What can I do from here

[justliving]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ

Since my last post, I have yet to find out where the mother is located with my child. I have tried people find on the internet, wrote a letter and had it mailed to her family members (no response), I tried old addresses and nothing!! What can I do now? I want to see my child. My wife thinks I should not fight and wait until my son is older to have a relationship with my child (because we now have a child too). I know I have another child and can be a father to that child but I still wonder how my first child is doing. What can I do at this point?

 

[Halls]

Just a suggesstion. Hire a PI to find them for you.

 

[CJane]

How're you doing on those child support payments?

It's been less than a month since you last posted. No one promised you this would be fast or easy. You are going to have to exhaust every possible way to find someone. Google every combination of her name. Look on Facebook, look on high school reunion sites, etc.

Look up old friends of hers and see if THEY'RE on Facebook. Google THEM. Is she remarried? Look for her husband rather than her.

You didn't see/talk to your child or mom for a YEAR. Why would you think you'd be able to find her/pick up where you left off in less than a month?

And again, how're you doing on the child support?

 

[justliving]

How're you doing on those child support payments?

It's been less than a month since you last posted. No one promised you this would be fast or easy. You are going to have to exhaust every possible way to find someone. Google every combination of her name. Look on Facebook, look on high school reunion sites, etc.

Look up old friends of hers and see if THEY'RE on Facebook. Google THEM. Is she remarried? Look for her husband rather than her.

You didn't see/talk to your child or mom for a YEAR. Why would you think you'd be able to find her/pick up where you left off in less than a month?

And again, how're you doing on the child support?

Although I don't know where they live, I have reported myself to the child support enforcement and have got the process started. I know it wont be easy finding them, I fear that it will be longer than I expect. I just dont want too mcuh time to pass by.

 

[sometwo]

Although I don't know where they live, I have reported myself to the child support enforcement and have got the process started. I know it wont be easy finding them, I fear that it will be longer than I expect. I just dont want too mcuh time to pass by.

you have to be realistic though. It may take time but that doesn't mean you don't keep trying or give up. It hasn't been that long.

I'm sad your wife disagrees with you being a parent to this child. I wonder if she'd feel the same way about the child you have together. Kinda makes you wonder should anything happen between you too how much she values your relationship with your children.

Waiting until your child is older is a bad idea in my opinion (from someone who didn't have dad growing up) Although my dad did know where I was.

You will miss out on everything. Watching your children grow up is a wonderful thing. Plus the fact children need to feel loved and their idea of feeling loved is different than ours. There's a good chance that if you don't look and you chose to wait until she's older , it will be a sign to her you didn't love her . Or you didn't love her enough or as much as your other child. She may then not want a relationship with you as adult and then you will have lost more than you bargained for or wanted.

This is your child, you did wrong, its up to you to do everything in your power to make it right. Even if you don't want to take the time or effort that is your responsibility. Its your fault you don't know where she is. Another reason its sad that your wife isn't supporting you trying to correct your mistake but instead continue to live with it and make more.

I truly hope you are taking full responsibility and are going to do whatever it takes to make it right. You owe that to your child.

 

[Monte86]

you have to be realistic though. It may take time but that doesn't mean you don't keep trying or give up. It hasn't been that long.

I'm sad your wife disagrees with you being a parent to this child. I wonder if she'd feel the same way about the child you have together. Kinda makes you wonder should anything happen between you too how much she values your relationship with your children.

Waiting until your child is older is a bad idea in my opinion (from someone who didn't have dad growing up) Although my dad did know where I was.

You will miss out on everything. Watching your children grow up is a wonderful thing. Plus the fact children need to feel loved and their idea of feeling loved is different than ours. There's a good chance that if you don't look and you chose to wait until she's older , it will be a sign to her you didn't love her . Or you didn't love her enough or as much as your other child. She may then not want a relationship with you as adult and then you will have lost more than you bargained for or wanted.

This is your child, you did wrong, its up to you to do everything in your power to make it right. Even if you don't want to take the time or effort that is your responsibility. Its your fault you don't know where she is. Another reason its sad that your wife isn't supporting you trying to correct your mistake but instead continue to live with it and make more.

I truly hope you are taking full responsibility and are going to do whatever it takes to make it right. You owe that to your child.

Another suggestions is document your search so on the off chance you don't find her until she is older you can say I DID TRY. I save all the documents I have for fighting to be in my daughters life. That way when she is old enough and asks why I never tried to fight for her (even now she asks repeatedly why she can't live with me, so hard) I can show her and I can truly say---I DID, I fought hard.

 

[justliving]

you have to be realistic though. It may take time but that doesn't mean you don't keep trying or give up. It hasn't been that long.

I'm sad your wife disagrees with you being a parent to this child. I wonder if she'd feel the same way about the child you have together. Kinda makes you wonder should anything happen between you too how much she values your relationship with your children.

Waiting until your child is older is a bad idea in my opinion (from someone who didn't have dad growing up) Although my dad did know where I was.

You will miss out on everything. Watching your children grow up is a wonderful thing. Plus the fact children need to feel loved and their idea of feeling loved is different than ours. There's a good chance that if you don't look and you chose to wait until she's older , it will be a sign to her you didn't love her . Or you didn't love her enough or as much as your other child. She may then not want a relationship with you as adult and then you will have lost more than you bargained for or wanted.

This is your child, you did wrong, its up to you to do everything in your power to make it right. Even if you don't want to take the time or effort that is your responsibility. Its your fault you don't know where she is. Another reason its sad that your wife isn't supporting you trying to correct your mistake but instead continue to live with it and make more.

I truly hope you are taking full responsibility and are going to do whatever it takes to make it right. You owe that to your child.

I want to fight for my child... the mother and I have a bad history and faught constantly and I just gave up and lived my life with my wife and we then had a baby of our own..I felt that I shouldn't have to fght to see my child but as a result I stopped seeing my child and now I can't find either one of them.

 

[sometwo]

I want to fight for my child... the mother and I have a bad history and faught constantly and I just gave up and lived my life with my wife and we then had a baby of our own..I felt that I shouldn't have to fght to see my child but as a result I stopped seeing my child and now I can't find either one of them.

Don't make more excuses , that boat already sailed.

Keep trying to fix it.

 

[justliving]

Don't make more excuses , that boat already sailed.

Keep trying to fix it.

I'm trying to fix the best way I know how. I also have to think about my wife as well because we live together. How can I maintain sanity in my home with trying to see my child when I have my wife and my younger child to consider as well. I have my mother and father sayinf screw my wife and find my child, then I have my wife saying, "Me and your child is your family".. I don't want to lose my wife and younger chld and I also want my older child in my life as well. I will continue to try and find the mother the best way I can.

 

[txmom512]

For a couple hundred dollars, or a little more, you can hire a PI to do a search for you. They have access to databases that we don't. There's a good chance a PI might be able to find them for you.

(I worked for a big firm, we sometimes used a PI to find defendants)

 

[sometwo]

I have my wife saying, "Me and your child is your family".

Sounds like your wife has her own issues to sort out. She obviously doesn't value you as a father. Not to your first child and I have a feeling you two were to divorce she would feel the same then too.

She knew you already had a child. She accepted that when she married you or you two shouldn't have married in the first place.

The other child came first, its the fault of you and your wife if you two chose to bring another child into the world knowing you weren't able to support your first. You both knew that decision you were making.

Kids should come first. You did wrong. Continue to fix it.

Maybe counseling with your wife might help you both deal with this and sort it out that way your child can have his father AND you and your wife can be at peace. In my opinion she seems jealous.

 

[Proserpina]

I'm trying to fix the best way I know how. I also have to think about my wife as well because we live together. How can I maintain sanity in my home with trying to see my child when I have my wife and my younger child to consider as well. I have my mother and father sayinf screw my wife and find my child, then I have my wife saying, "Me and your child is your family".. I don't want to lose my wife and younger chld and I also want my older child in my life as well. I will continue to try and find the mother the best way I can.

I really hope that you and your wife get into couples therapy soon if you're not already - her attitude is quite toxic and could very well harm your other child if you do get visitation set up.

She needs to understand that your family includes your other child.

It's also not showing you much respect - at all.

 

[justliving]

I really hope that you and your wife get into couples therapy soon if you're not already - her attitude is quite toxic and could very well harm your other child if you do get visitation set up.

She needs to understand that your family includes your other child.

It's also not showing you much respect - at all.

Thanks for the advice from everyone. I see future problems ahead facing the visitation of my older child. I will have a sit down talk with my wife in regards to my child and go from there.

What can I expect if and when I find my child? Will the visit be supervised at a visiting center? or with the mother? (which I dont want) but I just want to know what I'm facing. Thanks

 

[sometwo]

What can I expect if and when I find my child? Will the visit be supervised at a visiting center? or with the mother? (which I dont want) but I just want to know what I'm facing. Thanks

That is definitely a possibility. Either at a center (which the cost will fall to you) or by the mother or an agreed upon party. All are possible.

This is for the child though remember. This child hasn't seen you and needs a chance to get reacquainted with you. If your wife doesn't support you this will be a very hard road for you .

 

[justliving]

That is definitely a possibility. Either at a center (which the cost will fall to you) or by the mother or an agreed upon party. All are possible.

This is for the child though remember. This child hasn't seen you and needs a chance to get reacquainted with you. If your wife doesn't support you this will be a very hard road for you .

Thank you, I see this will be a hard road ahead, given the circumstances