changing visitation due to child's wishes?

[setha]

response

Like I said; I totally feel for you, but take the child out of the middle. Don't put her in the situation to HAVE to answer the questions; as much as you hate talking to the jerk, it is YOUR responsibility to handle the visitation, and if you make the decision to not have her visit, then, as the adult, you must talk with him and give him the reasons why she/they can't come. I only caution this because I have put the child in the middle before and it only leads to them feeling guilty and confused. Did you guys have to take a Children in the mIddle class when you divorced? Missouri and Iowa have those; which is where I was from. AGain, he is a total jerk and totally uncooperative and unreasonable, but you are stuck with him until they turn 18 or out of college, so be strong!

 

[lisars]

This situation has become nearly impossible. I try not to put them in the middle. You're absolutely right, he is a jerk and I do hate talking to him, because every time I go to him with something like this he says I'm lying and making things up. He wants to hear it from her or he doesn't believe it. I think he only does this knowing that he can manipulate her and guilt her into going against what she wanted in the first place. I'm not the one putting the idea in their heads that they shouldn't go there.Not that I wouldn't do a happy dance if they could be with me more, but how can I get around not having her express her own feelings to him. As I said he doesn't believe a word I say,and accuses me of putting ideas into their heads. About this weekend it was strictly her idea to ask him about staying home, I knew nothing about it until she told me this morning. She goes to her bedroom to talk to him, and doesn't come out till she's hung up. I never know what they're talking about. It's her time to talk to him and has nothing to do with me so I can't keep her from asking or telling him anything. I can only deal with the aftermath.