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corbinsmom
Guest
I'm sorry. I don't cherish the idea of getting into a spar with someone who so obviously just wants to argue (once again, I'm being attacked by someone who knows nothing of my personal situation), but I can't let the "controlling" comment go.
How is encouraging the man who walked out on me to come to prenatal visits involving his child, controlling? How is asking for his input and opinion (times too numerous to count) when it comes to visitation, controlling? How is offering extended visits, unsolicited, controlling? How is calling the NCP when his son took his first steps, rolled over for the first time, sat up for the first time, spoke his first words, how is that controlling? How is it controlling when I make him aware of his son's daycare programs, and Sunday School programs, and sporting events so that he can come and be a part of them and share that with his son? How is it controlling when I make him aware of who his son's pediatrician is and encourage him to attend regular check ups?
How is it controlling when our son lay in a hospital just days after his birth, in a life and death situation, and I made his father aware of the seriousness of the situation and encouraged him to be there and stay if he wanted to? In that week, the NCP visited twice and stayed a mere 30 minutes each time. Explain to me how my behavior in that situation was controlling?!
You call me controlling? You should have it so good to have me on the other end of things when it comes to custody issues. My lawyer kept telling me that the NCP's rights and being fair to him wasn't my responsibility and I had to stop thinking of him so much and start thinking of me. I did neither, I thought of our child and will always do so.
How is it in the child's best interest to know when he's taken out of the state, if he's not returned at the appointed time I can let authorities know where to start looking for him, that's how! What if the NCP is in an accident? If I know where they are, there's a higher possibility of finding them.
Try thinking outside your small little box and realize that it's not about the NCP or the CP, it's about taking the best care of our children. That's something that's been far too long sorely lacking in this country. It's about time somebody starts thinking about the children. We, as adults, are far too selfish and marriages and families fall apart because we too often do what "makes us happy". Well, fine, what will make me happy is raising a healthy, well-adjusted, happy child who loves his father and his mother. To do that, I must be a well-informed mother and that includes knowing when he's taken across state lines at the age of 4 and doesn't understand that he can pick up any phone and call me if he's in trouble or simply misses me.
How is encouraging the man who walked out on me to come to prenatal visits involving his child, controlling? How is asking for his input and opinion (times too numerous to count) when it comes to visitation, controlling? How is offering extended visits, unsolicited, controlling? How is calling the NCP when his son took his first steps, rolled over for the first time, sat up for the first time, spoke his first words, how is that controlling? How is it controlling when I make him aware of his son's daycare programs, and Sunday School programs, and sporting events so that he can come and be a part of them and share that with his son? How is it controlling when I make him aware of who his son's pediatrician is and encourage him to attend regular check ups?
How is it controlling when our son lay in a hospital just days after his birth, in a life and death situation, and I made his father aware of the seriousness of the situation and encouraged him to be there and stay if he wanted to? In that week, the NCP visited twice and stayed a mere 30 minutes each time. Explain to me how my behavior in that situation was controlling?!
You call me controlling? You should have it so good to have me on the other end of things when it comes to custody issues. My lawyer kept telling me that the NCP's rights and being fair to him wasn't my responsibility and I had to stop thinking of him so much and start thinking of me. I did neither, I thought of our child and will always do so.
How is it in the child's best interest to know when he's taken out of the state, if he's not returned at the appointed time I can let authorities know where to start looking for him, that's how! What if the NCP is in an accident? If I know where they are, there's a higher possibility of finding them.
Try thinking outside your small little box and realize that it's not about the NCP or the CP, it's about taking the best care of our children. That's something that's been far too long sorely lacking in this country. It's about time somebody starts thinking about the children. We, as adults, are far too selfish and marriages and families fall apart because we too often do what "makes us happy". Well, fine, what will make me happy is raising a healthy, well-adjusted, happy child who loves his father and his mother. To do that, I must be a well-informed mother and that includes knowing when he's taken across state lines at the age of 4 and doesn't understand that he can pick up any phone and call me if he's in trouble or simply misses me.
Whyte Noise
Senior Member
MammaBear76 said:
I don't know how you figure this won't cost her any money.
First off, her ex doesn't aparantly agree to this since he's stated that what he does on his time is his business. (And all emotional feelings aside, he is correct. Legally, he doesn't have to tell her anything.)
So, since he doesn't agree, she can not just file a "stipulation" (an agreement between the parties) or "addendum" to the order. She's going to have to file the motion to change the order (which will incur a filing fee with the court.) Then, there will be a hearing set on the matter. If she doesn't feel comfortable representing herself, doesn't know what papers need to be filed, etc. she will have to hire an attorney. More money. If she loses, her ex could request that she pay HIS attorney fees and the court costs as well. (Which are above and beyond the filing fee.)
The LEAST this is going to cost her is the filing fee. Could be much more.
And just as a little FYI... USMC is a woman. IAAL is a Family Law Attorney with over 23 years experience. He gave her the correct response to her question in his post.
I was in the same situation as you are in Corbinmoms...so I can say, I speak from experience. Legally, there isn't a damn thing you can do about it. Your child's dad does NOT have to tell you where he is going or taking his son. UNLESS...the decree you both signed stipulates this clearly! I didn't know that when this happened to me. So, I did what mommabear told you to do...I took my ex to court and requested a modification...where I would be notified if my ex took my kids out of the state.
My ex did NOT agree with this...and the judge denied my request. Not only did I lose, but I had to pay the filing fee's...and my ex's attorney fee's too. NOTHING in this world is free...there will be some sort of fee that you will have to pay. Although you didn't like the way IAAL responded to you...he did give you the correct information, what you do with it is your business.
I do agree that each state has it's own set of laws...and judge's differ from state to state. Also, your request is not unreasonable...neither was mine lol ( the judge's exact words to me). But that didn't change anything for me...nor will it change anything for you. As long as your child's dad is taking good care of your son, you stand a chance of losing... as I did. If you choose to take your chances in court, then go for it. You know your ex better than anyone...he may put in a request of his own, and you may lose more than just the case and filing fee's.
Missourigal, Kido and USMC are well informed ppl, and we all went through similar situations as your going through now, they did give you good advice...take it or leave it, better yet...listen to what mommabear has told you to do, then come back to this forum and let us know how it turned out......okay?
Good luck
My ex did NOT agree with this...and the judge denied my request. Not only did I lose, but I had to pay the filing fee's...and my ex's attorney fee's too. NOTHING in this world is free...there will be some sort of fee that you will have to pay. Although you didn't like the way IAAL responded to you...he did give you the correct information, what you do with it is your business.
I do agree that each state has it's own set of laws...and judge's differ from state to state. Also, your request is not unreasonable...neither was mine lol ( the judge's exact words to me). But that didn't change anything for me...nor will it change anything for you. As long as your child's dad is taking good care of your son, you stand a chance of losing... as I did. If you choose to take your chances in court, then go for it. You know your ex better than anyone...he may put in a request of his own, and you may lose more than just the case and filing fee's.
Missourigal, Kido and USMC are well informed ppl, and we all went through similar situations as your going through now, they did give you good advice...take it or leave it, better yet...listen to what mommabear has told you to do, then come back to this forum and let us know how it turned out......okay?
Good luck
So what happens if you they are in an accident in the state you live in just many, many, many miles away? Hmm, let me think same thing as if he is in another state. He gets treated, you get notified.
The legal aspect of your case doesn't care if he walked out on you, if he was there for the prenatal, or whatever other emotional things he did to you. Do I agree with any of them, not really, but that doesn't hold up in court. What does and will is the fact your child is with his father on his visitation time. You do not have the right to know where he is at at all times. So what if he doesn't answer the phone. Would your ex have the same attitude if you were grocery shopping with your son and you didn't answer? Good Lord, how could you forget to tell him where you went?
M
MammaBear76
Guest
Corbinsmom - get at me on AIM. Dolphindance69. . . let me know what your screen name is too so I can avoid talking to some of these bitter people who may pose as you. I will walk you through exactly what I did. My only expense was the train ride downtown and a burger at McDonald's.
These people claim that they have all this experience. . yet they can't figure out how to do it free. Hmmmm. . who would you rather listen to?
Just listen to the bitterness in these replies. These people don't want anyone to get what they couldn't get.
It's not about control people. . . but if I didn't have control. . no one would. My x is one of those who puts on a cape once or twice a month and thinks he's super dad. . other than that. . he doesn't really play an intricate role in my daughter's life.
Oh. . and by the way. . completely pro se to move out of the state to California. . . and here I am . . . in California. . and he had an attorney. . . who by the way is famous in Illinois as "the Father's right advocate". . . so I think I know a thing or two as well!!
These people claim that they have all this experience. . yet they can't figure out how to do it free. Hmmmm. . who would you rather listen to?
Just listen to the bitterness in these replies. These people don't want anyone to get what they couldn't get.
It's not about control people. . . but if I didn't have control. . no one would. My x is one of those who puts on a cape once or twice a month and thinks he's super dad. . other than that. . he doesn't really play an intricate role in my daughter's life.
Oh. . and by the way. . completely pro se to move out of the state to California. . . and here I am . . . in California. . and he had an attorney. . . who by the way is famous in Illinois as "the Father's right advocate". . . so I think I know a thing or two as well!!
usmcfamily
Senior Member
MamaBear -- for the record I do not sit here "all day" to get the number of posts I have......I am actually here very infrequently. As for my knowledge or experience I have plenty of both -- I have represented myself in custody, divorce, child support and other legal matters (all successfully might I add) and have spent countless hours working doing legal research for others who find themselves in positions such as I was. So, I guess maybe it is *you* who should know someone before you make assumptions, eh?
BTW - to my defenders........Thank You, but I choose not to waste my time and effort on trolls......
BTW - to my defenders........Thank You, but I choose not to waste my time and effort on trolls......
J
JoandJa'smom
Guest
In most states it is standard in the court orders that both parents are to tell the other parent if they plan to take them overnight somwhere, ther telephone number, and address of where they are as well. If you do not have this in your order I would try to get it modified right away. I am sure that a judge will add that in as most states see it as the best interest of the child. I have that in my order and even though I am the CP i make sure I tell my ex where we will be and the number. It isin't about control at all. Both parents should always know where there child is going to be if not at the other parents home. You need to know that info for emergency's and important issues concerning the child.
JoandJa'smom
JoandJa'smom
You think I am arguementative and bitter? What do you think your ex's attorney is going to be like?
JoandJas'smom, search this website you are incorrect that most states it is not standard to inform them of standard overnight visits. I could overwhelm you with different sites correcting you, but I won't. You can't be sure what this judge will decide since your case has never been represented in front of him/her.
Excuse me? Why are you even here if you weren't looking for FREE Advice?
Poster listen to Mommabear. Take this back to the court system and try to control your ex. You will spend money to get a modification, or at least you will spend money unless you figure out how to control him from the free advice you have received from mommabear. I give you less than a 15% chance you will get your way to control him.
But do post the outcome. The true outcome of your court battle.
JoandJas'smom, search this website you are incorrect that most states it is not standard to inform them of standard overnight visits. I could overwhelm you with different sites correcting you, but I won't. You can't be sure what this judge will decide since your case has never been represented in front of him/her.
Excuse me? Why are you even here if you weren't looking for FREE Advice?
Poster listen to Mommabear. Take this back to the court system and try to control your ex. You will spend money to get a modification, or at least you will spend money unless you figure out how to control him from the free advice you have received from mommabear. I give you less than a 15% chance you will get your way to control him.
But do post the outcome. The true outcome of your court battle.
MammaBear76 said:
My reply was not bitter at all...I was just sharing an experience I went through similar to Corbinsmom. But I would say that YOUR the one who is bitter...because your ex puts on a cape once a month and thinks he's super-dad lol. Now I'de say those were bitter words coming from a bitter woman lol. People come to this forum for help...they either take it or leave it. Because one member used a tone you don't approve of....doesn't mean the advice given was wrong. But your an attorney and an expert on the law, so it's best we let Corbinsmom "get at" you on AIM and leave her in your hands.
Btw, I don't try to control my ex and never tried to control what my ex does or doesn't do with my children. I love my children enough to realize that they need their father and respect the time they have with him.
I am not a bitter person because I didn't get what I wanted. I never would have fought for such a petty thing to begin with.
usmcfamily
Senior Member
Sorry to disappoint you but I am not bitter and I have gotten exactly what I want -- a happy healthy child who knows that she is loved by ALL the different parties in her life (myself, her father, her step-father, her father's fiance, both sides of each family, etc). I have never felt the need to have such control over her father's time with her and he has never tried to control mine .....somehow we have managed to rise above the pettiness and worry about what is truly important - that our daughter is happy.
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