What is the name of your state? Virginia
I am the CP of a 15 year old and a 12 year old. My husband left in February and filled for divorce. He moved to another state. I have full custody and his has every other weekend visitation.
My question is this. He has only visited the children one time, which was in July. He quit calling the kids in August. A month ago I received a contempt of court letter setting a court date for last week. The contempt was for not letting him see his children per the visitation agreement and for not paying the mortgage payment. We went to court and I showed proved that I had paid every mortgage payment that I was ordered to pay. (The problem is that there is a two-month gap from when I was ordered to pay and when he quit paying it. I have not worked since our first child was born.)
There is no way that I can prove that I have not prevented him from seeing the kids except if the kids told the judge themselves. I have kept a diary of every call that he has made to the kids and what days that they actually spoke with him. I have tried every thing I can think of to try to get the kids to call him even if he doesn't call them. They have not. They are upset with right now for their own reasons.
When the judge told him that he would pick the kids up on Dec 26 at 9 am and drop them off on Jan 2 at 5 pm he asked the judge what if they wouldn’t come with me? He was ordered by the judge to bring the kids to his new house for the week. He told the judge that he didn't think they would want to go, probably because I had turned them against him. The judge told me that if the kids did not want to go that I should let them tell their dad, that way I couldn't be blamed. Here is another problem their dad is living with some one else who has a child of her own. If he brings them to his new house he either can ask the woman and her child to move out for a week (it's her house and it's the day after Christmas) or he can bring them their and they will stay with them thus showing that he is committing adultery. I have not accused him of this in court. I just said that I had a problem with them going to his new house due to his current living situation which he replied that he could understand that. (This was back in June when we went to court) I didn't say anything last week. The judge decided to appoint a Guardian Ad Litem to talk with the kids to make sure that I wasn’t doing anything to prevent visitation and to find out why they didn’t want to see their dad. The judge told their dad that he would not force the kids to see him if they didn’t want to and that he needed work on his relationship with them.
Here is my question. In the future what do I need to do to protect myself from these visitation issues? I can’t force him to visit but how can I force the kids to go when he does want to see them. Is this not an issue between them that does not even involve me? They don’t talk to each other so how can they fix things between them? Of course since I am the CP I am the one to blame I guess. But there has to be some way that I can protect myself from this blame. I have not done anything to make the kids angry with their father. They do know that he is living with someone because back in March we drove to his house to talk to him and he called the police to get us removed from his property. They saw the lady and her son through the window. Until then I didn’t know about it. I have not mentioned this to the judge yet.
I guess I should mention that I do not have a lawyer because I can’t afford the $3000 advance that they want. The judge told me to get a lawyer and he would make my husband pay for the lawyer but I still need have the $3000 advance. Spouse makes in the 6 figures. I make $0.
It seems that my husband and the judge are using the kids as pawns in this divorce. In all honesty I just want this over with and to not hate my husband when it is. He is the only one who experienced two of the happiest days of my life, the birth of our children. No one else shares those memories and why would I want to hate that person.
Thank you for your help
I am the CP of a 15 year old and a 12 year old. My husband left in February and filled for divorce. He moved to another state. I have full custody and his has every other weekend visitation.
My question is this. He has only visited the children one time, which was in July. He quit calling the kids in August. A month ago I received a contempt of court letter setting a court date for last week. The contempt was for not letting him see his children per the visitation agreement and for not paying the mortgage payment. We went to court and I showed proved that I had paid every mortgage payment that I was ordered to pay. (The problem is that there is a two-month gap from when I was ordered to pay and when he quit paying it. I have not worked since our first child was born.)
There is no way that I can prove that I have not prevented him from seeing the kids except if the kids told the judge themselves. I have kept a diary of every call that he has made to the kids and what days that they actually spoke with him. I have tried every thing I can think of to try to get the kids to call him even if he doesn't call them. They have not. They are upset with right now for their own reasons.
When the judge told him that he would pick the kids up on Dec 26 at 9 am and drop them off on Jan 2 at 5 pm he asked the judge what if they wouldn’t come with me? He was ordered by the judge to bring the kids to his new house for the week. He told the judge that he didn't think they would want to go, probably because I had turned them against him. The judge told me that if the kids did not want to go that I should let them tell their dad, that way I couldn't be blamed. Here is another problem their dad is living with some one else who has a child of her own. If he brings them to his new house he either can ask the woman and her child to move out for a week (it's her house and it's the day after Christmas) or he can bring them their and they will stay with them thus showing that he is committing adultery. I have not accused him of this in court. I just said that I had a problem with them going to his new house due to his current living situation which he replied that he could understand that. (This was back in June when we went to court) I didn't say anything last week. The judge decided to appoint a Guardian Ad Litem to talk with the kids to make sure that I wasn’t doing anything to prevent visitation and to find out why they didn’t want to see their dad. The judge told their dad that he would not force the kids to see him if they didn’t want to and that he needed work on his relationship with them.
Here is my question. In the future what do I need to do to protect myself from these visitation issues? I can’t force him to visit but how can I force the kids to go when he does want to see them. Is this not an issue between them that does not even involve me? They don’t talk to each other so how can they fix things between them? Of course since I am the CP I am the one to blame I guess. But there has to be some way that I can protect myself from this blame. I have not done anything to make the kids angry with their father. They do know that he is living with someone because back in March we drove to his house to talk to him and he called the police to get us removed from his property. They saw the lady and her son through the window. Until then I didn’t know about it. I have not mentioned this to the judge yet.
I guess I should mention that I do not have a lawyer because I can’t afford the $3000 advance that they want. The judge told me to get a lawyer and he would make my husband pay for the lawyer but I still need have the $3000 advance. Spouse makes in the 6 figures. I make $0.
It seems that my husband and the judge are using the kids as pawns in this divorce. In all honesty I just want this over with and to not hate my husband when it is. He is the only one who experienced two of the happiest days of my life, the birth of our children. No one else shares those memories and why would I want to hate that person.
Thank you for your help
