To Anath614

[BL]

Why does anyone beleive the Father would be awarded physical custody. Not the way it works unless Mom is proven unfit.

 

[Zigner]

Why does anyone beleive the Father would be awarded physical custody. Not the way it works unless Mom is proven unfit.

Father may very well receive some sort of shared physical custody.

 

[BL]

Father may very well receive some sort of shared physical custody.

Shared ,maybe , but not exclusive . Babby's born from Mom ,courts don't take that away unless for good reason.

Most Likely Joint Legal if requested w/ Visitations.

I remember my first hearing in NY .Wouldn't gotten Joint legal till I pressed My Lawyer second time around, or I was going to go for physical.

She didn't want me to have anything to do with my children,and told me on serveral occasions with different boyfreinds ,she wanted me to give up rights and have them adopt. Then came crying to me because they beat her.

 

[Zigner]

Shared ,maybe , but not exclusive . Babby's born from Mom ,courts don't take that away unless for good reason.

Most Likely Joint Legal w/ Visitations.

I don't think anyone here implied or believe that sole physical custody would be awarded to dad.

 

[Ohiogal]

First off he is the one who told me that he wouldn't be able to leave, even for emergencies with the baby. Even said he may not be able to leave when I go into labor. As for "my emergencies" as you put it one example was when my brother was shot and killed and another was me bleeding during pregnancy. He was not on calls at the either time.

Secondly I never said I expected sole custody I asked what the odds were.

No one attacked you. You did however state, "What are the chances that the court will give me sole legal and physical custody? "

Slim and none is the answer. Why even ask the question if you don't want or expect sole custody?

 

[BL]

I don't think anyone here implied or believe that sole physical custody would be awarded to dad.

LDiJ brough sole into it without good reason.

As you said no one implied this.

I asked ,why one would even think it?

 

[gam]

I agree that dad can get parenting time or partial custody, but it really would be difficult for a firefighter to have full custody if they are not married...or don't have available backup, because of their strange hours.

I found this description of the two most typical types of firefighter schedules:



Both of those would make primary or full custody quite difficult.

I put it didn't prevent him from having a form of physical custody, I confused you and it appears BL with that, but by form I meant partial custody. Although if a parent was unfit, then I see a court giving the other parent who happens to be a firefighter custody.

I actually personally know a firefighter with full custody and he works shifts that you listed, moms not unfit, but details over the years led the court to determine that he should have full custody. Along with numerous medical professionals, including Dr's that work either of the shifts you listed and have full custody. Hell my own daughter worked the 2nd schedule you listed, 16 hour shifts, one week 7am-7pm, the next week 7pm-7am. While she was working that schedule, the Judge took away joint legal from her ex and gave her sole legal, sole physical and he had less then standard parenting time.

If everything is normal in this case, I don't see the firefighter getting full, sole or primary based on the parents not being married. But a firefighters schedule does not mean they can't have primary or full, lots of people do that have these schedules.

 

[LdiJ]

LDiJ brough sole into it without good reason.

As you said no one implied this.

I asked ,why one would even think it?

I was responding to something specific said by gam.

 

[LdiJ]

I put it didn't prevent him from having a form of physical custody, I confused you and it appears BL with that, but by form I meant partial custody. Although if a parent was unfit, then I see a court giving the other parent who happens to be a firefighter custody.

I actually personally know a firefighter with full custody and he works shifts that you listed, moms not unfit, but details over the years led the court to determine that he should have full custody. Along with numerous medical professionals, including Dr's that work either of the shifts you listed and have full custody. Hell my own daughter worked the 2nd schedule you listed, 16 hour shifts, one week 7am-7pm, the next week 7pm-7am. While she was working that schedule, the Judge took away joint legal from her ex and gave her sole legal, sole physical and he had less then standard parenting time.

If everything is normal in this case, I don't see the firefighter getting full, sole or primary based on the parents not being married. But a firefighters schedule does not mean they can't have primary or full, lots of people do that have these schedules.

You didn't confuse me, you said:

Dads job is unlikely to prevent him from getting joint legal custody and parenting time. It also does not prevent him from having a form of physical custody. All kinds of professions out there that the individuals can't leave work for emergencies, yet they have either full or joint legal custody. Emergencies including medical can be handled without actually being there.

While I agree that there are scenarios where people with odd schedules have full custody, I was commenting specifically on the facts of a unwed situation, initial custody determination, where the father worked a difficult schedule, wasn't married, and might not have had any backup.

Would he be denied custody if mom died or went to jail or otherwise could not care for the child? No, of course not. However, he would likely be paying for some really expensive child care services if he wasn't married or didn't have serious family backup. However, once again, those are not the facts of THIS thread.

 

[Anath614]

I am not trying to keep him from spending time with his child, I hope he does but other things unfortunately lead me to believe he will not.

I am trying to make the best possible decisions I can to give both my 15yr old son and the new baby the best situation I can. If I move upstate I will have basically a free house to live in with room for everyone, support from family - emotional, mental, and financial and they are willing and able to watch her so I can go to work and or school. If I stay here I will not be able to afford it, I struggle to make ends meet now and obviously more expenses are coming. I cannot afford the cheapest daycare here so I would not be able to go back to work either.

He works a minimum of 3 shifts as EMT and has told me he will volunteer a minimum of 2 days a week as a volunteer firefighter. Both of these also are 40 mins away. I say that only to show his schedule and availability to watch the baby. He has also told me point blank that his schedule with the baby will revolve around his volunteering, which means it will probably be very sporadic and not on a concrete schedule. Fires don't set appts.

As far as the question about full custody I was simply wondering since if I move we will be 4 hrs away and not
that I would not discuss things with him I thought it might make it easier.

What I am really interested in knowing is if I wait until after the baby is born and this ends up in court will a judge really make us stay here even though things will be south better there

 

[Ohiogal]

I am not trying to keep him from spending time with his child, I hope he does but other things unfortunately lead me to believe he will not.

I am trying to make the best possible decisions I can to give both my 15yr old son and the new baby the best situation I can. If I move upstate I will have basically a free house to live in with room for everyone, support from family - emotional, mental, and financial and they are willing and able to watch her so I can go to work and or school. If I stay here I will not be able to afford it, I struggle to make ends meet now and obviously more expenses are coming. I cannot afford the cheapest daycare here so I would not be able to go back to work either.

He works a minimum of 3 shifts as EMT and has told me he will volunteer a minimum of 2 days a week as a volunteer firefighter. Both of these also are 40 mins away. I say that only to show his schedule and availability to watch the baby. He has also told me point blank that his schedule with the baby will revolve around his volunteering, which means it will probably be very sporadic and not on a concrete schedule. Fires don't set appts.

As far as the question about full custody I was simply wondering since if I move we will be 4 hrs away and not
that I would not discuss things with him I thought it might make it easier.

What I am really interested in knowing is if I wait until after the baby is born and this ends up in court will a judge really make us stay here even though things will be south better there

Deal with the idea that he will have at the very least JOINT legal custody. Prepare to use a phone to discuss things with him. Good grief. The judge could make the baby stay there until a decision is made and the judge could determine it is in the best interest of the baby to remain near dad. COULD. Not necessarily will. How are you going to handle the transportation? Are you going to do all the transportation for dad's visits? Or do you expect him to be responsible?

 

[Anath614]

My initial thought was that he could come upstate and stay at the house so he wasn't traveling so much in one day. I would say we could alternate between visits but there is no place to stay here once I move. He only rents a room, well an alcove in a house.

 

[Ohiogal]

My initial thought was that he could come upstate and stay at the house so he wasn't traveling so much in one day. I would say we could alternate between visits but there is no place to stay here once I move. He only rents a room, well an alcove in a house.

Your initial thought is quite selfish. If you move away from where court is, expect to be responsible for ALL transportation costs. Why should HE have to come to you if YOU are moving away from him? Why should he be inconvenienced because YOU choose to move? Why shouldn't you pay or handle all transportation for the child to return to the county where dad is?

 

[LdiJ]

Your initial thought is quite selfish. If you move away from where court is, expect to be responsible for ALL transportation costs. Why should HE have to come to you if YOU are moving away from him? Why should he be inconvenienced because YOU choose to move? Why shouldn't you pay or handle all transportation for the child to return to the county where dad is?

There are other ways for her to be able to compensate dad for the cost of transportation without making the baby be the one traveling. If dad only rents an alcove in a home he may not even be thinking of having the baby spend time with him there. There is also the question of whether or not the homeowner would be comfortable having a baby present.

 

[Ohiogal]

There are other ways for her to be able to compensate dad for the cost of transportation without making the baby be the one traveling. If dad only rents an alcove in a home he may not even be thinking of having the baby spend time with him there. There is also the question of whether or not the homeowner would be comfortable having a baby present.

Then she can forgo child support completely to compensate dad for monthly visits to her area where he would get a hotel room and also pay the transportation costs. Seems fair.