I want to modify a decree...

[LocalRocket]

I'll do my best to touch on all of your points, and I did a little research specific to the states involved.

First of all, I wanted to point out that OP never said mom was an incompetent adult. The competent adult would be filling in for dad, not mom. So OP... Regardless of the "competent adult" statement, it sounds as if your husband's order was originally meant to satisfy visitation while you all lived in the same city. Your husband could go back to court and request that his ex bring daughter to the airport for boarding, and with visits happening just twice per year, he should be able to be present for pick up, and vice versa. Personally, I'm not comfortable with my 8 year old flying alone yet, but that's just my opinion, not the law. Since your husband was the first one to create distance in the relationship, it's unlikely that his ex will get dinged for causing the distance to be even further. It is customary for dad to ask for half of the travel expenses. Not more than half, and even at that, there's a chance that he may not be granted his wish. But it might be granted.

Child support is a separate issue, so it's really not addressed in the section of the forum. It has its own section. Pose your child support question separately in that section for more detail-specific advice. A short answer is that there are adequate changes since the agreement that would justify his situation being revisited, but it would not be of any consequence, unless your husband begins taking advantage of all of his visitation time. Alaska only considers the CP’s household income if the NCP has the child for more that 30% of the year. Otherwise, only the NCP income will be considered, and for one child it would be 20% of dad’s adjusted income. This is the same percentage as Texas uses for 1 child.

You asked how to describe mom’s ill treatment of dad without being disparaging. Unless she has done something illegal or which is in direct defiance of their court order, and you have concrete PROOF, it is inconsequential. Most everyone here is accustomed to dealing with steps and exes. Everyone here already knows that divorces and the involvement of new significant others almost always creates bitterness and brings out the worst in people for varying lengths of time, and on both sides. It’s probably more noteworthy when that ISN'T the case. Therefore, you only need to say that the divorce was not amicable and there continues to be a great deal of animosity XX years later. The rest is implied and well understood.

As for what a child calls his or her step parent, you’ll be hard-pressed to find anything in writing. Nevertheless, this issue goes to court ALL OF THE TIME, and the judge always rules in favor of the mom going by “mom”, dad going by “dad”, and step parents going by their first names, unless some sort of nickname has been established and is well-like by the CHILD. This is best for everyone involved. It sounds as if your husband was indeed surprised, if not hurt, when she called stepdad “daddy”. The term “biological” is never used unless the child has been legally adopted.

I’m not sure I understand your husband’s final question. Are you saying that his ex objects to the daughter spending time with him on an actual holiday because it will be spent in your family’s home?

 

[LocalRocket]

And one more thing. I do understand why it might seem this way to you, but it is highly unadvisable to state that you see mom putting her own interests above the best interests of her child. If you decide to "go there", be prepared to have the fact that dad moved away and doesn't exercise much of his visitation time be a more grievous instance of DAD putting HIS needs before the interest of the child. I can promise you that it's how the court WILL see it.

 

[254lady28]

If you decide to "go there", be prepared to have the fact that dad moved away and doesn't exercise much of his visitation time be a more grievous instance of DAD putting HIS needs before the interest of the child. I can promise you that it's how the court WILL see it.

Does the court not grant a person anything for serving thier country. My husband is military. has been for the last 11 yrs of his life and plans to be for the next 9 yrs of it. He's come this far with his carreer and served over seas more than many others. He would like to retire as military and due to that fact is at the governments bec and call. reguardless of what I or his daughter would prefer. If the army would not have moved him away he would have stayed as close to his daughter as possible. Some things if not completely out of your control are still hard pressed. Yes he could give up his military carreer for his daughter but his ex remarried into military so ultimately that does him no good because mom and daughter will be moving all around the world reguadless while her husband is active. Yet you're telling me that for this my husband must suffer.

First of all, I wanted to point out that OP never said mom was an incompetent adult. The competent adult would be filling in for dad, not mom. So OP... Regardless of the "competent adult" statement, it sounds as if your husband's order was originally meant to satisfy visitation while you all lived in the same city. Your husband could go back to court and request that his ex bring daughter to the airport for boarding, and with visits happening just twice per year, he should be able to be present for pick up, and vice versa. Personally, I'm not comfortable with my 8 year old flying alone yet, but that's just my opinion, not the law. Since your husband was the first one to create distance in the relationship, it's unlikely that his ex will get dinged for causing the distance to be even further. It is customary for dad to ask for half of the travel expenses. Not more than half, and even at that, there's a chance that he may not be granted his wish. But it might be granted.

First of all what is OP? other parent? What is the law for pick up. Even being present fo pick up costs can mount, the math is there. There is a big difference between 300 dollars and 800. To some it might not be but to us as middle class working citizens it is. I'm glad to hear his request might be considered. He doesn't expect his ex to pay in full for travel expenses just as he does not expect her to pay for her every day things solo. That is why we make sure child support is payed in full on time because yess children are expensive. Daycare or before and after school can take up 300 dollars or more for one month. We understand this. He supplies extra if needed via request from his ex for things here and there like clothes or what not.

Child support is a separate issue, so it's really not addressed in the section of the forum. It has its own section. Pose your child support question separately in that section for more detail-specific advice. A short answer is that there are adequate changes since the agreement that would justify his situation being revisited, but it would not be of any consequence, unless your husband begins taking advantage of all of his visitation time. Alaska only considers the CP’s household income if the NCP has the child for more that 30% of the year. Otherwise, only the NCP income will be considered, and for one child it would be 20% of dad’s adjusted income. This is the same percentage as Texas uses for 1 child.

Child support honestly is the least of the issues. Income has been adjusted to accomidate for this. My husband only wanted to know what factors were considered.

You asked how to describe mom’s ill treatment of dad without being disparaging. Unless she has done something illegal or which is in direct defiance of their court order, and you have concrete PROOF, it is inconsequential. Most everyone here is accustomed to dealing with steps and exes. Everyone here already knows that divorces and the involvement of new significant others almost always creates bitterness and brings out the worst in people for varying lengths of time, and on both sides. It’s probably more noteworthy when that ISN'T the case. Therefore, you only need to say that the divorce was not amicable and there continues to be a great deal of animosity XX years later. The rest is implied and well understood.

Why does it create bitterness? When My husband and i first met I did my best to stay out of the way and be open minded and involved when I was asked to be only to be sh@t on by his ex at every chance she had. I was polite, respectful, non-invasive. Yet she would manipulate and two face every situation and that is not bias that is the honest truth. I am an ex wife myself and I am not bitter. My ex husband is not half the father my current husband is but I do not begrudge him or manipulate him the way my current husband's ex does. I give my ex husband every chane possible that I can to be there for our son because ultimately it is about our son. My ex makes me mad and has issues with complying sometimes but I don't belittle him the way my husband's ex wife does to him.

As for what a child calls his or her step parent, you’ll be hard-pressed to find anything in writing. Nevertheless, this issue goes to court ALL OF THE TIME, and the judge always rules in favor of the mom going by “mom”, dad going by “dad”, and step parents going by their first names, unless some sort of nickname has been established and is well-like by the CHILD. This is best for everyone involved. It sounds as if your husband was indeed surprised, if not hurt, when she called stepdad “daddy”. The term “biological” is never used unless the child has been legally adopted.

You are right, every time his daughter calls the other man dad or daddy it's like a knife has split through my husband's heart. My son calls my husband dad or daddy. However....my son knows he is not his real dad. We never told my son that my husband was his dad. We told my son he could call his step dad by his first name or dad whatever my son was comfortable with. My son started calling my husband dad on his own as is biological father is not present most of the time. We made it clear that my husband was like a dad to my son in the sense that he loves him and will help take care of him and be there for him whenever in need. But we also made it very clear who his real dad is. My husband's daughter is not taught these differences as obviously shown by her actions.

I’m not sure I understand your husband’s final question. Are you saying that his ex objects to the daughter spending time with him on an actual holiday because it will be spent in your family’s home?

No you don't understand. That is not the issue. The issue is that his husband's ex is remarried and her new husband has been ordered to move to alaska which means his ex and their daughter will be moving there with him. Because of thier report date his ex is taking away my husbands original visitation time designated for this year. Instead of his ex trading visitation....what I mean buy that is letting my husband have his daughter during his ex's designated time and taking my husbands designated time for her own......the ex wants to make up her own designated time so that she can use her time to visit with her family with their daughter and not interupt the graces she has been given. Yet she wants my husband to forfit his designated time with his daughter for the convinence of the ex to move.

 

[254lady28]

YES it is a legal fact that steparents are not to be called mom or dad. Go ahead let the child call you it and see how much grief your spouse gets in court.

Its not a matter of definition of a competent adult its a matter of your husband proving the ex is NOT competent. Let me rephrase its up to a Dr/Judge to find that she is not.

You state you dont want your responses sugar coated well congrats thats what you got. You are not a party to any matters legally. Just dad is and when you act like you are a party to the legal matters it hurts your husbands case. Step back and let him deal with these matters. Love your step child sure. Support you husband of course. But no your place its better to hear it said on this forumn than for your husband to hear it in court.

you need to read all of the posts before voicing your legal opinion because you obvioulsly don't get it**************......no is spelt Know for one...

For two......you took what I was saying out of context and answering on an absolutly obsurd manner. Read the entire post before butting in... your adivce helped me not as ohiogal would say****************************;

 

[ErinGoBragh]

you need to read all of the posts before voicing your legal opinion because you obvioulsly don't get it**************......no is spelt Know for one...

For two......you took what I was saying out of context and answering on an absolutly obsurd manner. Read the entire post before butting in... your adivce helped me not as ohiogal would say****************************;

HisBabyGirl is correct. I do not see where she didn't read your posts.. you have your child calling your husband father? Do you not comphrehend ANYTHING you have read?

YOU need to butt out. This is NOT your child, not your business, and YOU have NOTHING to do with this situation. It is very clear that you are overly emotional and overly involved, and this will likely seriously hurt dad and the child.

 

[254lady28]

????????????????

HisBabyGirl is correct. I do not see where she didn't read your posts.. you have your child calling your husband father? Do you not comphrehend ANYTHING you have read?

YOU need to butt out. This is NOT your child, not your business, and YOU have NOTHING to do with this situation. It is very clear that you are overly emotional and overly involved, and this will likely seriously hurt dad and the child.

ETA: If you reported HisBabyGirl's post, you're even worse than I thought.

I don't know what a@@ your trying to kiss.....
Do you even have kids? Have you been involved with more than one marriage and children involved? Have you read all of my posts.....
I HIGHLY DOUBT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[stealth2]

I find it interesting that your husband has an issue with his daughter calling her stepfather "Dad", yet permits your son to cause his father (not biological father - *father*) the same pain. Pots and kettles...

It is entirely likely that your husband will be expected to pay the entire cost of travel from the child's present location, and then Mom may have to pay the differential for the additional distance.

 

[Isis1]

I don't know what a@@ your trying to kiss.....
Do you even have kids? Have you been involved with more than one marriage and children involved? Have you read all of my posts.....
I HIGHLY DOUBT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

not looking for help anymore?

you really REALLY need to calm down.

 

[ErinGoBragh]

I don't know what a@@ your trying to kiss.....
Do you even have kids? Have you been involved with more than one marriage and children involved? Have you read all of my posts.....
I HIGHLY DOUBT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First of all, I DID read all of your posts. Get off your high horse. And my personal history is NONE of your damn business. I'm not the one here looking for advice though.


As for the last comment, I edited it back out because I had thought HisBabyGirl's post dissapeared, then realized I was wrong. I apologize for that, but nothing else.

You need to BUTT OUT.

 

[Proserpina]

I don't know what a@@ your trying to kiss.....
Do you even have kids? Have you been involved with more than one marriage and children involved? Have you read all of my posts.....
I HIGHLY DOUBT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are NOT the first or only woman in the world to become a step-parent.

You are NOT the first or only woman in the world to want to help her husband and his kids, or to be outraged when you're told that you actually have no bearing in this legal matter at all.

Now, so far, you haven't put your husband's situation in jeopardy but you are literally 2 baby steps away from doing so. Do you know why I know this?

BECAUSE I DID IT.

I almost ruined two entire families. I wasn't even a stepmother the first time around - I was just the girlfriend. But heck, I played that part of Mom. I wanted to be Mom so bad that I honestly went out of my way to actively try and exclude Mom from the picture. I overstepped, I inserted myself where I had no business in doing so and I behaved appallingly. I hurt not only the man I was with at the time but worse? I hurt his children.

By the grace of something which I still don't truly comprehend I got lucky - Mom responded to me with a level of dignity, maturity and grace I neither expected, recognized or deserved. Dad didn't lose his rights but honestly, my actions alone would have been enough for many judges to simply say "uh...no. Dad, thank your current bedwarmer because you've just lost your joint custody and will be having supervised visitation from now on".

PLEASE - put your indignation to bed and understand why you're being told all of this.

 

[254lady28]

HIghly emotional

Not over what i am faced with but more so with the responses Iget from you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!PEOPLE

I AM NOT A PART OF THIS, OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I get that durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr****************************.....

I am here to get answers for my husband, do you get THAT???????????????????

STOP BSing me and answer the legal questions I have. I think you people come on here for an ego boost!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get over yourself. If you don't want to give me legal advise about what i ask and only that then don't comment...mind your own damn business.

The difference betweem my son and my step daughter is****************************

My son know his stepfather is not his real dad although he calls him dad. He knows his real dad and who he is and call's his step dad "dad" on his own accord and was never forced to call him that. My son was explained to what a dad does and has realized on his own that his stepdad is a dad to him. He calls him that by his own free will


On the other hand, my step daughter calls her stepdad, dad because she has been told that is what she is to call him. ALso she calls her real dad by his first name because that is what mom refers to him regaurdless.

But let me tell you**************......I'm the a@shole**************..

 

[Proserpina]

Ah well.

I tried.

 

[254lady28]

You are NOT the first or only woman in the world to become a step-parent.

You are NOT the first or only woman in the world to want to help her husband and his kids, or to be outraged when you're told that you actually have no bearing in this legal matter at all.

Now, so far, you haven't put your husband's situation in jeopardy but you are literally 2 baby steps away from doing so. Do you know why I know this?

BECAUSE I DID IT.

I almost ruined two entire families. I wasn't even a stepmother the first time around - I was just the girlfriend. But heck, I played that part of Mom. I wanted to be Mom so bad that I honestly went out of my way to actively try and exclude Mom from the picture. I overstepped, I inserted myself where I had no business in doing so and I behaved appallingly. I hurt not only the man I was with at the time but worse? I hurt his children.

By the grace of something which I still don't truly comprehend I got lucky - Mom responded to me with a level of dignity, maturity and grace I neither expected, recognized or deserved. Dad didn't lose his rights but honestly, my actions alone would have been enough for many judges to simply say "uh...no. Dad, thank your current bedwarmer because you've just lost your joint custody and will be having supervised visitation from now on".

PLEASE - put your indignation to bed and understand why you're being told all of this.

I am in no way trying or going to mess things up for my current husband. I am not two babysteps away because although I enculde myself mistakenly with you people about these questions I know when come court time I am in no way involved. Quit worrying about my involvement and answer my legal questions. That is what I am here for. I am not here to put you or anyone else down, I am not here to be put down. ANSWER MY QUESTIONS LEGALLY AND THE QUESTIONS I AM ASKING>>>NOT YOUR OWN TWO CENTS

 

[254lady28]

Dogmatique

You think i don't know I'm not the first woman. I was raised with divorced parents. Everyone has thier own story.

Now I'm trying to write my own and I'm trying to do it the moral, legal, and upstanding way.

So kick me for that.

 

[JD4100]

Dogmatique - i dont want to high jack this thread - please let me know where to post this if need be - but how did the ex wife of your boyfriend ( at that time) deal with you showing dignity and grace. What specific things did she do?
I would also like to deal with my sons step mother in this manner.
She is inserting herself almost much like this women here on this thread - a lot of emotional outbursts. It is extremely hurtful to the child. It causes so much stress. I would like to remain adult and calm and work in a productive manner with her. My court order is with my sons father and myself. Not her.

thank you in advance.

Again - let me know if i need to move this question.