Why is child support around???

[justlilolme]

I can see your point I have been on both sides of the field as a working mom and a stay at home mom. My point is that the father should NOT be made to be the only one financially responsible for the children. Should he pay support yes but support is there to help raise the children not to be the sole income. When you are a single parent you have to find ways to help your children financially. Excuses are why the world is like it is today. Its about time people take responsibility. Even if it means leaving your children at daycare to get a job.

Hmmm, I don't think you do see the point. Even in intact families there are times and circumstances that could make it inequitable for mom to work (i.e. the cost of childcare). The true is same of single moms, at times.

Example ... a single mother of three children, two in school, and one at home, lives in a very rural area with little opportunities. She is not able to leave the area due to court orders, etc. She has some experience in child care and the kids can go with her to work at a reduced rate. Sounds great, except that the childcare expense for three children, even at a reduced rates, makes it so that mom gets a bill every two weeks instead of a paycheck! Now, mom doesn't qualify for state aid to help pay for childcare because she makes too much money in child support. Dad doesn't help pay daycare because it was not included in the original court order or is a dead beat, or whatever. Is this poor mother suppose to take money AWAY from her children just so that she can say she is working to help support the children?

We don't know, and we cannot judge!

 

[amiegaines654]

I am only curious, not trying to judge you.
Why is your daughter receiving different insulin doses daily? When my step-daughter was diagnoised with diabities, they set her insulin at a certain amount, and monitored it for a few weeks, then we would go back to the Dr. and see how her sugar level had been. They didn't change it daily because that didn't really give her body a chance to adjust to the current level of insulin.

I understand your situation may be very different, I was just curious.

BTW, I know how hard it is for a child with diabities. It is a constant strugle to make sure that their carbs are right, that the shots are given right, that they aren't sneeking candy......If all of these things are not done correctly, it can have serious effects.
Good luck with your daughter, it sounds like she is very very young, which makes it so much harder. I wish you the best!!!!

 

[beenthere30]

Oh please I found work in a small town of under 10,000 people. If daycare is too expensive start one at home or go to work for one so you don't have to pay as much for daycare. Either way I was stating making the bio-dad soley resposible for the children is bogus! I stick by that statement. You wouldn't be singing the same song if the NCP was stating they couldn't be financially responsible for their children because of those same financial situations. Just as the NCP should be financially responsible so should the CP.

 

[beenthere30]

As the poster stated each child with diabetes is different my son was diagnosed at age 2 and yes we did have to change his insulin doses almost daily based on blood sugar levels and carb intake. When first diagnose there blood sugars are all over the place. I know it is hard and emotionally draining on both you and your daughter I am not trying to take away from that. No one knows it better than I. I apoligize if you thought I was trying to dismiss her disease that was not that case. Even after 5 years of dealing with my sons diabetes new things pop up every day. I can sympathize with the strain that can be one a parent when you love your little one so much and can't take the diabetes away.

 

[brisgirl825]

My ex pays $288 a month in cs. He isn't the sole bread winner for my kids. If you think that, that amount is 100% of the cost to raise 2 children you are mistaken.
When I was working at $7 an hour he was paying $600 a month. Like I said, my ex doesn't want me to work.
He didn't give a $hit about me being 100% responsible for my kids. He is $13,000 in arrears.

And my daughter's needs change all the time b/c she is still in the honeymoon phase. Her pancreas will unpredictably make insulin of it own. Sometimes she makes some of her own and then we have to give her less insulin and then she'll stop so we have to give her more. Often times she will go a few days running high on her blood sugars so we start to increase her insulin then all the sudden her body will make its own. That's why we have so many seizures.
BTW her wonderful BF that you all seem to think 100% financially supports his kids at $288 a month hasn't bothered to call her to see how she's doing. Never went to Children's Mercy in KC either time for her hospital stay or check ups. Hasn't seen her since Dec b/c he never bothered to learn how to take care of her nor does he want to.

edited for my spelling errors, sorry folks. And to say that on top of not emotionally supporting my daughter, her bf has also not paid a dime to her med bills. So that $288 a month doesn't begin to pay them.

Sarah

 

[justlilolme]

Oh please I found work in a small town of under 10,000 people. If daycare is too expensive start one at home or go to work for one so you don't have to pay as much for daycare. Either way I was stating making the bio-dad soley resposible for the children is bogus! I stick by that statement. You wouldn't be singing the same song if the NCP was stating they couldn't be financially responsible for their children because of those same financial situations. Just as the NCP should be financially responsible so should the CP.

Oh believe me, I have seen MANY instances where the NCP didn't contribute a DIME, for whatever reasons they might be!

I guess, it is just too bad that not all women in the world can be as perfect as you!

 

[beenthere30]

It has nothing to do with being perfect. It has to do with wanting my children to be taking care of and having the drive and determination to do so. I worked my butt off to accomplish what I have for the sake of my children. That is something EVERY mother should do. As for the other poster that would be why I asked if a new spouse was helping to support or if there was other forms of income such as welfare. I never stated the BF was an angel. Shoot I know what it's like to have a dead beat ex as mine is over 50K behind. Which is why I feel so strongly that BOTH parents should be supporting the children. Just as I think it sucks that he doesnt pay so I would feel if I wasn't. If you don't want people to assume thing by your post then answer the questions when asked. Such as are you on welfare or is there a new spouse who is supporting you and the children or another party. Plain and simple. From the way you posted at first it was like there was no one in the HOME working and the child support was the income. Which brings to the assumption A.) you live off the child support or B.) off welfare and support. My ex left because he couldnt deal with the day to day of having a child with diabetes. He so nicely told me this in front of our son. So I understand what you are going through. I wasn't attacking you as you think but trying to make a statement that no matter what the situation is both parents should be equally responsible financially! IF that means a new spouse is helping support well then uhhh he is taking on your financial responsibilty which is the same as you doing it.

 

[brisgirl825]

It has nothing to do with being perfect. It has to do with wanting my children to be taking care of and having the drive and determination to do so. I worked my butt off to accomplish what I have for the sake of my children. That is something EVERY mother should do. As for the other poster that would be why I asked if a new spouse was helping to support or if there was other forms of income such as welfare. I never stated the BF was an angel. Shoot I know what it's like to have a dead beat ex as mine is over 50K behind. Which is why I feel so strongly that BOTH parents should be supporting the children. Just as I think it sucks that he doesnt pay so I would feel if I wasn't. If you don't want people to assume thing by your post then answer the questions when asked. Such as are you on welfare or is there a new spouse who is supporting you and the children or another party. Plain and simple. From the way you posted at first it was like there was no one in the HOME working and the child support was the income. Which brings to the assumption A.) you live off the child support or B.) off welfare and support. My ex left because he couldnt deal with the day to day of having a child with diabetes. He so nicely told me this in front of our son. So I understand what you are going through. I wasn't attacking you as you think but trying to make a statement that no matter what the situation is both parents should be equally responsible financially! IF that means a new spouse is helping support well then uhhh he is taking on your financial responsibilty which is the same as you doing it.

Yes my husband supports the family. And don't worry, my ex-h will not be 100% supporting my kids for long. He's giving up his rights for my husband to adopt them. He can't afford to support my two kids with him and his new family. So of course my two get the shaft. Which is fine, they deserve better, but it still hurts that my kids are less important to him than money esp when he put himself in that situation by knocking up some chick he knew for 2 mths.

So don't get all pi$$y, my ex will soon be out of the huge burden of $288 a month.

Sarah

 

[casa]

Helllooooooooooo did anyone notice that:
1.) The OP is from Australia so posting on a US Law forum was pretty irrelevant anyway.
2.) The question posed was "Why is child support around?", not what are the pros & cons of staying home vs. working outside of the home. Courts asign responsibility for support to both parents- whether they work at home, work outside of the home, tele-commute, own their own business etc. etc. <ad naseum>

 

[beenthere30]

Lady, The only person getting Pi$$y here is you. I made my argument being on BOTH parents supporting the children if you failed to mention that you were supporting the children by way of your current husband that is your own fault and could have been said early on. From the get go I stated that was where my problem lied. Good luck with your daughter I hope her sugars are under control soon. Also, I know it is hard watching your baby suffer from blood checks and injections but the "advantage" of them being diagnosed at 2 vs 12 is that at least by the time they are older it is a fact of life. They aren't used to drinking tons of regualar soda or eating candy so they don't have to learn to live without something they may be used to. My son now doesn't even blink when he gives himself a shot or complain about blood checks. It's routine to him. The worry never goes away for your child's health but as the routine comes into play it lessens. My son lives a normal life with sports and friends and starting this year now that he knows how to do his own shots he even gets to spend the night at friends houses which he loves! My son also suffered from seizures at night when his blood sugar would drop during sleep and I know how scary that can be. So I will keep you in my prayers. I'm sorry if you thought everything was a personal attack on you when it was an attack on the concept of both parents not stepping up to the plate.

 

[beenthere30]

Yes Casa we got that. But since the posters question was irrelevant on this US site and the conversation turned to this subject we debated it. One of the great advantages of living in the US. Freedom of speach and opinion

 

[brisgirl825]

Lady, The only person getting Pi$$y here is you. I made my argument being on BOTH parents supporting the children if you failed to mention that you were supporting the children by way of your current husband that is your own fault and could have been said early on. From the get go I stated that was where my problem lied. Good luck with your daughter I hope her sugars are under control soon. Also, I know it is hard watching your baby suffer from blood checks and injections but the "advantage" of them being diagnosed at 2 vs 12 is that at least by the time they are older it is a fact of life. They aren't used to drinking tons of regualar soda or eating candy so they don't have to learn to live without something they may be used to. My son now doesn't even blink when he gives himself a shot or complain about blood checks. It's routine to him. The worry never goes away for your child's health but as the routine comes into play it lessens. My son lives a normal life with sports and friends and starting this year now that he knows how to do his own shots he even gets to spend the night at friends houses which he loves! My son also suffered from seizures at night when his blood sugar would drop during sleep and I know how scary that can be. So I will keep you in my prayers. I'm sorry if you thought everything was a personal attack on you when it was an attack on the concept of both parents not stepping up to the plate.

I'm sorry that I didn't say that my husband was supporting the family but I did state in an earlier post that I was NOT on welfare.

I had always wished that she would have been diagnosed later. Right now she doesn't tell us if she feels sick or low and shows absolutely NO outward signs until a seizure. She also doesn't understand why she has to have all this done and nobody else in the house does. Although my son has been a part of a research study and he does have two of the antibodies. We are keeping a close eye on him as he has a 50/50 chance of having type 1 as well.
She is checking her own blood and helps with her own shots. I feel so guilty about her illness.

Thanks for the prayers.

Sarah

 

[beenthere30]

Just remember that sometimes an early diagnosis can be a blessing in disguise. In time you will notice the slight changes that may happen with her. Maybe she is starting to look more tired or was running and playing and now just being sluggish. At her young age though I no it is hard. Even at my son's age a lot of times he doesn't reconize his own signs. I have gotten to the point now where I can look at him and tell but that comes with lots of time. Do you mind if I ask what kind of insulin she is on? I know with my son when he was first diagnosed we had to switch his insulin due to the same problems you are having. He has since been on Humalog and Novolin N and that combo has been working great for him since.

 

[beenthere30]

Oh and if you ever need anyone to talk to who is in the same situation and knows what you are going through you can email me at bttyboopa@aol.com. But DONT blame yourself it is not your fault. In my son's case it was a complete surprise no family member on either side had it. My son is the most compassionate loving and kind little boy and I believe that his getting diabetes has helped shaped him into such. Everything happens for a reason my son says he has diabetes because he can handle it and his sister is too afraid of shots so he's glad he is the one and not her.

 

[brisgirl825]

Oh and if you ever need anyone to talk to who is in the same situation and knows what you are going through you can email me at bttyboopa@aol.com. But DONT blame yourself it is not your fault. In my son's case it was a complete surprise no family member on either side had it. My son is the most compassionate loving and kind little boy and I believe that his getting diabetes has helped shaped him into such. Everything happens for a reason my son says he has diabetes because he can handle it and his sister is too afraid of shots so he's glad he is the one and not her.

OMG!! What a beautiful thing for him to say! That is really precious.
Right now Makayla is on Lantus 2cc and Humalog..1cc for 15g at breakfast and 1cc for 20g at lunch and dinner. However the Humalog changes a lot.

My guilt comes with the fact that I knew that her BF's family had a lot of type 1 in it. I knew this but I somehow just didn't think that it would happen. I should've known better.

She has had her young life turned upside down. We had her potty trained and after her diagnosis, she stopped trying. She has tons of yeast infections due to that high concentration of sugar in her urine. That was a huge fight with the ex. He accused my husband of touching her and that's why she was getting the infections, turns out it was diabetes. Then the Y. Infections caused a lot of UTIs. She's on the shortest needles yet she bruises severely esp on her bottom where we have to give the lantus. It looks like we beat her. Dr says it's b/c she is so skinny. She'll be four next month and wighs 25 lbs....as much as my 1 yr old. Makayla can wear 18 mths clothes. So she doesn't have enough fat to cushion the injection sites. They hurt her pretty bad.

I hope everyone understands why I need to take care of her. I caused this mess and I fully intend to be the one to help her through this. Staying at home with her is how I feel I am paying back what I did to her.

Thank you for the email addy. I might just take you up on that. We have no support groups in our area. The only ones that I could find for kids are in St. Loius and KC which are 4 hrs away from us.

Sarah