Child support and Extra Curricular activities

[username43]

Once again the majority of the responses to this woman are seeping with
bias for the ncp . Obviously to many of these posters the mother is never entitled to any type of modification for any reason.

Obviously if the D was in one course he isn't failing every class he just needs the summer school to bring his grade up.This class may just be hard for him and actually it could be his teachers fault...not moms. If he had a bad teacher and the coursework is tough any way...I love teachers but a bad one can effect grades.

I say file for modification either through cse if it has been 3 years and a 20% change of circumstance or through an attorney. If circumstances have changed an attorney or cse will be able to reveiw your case and see if it can be increased.

I know how expensive teen ages can be ,although I think they are well worth every cent.

 

[tigger22472]

Once again the majority of the responses to this woman are seeping with
bias for the ncp . Obviously to many of these posters the mother is never entitled to any type of modification for any reason.

Obviously if the D was in one course he isn't failing, he just needs the summer school to bring his grade up.

I say file for modification either through cse if it has been 3 years and a 20% change of circumstance or through an attorney. If circumstances have changed an attorney or cse will be able to reveiw your case and see if it can be increased.

I know how expensive teen ages can be ,although I think they are well worth every cent.

First off keep all your facts straight. The poster supposably asked a 'legal' question about whether she was entitled to get extra money from dad beyond child support for 'extra curricular' activites then later said it was required summer school which are VERY different. At any rate she was told that ABSENT a modification no she couldn't. So no one said she wasn't entitled to get a motification... but she's not entitled to extra until she had one.

Secondly... I am NOT the OP yet I am the one who had a child with one D in a class. AND no, there was no fear of failing to the point of retention but again, I'm not the OP.

Thirdly, the OP's lawyer has already told her it wasn't worth filing for. We can assume the OP's lawyer knows more about the case then any of us here do and even he didn't suggest a motification.

And once again you want to run your mouth stating how poor CP's don't have rights and how we are all pro NCP.. no.. again get your facts straight, we are pro-children and if that means a custody change or stop being petty or stop blaming a parent that had less or as much responsibility or access as the other then you tell me how that is pro-children.

Just for the record.. I am/was a CP. I am a step-mom to a child that the parent have 50/50 custody (no primary parent) ... I've gone through it with the deatbeat and did the TPR thing... so I'm neither Pro CP or Pro NCP

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Once again the majority of the responses to this woman are seeping with
bias for the ncp . Obviously to many of these posters the mother is never entitled to any type of modification for any reason.

Obviously if the D was in one course he isn't failing every class he just needs the summer school to bring his grade up.This class may just be hard for him and actually it could be his teachers fault...not moms. If he had a bad teacher and the coursework is tough any way...I love teachers but a bad one can effect grades.

I say file for modification either through cse if it has been 3 years and a 20% change of circumstance or through an attorney. If circumstances have changed an attorney or cse will be able to reveiw your case and see if it can be increased.

I know how expensive teen ages can be ,although I think they are well worth every cent.

And you are obviously biased the other way, most likely because of your own agenda. You didn't read OP's posts which contain their own admissions that their own attorney didn't see it as worth the cost to fight it, based on the facts as they knew them. OP also admitted that it is not the fault of the teacher, or one class, her child simply doesn't want to do the work and wants to play his gutiar instead. This is the fault of the CP and the child, not the NCP.

 

[LdiJ]

Actually, he'll just be using the time he now spends hanging with his "buds" working and summer school is typically only 1/2 day so there is time to work, a good time for the child to learn time management.

Some of this is not a response to Rmet....much of it is a more general response.

Thank you Rmet, for saying that. I do think its a really good object lesson for a teenager to have to get a part-time job to help pay for summer school. Its a good way to teach about "adult" consequences. The reality of life is that most "consequences" for adults, are financial ones.

However, I disagree with some of the previous posts...to some extent. Its TOUGH to make teenagers learn if they are dead set against it. You can impose every consequence in the book...but the most stubborn of them will still fail just to prove that you can't control them through consequences. Therefore, when its a teenager, we can't always blame the CP for school failure.

I could name numerous examples of darned good parents who did everything possible to help their children succeed in school....but who dealt with failures, repeating grades, summer school and even drop-outs.

Jumping all over this OP because her child needs summer school isn't fair.

However....unless the fees for summer school in her area are much higher than the fees in mine....I agree that its something that child support is probably supposed to cover. HOWEVER...I do FIRMLY believe that parents should share the cost of Driver's Ed. EVERY parent should want their child to attend Driver's Ed....I am sick and tired of the people who talk about Driver's Ed as a "luxury". A teen can get a driver's license without Driver's Ed....and not one parent shouldn't be panicked at the thought of their child driving without it......even if the license doesn't happen until age 18.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Some of this is not a response to Rmet....much of it is a more general response.

Thank you Rmet, for saying that. I do think its a really good object lesson for a teenager to have to get a part-time job to help pay for summer school. Its a good way to teach about "adult" consequences. The reality of life is that most "consequences" for adults, are financial ones.

However, I disagree with some of the previous posts...to some extent. Its TOUGH to make teenagers learn if they are dead set against it. You can impose every consequence in the book...but the most stubborn of them will still fail just to prove that you can't control them through consequences. Therefore, when its a teenager, we can't always blame the CP for school failure.

I could name numerous examples of darned good parents who did everything possible to help their children succeed in school....but who dealt with failures, repeating grades, summer school and even drop-outs.

Jumping all over this OP because her child needs summer school isn't fair.

However....unless the fees for summer school in her area are much higher than the fees in mine....I agree that its something that child support is probably supposed to cover. HOWEVER...I do FIRMLY believe that parents should share the cost of Driver's Ed. EVERY parent should want their child to attend Driver's Ed....I am sick and tired of the people who talk about Driver's Ed as a "luxury". A teen can get a driver's license without Driver's Ed....and not one parent shouldn't be panicked at the thought of their child driving without it......even if the license doesn't happen until age 18.

I think you may have missed this post.

Thanks. Good advice. Got a chuckle out of the carrot line!!!

But originally I thought I was getting legal advice not parental advice here. Regardless of if he is failing and who's fault it is... I still just wanted to know if there was any way I could force help out of his dad is all. Mostly for the 160.00 per credit. But also for help in getting him on track. Yes I know that failing doesn't happen overnite and I have done the teacher round circles and the progress reports and the sit at the table and don't get up. Its tough when you are the only one enforcing it. And yes I signed up to be the parent and I LOVE my kids, couldn't live without them but I get tired sometimes too. The only reason the therapist said not to take guitar away is because that is his only outlet. He's angry and I realize that, he basically has a father who abandoned not only me but him as well. SUre he picks him up for the every other weekend, but he also has other kids with his new marriage. I have also posed the idea that maybe he go live w/ his dad and see if he can get him to straighten out schoolwise(realize this is the ONLY issue I have w/ my son, he is really a good kid otherwise) but after he talked over with new wifey.. it didn't seem to be a good idea anymore.!

So i guess you are all saying legally theres nothing I can do.

 

[LdiJ]

I think you may have missed this post.

I did miss that post....but it backs up my opinion rather than lessening it.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I did miss that post....but it backs up my opinion rather than lessening it.

That's right, things were already out of hand, her atorney says it isn't worth the fight and she wants to FORCE him to pay after he failed his courses.

 

[LdiJ]

That's right, things were already out of hand, her atorney says it isn't worth the fight and she wants to FORCE him to pay after he failed his courses.

I am not sure how much you and I are agreeing or disagreeing about....LOL.

I think that MORALLY dad should share the costs....particularly since it appears that dad isn't willing to take custody and attempt to "fix things"....however I agree that legally mom probably can't impose that upon him.

 

[abstract99]

Plane and simple... you can go to court and request that they are paid but you don't have much of a chance here. I can guarentee you that dad and the judge are gonna raise the same issues in court that the people here have been doing. Even IF you somehow manage to get them to add it to the parenting plan (which I highly doubt because of the childs age) they more than likely won't order him to pay it if it has already been paid by you. They probably won't ammend the parenting plan back to a certain date just so you can get the kids summer school payed for. Hey it sucks, Life goes on, this money is not gonna put you out on the street. Think of it this way: You have to pay 600 to the school for the summer school.... you have to pay the courts 400 to TRY to get them to order that dad has to pay. If you lose you will have payed not only the 600+400 (1000) but chances are good that you will also be ordered to pay dads legal fees which are usually in the 3000 dollar range. Now IF they order that dad has to pay, you will probably only get 1/2 of the school fees which would be 33 but then you have to subtract the fact that you had to pay 400 to file the paperwork so either way you are not going to get any money from this.

If the kid was younger it might be worth it but he is WAY to old for this.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I'd say you had a few bad teachers because they obviously failed how to teach you to read.

Much less think?

 

[dannysmyboy]

Ok. sorry to have bothered. I can see no one here has teenagers and does not understand my positon. Nevermind. thanks anyway. I think I have gotten some bits of good advice here.

So you didn't like the answers you got here. Bye-bye now!

 

[dannysmyboy]

Than you should realize you cant MAKE your child pass/fail. It is ultimately up to them. I have taken things away, set up "study" times.. even followed behind him at school. None of it worked. So to say that it is MY fault i think is pretty harsh. What I found that I was teaching him by doing all of that was that someone was gonna follow behind him and pick up after him. So now that he is in 10th grade and realizes graduation is around the corner, he is buckling down. But he will still be 6 credits short to graduate. He is doing well now because he realizes this and it took a longggg time for him to get there.

I DID all of this.. his dad did NOTHING but pick them up every other weekend. Did not show up to parent teacher conferences, did not help with homework, did not anguish night after night about what to do. I DID. I realize it COULD reflect on me, but I feel like I have done everything within my power to help him. I'm sorry my kids didn't come with the handbook that yours did. I'm glad yours turned out GREAT, I hope mine do to. But you always worry in the back of your mind that you could have done more, you should have done more. But I don't think its fair to beat myself up over it either.

So I guess I can ask for help in paying for summer school but not expect it. That is what I got from this.

Your X got 2 weekends a month. Hurray!!!!!! That's not nearly enough time to parent any child. You took on the responsibility to raise him (and I'm sure you fought tooth and nail for full custody, didn't you?). So you take the responsiblity for his grades, and everything else. Your X pays the child support, and gets 2 days....consider yourself lucky you even get any support. There are many CPs that get nothing!!!

 

[dannysmyboy]

Thanks. Good advice. Got a chuckle out of the carrot line!!!

But originally I thought I was getting legal advice not parental advice here. Regardless of if he is failing and who's fault it is... I still just wanted to know if there was any way I could force help out of his dad is all. Mostly for the 160.00 per credit. But also for help in getting him on track. Yes I know that failing doesn't happen overnite and I have done the teacher round circles and the progress reports and the sit at the table and don't get up. Its tough when you are the only one enforcing it. And yes I signed up to be the parent and I LOVE my kids, couldn't live without them but I get tired sometimes too. The only reason the therapist said not to take guitar away is because that is his only outlet. He's angry and I realize that, he basically has a father who abandoned not only me but him as well. SUre he picks him up for the every other weekend, but he also has other kids with his new marriage. I have also posed the idea that maybe he go live w/ his dad and see if he can get him to straighten out schoolwise(realize this is the ONLY issue I have w/ my son, he is really a good kid otherwise) but after he talked over with new wifey.. it didn't seem to be a good idea anymore.!

So i guess you are all saying legally theres nothing I can do.

You want more help from the dad???? Give him more time with his son!!!!! A parent cannot parent a child on 4 days a month visitiation schedule!!

 

[dannysmyboy]

with new wifey..

QUOTE]

Ah ha.....now we are getting somewhere.

 

[Vote4Pedro]

Why the BASH FEST?

1. Why do many of you believe that you are so much better than the original poster that you tear into her parenting skills? Being a parent to a teenager is difficult--no matter how well he/she does in school, how many extra-curricular activities he/she is involved in, and how responsible or irresponsible child is. For those of you who have children who are "good" teenagers or adult children who are now "good adults", good for you. But just because your parenting style might be different than the poster's doesn't mean yours is better or poster's is lacking. GREAT parents can have kids who screw up and/or fail classes. You don't know the circumstances and all of you should be a little nicer. Maybe her son does have issues with NCP being basically absent...not participating in his life. Maybe he has issues with depression and/or the divorce...maybe he feels inferior to his sister who is involved in everything and gets straight A's...maybe he's just not as smart and truly does have difficulties in school. There are many possibilities, and only one of them is that the mom failed her child, which, by the way, isn't all that obvious to me--and yes, I'm a parent of a teenager who is a good kid who also (now) gets good grades.

2. The NCP should pay for part of the summer school. Remember, we don't know how much child support she receives or how much money she makes. She might be struggling to make ends meet and summer school might be a very difficult financial burden. The fact the child failed classes does NOT make her a bad parent or one who did too little too late. Maybe she can't legally force the payment (or maybe she'll find a judge and jury outside of this forum who will look at the entire situation and will get 50% of the summer school expenses).

3. The military isn't the answer to everything. In fact, some people who join the military (I know them personally) have become limited, judgmental, harsh, and narrow-minded. Some of them are sheep who do whatever they're told, no matter the consequences (moral or otherwise) because they have "orders". I understand the importance of following orders in wartime, but if that mentality is taken into civilian life (and even into parts of military life), it can be very dangerous. People need to be able to think for themselves...sometimes a little well chosen rebellion can be good for people and for the world. This country is based on people who went against the grain...people who didn't take orders from those who were infringing upon their rights...

My point is, the military isn't necessarily a good thing for everyone. And just because a kid, who is otherwise very well behaved, gets bad grades in high school doesn't mean he will be a failure in life. Some very successful people in this world (financially, emotionally, mentally, etc.) have done poorly in high school and have failed many times before making it - you all know examples.

So, advice to poster is to keep trying with your son. Most importantly, keep loving him every day--let him know you love him no matter what. But be consistent with the discipline...give him positive reinforcement. Let him know you know he can do it. Talk to him. Take him to counseling if he'll go. Good luck, he'll be okay. Also, try to get the modification for support AND don't have him live with his father. The father obviously doesn't want your son to live with him, and that could make matters worse for your son. If you want to send me a private message, I'd love to talk to you outside the boards.

Good luck!

HT