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smh33
Guest
It is kinda funny to read your stories....so much like mine, 9 yrs and counting....I remember thinking at times...I know others have bad custody relations, but like this? My ex and sm seem to live at times for creating problems and I would think is it possible that anyone else has to deal w/ people carrying on this way,constant controversy,court,etc.....hearing that others, like you go through the same....atleast I know my ex is not an isolated case of looney. I know taking the 'high road' wears very thin at times and I have actually thought at times...eventually he will win because I may go crazy...but the next day comes and you deal. I think staying on that high road however hard is important because it is the difference between you and them....and our children see more than we think. I know in the last few years I have seen things with my son that I know result from him seeing the 'difference' in his 2 homes and it has been to my favor because he sees I put him first, before my like or dislike of his dad & sm. My family & husband are very supportive....which makes all the difference, sounds as if all of you have good support also. I do feel guilty at times that they must endure what is really my situation, my ex,etc...
I will share this, my hubby taught me. I don't call it revenge or vindictive but lets face it...in these situations even the better person needs to feel small victory sometimes and it is really more for myself than to get at ex/sm. Anytime the ex creates an issue/problem(applies only to trivial issues)...if possible turn it around into a favor and defeat the malicious intent. Said hubby was crazy, that would never help...but tried and really did. Like we each get 4wks vacation...even though I give him my dates first, ex always manages to come back and overlap my vacation dates somewhere & has always already got plane tickets,etc...as he just did again this year. We have been to court 2x on this same issue in past. Yes, it is a pain for us to make changes but I wrote ex back and explained his dates would actually work out better for us and this saves me from having to ask him if I could change my original dates. I said place we wanted to rent not available but now we can get with new dates. Ex wanted to inconvience us but I made like he did us a favor..see? I do this when I can...where I may have been upset for days over the vacation thing, I am not...I get over things faster when I am able to use this tactic.
I will share this, my hubby taught me. I don't call it revenge or vindictive but lets face it...in these situations even the better person needs to feel small victory sometimes and it is really more for myself than to get at ex/sm. Anytime the ex creates an issue/problem(applies only to trivial issues)...if possible turn it around into a favor and defeat the malicious intent. Said hubby was crazy, that would never help...but tried and really did. Like we each get 4wks vacation...even though I give him my dates first, ex always manages to come back and overlap my vacation dates somewhere & has always already got plane tickets,etc...as he just did again this year. We have been to court 2x on this same issue in past. Yes, it is a pain for us to make changes but I wrote ex back and explained his dates would actually work out better for us and this saves me from having to ask him if I could change my original dates. I said place we wanted to rent not available but now we can get with new dates. Ex wanted to inconvience us but I made like he did us a favor..see? I do this when I can...where I may have been upset for days over the vacation thing, I am not...I get over things faster when I am able to use this tactic.
A
Asking4advice
Guest
My father remarried, and I would never associate his wife with the word mother.......in my opinion, just like a birth mother, i dont think its a right or obligation, its a title a person must earn. to the majority of mothers its a natural behaviour to be a mother to their child. In a stepmother situation where there is no legal adoption, i believe a stepmother is obliged to earn the title just like a birth mother and not instantly thing they are now "in charge" of a child just cause they married the childs father...and vice versa.......just like earning someones respect. but this is law so what i have said doesnt make a difference, i am just saying this from experience with my fathers wife who has constantly has used me as a way to argue with my father, and i didnt see my father for 13 years cause i moved overseas with my mother.... she has put down my family and has manipulated my father against me at times, i do not think she deserves the title of mother in any respect, im 21 now, and didnt see my father till i was 15, i have been hurt by her words and behaviour towards me, my father is hopeless in this situation. i did nothing to provoke her, it all started when i flew to the USA to see my father in so many years, i dont know whether she was threatened by me, or jealous of my fathers attention.
If u want to be more than a stepmother and have a motherly involvement in the childs life, u have every right as long as u earn that childs trust, its not an easy situation for any child, at any age, even at 21 i am hurt by her words and actions.
If u want to be more than a stepmother and have a motherly involvement in the childs life, u have every right as long as u earn that childs trust, its not an easy situation for any child, at any age, even at 21 i am hurt by her words and actions.
Having been a step mom for almost 4 years now I can say that it is not an easy job to walk that fine line between doing what a parent does naturally and realizing when you have to back off and remember that one of them doesn't belong to you.
My step daughter is an adorable little girl and the apple of her daddy's eye. He just adores her.
I think it does have to do a lot with respect. However I draw a little different line about it though. I respect my hubby ex as the first wife and mother of their child, I respect her position in this family and yes I do call it a family because the children are all being raised by us. However i do not respect her for various reasons.
I respect her position and do not but my nose in and get in the middle of things between her and my husband. That is their child and they must do the best they can to raise her. I am just here to help out.
I truly feel you can have respect for the position or office a person holds without having respect for that person.
I used to respect my hubbys ex. Because she showed me the same respect but since they are now in legal disputes I have heard a number of things she has said and seen some that she has done. I have lost what respect I had for her as a person but I will never lose the respect that I have for her position as my stepdaughters mother.
I am able to get along with and speak civilly because it does no one any good for me to mix it up with her. Only hurts my step daughter in the end. that's no good at all.
This is just my humble opinion. Take it for what its worth.
My step daughter is an adorable little girl and the apple of her daddy's eye. He just adores her.
I think it does have to do a lot with respect. However I draw a little different line about it though. I respect my hubby ex as the first wife and mother of their child, I respect her position in this family and yes I do call it a family because the children are all being raised by us. However i do not respect her for various reasons.
I respect her position and do not but my nose in and get in the middle of things between her and my husband. That is their child and they must do the best they can to raise her. I am just here to help out.
I truly feel you can have respect for the position or office a person holds without having respect for that person.
I used to respect my hubbys ex. Because she showed me the same respect but since they are now in legal disputes I have heard a number of things she has said and seen some that she has done. I have lost what respect I had for her as a person but I will never lose the respect that I have for her position as my stepdaughters mother.
I am able to get along with and speak civilly because it does no one any good for me to mix it up with her. Only hurts my step daughter in the end. that's no good at all.
This is just my humble opinion. Take it for what its worth.