Visitation

[mommabearx1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? VA

I am trying to decifer (sp) whether or not I should bring something up when my XH and I go back to court. He is modifying the current custody order so that his live-in GF can stay the night once they are married. However When we were in court last time my XH asked that would it make a difference to me whether or not they were engaged could she stayt he night since it was her house. I aid no because at the time he and I were still married and didn't feel it was appropriate and the judge agreed.

Now I just found out last night at my DD pick up that instead of having the GF leave the house which is what the judge thought was best so both kids could stay in there own rooms at dads they ( XH, daughter and son) have been going to XH's mother's house and they all three sleep on the pull out sofa) Now I wouldn't so much have a problem with this except for the fact that G-mom has a live lin BF (I don't agree with him being there & he is a heavy smoker) In our court order it specifically states our daughter is not to be smoked around AT ALL.
XH & his GF are both smokers. I have discussed time and time again with XH and he says he is keeping her away from the smoking, however she comes back smelling of cigerette smoke each and every time. Now I know he has smokes in the house and car and that could transfer to her clothing and hair.
What I would like is for my daughter to be able to stay at her own house while she is with her father. I would prefer the GF be at the house rather than her staying where the G-mom's BF is. Any suggestions or should jsut stay quiet about the situation?

 

[Ohiogal]

This stinks of you trying to control dad. Dad can go to his mom's house with his children. HE is with them. Now you are divorced and dad lives with gf and it is her home as well but yet you want to dictate that she shouldn't be there, that dad MUST kick her out WHEN he sees her children and that he cannot take them to grandma's house because YOU do not like the fact that SHE lives with someone? Control trip! Get over yourself. Dad and you are DIVORCED but he is still the children's FATHER.

Why don't you drop the restriction against GF and agree with that. Oh and smoking permeates anything. Your daughter may not be having anyone smoke around her and she picks up the smell.

 

[mommabearx1]

I figured this would be what I got. Better here than in court Thanks OG. I was thinking about the part you said with dropping the restrictions with GF. This decision was made when he and I were married, but he was saying he would get engaged to her. I thought the same about the smoke which is why I took him at his word (sorta) Thanks for setting me straight
The part about going to G-mom's is because he was giving me a hard time with my BF moving in because we weren't married. And he didn't want just any random person being in the house over ngiht. Which I agreed with but it seemed conflicting sense his mom isn't married to her BF either. That being said I wouldn't have my BF move in with me, my XH was jsut voicing his opinion when he found out I was pregnant which I totally inderstood and agreed with. Thanks again!!

 

[Ohiogal]

I figured this would be what I got. Better here than in court Thanks OG. I was thinking about the part you said with dropping the restrictions with GF. This decision was made when he and I were married, but he was saying he would get engaged to her. I thought the same about the smoke which is why I took him at his word (sorta) Thanks for setting me straight

Better here than in court -- very good. See how it came across though. If dad has an attorney he could paint you as a horrid control freak who still wants to dictate when -- or even IF -- dad has a relationship with his children. You don't want that. Some things are not that important. Trust me. Dad seems to be jumping through hoops to try to satisfy everyone AND have a relationship with his children. That should be is important -- he is trying to have a relationship with his children AND follow the court order. So make it easy -- agree to drop the restriction.

 

[mommabearx1]

Better here than in court -- very good. See how it came across though. If dad has an attorney he could paint you as a horrid control freak who still wants to dictate when -- or even IF -- dad has a relationship with his children. You don't want that. Some things are not that important. Trust me. Dad seems to be jumping through hoops to try to satisfy everyone AND have a relationship with his children. That should be is important -- he is trying to have a relationship with his children AND follow the court order. So make it easy -- agree to drop the restriction.

And I will admit I do have a control issue with everything not just him. And I am working on on it slowly but surely!! Is there a way to agree without having to go through my lawyer. I am still making my monthly payments to her and we agree to this then I would prefer to just file for a modification to simply take out the stipulation that says GF cannot be there overnights. Everything else I would like to keep the same.

 

[Ohiogal]

And I will admit I do have a control issue with everything not just him. And I am working on on it slowly but surely!! Is there a way to agree without having to go through my lawyer. I am still making my monthly payments to her and we agree to this then I would prefer to just file for a modification to simply take out the stipulation that says GF cannot be there overnights. Everything else I would like to keep the same.

You can file an agreed entry stating that the stipulation is removed from the parenting plan and everything else remains the same.

Control issues -- many people have them. The goal is to remember what is important and possible to control (yourself) and what isn't (everything and everyone else).

 

[mommabearx1]

New information, but the response could still be the same

Spoke with XH yesterday. He wanted to let me know that I would not be able to contact our daughterthis weekend while she was with him (in our CO it says " Mother has unhindered access to minor child during father's visitation")
The reason is they are going camping and obviously won't have service. I told him that was fine but if they were near a pay phone or something-which he said they had one there- if he remeberd could he have her call.
He said he would be able to have her call when they go hom Sat. am. There were only camping b/c (follow this if you can) his mother's BF's son is now living with them again and he didn't want to take the kids there overnight. The son is in & out of Juvy alot & from what I remeber my XH cannot stand him.
Anyway asked why wouldn't he just stay in his own house, which is when he brought up the whole I can't b/c GF is staying there. I told him about going to the court house and filing to have the CO amended so she could stay and he said no he wasn't really that worried about it right now.
I don't really like that he is taking her just to stay the night because he has no where else to take her. I'm thinking OG will be ripping me a new one but just thoguht I would ask. I did go to the court house myself, & the lady who was at the counter looked at me like I was an idiot and said she couldn't help with any of it file through my lawyer.
ANy suggestions?

 

[haiku]

I think OG DOES need to rip you a new one...seriously....

 

[Isis1]

yeah, i got to agree. from the sounds of it, what dad does on his visitation is his business.

dad is being considerate letting you know in advance he will be out of range. i wish i got that courtesy. put your big girl panties on and let one day go by of not speaking to your daughter on dad's time. she'll live. as will you.

 

[mommabearx1]

yeah, i got to agree. from the sounds of it, what dad does on his visitation is his business.

dad is being considerate letting you know in advance he will be out of range. i wish i got that courtesy. put your big girl panties on and let one day go by of not speaking to your daughter on dad's time. she'll live. as will you.

First of all we single ladies prefer to not wear the big girl panties they aren't very pretty
Ok thanks sometimes I think if I had someone to bounce my thoughts and concerns off of it would help, which is why I bring my questions here. Thanks for smacking me around
I'm always afraid if something should happpen someone will look at me and say, um you didn't think was a problem why? Anyway thanks to everyone

 

[CourtClerk]

First of all we single ladies prefer to not wear the big girl panties they aren't very pretty

You aren't wearing the right ones because my big girl panties are MUCH prettier than my little girl, immature panties. The men seem to think so, too. They prefer to deal with the big girls, only little boys want little girls.

 

[mommabearx1]

You aren't wearing the right ones because my big girl panties are MUCH prettier than my little girl, immature panties. The men seem to think so, too. They prefer to deal with the big girls, only little boys want little girls.

My bad I was thinking granny panites

 

[Isis1]

First of all we single ladies prefer to not wear the big girl panties they aren't very pretty
Ok thanks sometimes I think if I had someone to bounce my thoughts and concerns off of it would help, which is why I bring my questions here. Thanks for smacking me around
I'm always afraid if something should happpen someone will look at me and say, um you didn't think was a problem why? Anyway thanks to everyone

thongs and g-strings ARE considered big girl panties!! i wouldn't let my daughter wear them!!

 

[mommabearx1]

thongs and g-strings ARE considered big girl panties!! i wouldn't let my daughter wear them!!

Look I already have a visual off OG dancing aroudn a court serious as a heart attakc singing Beyonce's " All the Singel Ladies" and now she is doing it in thongs ... thanks guys thanks alot!!
CC id on't have avision of you yet, please keep it that way

 

[CourtClerk]

CC id on't have avision of you yet, please keep it that way

CC never dances on tables, around the courthouse or sings things outloud. Envision the cool, calm collected (cute) one in the corner