Why is child support around???

[amiegaines654]

So my point is that just because Im at home with my kids, not paying someone else to raise them, doesnt mean Im worthless, lazy and not contributing. I have just chosen a different way of working that allows me to be home with my family instead of working outside the home.

I just get the feeling that because some of us chose to stay at home with our kids we are looked down on and thats not ok. Nor would it be ok for me to judge any of you for working outside the home to support your family.

JUST MY O

TSGTSWIFE[/QUOTE]



Just because a woman works, does not mean she is allowing someone else to raise them. That is a judgemental statement, and if you don't want to be judged for staying home with your kids, then don't make statements like this one.
I agree that a woman should have the choice based on their situation. If a woman stays home, that is a very dificult job. But so is it for a woman that goes to work, and comes home to do the same chores.

 

[djohnson]

I don't anyone is trying to say you are useless because you are a stay at home mom. Just possible naive to possibilities and other realities. I think it's great if you can stay at home with your kids for awhile. I also think daycare/preschool is very important before a child starts kindergarten. They don't get all the social skills and sometimes basics that schools expect kids to know now before ever starting. I also think it's good to get them out from under the 'momma's wing' or going to school can be very traumatic. Also, I don't think your fears about the diabetic problems that may occur are founded. In my children's school the licensed nurse is only there a half a day four days a week. Other than that it falls to teacher or principal who are not always informed. Where daycares require certain training and because the ration is so much smaller, could be handled quicker. Just giving you things to think about.

 

[nextwife]

First, WHO stated that "working from home" or "telecommuting" is NOT contributing financially? One can contribute financially without needing to be in an office 9-5. My job sure doesn't have me in any office 9-5, I often work from home. Computers allow many more telecommute opportunites than ever before.

Second, who said that all working women have their kids cared for by others? My kid is NOT in daycare at all! She goes to school in the morning, some afternoons has enrichment activities, then I or hubby pick her up after. WHY do people presume that a child of a woman who DOES bring home an income must therefore be in Daycare? I know a number of attornies, lenders, RE agents and others who ALL have incomes and their kids are NOT in daycare at all.

I have NOT observed that kids who had SAHMs are any more empathetic, more willing to share or take turns, more enriched educationally, more bonded, or more courteous than kids who spent some time in a quality daycare. As a matter of fact, some kids who entered K never having been in daycare were MORE self centered, less comfortable with diversity, less capable socially, and less self assured.

Third, why should we women be the only ones who get to experience spending time with our kiddos as they grow, on a everyday, daily basis? If we help ease the financial burden, their daddys may be more able to afford time away from their offices to get to the school events with their kiddos. They maybe can work fewer hours and THEY can sometimes be the one home enjoying the kids. We are BOTH parents, and our kids are only little but once. Sharing both the joy of raising them and the financial burden of providing for them allows a more equitable split. If daddy is stuck with all the financial burden, kiddo gets less opportunity to have daddy available to attend things. My kid LOVES having Daddy appear at her little music concerts, plays and what all at school. Why should I be the only one to get to daytime activities? My working allows hubby to carry less burden, and that means he is free to consider more employment options.

Our legal system is punitive against dads who allowed their wives to be SAHMs if there is a divorce. The fact that they were often working to support the family is turned into "she was the primary care parent, therefore SHE should get primary custody, and you, Mr Dad, will get to see your child even less than you could before because now you can't even see them before and after work each day".

Our laws are indeed punitive AGAINST men who assume the full financial burden. If a man supports the ENTIRE household, they not only miss out on much with their kids while they grow, then their REWARD 20 years later can be a divorce and being stuck with alimony because MOM stayed home and now wants to continue to be supported, even though he isn't even her spouse anymore. The way our laws are, a man is potentially setting himself up for trouble if his wife DOESN'T maintain the ability to support herself. When is it THEIR turmn to be supported after they supported their wife so she could GET to stay home? Often the payback is alimony because now she goes and posts in the divorce and S.S. column that she has nothing of her own and doesn't know how to earn a living and then claims to have been away from ther workforce too long to be expected to work.

 

[dannysmyboy]

Why do you presume that a woman without a college degree is limited to minimum wage? I make a very nice living, enough to have brought a beautiful home in the suburbs MYSELF, with NO college degree. If a woman has drive to stick to a discipline and learn it, she can make good money in certain fields regardless of having a degree.

And lots of people in my industry without college degree have made very nice incomes.

Seems to me that many woman who whine that they aren't capable of making more than minimum wage just have decided they are going to settle for less than they could get. They sell themselves short. And if a woman is going to go ahead and have kids, maybe she should FIRST figure out how she'd afford to raise them if the other parent suddenly dropped dead, became disabled, and she had to rely on her income ONLY. Having another parent help with support is fine, but people DO become suddenly severly disabled, ill, unemployed, and die. WE STILL need to plan what we'd do if we needed to raise them on our own incomes. One should NOT be having children with the idea that they will stay home and never need to work- unless they have a nice trust fund to live off of.

While a woman is sitting home, what retirement monies is she accumulating? How is she going to have any 401K, pension or other retirement funds sufficient to begin to meet the need? What about what her meds will cost when she gets older? One really needs to plan for both now AND the future! Is she expecting her KIDS to end up taking care of her when retirement comes? Once a child is in school, WHY does she need to "stay home" and wait for the rinse cycle?

I bring in a full time income, have all sorts of benefits available, AND put my child on her school bus each morning, and meet her school bus at the end of the day. WHAT benefit would she derive having me stay home during that intervening time? The ADDITIONAL money I bring in to support my child helps get her into a better school system, helps put money into college savings, and do other things that allow her to have a brighter future.

Very Well Stated! Applause!

 

[dannysmyboy]

Well I don't sit at home and wait for the rinse cycle. My kids are 5, 3, 1, and 2 mths. My three yr old is also diabetic and has many seizures. I stay at home and take care of them and make sure my daughter doesn't go into a reaction.
I didn't say that all women who don't have a college education can't make a decent wage.

So please tell me again how am I loser b/c I don't work. It is not always in the best interests of the children to go to daycare. I'd like to know who you think is responsible enough to take care of my daughter and her disease. I guess I'll just leave her with strangers to handle it so that way I can pay into my SS account and make sure that I can retire 50 yrs from now.
We all have to choose what is best for our individual situations. Right now my #1 priority is to take care of my daughter who's very ill. Think poorly of me, if you so wish.

Sarah

If you are not on welfare or collecting state benefits for free, then you staying at home doesn't bother me. But if you are collecting welfare, I have a problem with that.

Good luck with your kids....sounds like your hands are full!

 

[Ron1347]

Since I've been retired for a while now, am 58 years of age, and thinking I might like to do some sort of employment again, and I spend a lot of time daily on my computer...'WHERE' are those jobs earning a stay-at-home income, using the computer while working for someone?

Okay...so this question has absolutely nothing to do with the issue at hand.

 

[thetsgtswife]

So my point is that just because Im at home with my kids, not paying someone else to raise them, doesnt mean Im worthless, lazy and not contributing. I have just chosen a different way of working that allows me to be home with my family instead of working outside the home.

I just get the feeling that because some of us chose to stay at home with our kids we are looked down on and thats not ok. Nor would it be ok for me to judge any of you for working outside the home to support your family.

JUST MY O

TSGTSWIFE

Just because a woman works, does not mean she is allowing someone else to raise them. That is a judgemental statement, and if you don't want to be judged for staying home with your kids, then don't make statements like this one.
I agree that a woman should have the choice based on their situation. If a woman stays home, that is a very dificult job. But so is it for a woman that goes to work, and comes home to do the same chores.[/QUOTE]



That wasnt meant in a negative way but after rereading it It certainly does sound that way. I apologize.

TSGTSWIFE

 

[thetsgtswife]

Since I've been retired for a while now, am 58 years of age, and thinking I might like to do some sort of employment again, and I spend a lot of time daily on my computer...'WHERE' are those jobs earning a stay-at-home income, using the computer while working for someone?

Okay...so this question has absolutely nothing to do with the issue at hand.

Well Im a Licensed FCC provider through the Air Force which is how I can stay at home with my kids and work.

There is always a huge need for quality childcare providers. LOL

TSGTSWIFE

 

[beenthere30]

Hmmm I have 4 children. I raised the older 3 by myself for 7 years and YES my son has diabetes. So I know how hard it can be. I ALSO know that you can find a good daycare who can handle the child's diabetes. I had to search and change daycares if I wasnt happy but I did find one that we all love. I never used his diabetes as an excuse not to work. I now stay at home and love it but only because my husband makes enough to allow me the pleasure. But for 7 years I worked sometimes 2 jobs to do my part of supporting my children. It was not the responsibility of their father to be the ONLY one financially supporting them. When you have children to raise alone you have to make sacrifices one of them being you have to work to support them. BTW before I recieved my degree (which I recieved while being a single mom and working fulltime) I worked and made well over minimum wage.

 

[justlilolme]

Well, I have been following this thread a bit and decided to add my two cents to the mix.

Personally, I think it is, plain & simple, JUDGMENTAL to automatically assume that just because a woman doesn't work that she is not making the necessary sacrifices that she needs to in order to support her children.

Sure, maybe SOME women out there are able to make a decent wage without an education; however, there are a great deal of women that simply cannot. Maybe it is not about her motivation, drive, skills or abilities, maybe it is about geographic location and the opportunities available in the area. Maybe it is due to the cost of childcare. I have personally seen situations that it was in fact detrimental to the financial support of the children for mom to go to work due to the cost of childcare.

Everything is not black and white, as some would like to believe it is or make it! We all have to work with our own circumstances, situations, and options.

As we can all see, the same JUDGMENTS, can be made the other way around about parents who put their children in daycare to go to work.

For some women it IS, very much, a sacrifice to not be able to rejoin the workforce and have adult interaction, added income, and added luxuries.

There is no way of knowing unless all of the facts are known and understood regarding each individuals situation and set of circumstances ... and even then, who really has the right to Judge?

 

[beenthere30]

I can see your point I have been on both sides of the field as a working mom and a stay at home mom. My point is that the father should NOT be made to be the only one financially responsible for the children. Should he pay support yes but support is there to help raise the children not to be the sole income. When you are a single parent you have to find ways to help your children financially. Excuses are why the world is like it is today. Its about time people take responsibility. Even if it means leaving your children at daycare to get a job.

 

[djohnson]

I agree, to the extent that like another poster already said, they aren't getting government assistance to stay home. What many don't realize that condemn working parents, is that they still have the same job as housewives and stay at home moms on their own time, and many work while kids are in school and daycare isn't even a factor. Although I do believe in daycare at a certain age in order to better prepare the child for school. Many parents work opposite shifts inorder to provide for their families and have the kids at home. What each family decides is up to their particular circumstance as long as it doesn't infringe on me. My only problem with stay at home mom's or dad's is when they want my tax dollars in order to do it. If they can do it on their own, that's their choice. But I get tired of the welfare people telling me how much better they raise their kids because they stay at home thanks to me working.

edit to say the I agree part was the two posts before mine lol

 

[brisgirl825]

Wehn I was getting a divorce I never recieved alimony for having been a stay at home mom. I got a job and was getting paid $7.00 an hour. I was paying $600 a month in daycare, $350 in rent, plus elecrticity, food, and various other things for my children WITHOUT child support. My son has done well going to pre-k. He ran into the classroom and ignored me as I tried to say bye on the first day. So my kids aren't spoiled brats b/c they have stayed at home with me. Children are taught to share and just b/c my kids don't go to daycare doesn't mean that they can't learn that and various other concepts.
I also don't use diabetes as an excuse to stay at home. I WANT to raise my kids myself and I said that. However stabilizing her diabetes is important to me. I'm glad to hear that everyone who has diabetes is the same. You guys are comparing your experinces with mine and they aren't the same. My daughter never gets the same amount of insulin a day.
If my husband dies we have a large life-insurance policy and I will be fine while I work and move up the ladder in a job. However until my kids start school, I am going to stay at home. Think badly if you want to. Working or not working swings both ways. It could be argued that a person who doesn't wait until they can financially afford to raise the kids they made themselves, are bad parents.
So thanks for calling me a bad mom, my kids spolied brats, and comparing my daughters disease to everyone you all know b/c let's face it, everyone is exact same.

Sarah

 

[beenthere30]

No one said that your daughters diabetes was the same. When a child is newly diagnosed yes you have to change their insulin daily. I know that. I also know that when looking for a job I made sure I found one that was flexible to me being able to leave to give my son his injections and such. If you have a husband who is willing to support you fine but if you mean your ex your childrens father then that is different. Unless he wants you to stay home as well which very well may be the case. You have never stated though if we the taxpayers are paying for your decision. If not and the childrens father doesnt mind paying or your new spouse then thats your choice.

 

[beenthere30]

oh and no one said you were a bad mom or that your children were spoiled brats or that diabetes was the same. So don't get so defensive.