To all CPs and NCPs of Infants & Toddlers...

[Peanuts200788]

Oh I didn't take offense to anything anyone said...I am grateful for everyone's opinions, and they've taught me how to look at future articles more objectively...

I'm still new at this and need all the help I can get...so its all much appreciated!!

 

[profmum]

All of you have brought up great points and I realize them now...I used to work in a daycare and i took care of the babies, we had two in the room that were just 6 weeks old, of course they cried some, but mostly they slept unless they were eating or having their diaper changed, they didn't seem too traumatized or anything when they left each day...it's just as I said in my last post, selfish as it seems, I worry about my child's safety if he ever visits his father for reasons below...

You don't like Dad NOT having your Christian beliefs so hence the enviornment he will provide for your child is not "safe" OR do you know for a fact that the child will be exposed to drugs when he is with Dad? Dad said he does not want to raise a sheltered child so
unless Dad is having sex with 4 women in front of junior or smoking pot etc in front of junior or offering alcohol to junior..you better get off the "holier than thou" train and accept Dad for who he is and the father he will be... praying for "him" to change never works, married or not

 

[Peanuts200788]

Oh it's not that at all....I accept him, i mean i should have taken all this into consideration before I wound up pregnant....

I'm just saying what he told me...he said he smoked pot with his dad and saw nothing wrong with that..(yes i found all this out after i got pregnant)....and yes I'm sorry but that worries me.....and he see's nothing wrong with drinking and partying in front of a child...and i think that bringing multiple women is not a stable thing for a child to be around...yes i know when he's an infant he wont care but still......anyway... just saying what he's told me and how i feel

 

[profmum]

Oh it's not that at all....I accept him, i mean i should have taken all this into consideration before I wound up pregnant....

I'm just saying what he told me...he said he smoked pot with his dad and saw nothing wrong with that..(yes i found all this out after i got pregnant)....and yes I'm sorry but that worries me.....and he see's nothing wrong with drinking and partying in front of a child...and i think that bringing multiple women is not a stable thing for a child to be around...yes i know when he's an infant he wont care but still......anyway... just saying what he's told me and how i feel

and you left him. but none of what he says and he has only said it according to you makes him an unfit Dad. and is it you who thinks multiple partners is a no no or Dad? you can feel outraged by it.. sure... probably won't go further than that legally so be prepared for that!

 

[Ohiogal]

Oh it's not that at all....I accept him, i mean i should have taken all this into consideration before I wound up pregnant....

I'm just saying what he told me...he said he smoked pot with his dad and saw nothing wrong with that..(yes i found all this out after i got pregnant)....and yes I'm sorry but that worries me.....and he see's nothing wrong with drinking and partying in front of a child...and i think that bringing multiple women is not a stable thing for a child to be around...yes i know when he's an infant he wont care but still......anyway... just saying what he's told me and how i feel

There is nothing wrong with drinking in front of a child or, in many states, giving your own child alcohol to drink. Partying is also allowed depending on the definition of party. As for multiple women, that depends. You would need to prove that they are a danger to the child. Not just that you don't like it.

 

[Peanuts200788]

both of you are right and i know that just because i dont like some things a judge might not, or wont see things my way...gotta get used to that...

the pot thing concerns me, but i can't prove that, so i guess that'll have to wait till i can...

 

[Ohiogal]

both of you are right and i know that just because i dont like some things a judge might not, or wont see things my way...gotta get used to that...

the pot thing concerns me, but i can't prove that, so i guess that'll have to wait till i can...

Nope. What you will have to prove is that him using pot negatively affects the baby -- not just that he uses pot.

 

[profmum]

both of you are right and i know that just because i dont like some things a judge might not, or wont see things my way...gotta get used to that...

the pot thing concerns me, but i can't prove that, so i guess that'll have to wait till i can...

Your missing the point here Peanut.. Dad said he used to smoke pot with his father, period , does not mean that Dad will do the same with junior... if you take this attitude of waiting to prove Dad unfit, you are in for a long, tiring process..... very long.. and it is NOT
about seeing things your way, it is about what is best for your child. You are best served by being the best parent you can and allowing Dad to do the same...hey I smoked when I was 15 in a Catholic boarding school....all the religion did nothing to deter me!! today at 37, I don't even drink beer

 

[Peanuts200788]

wow...the other concern is what if the baby is there and it's in the household...and he gets caught or something...

 

[Peanuts200788]

Your missing the point here Peanut.. Dad said he used to smoke pot with his father, period , does not mean that Dad will do the same with junior... if you take this attitude of waiting to prove Dad unfit, you are in for a long, tiring process..... very long.. and it is NOT
about seeing things your way, it is about what is best for your child. You are best served by being the best parent you can and allowing Dad to do the same...hey I smoked when I was 15 in a Catholic boarding school....all the religion did nothing to deter me!! today at 37, I don't even drink beer

I understand where you're coming from...and acutally he did say he wanted to smoke with his kid...

and i don't plan on proving my ex unfit...from what i have been told here...that's a long process and i don't want to scar my child for life either...i just want what's best for him...

i guess being pregnant and the hormones makes you think of every bad thing that could ever happen...i just have to learn to block it out and not worry...and i'm working on it...trying to anyway...

 

[profmum]

wow...the other concern is what if the baby is there and it's in the household...and he gets caught or something...

imaginary horribles!! get of this " i will do my best to prove Dad is unfit " train, kiddo WILL suffer as a result of it. Doesn't spirituality teach you to live and let live" ...

 

[Peanuts200788]

it does but where a child is concerned i think its natural for any parent to worry whether they express them verbally or not...and again i repeat...i have no intentions whatsoever of trying to prove him unfit...i just express my concerns...

 

[profmum]

it does but where a child is concerned i think its natural for any parent to worry whether they express them verbally or not...and again i repeat...i have no intentions whatsoever of trying to prove him unfit...i just express my concerns...

Parenting is about wearing your heart on your sleeve, but I suspect your motivations, to quote you " I will wait till I can".. If you truly are just wanting an outlet for your anxiety go to a hugs n kissess site, this one is about legal advice and apparently you need none!

 

[Peanuts200788]

i am not asking for sympathy...or anything...i've asked legal questions and received lots of answers and help! i apologize if i have offended you, or anyone else here...i just stated a fact...parents have concerns...

im not asking anyone to baby me or give me sympathy...

 

[IrishLady47]

Holy moly, girl! You haven't even had the baby yet! You are worrying way too much about too many things!! It is good to educate yourself about your options and possibilities, but give it a rest.

Are you also reseaching every possible birth defect or illness? Just curious.

Bottom line-LEGALLY-it does not matter in family court in determining custody what Dad's religious beliefs are or lack thereof. Doesn't matter if he says he wants to smoke pot with his kid or have sex w/a dozen women at the same time. Doesn't matter how many psychologists write papers about kids under 3 should be with Mom 99% of the time.

None of that is evidence. Creditable, legally admissable evidence. Research what that is if you want.

Because, quite honestly, when baby comes--you may just find that Dad just disappears. Of course, then you'll be back on here about getting CS.

Better yet, just take care of yourself for now and the baby when he/she comes. Grandma was right "don't borrow trouble".