What do I do now?

[passionatemom10]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Alabama

Ok...you guys really helped me out last week so I am coming back to you with more questions.

Here is a brief synopsis of my story...

I have been divorced and had sole custody of my child for the last 11 years. His dad has had visitation with my agreement per our divorce decree. His dad kidnapped him back in May and DHR suggested that I grant supervised visits with someone I trust or cease visitation until he gets counseling (which was also suggested to him by DHR.)

He refuses to get counseling and continues to text, email, or call me Everyday asking if he can have visitation. I have sent him in writing a copy of the visitation guidelines outlined in our divorce and told him what DHR had told me. Yesterday he even offered me $2000 to let him come see my son.

He filed a petition to modify custody and I was given the papers in August. I filed a response to that petition the first of September. Yesterday I received a response to my response with him denying everything that I put in the papers even though he knows I can prove all of them true. Such as: back child support, harassing text, email, and voicemails, the kidnapping and so on...

Do I need to file any other kind of response or just wait to see if I get a court date?

He did ask for temporary visitation rights in this new modification if I don't want this to happen what do I need to do? (Remember he did kidnap my child and I am scared he may do it again.)

Thank you very much.

 

[truebluemd]

I think he is just asking for more time with the child. Back child support has nothing to do with visitation modification. What is in the emails, voicementls, texts, that would have any bearing on preventing a modification of visitation? Has he threatened you or the kid? Why is it a problem for him to have more visitation time with the child?

 

[milspecgirl]

if he has a court order for visitation and you are denying him, you could be in contempt. DHR doesn't get to determine whether a parent gets visitation, only a judge can do that

This is his child too and he has rights to see him. why won't you grant supervised at least?

 

[wileybunch]

I just looked at your past post about child support so am wondering how is DHR involved in THIS matter that involves custody/visitation? Isn't DHR your child support enforcement agency? They have no say in this matter.

Do you have an existing court order in place for custody/visitation?? Have you been allowing Dad his visitation per the court order? What is the current case you have -- who filed the motion and was a counter motion filed? What was the put forth in each of the motions? Is Dad suing you for contempt?

 

[milspecgirl]

DHR is the Dpt of Human services and in alabama that is the CPS and they also handle CS thru different divisions

 

[passionatemom10]

I think he is just asking for more time with the child. Back child support has nothing to do with visitation modification. What is in the emails, voicementls, texts, that would have any bearing on preventing a modification of visitation? Has he threatened you or the kid? Why is it a problem for him to have more visitation time with the child?

You are right about the visitation it has nothing to do with child support. What does have to do with visitation is allowing extra time and your child not getting off the school bus one afternoon because his dad has picked him up from school and taken off with him. So that is the main problem. I am scared he will take off with him again.

In the emails, texts, and voicemails he has made reference to my "child abuse problem." He called DHR on me because I spanked my son. Yes that is right I spank my child. He told DHR that I hit my son and had my son tell DHR only that I "hit" him so that he could go live with his dad. My son admitted this to the counselor after we started counseling.

He has threatened to hunt me down and "find" me. Calls me names and insults me and my family.

Not sure that the actual messages would have any bearing on a modification. I just included them because I am not an attorney and I wrote my response myself. I did what I thought was appropriate.

I may be out of line but I feel that someone that would do all these things is NOT a positive influence on a 12 year old boy. So that is the reason that I do not want him to have more visitation. He can't follow the rules but he wants me to make exceptions to those rules...

So will you answer my questions now?

 

[passionatemom10]

if he has a court order for visitation and you are denying him, you could be in contempt. DHR doesn't get to determine whether a parent gets visitation, only a judge can do that

This is his child too and he has rights to see him. why won't you grant supervised at least?

Like I said I have sole custody at this time. His visitation is with my agreement per our divorce decree. He was getting much more than that until he kidnapped him. I know that I am not in contempt. Yet he is due to the $34K that his is in arrears for.

 

[milspecgirl]

and you won't grant supervised why?

 

[truebluemd]

You are right about the visitation it has nothing to do with child support. What does have to do with visitation is allowing extra time and your child not getting off the school bus one afternoon because his dad has picked him up from school and taken off with him. So that is the main problem. I am scared he will take off with him again.

In the emails, texts, and voicemails he has made reference to my "child abuse problem." He called DHR on me because I spanked my son. Yes that is right I spank my child. He told DHR that I hit my son and had my son tell DHR only that I "hit" him so that he could go live with his dad. My son admitted this to the counselor after we started counseling.

He has threatened to hunt me down and "find" me. Calls me names and insults me and my family.

Not sure that the actual messages would have any bearing on a modification. I just included them because I am not an attorney and I wrote my response myself. I did what I thought was appropriate.

I may be out of line but I feel that someone that would do all these things is NOT a positive influence on a 12 year old boy. So that is the reason that I do not want him to have more visitation. He can't follow the rules but he wants me to make exceptions to those rules...

So will you answer my questions now?

When you file with the court, you should be clear and to the point about what you want to say. He wants a modification of the schdedule. I am assuming he is asking for more time. Your response should focus on that. So my next question is why would is how much more time is he asking for?

 

[truebluemd]

Like I said I have sole custody at this time. His visitation is with my agreement per our divorce decree. He was getting much more than that until he kidnapped him. I know that I am not in contempt. Yet he is due to the $34K that his is in arrears for.

Your question is about visitation, right? So dont talk about child support. It will have no bearing on his visitation. You will have to file contempt for back CS if its a problem.

 

[passionatemom10]

I just looked at your past post about child support so am wondering how is DHR involved in THIS matter that involves custody/visitation? Isn't DHR your child support enforcement agency? They have no say in this matter.

Do you have an existing court order in place for custody/visitation?? Have you been allowing Dad his visitation per the court order? What is the current case you have -- who filed the motion and was a counter motion filed? What was the put forth in each of the motions? Is Dad suing you for contempt?

I actually asked about two different issues in the past. One of them regarding the visitation in this forum and one of them under the child support forum.

DHR is involved because his dad called them and told them I "hit" my son. I did spank him. He tried to tell them I was abusing my child and coached my child only to say I "hit" him. Of course, DHR found the allegations false.

The current case is this...

His dad file a petition to modify custody. I responded. I got a response from his dad's attorney yesterday denying all the allegations I made against him in my counterclaim. He asked for a temporary change in his visitation. (I am assuming he wants every other weekend or something.) Do I need to file anything else with the courts to this new response? I do not want him to have visitation with my son because I am scared he will try to snatch him again.

The existing visitation schedule says, "with the mother's agreement." I do not agree at this time. He needs help.

The only one in contempt is him...for not paying the child support.

 

[passionatemom10]

You guys are missing the question I am trying to get an answer for. I understand you would like to know more about the situation and I will be happy to provide more information if need be due to the question at hand.

He has filed for CUSTODY of my child that I have basically taken care of by myself for the last 11 years. In his response, to my response and counterclaim...he has asked for temporary VISITATION because as of now I must agree to him seeing him. I do not want him to have any visitation right now because he kidnapped my child. I am scared he will not return him.

I don't allow supervised visits right now because there is no one to supervise the visits. He is from Chicago and does not have any family here. My family has seen all the horrible things he has done to me and wants nothing to do with him.

Once again my questions are...

1. Do I need to file another response to his response or will I be fine until I get a court date?
2. He has asked for a temporary visitation and I do not want that do I need to file anything else so that it does not happen?

Thank you for your help.

 

[Ohiogal]

I actually asked about two different issues in the past. One of them regarding the visitation in this forum and one of them under the child support forum.

DHR is involved because his dad called them and told them I "hit" my son. I did spank him. He tried to tell them I was abusing my child and coached my child only to say I "hit" him. Of course, DHR found the allegations false.

The current case is this...

His dad file a petition to modify custody. I responded. I got a response from his dad's attorney yesterday denying all the allegations I made against him in my counterclaim. He asked for a temporary change in his visitation. (I am assuming he wants every other weekend or something.) Do I need to file anything else with the courts to this new response? I do not want him to have visitation with my son because I am scared he will try to snatch him again.

The existing visitation schedule says, "with the mother's agreement." I do not agree at this time. He needs help.

The only one in contempt is him...for not paying the child support.

You need help. Denying him any visitation is not going to be looked upon favorably by the court. Most likely he will get a standard visitation order. YOU spanked a 12 year old? Good grief. I stand by my assessment -- YOU need help and to learn how to properly parent. You think he would not be good for the child -- neither are you.

 

[Ohiogal]

You guys are missing the question I am trying to get an answer for. I understand you would like to know more about the situation and I will be happy to provide more information if need be due to the question at hand.

He has filed for CUSTODY of my child that I have basically taken care of by myself for the last 11 years. In his response, to my response and counterclaim...he has asked for temporary VISITATION because as of now I must agree to him seeing him. I do not want him to have any visitation right now because he kidnapped my child. I am scared he will not return him.

I don't allow supervised visits right now because there is no one to supervise the visits. He is from Chicago and does not have any family here. My family has seen all the horrible things he has done to me and wants nothing to do with him.

Once again my questions are...

1. Do I need to file another response to his response or will I be fine until I get a court date?
2. He has asked for a temporary visitation and I do not want that do I need to file anything else so that it does not happen?

Thank you for your help.

You need to realize that he will most likely will get temporary visitation. If you continue to deny him time, he could win custody based on your not facilitating a relationship. You don't have to file another response however. If you keep filing things, you may find yourself sanctioned.

 

[Isis1]

you can still offer supervised visits. there are locations in almost every county that offer this type of service for a fee. you can ask that dad be responsible for this fee. suerpervised visitation with a therapist. you can ask for dad to be responsible for this fee.

you have to wrap your head around dad getting SOME type of visitation. to kick dad out of his life is too premature at this point. he hasn't tried killing him, or you would have mentioned this already.

ask for supervised visitation with the venues i suggested, then ask that the visitation becomes unsupervised in a years time such as an all day visitation, then working his way up to overnights, weekends visitation and vacations.

i can't remember your past threads, when dad "kidnapped" the child, did you file for contempt?