Interfering w/ Custody

[StampGirl]

Do you have custody of your child? Do you see your child?

I get what you are saying. If I got to be a normal stepparent...I'd be less likely to be so "involved". Unfortunately....the real mom is pretty much non existing...expect when convenient to her. Which unfortunately isn't as convenient than children need.

Yes I have custody of my child. My husband has custody of his son. I see all the kids every stinking day practically. Whats your point??

Its unfortunate yes. Is it your problem? No. Listen, the reality is that the kids mom doesn't want to be involved. It sucks but its the truth. My ex can be a pain too. He gives up more visits than he takes. What do I tell the kids? THat their Dad is working (even if he is not) or some other excuse. Let the kids see her for what she is. Don't sugar coat that either. Dont bad mouth her but let reality speak for itself. I don't bad mouth my Ex (well I do when the kids are gone LOL) in front of the kids, his picture he paints of himself is enough.

 

[Humusluvr]

Yeah no kidding eh?

Heck I don't like the flakey weird things my stepson's mom does. I don't even understand it LOL Do I critizise or comment etc? NO. My husband is able to handle that. Does he get involved in my issues with the girls dad? NO. Like I said, he would be CRAZY heck I don't even want to be involved in that mess LOL

Yeah well his stepmom says how glad she is that I "accept" her son as my own blah blah blah. Thats nice. THanks. I appreciate it, I do. However, it doesn't change the stance I have: I am the stepmom, not his Mom. I don't step on her toes, nor do I get close to them. I don't communicate with her regarding HER son, thats what his DAD is for.

Figure out what your role is and stay there. DONT cross lines its confusing.

Unfortunately for most, they get to the forum when they have already overstepped, interfered, or done something the judges highly disapprove of. And then they try to clean up their messes. Or they make a worse mess.

If they had started researching and reading BEFORE they were in a legal mess, then they would save so much drama.

Read for a while, OP, and you'll see what we mean.

 

[Humusluvr]

Its unfortunate yes. Is it your problem? No. Listen, the reality is that the kids mom doesn't want to be involved. It sucks but its the truth. My ex can be a pain too. He gives up more visits than he takes. What do I tell the kids? THat their Dad is working (even if he is not) or some other excuse. Let the kids see her for what she is. Don't sugar coat that either. Dont bad mouth her but let reality speak for itself. I don't bad mouth my Ex (well I do when the kids are gone LOL) in front of the kids, his picture he paints of himself is enough.

It takes a MATURE individual to handle things in a MATURE manner. Take note, stepmom. Please!

 

[StampGirl]

Unfortunately for most, they get to the forum when they have already overstepped, interfered, or done something the judges highly disapprove of. And then they try to clean up their messes. Or they make a worse mess.

If they had started researching and reading BEFORE they were in a legal mess, then they would save so much drama.

Read for a while, OP, and you'll see what we mean.

Get this? I had a social worker tell me a few weeks ago that I should be grateful to have the ex husband I do AND that he married such a wonderful mom who just wants to love my kids but can't cause she is afraid of me... Told the social worker. GOOD. She better be afraid of me. I can be pretty scary at times when it comes to the kids.

Nice eh? The woman who tells the oldest she cant be friends with her because my daughter lies too much..... yet can marry the king of lies. Go figure.

 

[stepmom04]

There is really no mess. Like I said..she admitted that most of it wasn't true..and didn't comment on the rest. The doctor appointments aren't a problem...because it wasn't court ordered...though the judge can say from this point on tell her. Which we'll do our best.

I do not talk bad about their mother to them. Nope...never. I teach them to love their mother. I tell them to stand up for themselves and don't let her walk all over them, but I never tell them to disrespect. Though I use the word loosely...she is their mother.

Bottom line she is mad...her kids can't be around her boyfriend, oh yeah...and her mother *grandmother*, long story, very bad*. We offered to do family counseling with him...so we can try to get to know the *changed* man that she says that he has become. We've asked for him to see the children's counselor *court appointed* so she can get a feel for him. He won't go...she won't make him. Therefore..he can't be around until he does..and he won't. So she thought she'd try another tactic to get it done.

 

[StampGirl]

It takes a MATURE individual to handle things in a MATURE manner. Take note, stepmom. Please!

Thank you I appreciate that Humsuslvr

Just give them enough rope and they will eventually hang himself.

An example for our OP: Was in mediation in Dec. Ex wants more time with the kids for Xmas. Bring out the journal that states how many days he has given up for work and other reasons. Mediator turns to ex: So you want me to give you more time when you don't take what you have? I don't think so. End of story. Pretty much.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago: Ex takes a new position at work. Now he works Fridays. Cant pick up the kids after school. Now is giving up every one of his fridays for the next 3yrs at least for work. Guess some never learn.

 

[StampGirl]

There is really no mess. Like I said..she admitted that most of it wasn't true..and didn't comment on the rest. The doctor appointments aren't a problem...because it wasn't court ordered...though the judge can say from this point on tell her. Which we'll do our best.

I do not talk bad about their mother to them. Nope...never. I teach them to love their mother. I tell them to stand up for themselves and don't let her walk all over them, but I never tell them to disrespect. Though I use the word loosely...she is their mother.

Bottom line she is mad...her kids can't be around her boyfriend, oh yeah...and her mother *grandmother*, long story, very bad*. We offered to do family counseling with him...so we can try to get to know the *changed* man that she says that he has become. We've asked for him to see the children's counselor *court appointed* so she can get a feel for him. He won't go...she won't make him. Therefore..he can't be around until he does..and he won't. So she thought she'd try another tactic to get it done.

Honestly, let her try it. Let her take you to court. All you can do is make sure all the ducks are in a row and your husband has covered his butt. PERIOD.

If your husband has done all he can, then don't worry.

 

[stepmom04]

Thank you! I'm not asking you to suger coat anything. I just want to know, what to expect.

Obviously I will always disagree with you on the stepmom thing. I know that some stepmoms are horrible and I know that some moms are great. My husband had a horrible stepmom. I don't want a cookie for what i've done with the kids. I just don't want to be judged that I do it for them.

Obviously you've never seen a child embarrased because all the other kids have thier mom there on certain things at school. But all he gets is his step mom. Who he tries to lie and say that I'm his real mom. Which doesn't turn out good either.

 

[Humusluvr]

There is really no mess. Like I said..she admitted that most of it wasn't true..and didn't comment on the rest. The doctor appointments aren't a problem...because it wasn't court ordered...though the judge can say from this point on tell her. Which we'll do our best.

If your husband has everything in order, then he will be fine.

I do not talk bad about their mother to them. Nope...never. I teach them to love their mother. I tell them to stand up for themselves and don't let her walk all over them, but I never tell them to disrespect. Though I use the word loosely...she is their mother.

You have a very scary attitude. If you go back and read what you wrote, stepmom, seriously, can you see how we think you are overstepping and interfering? Read it, and think. You sound very manipulative and disrespectful. It really sounds that way, and if you come off that way to us, imagine how this could hurt you in the eyes of a judge?

 

[StampGirl]

Obviously you've never seen a child embarrased because all the other kids have thier mom there on certain things at school. But all he gets is his step mom. Who he tries to lie and say that I'm his real mom. Which doesn't turn out good either.

Wrong. I see it three-fold when each of my children get awards etc at school. All my kids get is me. There DAD doesn't show but their StepDad does (even did before we got married).

Difference is this: My kids accept that their Dad does't see them as often as they think he should, doesn't show up at school stuff, etc. Your stepkids don't accept that because you and your husband don't let them. Again back to letting the other parent paint their own picture in their minds of what they are really like.

 

[tanja53]

When you get involved with somebody who has kids you get get involved with their family.
What ever you like or not.
Otherwise you shouldnt be there.
Period.


How can you love somebody and not their child.

Strange thought.

And how can you not care ?

Wonder how many children just loves to hear that their "step-parent" just dont care what is going on with them.

Kids who has loving step parents are lucky to have them in their lifes.

Nobody can be loved and cared for to much.

 

[stepmom04]

Manulipative and disrepectful?

Explain how, please?

That I ask that the kids don't disrepect thier mothers. I tell them no matter what they still need to love her. Yes sounds so disrepectful and manulipative to me.

 

[bononos again]

Obviously you've never seen a child embarrased because all the other kids have thier mom there on certain things at school. But all he gets is his step mom. Who he tries to lie and say that I'm his real mom. Which doesn't turn out good either.

Sad to say this is becoming the NORM. I pretty sure ALL the other kids Mothers and/or Father's aren't there for EVERYTHING. Maybe kiddos Dad should show up for these events, not you.

 

[bononos again]

Manulipative and disrepectful?

Explain how, please?

That I ask that the kids don't disrepect thier mothers. I tell them no matter what they still need to love her. Yes sounds so disrepectful and manulipative to me.

Their Father should be saying these things, not you, if HE feels it necessary to be said. Keep your opinions and life lessons to yourself.

 

[TheGeekess]

drivel, drivel, drivel

Tanja, go away.