visitation information

[MammaBear76]

~Excuse me? Why are you even here if you weren't looking for FREE Advice?~

I was asking for advice on something I hadn't been through yet. And I'm glad I didn't listen to the bitter people on here. . . I did what I thought and got what I wanted.

I didn't say everyone was bitter. .just those who get so defensive about a subject because it didn't work for them because they didn't approach it properly.. didn't mention any names. . don't have a guilty conscience. . . . it's not healthy.


momself - Bitter
usmcfamily - bitter
kidoday - bitter
IIAL - Bitter
haiku - bitter

I'm not bitter. . I don't hate my ex. . I just feel better when he's not around. Most people don't welcome dead beat dad's with warmth. I still tell my daughter every day that her daddy loves her.

I don't even know why I'm wasting my time with you "trolls". . . you can't see me! You have no clue!!!

 

[momself]

No dear, i am not bitter. Just tired of reading posts like yours on here. It's pretty pathetic really.

Your child is lucky enough to have both parents in his/her life. Not all children have that. Stop and think about that will ya? And you want to fight over something so trivial??? Quit trying to control how the father spends time with his child on HIS time. Plain and simple.

 

[kidoday]

MammaBear, you crack me up. I have nothing to be bitter about. My ex and I get along reasonably well. Yes he is a prick and I am a bitch. Hence the reason we were divorced. But do I try to control what he does with our daughters? Nope.

Do I feel better when he is not around our daughters? Nope. That is the difference between you and I. I accept that he is their father and should have the right to be able to continue to have a life with our daughters; wherever he takes them.

 

[tracker704]

I have not read the three pages of posts, however I feel compelled to reply. I do not want to disrespect IAAL as I totally respect him. My husband sent his son from Florida to Michigan for court ordred visitation for Christmas break. The FW denied telephone contact, except once. The FW and my husband's son ended up in Costa Rica. We did not find him until 5 months later, thanks to the NCMEC. If you feel that there is a flight risk, insist on communication and knowing where your child is.

 

[usmcfamily]

No one got "defensive" until you decided to start making things personal -- but that's okay.
As I said before - I couldn't be farther from bitter but it's pretty clear we are at a communication imapasse so I will save my breath for another day........ My ex and I get along wonderfully - our families regularly spend special days (ie daughter's b-days, etc) together and when he has the time to come visit her he stays in our home as part of our family....and vice versa when we happen to be passing through where he lives -- custody and visitation were decided amicably between us with no fight whatsoever, our daughter has open access to both of us and a wonderful relationship with both, support is paid on time (and when it isn't I know there is a good reason so I patiently wait for him to be able to do it)......what in that do I have to be so bitter about?

 

[VG1013]

Ditto......to what kido, usmc, and momself said lol. You see Mammabear...when a mom says she feels better when her child's daddy isn't around, that to me is a selfish and bitter ex. You should be happy your ex puts on that cape once or twice a month and plays super dad. Because in your child's eyes...that's exactly what he is to her, "her super daddy". At least he makes an effort to see her...and what little time they do spend together, will become a happy memory for your child spent with her "daddy". Isn't that what it's all about? The happiness and best interest for your child? No one here was bitter, I didn't see it that way at all. What I saw was informative, direct and honest advice given to someone who asked for help. We don't always get what we want, or hear what we want to hear. But the advice that Corbinsmom and you got here, came from ppl who knew what they were talking about.

 

[haiku]

Hey I'm bitter!

Wow, I never thought about this before....

I have a pretty nice life, have a great partnership with my husband, get to stay home with my wonderful child, am building a lasting relationship with my step children. Taking it day by day, building a happy blended family, (which is not easy when some of the "participants" are not willing to let go of the power cord. )Learning new things as I go. And happy to share what I have learned worked, and what doesn't.

I can see both sides of every child custody struggle, and be fair, because the only one that gets forgotten, is the kid who does not care, daddy doesn't pay, or mommy sleeps around, they just LOVE them for being daddy and mommy.

I don't dwell on the past, and I don't begrudge the children in my family the right to love who they want to love. I don't begrudge the ex, whether it be CP or NCP the right to run THIER home the way they desire. Letting go and moving on is very important to the kids health, and your own.

bitter? hmmm...............

 

[CatherineV]

a.k.a. Corbinsmom

MommaBear and MissouriGal (it's me, corbinsmom)- Thank you for your replies. I truly appreciated hearing from the both of you given that you've both been through similar situations, and yet you both had different outcomes.

I've been doing some more research in our public library and many of you who've posted to my question would be interested in what I found. Just a few days ago, a NCP got in trouble with the law for taking the child out of the state of Iowa without the CP's knowledge! It was a regularly scheduled visit, but the NCP did not let the CP know they were going out of the state. When the CP called just to say hello to the child and see how their day was going, the CP could not find the child or the NCP anywhere. Since no information was given to the CP as to the NCP's planned whereabouts, the situation was immediately treated as a kidnapping.

So, someone want to tell me again how I only have a 15% chance of "winning in court"?! FYI - I have always, and will continue even in this situation, taken great steps and gone to great lengths to stay out of the courts and work things out between my ex and me. It was he who took me to court. He never once asked me to make changes to our visitation agreement that we agreed upon outside of court when our son was first born; in spite of me continually asking for his opinion. He just decided to take me to court.

So, again, MissouriGal and MommaBear, thank you for your experieced words of advice. MommaBear, I'll be contacting you soon. MissourGal, I'll keep you posted on what the outcome is. Maybe you can revisit your situation and gain a more workable solution.

 

[kidoday]

I would love for you to post your actual order and the order of the NCP who just a few days ago got in trouble with the law for taking the child out of state. I will bet there is a 15% chance that this NCP had it written in in the order not to do so.


I hope you do keep Missourigal posted on your outcome.

 

[haiku]

oh give me a break, if this were true, (just as written) all over the country, at this very moment most NCP's and CP's would be in violation of thier orders on a daily basis. A nightmare fr those of us who live on state borders already.

In NORMAL custody situations, you cannot kidnap your own child during your scheduled visitation (in my state physical custody reverts to you while you have posession unless otherwise stated in the order) no matter where you take them, imcluding timbuktu.

We wonder why the court systems are overwhelmed?

 

[nextwife]

I'm sitting here reading this in amazement. NCP taking a day (or overnight, even) trip maybe 90 minutes, but out of state, is a bigger deal than traveling 6 hours, but in-state? This is the USA. It's not like Europe, where 90 minutes can put you in an entirely different nation. What is the big deal with "out of state". My husband commuted DAILY for a year to another state (Milwaukee to Chicago). Why should a drive to Gurnee, or his office, be treated as a dash across the Alps? It's all the USA. A camping trip in Michigan, a weekend at The Mall of America in Minnesota, or an overnight way up in logging country are all about the same distance away. What difference does it make on his time if the hours he goes are in-state or out-of-state? IT's the same distance. Most fathers love their kids and would die protecting their safety. If mom doesn't report to dad when she goes out of state on her time, why should dad report to mom the same thing? He is denied everyday access to his kids as it is, at least let him enjoy the limited time he has with them without putting a cloud over their time together.

As to being out of touch, WHAT did divorced parents on vacation do BEFORE cel phones? If they are camping or canoeing somewhere out of cel range, why would one expect them to be reachable by cel? If there is no history of absconding with the kids, and they are always returned in compliance, why is knowing their itinerary necessary?

 

[Joe Schmoe]

I think everyone is missing the point here. NO ONE ever said the father was a 'flight risk.' That being said, why should the mother dictate where the father takes the child on his time? Just because she is the MOTHER??? Oh, that's right, a father can not be just as protective of his child as the mother, right?

I will tell you all, I am in Texas & all that my court order states is that I must notify my ex of my address & phone number of my residence. That is all!!! When I decide to go on vacation, I schedule our plans around my visitation time & I pick up my son and I go wherever I planned to go! My ex does not need to know where I spend all of my time with my son. THAT IS MY CHILD TOO!

Why is it that just because you are the mother you think you need to have complete control of the entire situation? You did not have that child alone and it sounds like your child has a father that takes care of them and loves them and you are only making things harder on their relationship together!

Sheesh............

 

[MammaBear76]

Sounds bitter to me!!!

She didn't say she was going to dictate where he was going. . she simply wanted to be notified of her child's where abouts!!!

Sheeeeeeeeesh. . . . .

There are more things I could say about your post. . but that would open up a whole new can. . ya know. . .

 

[Lil Miss Smarty Panties]

Has anyone done a word count to see how many times the word "bitter" has been used? LoL. Everyone is so bitter! Bitter bitter bitter I tell ya!

Bitter baby Mama and bitter baby Daddy sit on a blue bench eating baked beans.

Bitter baby mama says to bitter baby daddy, "bite my big butt you bumbling buffoon"

Bitter baby daddy barks to bitter baby mama, " Bend over, you bitter bitch and I'll boot your big bulging behind!"

 

[MammaBear76]

LOL