Trial and what I can do

[myownlawyer29]

What is the name of your state?

My name is Kimberlee and I live in California.

Briefly here is some background of my case. I have been divorced from my children’s father for 6 years. Last summer, I requested modification of visitation with their father due to my children expressing fear of the father's girlfriend. He had a lawyer and I did not. We came to an agreement in November and I signed the papers that his lawyer drew up. However, my ex NEVER signed this paper. Since November, my ex has NOT called his children or exercised his parental visitation rights. He also refuses to call the children back when they call him.

This brings me to now. I filed for full legal and physical custody in March due my ex not having anything to do with the children (he lives 30 miles away). He has told the judge that he works on ALL weekends and that he cannot leave the kids with his wife now, due to the possibility of me "drumming up new abuse accusations". However, he does not think that we should change our visitation schedule, (every other weekend with their father Fri-Sun). He retained his lawyer again and I am In Pro Per. I have to put together my case in front of the Judge and need to know a few things. Since I am my own lawyer, can I ask his employer for his work schedule for the past 4 months? I would like to prove that he just does not make the effort to see the children. I know that he has had many weekends off that include a Friday and Saturday but he does not ask to get the kids. If I can ask for this information, how do I request it from his employer?

He also is asking that I pay for his lawyer fees. Will I have to pay for that too? I could not afford a lawyer of my own and could hardly pay the court fee to start this new motion. He refuses to pay half of the Orthodontist bill that my insurance does not cover which is a grand total of $4500, but can afford to retain his lawyer twice.

Any information would be great!! Thank you. Kimberlee

 

[Ron1347]

Sorry, I have no legal advice to offer (others here will do that), but have just one question. How old are the children at present?

 

[myownlawyer29]

My daughters are 12 (13 in June), 10 (11 in May) and my son is 6 (7 in May).

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state?

My name is Kimberlee and I live in California.

Briefly here is some background of my case. I have been divorced from my children’s father for 6 years. Last summer, I requested modification of visitation with their father due to my children expressing fear of the father's girlfriend. He had a lawyer and I did not. We came to an agreement in November and I signed the papers that his lawyer drew up. However, my ex NEVER signed this paper. Since November, my ex has NOT called his children or exercised his parental visitation rights. He also refuses to call the children back when they call him.

This brings me to now. I filed for full legal and physical custody in March due my ex not having anything to do with the children (he lives 30 miles away). He has told the judge that he works on ALL weekends and that he cannot leave the kids with his wife now, due to the possibility of me "drumming up new abuse accusations". However, he does not think that we should change our visitation schedule, (every other weekend with their father Fri-Sun). He retained his lawyer again and I am In Pro Per. I have to put together my case in front of the Judge and need to know a few things. Since I am my own lawyer, can I ask his employer for his work schedule for the past 4 months? I would like to prove that he just does not make the effort to see the children. I know that he has had many weekends off that include a Friday and Saturday but he does not ask to get the kids. If I can ask for this information, how do I request it from his employer?

He also is asking that I pay for his lawyer fees. Will I have to pay for that too? I could not afford a lawyer of my own and could hardly pay the court fee to start this new motion. He refuses to pay half of the Orthodontist bill that my insurance does not cover which is a grand total of $4500, but can afford to retain his lawyer twice.

Any information would be great!! Thank you. Kimberlee

What does the current court order say re; visitation/custody? If the X never signed the agreement, then a judge probably never made it a part of the court order- so the original order should still stand.

If you say he does not work weekends- and he says he does, odds are (in CA) the judge will ask him for documentation from his employer re; his work schedule.

Representing yourself against an attorney is a dangerous situation- and unfortunately in CA getting legal aid or a pro bono attorney can take months and months. What has his attorney responded with? Is he fighting the change or asking for more custody or what?

 

[myownlawyer29]

Repsonse

We currently had to go back to the original custody order, which is every other weekend. What we agreed to and he did not sign was 1 weekend a month.

Basically, I have been in contact with his lawyer and he has not returned his lawyers phone calls. In our last court appearance (for the new motion), the Judge saw that my x did sign the agreement but only after I brought this new motion. The lawyer told the Judge that his client would not return any phone calls or respond to the letters that he sends out. He is on my side and did not show any “fight” or argue in his favor.

In my x's response to my order to show cause, he wrote that he would like to see the kids but I am not flexible since he cannot get them during the week as they have school to attend. He wants the visitation to remain every other weekend to "guarantee" some sort of contact. However, the man will not return phone calls to the kids and does not come to see them at all.

The problem is that he wants it on paper that he is a father but chooses not to take opportunity to be the father.

 

[Ron1347]

For what it's worth...one of my sons was arrogant enough 'once', and decided 'he' could represent himself in court, against his ex's attorney. Although we all tried to strongly advise against it, he was determined. He also regretted it! It was embarrassing and humiliating!! Pathetic!

 

[myownlawyer29]

I can understand what you mean. I appreciate your concern. However, this will be the 2nd time I have had to go to trial. I was able to present the facts of the case to the Judge to where I was able to change the visitation from every other weekend and Holidays to 1 weekend a month at my discretion. My x was going for full custody with me having them 1 a month without my boyfriend around. I was up against the same lawyer that he has presently. I was just wondering if I could get the “proof” that I need to present to the Judge, from his employer without a lawyer and we can settle this soon. Last week when I was at court, the Judge said that this seems to be cut and dry and that the iron was hot in November but now it is not.

 

[djohnson]

I guess I'm not understanding why you want to go to court and pay these fees for nothing. What are you trying to gain out of it. What difference does it make what it says if he doesn't see them anyway or use his time? Are you trying to force him to see them? Are you just trying to make him look bad on paper? I'm just not seeing the point I guess.

 

[casa]

I can understand what you mean. I appreciate your concern. However, this will be the 2nd time I have had to go to trial. I was able to present the facts of the case to the Judge to where I was able to change the visitation from every other weekend and Holidays to 1 weekend a month at my discretion. My x was going for full custody with me having them 1 a month without my boyfriend around. I was up against the same lawyer that he has presently. I was just wondering if I could get the “proof” that I need to present to the Judge, from his employer without a lawyer and we can settle this soon. Last week when I was at court, the Judge said that this seems to be cut and dry and that the iron was hot in November but now it is not.

I also successfully represented myself in a custody dispute against my nuttyX's attorney~ BUT it was emotionally exhausting and in hindsight took much longer than it should have. Now in my recent custody dispute (nuttyX does this on a continual basis ) he has a different attorney, one withOUT much integrity...and I found that hiring a Fam. Law Specialist was best. I don't want to have to keep doing this over and over again. I think if you would have had an attorney before, some of the things that were never 'settled' ...would have been. Some of the documents/agreements which never got signed or made a part of the court record...would have been. Just my 2c.

I can't see any way for you to obtain your X's employment records. It would be an option to ask the judge to order him to provide that information- or attempt to subpoena them, but again- I really think an attorney would handle this problem in the very best way.

 

[myownlawyer29]

My point that I am trying to making is that if he does not want to have them, put in on paper. Why you say? I just do not want him to come by one weekend (like he has done in the past) and demand that the kids go with him and then he brings the police into it. The man has called the police on me 4 times in the past year before this most recent agreement in court in November. I cannot let my children be put through that again.

Also, I have the kids more and pay more for their entertainment, food and not to mention the gas money it takes to do all the fun stuff (price of gas in my California town is $2.80). Therefore, currently as it stands on paper, our child support is based on him having them about 45% of the time and now he has them 0% of the time.

Not to sound like a wench of and x but if the man does not want to be a part of their lives, then he should composite financially for what the kids are missing out by being with him. Please don't get me wrong but there needs to be an equalization between the two homes. That is what child support is suppose to do. FYI, I get $500 per month for 3 children and my monthly income is $1700 gross. The x makes more than double what I make.

Point; there is not “real” point to make. The truth is that this is my children’s LIFE not a political statement. If he chooses not to be a father and teach the children life’s lessons, it is up to me. Kind a tough thing to deal with sometimes, but it is my choice. Thank you for your comments.

 

[Silverplum]

The man has called the police on me 4 times in the past year before this most recent agreement in court in November. I cannot let my children be put through that again.

****How does the police being called on you affect your kids? Do you tell them all about it???

Also, I have the kids more and pay more for their entertainment, food and not to mention the gas money it takes to do all the fun stuff (snip)

****Uuuh...entertainment is not of world-class importance. At least not to people who are not in California.

Not to sound like a wench of and x but if the man does not want to be a part of their lives, then he should composite financially for what the kids are missing out by being with him. Please don't get me wrong but there needs to be an equalization between the two homes. That is what child support is suppose to do. FYI, I get $500 per month for 3 children and my monthly income is $1700 gross. The x makes more than double what I make.

****(bolding mine) You are sadly mistaken about the purpose of CS. You aren't alone.

Point; there is not “real” point to make. The truth is that this is my children’s LIFE not a political statement. If he chooses not to be a father and teach the children life’s lessons, it is up to me. Kind a tough thing to deal with sometimes, but it is my choice. Thank you for your comments.

*****You make no sense with this last one. Care to try again?

 

[joan marie]

For what it's worth...one of my sons was arrogant enough 'once', and decided 'he' could represent himself in court, against his ex's attorney. Although we all tried to strongly advise against it, he was determined. He also regretted it! It was embarrassing and humiliating!! Pathetic!

I would think people dont use lawyers not beacuse they dont want to, but more they cant afford it. Last year I went through a case where all I wanted was to enforce my divorce decree. It cost approx 5,000 of which my X only had to contribute approx 2,500. He was over 13,000 in arrears and was allowed to pay that back at 35 a week lol Now I wonder if I could have just filed contemp charges and saved all the drama from the x?

So pulling together that 5 grand was a big hardship on me. I had to borrow it and then pay it back. I know it is best to have a lawyer but in reality, IF justice was fair, you wouldnt need one. I have gone to court with and without one. I prefer to have one with me. But at times it was not possible. In those times I did the best I could to be informed and understand what was ahead, and I prayed alot that the truth would win out. In the end it did.

good luck
joan marie *

 

[myownlawyer29]

This is to Silverplum*****ummmmm lets see.....when he calls the police, the police come to the door WITH the kids around and they see it all.......now do you understand why I don't want that to happen? Do you understand that seeing a police officer there really scared them. They are NOT your kids so I just don't see the point in you understanding my situation.... thanks for your rudeness!!

I have no idea what the heck that last rude comment was all about. I am not looking for more crap to deal with. I am tiring to raise kids. Entertainment such as going to field trips at school is what I mean too. Not to mention books to read and art supplies. Do you even have children? Just because I live in California???? What the heck did you mean by that?

I don't have the time for rude people like yourself. You should not sahre your rudeness with other. Please keep it to yourself and save someone else the time of reading and dealing with your comments.

 

[Silverplum]

You are so very mistaken. If you think that you are going to saunter into a courtroom and whine for "entertainment money," then you are living on an entirely different planet. One of the fine things that will happen to you at this website is that you will learn what will and what will not fly in mediation or in court. And your snotty little attitude is not taking you places, lady.

And, for those of you with no sense of anyplace else but where you live....we in Colorado thoroughly enjoy the activity of making fun of Californians. It's what we do. Though we usually make fun of those who make the mistake of actually moving here. Back in the 70s, it used to be Texans. Perhaps we should have A Meeting and discuss picking a new state to pick on, since the Californians can't handle it.

As far as the police coming to your house and your children seeing it: what did you do to make the cops come? Funny, we get tons of messages from people who can't get the cops to do anything...and they've come to your house four times?

 

[djohnson]

My point that I am trying to making is that if he does not want to have them, put in on paper. Why you say? I just do not want him to come by one weekend (like he has done in the past) and demand that the kids go with him and then he brings the police into it. The man has called the police on me 4 times in the past year before this most recent agreement in court in November. I cannot let my children be put through that again.

Also, I have the kids more and pay more for their entertainment, food and not to mention the gas money it takes to do all the fun stuff (price of gas in my California town is $2.80). Therefore, currently as it stands on paper, our child support is based on him having them about 45% of the time and now he has them 0% of the time.

Not to sound like a wench of and x but if the man does not want to be a part of their lives, then he should composite financially for what the kids are missing out by being with him. Please don't get me wrong but there needs to be an equalization between the two homes. That is what child support is suppose to do. FYI, I get $500 per month for 3 children and my monthly income is $1700 gross. The x makes more than double what I make.

Point; there is not “real” point to make. The truth is that this is my children’s LIFE not a political statement. If he chooses not to be a father and teach the children life’s lessons, it is up to me. Kind a tough thing to deal with sometimes, but it is my choice. Thank you for your comments.

This is the first time you mentioned child support being a factor and something you were fighting for. Before this statement it sounded like all you wanted was to change the wording of the visitation schedule. I couldn't figure out why you would pay money to do that. All relevant information is handy when giving advice.