what a world

[joan marie]

What is the name of your state?nj

Looking and reading all thes posts the last few days, I find myself sad, reflecting and trying to recall why we all, each indiviudally, have kids? Moms and Dad. It seems the last 25 years of being honest, open, in touch with ourselves hasnt helped the kids. And have made many bitter. It seems to have turned parenting from a loving, learning, sharing experince to one that you need kevlar for. Just a shame that adults act like kids and some kids have to act like adults.

I hope everyone, personally, seeks to be the best they can be and love themselves enough to love their kids in a healthy fashion. CHildhood such a short and magicial time we owe it to our kids to be/do our best. So many times "best interest of the child" seems more a slogan than the rule.

I wish you all well.
joan marie*

 

[shari36]

re-

I agree with you somewhat it is sad. A child is a gift. However sometimes we have to fight for our rights and our childs rights. Some who are capable of making a child are not willing or able to take care of a child. It turns in to a control issue rather than a childs well being issue. A childs best interest would idealy be A (leave it to beaver ) family, mom,dad happy never disagree, always thinking of the child and not just trying to hurt the other parent. In my case I wasnt married to the father, But have read many married couples going through the same issues.. Can You or anyone answer me this? Why is a parent allowed to make a child then abandon that child for years and years, then come back into there lives and demand parental rights?? If I would have abandon my child along with the other parent nine years ago, would the state give me anyrights to my child?? I dont really think so.They would have called it abandonment and he would have been put up for adoption..
So I do feel sorry for the children in these cases but im fighting for my child whom I love and have raised, kept out of harms way, just flat out been responsible for when the other parent looked the other way.
Just sharing my opp... Thanks
Shari

 

[50/50dad]

I agree, in a perfect world all parents would think of their children first and put their needs above everything else. However, this is not always the case. I am struggling with the fact that in most cases, the mother gets custody regardless of if she is the best parent to do so. Why are fathers considered to be so obsolete or unimportant in a childs life? I live in GA and when I looked it up I read that fathers only get custody of their kids in 8% of the cases. This is just amazing to me! In my case, my son's mother is on welfare, has medical issues, is on 6 types on medications for mental issues, and refuses to get a job, doesn't make my son go to school or do his homework, can't pay her bills, and keeps my son out at night during the week at her boyfriend's house. I just don't understand why the mother is, in most cases, considered to be better at parenting just because of her gender.

Sorry, I got off on a rant. Just my opinion.

 

[kbl]

I know in some cases we dont never think that one day the relationship would end, or that we would (the parents) be so bitter and angry towards each other that we cant see past the past. I have also wondered why all of a sudden when the NCP gets a new mate in their life all of a sudden they can provide a better life than what the CP does??? That always makes me laugh when I read those. As humans we tend to see things different then what others see. What I might think is great for my children, might not be great for yours. And until we are able to step out of the picture and focus on our childrens happiness the drama will continue. Even though I love having my children all to myself, I didnt make them by myself and I shouldnt have to raise them by myself.....JMO

 

[joan marie]

It takes 2 to make a child cause it takes 2 to raise that child to its fullest potential. Yes, many children do very well in a single parent household but I believe even those kids could have done better with the positive influence of BOTH parents. It doesnt work out with the parents ok? deal with it and move on. Reflect and learn form the past and move on to a positive future. Many just cant get past the anger and bitter stage and dont care who gets hurt as long as they attempt to make the X miserable. Would be much more productive and alot less work to just focus on the kids. Any parent that claims to be a good parent knows the value of both parents, imho*

joan marie *

 

[bliss_in_texas]

What is the name of your state?nj

Looking and reading all thes posts the last few days, I find myself sad, reflecting and trying to recall why we all, each indiviudally, have kids? Moms and Dad. It seems the last 25 years of being honest, open, in touch with ourselves hasnt helped the kids. And have made many bitter. It seems to have turned parenting from a loving, learning, sharing experince to one that you need kevlar for. Just a shame that adults act like kids and some kids have to act like adults.

I hope everyone, personally, seeks to be the best they can be and love themselves enough to love their kids in a healthy fashion. CHildhood such a short and magicial time we owe it to our kids to be/do our best. So many times "best interest of the child" seems more a slogan than the rule.

I wish you all well.
joan marie*

Hmm, well thats a nice thought but my bitterness does not overlap into my parenting. The actions of my ex are as bitter as arsenic and no amount of my good intentions has helped him be anything more than a fake and a liar.

 

[abstract99]

Having a child is a blessing. When you get divorced you are put in a tough situation. My ex does not allow me visitation. I am now in the situation to decide:
- Do I fight for sole custody and hope that since she is no longer receiving child support (the only reason she wanted the children) will she just let us be?
- Do I just bow out and never see my children again?
It is so hard this day and age to truly decide what you might think is best for your kids. I really hope and pray that in the years to come courts will for stricter guidelines to consenquences for uncooperative parents. I hate that there are so many dead beat dads out there that ruin it for all of the good dads that love and care for their children.

 

[joan marie]

Having a child is a blessing. When you get divorced you are put in a tough situation. My ex does not allow me visitation.

when you divorced wasnt visitation dealt with?

I am now in the situation to decide:
- Do I fight for sole custody and hope that since she is no longer receiving child support (the only reason she wanted the children) will she just let us be?

imho* you always fight to see the kids.

- Do I just bow out and never see my children again?

Unless you are a nutcase (and Im not saying you are) how could it be good for the kids? Kids need input from both parents. The kids are a combination of the parents. I can see no benefit in not fighting for your kids. Even if you lose? The kids know that you did fight for them. why does it have to be all or nothing? How bout just seeking joint custody and doing your best to co-parent? I know its not as easy as it sounds.

I wish you well.

joan marie *

 

[hayley3]

Indiana

It makes me soooo mad when someone says that it is "in the best interest of the child" that they should be with both parents. I grew up without a father and I NEVER missed him. My mother never bad mouthed him either.

My husband NEVER took care of our daughter. Never bought one present, never took her anywhere in 8 years, rarely spoke to her unless he was drunk, and yet now he wants to show her off to his new girlfriend so he wants his visitation rights.

The thing that makes me mad is because there may be a FEW good men out there that care, but there cannot be that many that actually take care of the child like a mother would. Come on.....I am 49 and I haven't seen them. Are they some mystical creature that the courts have made up. Why in the hell would you give a man an infant! Did he give birth to that baby?

I'm sorry that I will make people mad, but God gave women the ability to give birth, and also the nurturing ability to go with it. Men use the kids to get back at the wives. I mean who does it hurt to lose their kids the most....the women!!!!!! Who do you read about killing the kids during a visitation? It is the MEN!

 

[joan marie]

obviously I'm not taking about emotionally, physically abusive parents. I'm speaking of the good parents, x partners try to shaft. There are some that shouldnt be near kids till they deal with their own issues.

imho, giving birth? providing sperm? doesn't make a parent. It just shows your parts work. Takes many things to be a parent and many more to be a good parent. Most selfless.

joan marie *

 

[hayley3]

I just believe so strongly that what was said earlier, that childhood is such a short and magical time, and every child should get to enjoy it.
It just makes me angry that it's not happening for a bunch of kids, esp. mine.

I think that whoever files for divorce should be the NCP, unless abuse is involved. So that if the man is the nurturing one that he would get custody. I don't believe it happens too often, but I have seen men that are more nurturing than the woman.

It's just too easy to divorce these days as there is no longer a mentality to try and make it work anymore, which is what would really be in the best interest of the kids. I don't think having two separate homes is good for kids. I'm glad I only had one, even without a Dad.

 

[mom2J]

Indiana

It makes me soooo mad when someone says that it is "in the best interest of the child" that they should be with both parents. I grew up without a father and I NEVER missed him. My mother never bad mouthed him either.

My husband NEVER took care of our daughter. Never bought one present, never took her anywhere in 8 years, rarely spoke to her unless he was drunk, and yet now he wants to show her off to his new girlfriend so he wants his visitation rights.

The thing that makes me mad is because there may be a FEW good men out there that care, but there cannot be that many that actually take care of the child like a mother would. Come on.....I am 49 and I haven't seen them. Are they some mystical creature that the courts have made up. Why in the hell would you give a man an infant! Did he give birth to that baby?

I'm sorry that I will make people mad, but God gave women the ability to give birth, and also the nurturing ability to go with it. Men use the kids to get back at the wives. I mean who does it hurt to lose their kids the most....the women!!!!!! Who do you read about killing the kids during a visitation? It is the MEN!

Bitter much?

I don't know where you're looking for those men, but I've got one and wouldn't give him up for anything in this world. I had severe complications after the birth of our daughter and ended up having a hysterctomy. My husband was the main caregiver through all of it. He's a wonderful man and an excellent dad. He can be the disciplinarian as well as the "boo-boo" kisser.

We now have 3-children, but it hasn't mattered what race, sex or that 2- of the children were not biologically his, he loves them dearly and would gladly give his life for them or me. I can honestly say, if I were to go to bed tonight and not wake up, our kids are going to be well taken care of, because they'll be with their dad. No worries.

Everytime he's been gone with his military duties, he'd drive the many, many hours, just to see the kids for an afternoon. He'd call at night to read the boys a story before they went to bed (when duty allowed). When our daughter needed some "daddy time", he'd make sure to call and talk to her about the things that she needed to discuss with him. (You know, you can only take mom 24/7, for so long. LOL) He sends pictures of where he sleeps, where he takes a shower, and who his new friends are, just so the kids will know he's okay and give them a safe picture in their minds of "where daddy is".

You know, I'm not dumb enough to say my husband is alone in this "daddy sainthood", because there are many, many men that are outstanding dads. I know, my dad is another example of one.

Mom2J

 

[thetsgtswife]

Bitter much?

I don't know where you're looking for those men, but I've got one and wouldn't give him up for anything in this world. I had severe complications after the birth of our daughter and ended up having a hysterctomy. My husband was the main caregiver through all of it. He's a wonderful man and an excellent dad. He can be the disciplinarian as well as the "boo-boo" kisser.

We now have 3-children, but it hasn't mattered what race, sex or that 2- of the children were not biologically his, he loves them dearly and would gladly give his life for them or me. I can honestly say, if I were to go to bed tonight and not wake up, our kids are going to be well taken care of, because they'll be with their dad. No worries.

Everytime he's been gone with his military duties, he'd drive the many, many hours, just to see the kids for an afternoon. He'd call at night to read the boys a story before they went to bed (when duty allowed). When our daughter needed some "daddy time", he'd make sure to call and talk to her about the things that she needed to discuss with him. (You know, you can only take mom 24/7, for so long. LOL) He sends pictures of where he sleeps, where he takes a shower, and who his new friends are, just so the kids will know he's okay and give them a safe picture in their minds of "where daddy is".

You know, I'm not dumb enough to say my husband is alone in this "daddy sainthood", because there are many, many men that are outstanding dads. I know, my dad is another example of one.

Mom2J

Sounds like we both have been blessed with the same type of man. My husband mirrors yours and altough his Military duties call him away from our children he still makes it his priority to be a father to his children even from other countries.

Just thought I would add in my 2 cents in agreement.

TSGTSWIFE

 

[whitedoveh]

Our family is now involved in a custodial/visitation battle. From my viewpoint both parents are perfectly capable of raising the child. The Mom has, however, taken it upon herself to deny my son the right to see their son since Jan 15th. She thinks my son does not show responsibility....even though he is employed fulltime, paying child support. I think the laws are somewhat bias. Yes the Mom may be more maternally capable of taking care of the child, but the father is required to in addition to the child support now spend mega bucks on hiring a lawyer for the right to see his son.

The Mom knew this. The law should be that both parents have equal rights and as soon as the Mom pulls this kind of stuff, should be liable no matter what. No matter what my son did, she was never satisfied. And I don't ever see her being satisfied. It will always be a battle with her. But still the judicial system seems to lean toward the Mom.

How can a person show love toward someone like this? How can the child ever have a peaceful surrounding if one of the parents is trying to pull him from the other?

 

[mom2J]

Hey TSgtswife, I'm also a TSgt's wife. (Testing for Master as we speak- fingers crossed and praying very hard.)

Mom2J