surrendering rights to child

[dnara]

What is the name of your state? Illinois

If my ex-husband surrenders (he is stating he is goind to) his rights to our children does that release him from paying child support for them?? Ther are ages 10 & 13. My oldest does not visit his father or talk to his father at all.

 

[nextwife]

You expect him to terminate his rights and STILL pay CS? Whay would he do that?

 

[dnara]

No, I dont expect him to - he just says that if he does terminate his rights he doesnt HAVE to and I just wanted to be sure he wasnt pulling my leg about that. I am sure he wont pay if he terminates - he blames me that the oldest wont talk to him and says why pay for a kid he never sees - he keeps trying to see him but the boys says no.

 

[nextwife]

Maam, if your husband has legal visitation rights and you are NOT sending your child, you are in contempt. We do not allow our children to DECIDE whether to go to school, go to church, or go to their grandparents, do we?

Your child needs to understand that he needs to comply with the court ordered visitation or YOU could be in trouble.

 

[dnara]

I tell the boy to go he's says no - what kind of trouble could I be in?? I mean his dad comes on all scheduled days - asks the kid - he says no and I tell him he will have to physically put the kid in the car to see him - his dad says he wont force him to go like that so what am I supposed to do??
So, his dad is supposed to get him on Wed and every other weekend per the divorce and if the kid doesnt go I am in trouble??

 

[lsut1ger]

So if your kids decide they don't want to go to school your only recourse is to physically pick them up, put them in the car, and then carry them into the classroom?

 

[dnara]

They said they dont want to go with him - I tell them to go - they so no and he leaves becuase he wont put his hands on them. What am I to do?? How is this my fault? How can I get into trouble??

 

[stealth2]

Out of curiosity - why doesn't he want to go? When he refuses, what are the consequences that you impose?

 

[lsut1ger]

When he refuses, what are the consequences that you impose?

Apparently there are none stealth. After all, what CAN she do?

 

[dnara]

He says he hates his dad - he is mad becuase of the divorce and about the affair his dad had. I dont impose any consequences - he hates his dad - why should he have to go??

 

[nextwife]

Does this child want a roof over his head? Food to eat, clothes on his back? Stuff? Certainly CS is making a contribution toward some of that. Kids need to understand that they DON'T get to just take - take - take. Sometimes they have to give too. Give their time.

Sorry, in my book you make it clear that this is their father and they don't get to CHOOSE whether to go. They GO, dang it.

 

[stealth2]

Apparently there are none stealth. After all, what CAN she do?

I'm pretty sure that a weekend home with me if mine decided not to go would change their minds very swiftly. No tv, no PS2, no GBA, no friends. Lots of chores, especially particularly "fun" ones like cleaning the bathrooms. I WOULD honestly have trouble getting my 12 yo in a car if he was resisting me. But he'd have no fun at all if he stayed.

 

[stealth2]

He says he hates his dad - he is mad becuase of the divorce and about the affair his dad had. I dont impose any consequences - he hates his dad - why should he have to go??

Because the court says he does. It's actually that simple. It certainly doesn't seem as though you do anything to actively encourage a relationship between them - and that IS your obligation as the custodial parent. Given enough time that he refuses to go and if your ex wants to take it further, you could find yourself fined and/or jailed or possibly in the NCP seat.

 

[lsut1ger]

I can't remember a single incident where my parents had to use physical force to compel me to act on one of their commands.

If they said get in the car and go, I sure as hell got in the car and went.

And I just LOVED cleaning the bathroom growing up Stealth...actually my FAVORITE was scrubbing the kitchen floor with a toothbrush. I could have walked through gravel on my knees after all the afternoons I spent on the kitchen floor doing that chore.

 

[stealth2]

I can't remember a single incident where my parents had to use physical force to compel me to act on one of their commands.

If they said get in the car and go, I sure as hell got in the car and went.

And I just LOVED cleaning the bathroom growing up Stealth...actually my FAVORITE was scrubbing the kitchen floor with a toothbrush. I could have walked through gravel on my knees after all the afternoons I spent on the kitchen floor doing that chore.

LOL then I'd choose the chores that they absolutely hated to do.

And honestly? I don't think I ever disobeyed my parents' "orders" either, and so far neither of my kids have. Because there are consequences - and they ain't pretty.