nancy i hear what your saying and i know there is alot of cases of bad cp's. but then there is also lot of bad ncp's also. when you try as hard as you can to foster a relationship between your child and the ncp by alowing all the extra time they want and not fighting it in court and following the court order by getting up early and giving the 4 yrs old a bath and getting them ready. then the ncp doesnt show up and seeing the face of your 4 yrs old when he says "my daddy isnt coming is he?" when he is over an hour past the 3 extra hours he gets that day and he never comes. and then still giving extra time when he comes by eventhough he hasnt seen the child in 3 months for whatever reason he gives. or the parent who doesnt fight for more custody and agrees with shared by having week for week. then comes a day when for medical reasons you cant have the child for that week and you and the other parent agree on him having the child for 2 weeks then you having the child for 2 weeks. the 2 yrs old comes home after 2 weeks and is so bad off that you have to take him the the er, and the poor child cant sit for 2 days and cant even lay on his back. you go to court and get sole custody for the protection of your child. the police department is just sitting on their hands and not doing anything about getting justice for this child. there are horror stories on both side of the fence.
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OnlyOneVoice
Guest
that may be the general truth, but the laws are changing daily and there are cases being brought and cases on the books where unmarried fathers have been able to stop, prohibit and or delay adoption because the refused their consent.
So it's not always a one person choice.
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NancyLou9
Guest
And probably the other side to your story is
That you have a history of not being there when the ex shows up, that when he does show up you have the police there in 5 seconds or less by accusing him of abuse, that you have a history of denying him contact...
The tricks many CPs play is endless and damaging to the NCP and the kids.
That you have a history of not being there when the ex shows up, that when he does show up you have the police there in 5 seconds or less by accusing him of abuse, that you have a history of denying him contact...
The tricks many CPs play is endless and damaging to the NCP and the kids.
nancy not all parents are vindictive some parents grew up in a home that had boths of their parents were at war with each other in the court systems for most of their lives. from the time i was 5 till the age of 18 my parents went to court at least 3 times a year and i heard how bad the other parent was all the time. my 8 yrs old was that sad little 4 yrs old and thankfully his dad came to his senses and has now seen him every visitation for the last 2 years. but there was a year that his dad only saw him only 5 times that year. his dad knows that if i'm not at home because he is late that our son is at my mom's because i have to be at work. and he goes and picks him up from there. i have never accused him of abuse because he has never abused him. now my 5 yrs old was that little 2 yrs old and his dad did abuse him the hospital was the ones who called the police. he was allowed supervised visits but only took 2 in the year that he was under the chips order. my 5 yrs old sees his paternal grandma everyother weekend, not by court order but just because i would never deny her her grandson. but cant see his dad because of what his dad did to him, and from what i heard his dad is in jail for an abuse charge from his new child that is only 11 months old.
stealth2
Under the Radar Member
Re: And probably the other side to your story is
Is this how you were as a CP? By your posts, you must have been - all CPs are bad and evil. Yet you indicate that you weren't. So why do you assume all other CP's are? You'd do well to remove that chip of your shoulder, Nancy.
NancyLou9 said:
Is this how you were as a CP? By your posts, you must have been - all CPs are bad and evil. Yet you indicate that you weren't. So why do you assume all other CP's are? You'd do well to remove that chip of your shoulder, Nancy.
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NancyLou9
Guest
Stealth
Had you actually read my posts, I gave an example of two parents here in my small town that are excellent divorced parents. There is absolutely no squabbling at all about his rights, her rights. They both realize that the kids shouldn't suffer over the divorce...
Yes, there are good CPs/NCPs, but unfortunately, it seems there are far more bad ones.
If the poster wenwas is willing to air her dirty laundry to this board, imagine what she's saying to the general public? I'm glad her ex is now spending time with their child, but I have seen too many good men not spend time with their kids for the simple reason they are beaten down by a vindictive ex and the legal system that is supposed to protect their rights and don't/won't.
wenwas also states that her ex isn't allowed normal parenting time because of abuse allegations against him. This is a common and much used tactic on the part of CPs to gain the upper hand in a custody proceeding. In family court, possession is 9/10ths of the law. Or as they call it, the status quo.
Had you actually read my posts, I gave an example of two parents here in my small town that are excellent divorced parents. There is absolutely no squabbling at all about his rights, her rights. They both realize that the kids shouldn't suffer over the divorce...
Yes, there are good CPs/NCPs, but unfortunately, it seems there are far more bad ones.
If the poster wenwas is willing to air her dirty laundry to this board, imagine what she's saying to the general public? I'm glad her ex is now spending time with their child, but I have seen too many good men not spend time with their kids for the simple reason they are beaten down by a vindictive ex and the legal system that is supposed to protect their rights and don't/won't.
wenwas also states that her ex isn't allowed normal parenting time because of abuse allegations against him. This is a common and much used tactic on the part of CPs to gain the upper hand in a custody proceeding. In family court, possession is 9/10ths of the law. Or as they call it, the status quo.
stealth2
Under the Radar Member
Re: Stealth
You jump to many conclusions, Nancy. You don't know wenwas any better than you know anyone here. Nor do any of us. You surely know how foolish it is to assume things.
Yes, there are NCPs who get a raw deal. There are NCPs who don't and actually are SOBs. There are CPs who do whatever they can to alienate the children from the other parent. There are also CPs who go out of their way to do whatever is possible to promote a good relationship. They actually do tend to be more prevalent than you assume.
Making the assumption that every CP here is a b*tch and every NCP is a saint isn't helpful to anyone.
You jump to many conclusions, Nancy. You don't know wenwas any better than you know anyone here. Nor do any of us. You surely know how foolish it is to assume things.
Yes, there are NCPs who get a raw deal. There are NCPs who don't and actually are SOBs. There are CPs who do whatever they can to alienate the children from the other parent. There are also CPs who go out of their way to do whatever is possible to promote a good relationship. They actually do tend to be more prevalent than you assume.
Making the assumption that every CP here is a b*tch and every NCP is a saint isn't helpful to anyone.
stealth2
Under the Radar Member
Anyway, holmek... What I'd suggest your husband do is speak with an attorney in the jurisdiction where the hearing will be held, and state that he would like to contest paternity. And go from there. It's unlikely that support will be ordered back beyond the filing date.
It is unfortunate, should it turn out to be his child, that he didn't try to find out if the child was his back when she was born as he's missed out on a lot of time. But hindsight is, of course, 20/20. Good luck to all of you with it.
It is unfortunate, should it turn out to be his child, that he didn't try to find out if the child was his back when she was born as he's missed out on a lot of time. But hindsight is, of course, 20/20. Good luck to all of you with it.
Re: Stealth
ok you are assuming there was a custody battle involved in this and there wasnt our divorce was over with for 2 yrs and we worked out anyother things like needing to switch times. and it wasnt allegations it was actual abuse the boy had sores and open wounds that took more than 1 day to cause. and even after the courts found him guilty of the abuse there wasnt a battle he was the one who signed sole custody over to me because his new wife was risking having her child from a previous marriage taken away over this. and i dont bad mouth my 8 yrs olds father he has never heard a bad thing about him from me or anyone else. he gets all the time he wants because of his work he often cant pick him up when the order says so he picks him up later. he even gets any extra time he wants. he knows all he has to do is call and ask he will get it.
NancyLou9 said:
ok you are assuming there was a custody battle involved in this and there wasnt our divorce was over with for 2 yrs and we worked out anyother things like needing to switch times. and it wasnt allegations it was actual abuse the boy had sores and open wounds that took more than 1 day to cause. and even after the courts found him guilty of the abuse there wasnt a battle he was the one who signed sole custody over to me because his new wife was risking having her child from a previous marriage taken away over this. and i dont bad mouth my 8 yrs olds father he has never heard a bad thing about him from me or anyone else. he gets all the time he wants because of his work he often cant pick him up when the order says so he picks him up later. he even gets any extra time he wants. he knows all he has to do is call and ask he will get it.
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NancyLou9
Guest
I can almost bet...
if there is an order for support in this, it will date back to when the child was born. Don't count on the CS being started at the date of filing. Your husband, if he is proven to be the parent, will most assuredly come out of this with an arrearage in the several thousands of dollars. He will probably have it turned over to CSE and reported to his probably good credit. He will probably have a wage assignment assessed also.
if there is an order for support in this, it will date back to when the child was born. Don't count on the CS being started at the date of filing. Your husband, if he is proven to be the parent, will most assuredly come out of this with an arrearage in the several thousands of dollars. He will probably have it turned over to CSE and reported to his probably good credit. He will probably have a wage assignment assessed also.
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NancyLou9
Guest
How easy it is to accuse me of trying to scare this person
There is a father on another site that is directed towards NCPs, that is in an identical circumstance, except in his instance, the child is 17.
His case is also in Michigan. He got hit with CS AND arrearages to the day the child was born. He was turned over to CSE, he now has a negative reporting on his credit showing over $50,000 in arrearages and he has a wage assignment. All because he had no idea he even had a daughter.
Like someone else pointed out earlier, tho, he isn't being compensated for the lost years in his child's life.
When it comes to family court, judges routinely do not follow the law. Also, laches cannot be applied to CS.
There is a father on another site that is directed towards NCPs, that is in an identical circumstance, except in his instance, the child is 17.
His case is also in Michigan. He got hit with CS AND arrearages to the day the child was born. He was turned over to CSE, he now has a negative reporting on his credit showing over $50,000 in arrearages and he has a wage assignment. All because he had no idea he even had a daughter.
Like someone else pointed out earlier, tho, he isn't being compensated for the lost years in his child's life.
When it comes to family court, judges routinely do not follow the law. Also, laches cannot be applied to CS.
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FJ1200guy
Guest
One last time...
There will be NO back support in THIS particular case. Ain't gonna happen.
And I resent you folks putting me in the position where I have to agree with Stealth, dammit. The fact is custody and all that crap has NOTHING to do with NCP, or CP. It's a person problem. It's a control issue. A bad NCP could be a good CP, and a bitter mean CP may be a good NCP...
It's like the idiot that says "Fords are the best cars"... it's all about a particular experience. Nancy has her issues, and she sees thing through biased eyes. So do I. We all do. But we have to at least recognize that fact. That way we can work for improving an imperfect system.
LOL... I know, I know, blaH blah blah. I better go eat some more turkey. Later, Lyle
There will be NO back support in THIS particular case. Ain't gonna happen.
And I resent you folks putting me in the position where I have to agree with Stealth, dammit. The fact is custody and all that crap has NOTHING to do with NCP, or CP. It's a person problem. It's a control issue. A bad NCP could be a good CP, and a bitter mean CP may be a good NCP...
It's like the idiot that says "Fords are the best cars"... it's all about a particular experience. Nancy has her issues, and she sees thing through biased eyes. So do I. We all do. But we have to at least recognize that fact. That way we can work for improving an imperfect system.
LOL... I know, I know, blaH blah blah. I better go eat some more turkey. Later, Lyle
Grace_Adler
Senior Member
LMAO @ Lyle!
Hey how's that turkey?
Maybe you were thinking of Mary Lou Retton? LOL
I agree, just hire an attorney, deny paternity, and ask for a paternity test.
Some other links that should inform you more about back child support..
http://www.childsupportguidelines.com
http://ocse3.acf.dhhs.gov/ext/irg/sps/selectastate.cfm
http://www.michiganlegislature.org/
Hey how's that turkey?
Maybe you were thinking of Mary Lou Retton? LOL
I agree, just hire an attorney, deny paternity, and ask for a paternity test.
Some other links that should inform you more about back child support..
http://www.childsupportguidelines.com
http://ocse3.acf.dhhs.gov/ext/irg/sps/selectastate.cfm
http://www.michiganlegislature.org/
I am the CP and my husband is the NCP. He pays his child support, I get zero. I foster, have even begged the kids father to see them, to no avail. My husband begs to see their kids, to little avail. However, his ex is finally realizing that the kids need their dad. We've been trying to talk her in to moving closer. Before anyone jumps. We own a house (she rents) and both of us have pretty good jobs now (she doesn't work). We'd fund the move and anything else she'd need to get settled. We bought her a car to get her back to Texas. We'll do what we can to move her here. I think it takes everyone, parents, step-parents, grandparents, etc. to raise kids today.