me today and notified me of her findings thus far. She said that X is under a lot of stress due to her job and such and that the attitude should be changing soon. As I understand it X has said she's going to either change shifts or get a new job if they won't allow her to change shifts. CPS has placed our 11 y/o daughter in specialized counseling due to PAS.

The investigator said that she would like to come take a look at our home for "possible future placement".

I'm not certain how to take this. What is this "possible future placement" that the investigator alluded to? Is this the possible outcome should X not comply?

 

[Just Blue]

The CPS investigator called me today and notified me of her findings thus far. She said that X is under a lot of stress due to her job and such and that the attitude should be changing soon. As I understand it X has said she's going to either change shifts or get a new job if they won't allow her to change shifts. CPS has placed our 11 y/o daughter in specialized counseling due to PAS.

The investigator said that she would like to come take a look at our home for "possible future placement".

I'm not certain how to take this. What is this "possible future placement" that the investigator alluded to? Is this the possible outcome should X not comply?

That is what I would think...They want to check you out in case they have to remove the children from her care.

Stress due to job? You mean the one she was going to switch shifts last year? You know she is feeding the investigator a line of crap don;'t you??

 

[osmosis]

Stress due to job? You mean the one she was going to switch shifts last year? You know she is feeding the investigator a line of crap don;'t you??

Exactly, and I'm counting on it.

How long does CPS usually give people to comply? If she fails to comply with CPS will they remove the children?

This is the second time CPS has been called to her home. Last year it was due to bruises on our 5 year old son that he acquired from a spanking "because [he] was soo bad." By the time CPS got out to investigate the bruises were almost completely gone and she lied to them about how he got them. This time they were quick to act.

 

[Just Blue]

Exactly, and I'm counting on it.

How long does CPS usually give people to comply? If she fails to comply with CPS will they remove the children?

This is the second time CPS has been called to her home. Last year it was due to bruises on our 5 year old son that he acquired from a spanking "because [he] was soo bad." By the time CPS got out to investigate the bruises were almost completely gone and she lied to them about how he got them. This time they were quick to act.

Just guessing here...I would say a month to comply. But that is just a guess...Gracie is in Florida and may know more definitively.