visitation start times

[CJane]

My point is, this isn't about "parenting styles." It is about ex's desire for conflict.

But the POINT is... his desire for conflict isn't fulfilled if YOU refuse to engage in the behavior with him.

Next time he forgets the coat or whatever, wouldn't it be nice to have a back-up coat and be able to say "Why don't you just hang on to it, I have it under control up here." ?

My ex loves conflict too. It makes him feel all powerful and stuff. The best piece of advice I've EVER received wrt dealing with him came from the GAL in our case. She told me that when he engages in behavior that is escalating towards conflict or an altercation, to just smile, say "Have a nice night/afternoon/whatever" and walk away (or hang up if we're on the phone). It's been a lifesaver. She also told me to task the kids w/remembering to bring stuff home instead of relying on/asking the ex to do so. And they're only 6 and 10.

 

[texgirl]

To CJane--I agree completely with you about this. I used to spend way too much time and effort trying to respond to ex's lengthy emails refuting him point by point. And then I stopped. Now I write only to convey necessary information, and I realized that 90% of what he writes me can simply be ignored.

Regarding this recent problem over flight times, I've now got 5 e-mails from him over the last 48 hours. And I did decide to just file for modification and to collect my unpaid medical expenses.

Thanks for the advice and signing off.

TG

 

[texgirl]

You said, "I find it hard to believe that your child only had ONE dressy outfit."

Why? How can you presume to know what's in my kid's closet? I can assure you she only has one dressy outfit for each season. She's a jeans and tshirt kid and I don't spend money on things she doesn't wear.

 

[CJane]

Why? How can you presume to know what's in my kid's closet? I can assure you she only has one dressy outfit for each season. She's a jeans and tshirt kid and I don't spend money on things she doesn't wear.

Because I have a 10 year old and a 6 year old. Both are jeans and tshirts kids - serious Tomboys - and both of them have at least 2 winter, 2 spring and 2 summer dressy outfits at my house. Lots more at their dad's since they attend church while with him.

Not that it matters. I just found it odd.

RE: Your other post. A modification will take awhile. In the meantime, you have to adhere to the court order that is currently in place. That likely means driving to the airport that will accomodate the schedule as outlined in your order.

 

[GrowUp!]

Sorry, but unfortunately parenting style ends where a court order begins. My order states that I have to provide appropriate clothing for my daughter's visits. I tell her to pack, but then I check to make sure she has in fact got enough socks, underwear, etc. Ex is required to make sure stuff gets sent home. So I expect him to do what I've done, double check that she has her coat, her cell phone, etc.

Actually parenting style does not end when a court order begins. Actually, this is not a parenting style-thing. It's actually common courtesy. The CP should be ensuring that the children have what they need for their time with the other parent. Just like the other parent is responsible for things during their time. Things like that have to be put in court orders (unfortunately) because you would have tons of CP's sending the kids over to the other parent's for weekend parenting time without a damn thing. We get the occasional post on that issue every once in awhile.

 

[GrowUp!]

I am going to have to disagree with you on this one. My son is 8 and had flown as an unaccompanied minor for a few years now. He'd leave everything behind if he weren't reminded! He wears glasses, and will forget to put them on in the morning if not reminded, so at 6am when he's catching his flight, it's very doubtful that he will remember! Also, if he had it his way he'd never wear a coat, let alone remember to take it somewhere!

It's dad's responsibility as a RESPONSIBLE parent that cares about the well being of his child to remember these things. If everything were left to kids to remember, we'd be ina whole different world!

And how old do you think the child should be responsible enough to also make sure s/he has everything before they leave? 18?

8-years old is well old enough to start having kids learn to be responsible or else. My parents sure as hell did and I am sure many others on here had the same thing when they were 8. Is it that hard for you to sit down WITH YOUR CHILD and make up a checklist, for example, so the child goes over the checklist before leaving the other parent's??

 

[GrowUp!]

My point, rather, was the irony of insisting on absolute compliance with the orders, no matter what the circumstances, when you yourself are not complaint.

And if you took the issue you're making out of this in front of the court...well, the Judge being steamed would be an understatement. Especially since there are more pressing issues that are not being heard because of the "Case of the Forgotten Coat". Not to mention, you would have to prove he is intentionally forgetting stuff.

Did you ever think, as CJane suggested, providing a cheaper coat to keep at Dad's...and some other stuff, too? It also will cut down on the amount of stuff that has to be packed/unpacked/packed again -- not to mention carried around each time.

 

[stealth2]

My point is, this isn't about "parenting styles." It is about ex's desire for conflict.

And you've made it quite clear that this applies to BOTH of you. I don't doubt that you are just as invested in the conflict as he is. Too bad the kid is stuck in the middle of it. I'd suggest you both grow up. Or, at least one of you does.