Changes and Children's interests

[Ambr]

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I got lucky with my kids stepmom. She's great, she actually babysat me in my home when I had a surgery done.

You are brave!!!!!

If my kids stepmom was taking care of me....bbbrrrrr........cold chills at the thought.

I am getting pictures of the really bad neglect nursing homes that you see in news articles on occasions. You know....bed sheets never changed, no showers, dirty clothing, doped up all the time.

LOL!!!!!!!!

 

[djohnson]

OP, I just want to say I agree with you and if you/your attorney present your case right I think you have a valid chance and getting to keep the DC thru the summer and revisit it in the fall. Going to school now isn't like it was when we did it. They expect the kids to know and do certain things. I know my youngest child in Kindergarten this year and the teacher says she can tell which kids are DC kids and which have been at home by their development and social skills. Not that home kids are always not as smart, but not as ready. Not ready to leave the safety net of 'home'. It might help if it was preschool instead of daycare in the judges eyes too. Good Luck.

 

[Zephyr]

I don't know how it would work for you but I was sending my children to daycare when my ex quit her job. I continued to send them to daycare and she took me to court on it stating that she wanted the children brought to her instead of the daycare provider. I explained to the judge that I would like the children to at least stay in the daycare for my days (I was paying for the DC) because they had a lot of friends there and the lady that owned the DC was a longtime friend of both me and my ex. The judge ruled against me and said that I had to take them to mom is she wanted them. It wound up screwing me thought because as soon as I pulled them out mom called me and told me that she could not watch them. She would call on odd days and at the last minute tell me that something had come up and she could not watch them.
This might be worth bringing up in court by stating that the DC offers more stability and you can be sure that the children be able to attend on every day that you have them. I don't know if the judge will order him to pay for the DC but if not then the CS might change.

the difference between your situation and the op's is in yours the bio mom was to be providing day care, in op's a legal stranger who is barely known to the children will be providing day care. and unless step mom can show her cirriculum and activities, and opportunities rival that of the current day care, I don't see why a judge would force the change. A change at this point would not be in the best interests of the children, that is blatantly obvious. IMHO.

 

[abstract99]

the difference between your situation and the op's is in yours the bio mom was to be providing day care, in op's a legal stranger who is barely known to the children will be providing day care. and unless step mom can show her cirriculum and activities, and opportunities rival that of the current day care, I don't see why a judge would force the change. A change at this point would not be in the best interests of the children, that is blatantly obvious. IMHO.

I know that the 2 situations are different. I said that. I don't think it is in the best interests of the children either. Even if I was a stay at home parent myself I would still send them to daycare. I think that it is important to a child to be exposed to other children to help them learn vital communication skill that they will need. If they just stay home with mom or dad all day and are only exposed to their siblings on a day to day basis it could affect their development later on.

 

[dannysmyboy]

What I said was that I don't think that it's in the children's best interests to cause quite so much upheaval in their lives unneccesarily. I also don't think it's in MY best interests, custody-wise, to have the kids spending 9 hours a day all summer long in my ex's house so that he can use that against me later - and he will.

If he chooses not to take them to daycare on 'his' days, there is nothing at all that I can do about that. But he shouldn't be able to force me to not take them on my days, especially when the parenting plan is so specific (which, btw, was his idea).

I totally agree with the poster. My husband's X tried to use similar circumstances against him. I agree also that if he wants step-mom to watch on his days, that's fine, he shouldn't be able to control what happens on her days.

 

[dannysmyboy]

I don't dislike my ex's new wife. I can't stress that enough. We were all friends about 12 years ago, when my ex and I were dating. She was dating one of my ex's roommates and we all hung out together (of course, we were all stoner college kids then). I don't KNOW her now, and am not going to be afforded that opportunity. I have repeatedly asked them out for dinner, made overtures, asked that she be included in the quarterly parenting meeting, etc. She will not even get out of the car to speak to me when they drop off the kids.

This isn't all me being territorial, no matter what rmet thinks.

Wasn't there some sort of dating period with dad and new wife...if so, then the kids should be adjusted to her already....ya think...

 

[djohnson]

Wasn't there some sort of dating period with dad and new wife...if so, then the kids should be adjusted to her already....ya think...

Not necessarily, you have to understand kids only see dad occasionally, then surely dad didn't have girlfriend around all the time. So they were only around her occasionally on the occoasions they saw him. It's a big leap from GF to SM and from sometimes to a lot.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Not necessarily, you have to understand kids only see dad occasionally, then surely dad didn't have girlfriend around all the time. So they were only around her occasionally on the occoasions they saw him. It's a big leap from GF to SM and from sometimes to a lot.

Read it again, 50/50 physical split, not dad with occasional visitation, dad has sole legal custody and stepmom has been in children's life more than a year!

 

[djohnson]

I got the 50/50 part, but if you only have your kids 3-4 day a week, do you think GF is there that whole time? Has she been lliving with him? Is she there at night? Does she know those little habits? I realize it doesn't take that long, but it is a big change for the kids and it's different bonding with a GF that may or may not still be around, than it is with a wife. It just depends on how everything has been handled up until now. I still think DC is the best thru the summer and then let her start doing it in the fall. It would be better for the kids. Give her a better chance at the bonding as SM, and it would just be part time and not all day. It wouldn't bombard her all at once either.

 

[Zephyr]

from what I read sm will move in after wedding, so the kids know her but even at one day a week over the course of a year does not mean they know her well enough to start spending 10 hours a day with her just because dad wants to pay less

 

[Zephyr]

they also got to spent the time with her with their dad, that is very different than all of a sudden having no one else but her around all day

 

[Rushia]

You are brave!!!!!

If my kids stepmom was taking care of me....bbbrrrrr........cold chills at the thought.

I am getting pictures of the really bad neglect nursing homes that you see in news articles on occasions. You know....bed sheets never changed, no showers, dirty clothing, doped up all the time.

LOL!!!!!!!!

ROTFLMAO Nope she was wonderful! Took care of the kids, we talked. She's come over a few other times cause their dryer broke and we sat and talked. She's good to my kids and that's ALL I care about. I could really have cared less how she felt about me, but we got to talking and luckily we actually get along.

PS LOVE the new sig.