to Bugaboo

[littlestlulu]

if anyone should be more cautious of their wording it should be you. I don't know your deal but you are obviously a hot headed bitter person.
I am concerned for my child in many aspects... I put my child first in ALL things I come second and am totally fine with that.
I want to finish my degree and become an elemantary school teacher, why? because I want to have the same schedule as my little girl, I want to always be there when she needs me, I want to provide her with decent home cooked meal I don't want to hop from apartment to apartment and to do that working at a gift shop in a seasonal resort town isn't going to allow me to give her any of that, as for "the golden boy" we should all pity and feel sorry for, he is a drug addict and that is why I gave up my cute little apartment with him and moved back to my parents house.
The day she toddled over to me with a burned joint in her hand that she found I said "that is it!" Or maybe I don't have a bleeding heart for him when my daughter was only a few months old and I had to go out and get a job because my ex husband didn't want to cut into his "personal time" to get a second job to make enough money to put fuel in the tank sice he really didn't give a flying crap that it was February and we had no heat.
My reluctance wasn't that I was a lazy person and ubjected to work it was that when I came home I found my infant in her swing with a bottle PROPPED in her mouth (making it so that if she began to choke she couldn't get the bottle out) and mister wonderful passed out on the couch!
I come from a very decent family he comes from alcoholics drug addicts and mental illness, should I happily hand my child over to this kind of enviroment? According to you ?
This is to all the people who understand where I am coming from and have constructive advise as to my legal rights and personal stories, please reply.
To all the bugaboo's please to try to find something in life to bring you joy, get an animal or find a hobby.

 

[Whyte Noise]

As for the "legalities" of your situation.... If the CP wants to move, unless there is something already written into your custody papers or visitation papers, then you generally have to provide the NCP with notice of your intent to move. (Normally anywhere between 30 to 90 days. Check your state statutes.) They can either agree to the move, and all goes as planned with you.... or they can contest the move, and you'll have to have the courts decide if you can move or not.

As for stories.... you might do a search on the names bugaboo and raddadthomas on this forum, and read. That will tell you why bugaboo may seem "bitter" to you. Her dh has not seen his sons in 3 years because of a bitter and angry CP. She brought a picture of his sons to court on their last court date. That's the only thing he has seen of his sons in THREE years. He pays out over $1000 a month in CS, and she has left the state to hide his children from him. She's filed false child abuse and molestion charges against him. She's defied a court order that specifically told her to have his sons at a certain place at a certain time the next week for visitation. She and his sons were a no show. Bugaboo lives through this everyday. She knows what moving the children and keeping the father from seeing them does to a man. So do I. My SO had his first overnight visit with his children in 3 years this past Saturday. Not because he was a bad father, not because he was abusive, not because he had done one single thing wrong. But because he has an ex-wife who could care less about if his children have a relationship with him. She's done everything she can to keep them from him. Saturday night she "allowed" "her" children to spend the night with their father. How nice of her.

You say that the NCP's have all the laws on their side. I just told you of 2 instances that blows your theory all to hell. If they did, these CP's wouldnt have kept their children from them for YEARS. I understand your position. I honestly and truly do. But, in your other post you say you let your daughter go to his home whenever he wants. You let her go. At least one overnight a week. she has a relationship with her father. It may not be the kind that you as a mother want her to have, but that IS her father.

Constructive advice.... put yourself in his shoes. Would you like it if it were him wanting to move your daughter away from you? Forget the type of person he is for a second, put your personal opinions of him aside. Look at him as nothing more than the father of your child. If it were him that had custody, and he was wanting to move... would that be something that you would accept? If he was wanting to take your child away from you, would you be pissed if he just did it and didn't say a word to you about it? He is her father hun. No matter what type of person he is now or was when you were with him, it took the both of you to create your child. He has as much right to have her in his life as you do. It's not fair to your daughter or to him to take that right away. Yes, your intentions are honorable. You want a better life for you and her. Quite understandable. But I can't honestly sit here and tell someone to up and move a child away from their parent. I'm sorry if that's not the answer you want, but if he wants to fight your move, he can. Legally.

 

[ktarra617]

Not only can he fight the move he can win. My hubby won a residency restriction to keep his child here.

I agree that your intentions seem to be honorable but the court is only going to be concerned about whether dad has continuing and frequent contact with his child.

If you truly feel that it is in the best interests of the child to then you had better be prepared to prove to a court how YOU will get the child back to her father for his parenting time. As you would be the one moving you could be held responsible for the entire cost of transporting the child back and forth to her father.

You also should prove to the court that you intend the father to have as much visitation time as possible since the increased distance will impact his parenting time with his child.

If you have no intention of providing transportation for your child or giving your ex a decent amount of time with his child then be prepared for the court to deny your move.

Again I understand what you are saying but keep in mind that he has the right to object and seek a ruling keeping you there.

 

[CMSC]

i
The day she toddled over to me with a burned joint in her hand that she found I said "that is it!"


HE HAD POT IN YOUR HOUSE AND YOU FINALLY LEFT WHEN YOUR CHILD GOT AHOLD OF IT?

I come from a very decent family he comes from alcoholics drug addicts and mental illness, should I happily hand my child over to this kind of enviroment?

OK LADIES, THIS IS THE ONE TIME I WILL USE THE PHRASE I HATE, "HE WAS GOOD ENOUGH THEN, WHY NOT NOW?" DID HE HIDE HIS FAMILY'S ADDICTIONS AND MENTAL ILLNESS FROM YOU? IF NOT, THEN GOOD LUCK USING THAT AS GROUNDS IN A CUSTODY ISSUE!



To all the bugaboo's please to try to find something in life to bring you joy, get an animal or find a hobby.

I WOULD SAY OUR BUGABOO HERE HAS SOME GREAT JOY COMING INTO HER LIFE! PLEASE IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU WANT TO UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE IS TALKING ABOUT READ HER STORY AND THEN PROVIDE SOME COMMENTS.

 

[KCMR]

to littlest:

You never answered my question on your last thread. (btw keep it simple...and leave it all to one thread please...I hate searching.)

My question was: Where are you moving to in PA? Are we talking about Harrisburg or like the Philadelphia area?

Are we talking about moving from Ocean City,NJ to Pittsburgh,PA or like Trenton to Philadelphia?

What makes you think you are going to become anything different if you move to PA?

 

[haiku]

you know bugaboo wasn't even 'painting' her responses to you withe her own personal experiences.

She was telling you what THE LAW requires of you!

you need to understand, it doesn't matter what sort of loser the ex is, and frankly my philosophy is yes people can make mistakes, bu tthe more you go on about what a loser the ex is, the more it makes you sound less than ideal also, for being in the position of having an ex like that. All of us, no matter our titles, have ex's from hell or most of us wouldn't be here.....

The law is the law, that man has a right to parent HIS child, and a right to uphold that right in court.

you need to accept that and work on proving you are the BEST parent, for physical custody not that he is the WORST.....

 

[CRYROSE1]

another ncp who got the crap end of the stick. my SO has a son whom after he had him for almost 3 months asked for the child support to stop. the cp would not do it and came and got there son and my SO has not seen him in 1 yr. because she wants the money, she even had his support amount rasied. She keeps moving around living in others homes so he can't find her. When he did she was in another state with the child so my SO is now after custody of the child ( court is Jan 24th 2003). There are so many others that have the same kind of storys, just think before you up and move it could cost you the custody of your child.

 

[KCMR]

"you need to accept that and work on proving you are the BEST parent, for physical custody not that he is the WORST....."

AMEN!!!!

 

[bugaboo]

QUOTED BY LITTESTLULU:
if anyone should be more cautious of their wording it should be you. I don't know your deal but you are obviously a hot headed bitter person.
I'M NOT A BITTER PERSON. REALLY I'M NOT. I RELIZE THAT SOMETIMES MY WORDS ARE HARSH OR HEATED, BUT THAT'S ONLY WHEN IT SEEMS THAT THE CHILD IS BEING CHEATED FROM HAVING BOTH PARENTS IN HIS/HER LIFE.

I am concerned for my child in many aspects... I put my child first in ALL things I come second and am totally fine with that.
I want to finish my degree and become an elemantary school teacher, why? because I want to have the same schedule as my little girl, I want to always be there when she needs me, I want to provide her with decent home cooked meal I don't want to hop from apartment to apartment and to do that working at a gift shop in a seasonal resort town isn't going to allow me to give her any of that,
I COMMEND YOU FOR WANTING TO MAKE A BETTER LIFE FOR YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER. I NEVER ONCE TOLD YOU THAT YOU WERE A BAD PERSON FOR WANTING THE BEST LIFE POSSIBLE FOR YOUR CHILD...NOR WOULD I EVER. WHAT LOVING PARENT WOULDN'T WANT THE BEST LIFE FOR THEIR CHILD. I ONLY TOLD YOU THAT YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT YOUR CHILDS RELATIONSHIP WITH HER FATHER. THE COURT COULD MAKE IT TO WHERE YOU CANNOT TAKE THE CHILD OUT OF THE STATE, OR WHERE YOU HAVE TO STAY WITHIN 60 MILES OF WHERE THE FATHER IS.

as for "the golden boy" we should all pity and feel sorry for, he is a drug addict and that is why I gave up my cute little apartment with him and moved back to my parents house.
PITY ISN'T THE WORD I WOULD USE...MORE LIKE SUPPORT YOUR CHILDS RIGHT TO KNOW AND LOVE HER FATHER...NO MATTER WHAT KIND OF A PERSON YOU THINK HE IS...NON THE LESS, HE IS STILL HER FATHER.

The day she toddled over to me with a burned joint in her hand that she found I said "that is it!"
SO WAS HE SMOKING WEED IN YOU HOME AND YOU DIDN'T KNOW? HOW DID SHE GET AHOLD OF A BURNED JOINT? THAT WOULD BE MY QUESTION IF I WERE INVESTIGATING YOU AND THE FATHER FOR CHILD ENDANGERMENT...IT SHOULDN'T HAVE TAKEN YOUR DAUGHTER WALKING OVER TO YOU WITH A JOINT...I HAVE A FEELING YOU KNEW THERE WAS WEED IN THE HOME...YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN YOUR LITTLE GIRL TAKEN AWAY FROM YOU...DID YOU KNOW THAT?

Or maybe I don't have a bleeding heart for him when my daughter was only a few months old and I had to go out and get a job because my ex husband didn't want to cut into his "personal time" to get a second job to make enough money to put fuel in the tank sice he really didn't give a flying crap that it was February and we had no heat.
SO HE'S LAZY...THE FACT STILL REMAINS THAT HE IS HER FATHER. YOU CAN'T DENY HIM THAT. NO ONE TOLD YOU THAT YOU HAVE TO HAVE A BLEEDING HEART, OR EVEN LIKE THE GUY FOR THAT MATTER...THAT IS WHY HE IS AN EX.

My reluctance wasn't that I was a lazy person and ubjected to work it was that when I came home I found my infant in her swing with a bottle PROPPED in her mouth (making it so that if she began to choke she couldn't get the bottle out) and mister wonderful passed out on the couch!
DID YOU LEAVE THAN? IF MY CHILD WAS IN THAT MUCH DANGER, I WOULD HAVE LEFT. HOW LONG AFTER THIS HAPPENED DID YOU LEAVE.

I come from a very decent family he comes from alcoholics drug addicts and mental illness, should I happily hand my child over to this kind of enviroment? According to you ?
NO, I NEVER SAID YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY TO HAND HER OVER...I SAID LEGALLY YOU HAVE TO HAND HER OVER. HOW LONG WHERE YOU WITH THIS PERSON? YOU NEVER KNEW WHAT KIND OF FAMILY HE HAD? YOU NEVER MET HIS FAMILY? YOU MAY HAVE A HARD TIME PROVING THAT IN COURT.

This is to all the people who understand where I am coming from and have constructive advise as to my legal rights and personal stories, please reply.
To all the bugaboo's please to try to find something in life to bring you joy, get an animal or find a hobby.
I'VE GOT JOY IN MY LIFE. IN 3 MONTHS I WILL GIVE BIRTH TO A WONDERFUL LITTLE BOY... I'VE ALSO GOT A HOBBIE (DECORATING HIS NURSERY) AND A PET (MY CAT.) BUT THANKS.

 

[raddadthomas]

Life as an NCP DAD

Had to defend and apologize for Bugaboo's spirited opinions.
For those of you reading Bugaboos post for the first time, need to know this woman has watched me (NCP) suffer beyond words.

Without going deeply into my situation. It has been along time and excess of 20 thousand dollars + spent on lawyers, courts, doctors, and still NO contact. Not even phone. I wish for the nightmare to end each day. I wish for the X's heart to soften so my sons may know their Daddy. Bugaboo has seen my pain on Christmas, Easter, Fathers Day, etc...

Her opinions are a little strong due to living the nightmare along side of me. She is a great woman and role model for CP's and NCP's. She shares custody with her X and really goes out of her way to have her girls know their dad, and her, each love them.

That's what its all about. I wish I could somehow start my divorce over and be more mature for the kids. I bet alot of us would like to do that. If we could honestly admit it. Some parents get so mad during a divorce they say or do things they wouldn't normally do. Then the other parent retaliates and the kids suffer. (Real Life)

Hey X, Sorry for getting angry in the beginning. It was only hurt.

On a quick note to my friends. We returned from driving 500 miles and spending an entire day undergoing the second evaluation, extremely expensive. I took a 600 question test called an MMPI along with several hours of intense questioning regarding my parenting skills and involvement with my sons. I can't wait until the next hearing now, I have complied with the court. Both doctors, with both evaluations will be at the next hearing. Soon my sons will know me again.

Bugaboo went with me to this too. She has witnessed the entire roller coaster ride. Now you can maybe understand her a little better.

 

[PoohBear8]

I have read both threads regarding your situation and the replies, good and/or bad, written. It seems to me that the reason you have been blasted in several replies is because of the generalizations you made in your original post. Keep things more specific and people will probably not blast you.
This is just my opinion after reading yours as well as many others postings.

 

[tammy8]

Gonna add my war story now!

A couple of yrs ago my Husband was involved in a custody battle that started out as a simple request for visitation in writing. 2 yrs into the battle, bm saw how bad she was doing, so up and decided to move 3 hrs away. Because no final ruling had been made yet, the judge allowed this. Besides devastating my Husband AND the kids, it put bm in a totally awkward place. Not only was SHE required to bring the kids back AND forth EOW but she almost ruined the relationship with HER children and the kids will NEVER trust her again.

BTW She moved back within 10 wks.

 

[littlestlulu]

raddadthomas & bugaboo

first off, sorry.
Hang tough guys, this is ugly stuff.
I guess I just wasn't ready to hear things I didn't WANT to hear yet, ya know!?
In a nut shell after knowing my ex 2 months (we met in art school, kind of a whirl wind thing) I found myself pregnant...I very much wanted my daughter but was petrified!!!! I was living away from my family and friends...anyway, I knew he smoked but figured with the situation he would grow up and step up to the plate so to speak. We had grand plans...but into the pregnancy I started to see his real side coming out he was violent and moody and then there was the drugs.... all the while I felt as if I couldn't leave and go HOME to my family,I felt like he was in my head....he knew my thoughts he would never leave me a lone, not even to go to the bathroom...anyway we got married, I knew I shouldn't have but, well you know. So here I am feeling like pooh, with my hands tied watching and hoping the law doesnt take action AFTER something bad happens. I know I have done stupid things I wish with all my might I could redo things but one thing I would do EVERY time is have my beautiful baby girl, the joy of my life.... sappy but she is my EVERYTHING.
I don't want to take her dad away...but threw his actions he is more of a sperm dodner than a loving father. All I can hope that for my daughter is that some day he will mature and be a good dad.

 

[butterfree]

Quote by littlestlulu:

"All I can hope that for my daughter is that some day he will mature and be a good dad."







That is what we ALL really hope for, for our kids' sake.

 

[KCMR]

little:

Exactly that's all you can do...is hope that one day he will be a good father to your daughter.

We are all here because one time or another we all made mistakes. Look...raddad wishes he could start over. You wish you never got involved...I wish I would have done things differently from the start too. There are people that have signed over custody that wished they hadn't now too.

This board is full of so many different emotions. Everyone has a story. Every single person knows what it's like to be going through all the different levels of frustration, anxiety, anger, fear, hatred, love, we all feel it.

bug & rad my heart TRULY breaks for you. I can't imagine your pain.... I just can't.

little: I do understand where you are coming from, I really do...you want to make a better life for your daughter. Right now, to you, it looks like a move is your answer. But some people here just want you to see the other point of view--the fathers side--the child's side--the laws--the experience.

No one here is setting out to simply attack you or your intentions.