Child support and Extra Curricular activities

[rmet4nzkx]

1. Why do many of you believe that you are so much better than the original poster that you tear into her parenting skills? Being a parent to a teenager is difficult--no matter how well he/she does in school, how many extra-curricular activities he/she is involved in, and how responsible or irresponsible child is. For those of you who have children who are "good" teenagers or adult children who are now "good adults", good for you. But just because your parenting style might be different than the poster's doesn't mean yours is better or poster's is lacking. GREAT parents can have kids who screw up and/or fail classes. You don't know the circumstances and all of you should be a little nicer. Maybe her son does have issues with NCP being basically absent...not participating in his life. Maybe he has issues with depression and/or the divorce...maybe he feels inferior to his sister who is involved in everything and gets straight A's...maybe he's just not as smart and truly does have difficulties in school. There are many possibilities, and only one of them is that the mom failed her child, which, by the way, isn't all that obvious to me--and yes, I'm a parent of a teenager who is a good kid who also (now) gets good grades.

2. The NCP should pay for part of the summer school. Remember, we don't know how much child support she receives or how much money she makes. She might be struggling to make ends meet and summer school might be a very difficult financial burden. The fact the child failed classes does NOT make her a bad parent or one who did too little too late. Maybe she can't legally force the payment (or maybe she'll find a judge and jury outside of this forum who will look at the entire situation and will get 50% of the summer school expenses).

3. The military isn't the answer to everything. In fact, some people who join the military (I know them personally) have become limited, judgmental, harsh, and narrow-minded. Some of them are sheep who do whatever they're told, no matter the consequences (moral or otherwise) because they have "orders". I understand the importance of following orders in wartime, but if that mentality is taken into civilian life (and even into parts of military life), it can be very dangerous. People need to be able to think for themselves...sometimes a little well chosen rebellion can be good for people and for the world. This country is based on people who went against the grain...people who didn't take orders from those who were infringing upon their rights...

My point is, the military isn't necessarily a good thing for everyone. And just because a kid, who is otherwise very well behaved, gets bad grades in high school doesn't mean he will be a failure in life. Some very successful people in this world (financially, emotionally, mentally, etc.) have done poorly in high school and have failed many times before making it - you all know examples.

So, advice to poster is to keep trying with your son. Most importantly, keep loving him every day--let him know you love him no matter what. But be consistent with the discipline...give him positive reinforcement. Let him know you know he can do it. Talk to him. Take him to counseling if he'll go. Good luck, he'll be okay. Also, try to get the modification for support AND don't have him live with his father. The father obviously doesn't want your son to live with him, and that could make matters worse for your son. If you want to send me a private message, I'd love to talk to you outside the boards.

Good luck!

HT

Apparently you didn't take the time to read.

The amounts (%) of child support were listed and apparnetly mom makes significantly more than dad as she is responsible for more of the child support.
"My original divorce decree stated that we were to have joint custody of our 2 children and that I was to pay 58% of any of their expenses and my ex-husband was to pay 42% of any of their day to day expenses. It also outlined that he was to pay 42% of any of their extra curricular activities (ie. band equipment, uniforms, costumes,etc.)."
The question was abour EXTRA curricular activity costs, then it come out that the child is failing school because they are not interested in school and not trying. Mom allows the child to play guitar for hours on end, to the exclusion of all other activities rather than making sure school work is done first. Dad has not agreed to pay for these unnecessary costs. If the child can't do his homework, he doesn't need EXTRA curricular activities or a license to drive. Too little too late. Most likely this child won't be able to join the military, although it would at least give him some dicipline of which the child has not at present.

 

[Silverplum]

1. Why do many of you believe that you are so much better than the original poster that you tear into her parenting skills? Being a parent to a teenager is difficult--no matter how well he/she does in school, how many extra-curricular activities he/she is involved in, and how responsible or irresponsible child is. For those of you who have children who are "good" teenagers or adult children who are now "good adults", good for you. But just because your parenting style might be different than the poster's doesn't mean yours is better or poster's is lacking. GREAT parents can have kids who screw up and/or fail classes. You don't know the circumstances and all of you should be a little nicer. Maybe her son does have issues with NCP being basically absent...not participating in his life. Maybe he has issues with depression and/or the divorce...maybe he feels inferior to his sister who is involved in everything and gets straight A's...maybe he's just not as smart and truly does have difficulties in school. There are many possibilities, and only one of them is that the mom failed her child, which, by the way, isn't all that obvious to me--and yes, I'm a parent of a teenager who is a good kid who also (now) gets good grades.

2. The NCP should pay for part of the summer school. Remember, we don't know how much child support she receives or how much money she makes. She might be struggling to make ends meet and summer school might be a very difficult financial burden. The fact the child failed classes does NOT make her a bad parent or one who did too little too late. Maybe she can't legally force the payment (or maybe she'll find a judge and jury outside of this forum who will look at the entire situation and will get 50% of the summer school expenses).

3. The military isn't the answer to everything. In fact, some people who join the military (I know them personally) have become limited, judgmental, harsh, and narrow-minded. Some of them are sheep who do whatever they're told, no matter the consequences (moral or otherwise) because they have "orders". I understand the importance of following orders in wartime, but if that mentality is taken into civilian life (and even into parts of military life), it can be very dangerous. People need to be able to think for themselves...sometimes a little well chosen rebellion can be good for people and for the world. This country is based on people who went against the grain...people who didn't take orders from those who were infringing upon their rights...

My point is, the military isn't necessarily a good thing for everyone. And just because a kid, who is otherwise very well behaved, gets bad grades in high school doesn't mean he will be a failure in life. Some very successful people in this world (financially, emotionally, mentally, etc.) have done poorly in high school and have failed many times before making it - you all know examples.

So, advice to poster is to keep trying with your son. Most importantly, keep loving him every day--let him know you love him no matter what. But be consistent with the discipline...give him positive reinforcement. Let him know you know he can do it. Talk to him. Take him to counseling if he'll go. Good luck, he'll be okay. Also, try to get the modification for support AND don't have him live with his father. The father obviously doesn't want your son to live with him, and that could make matters worse for your son. If you want to send me a private message, I'd love to talk to you outside the boards.

Good luck!

HT

And....do you have any legal citations for your points? Or was that just an emotion-based outburst?

Edited to add: And this sentence of yours, "This country is based on people who went against the grain...people who didn't take orders from those who were infringing upon their rights..."
is one of the stupidest pronouncements foisted upon a child support board I have EVER read. Good grief.

 

[kayceebee]

Your X got 2 weekends a month. Hurray!!!!!! That's not nearly enough time to parent any child. You took on the responsibility to raise him (and I'm sure you fought tooth and nail for full custody, didn't you?). So you take the responsiblity for his grades, and everything else. Your X pays the child support, and gets 2 days....consider yourself lucky you even get any support. There are many CPs that get nothing!!!

I'm not in agreement with everything the OP has to say, but she says the NCP gets the son EOW only. He chooses to not attend school meetings, etc. I'm in the same situation. Personally, I'm sick of my ex and would rather never have to talk to him again. HOWEVER, I make sure he knows of ever function, meeting, game, activity that the boys have. I want him to be there for the boys. In my case, my ex can have them on Wednesday evenings and I allow it to be overnight - he chooses to not exercise this during the school year because home work and all (we have a 1st grader!).

Don't bash the OP because maybe the NCP chooses to not be and active parent and is satisfied with 4 nights a month.

 

[Vote4Pedro]

Apparently you didn't take the time to read.

The amounts (%) of child support were listed and apparnetly mom makes significantly more than dad as she is responsible for more of the child support.
"My original divorce decree stated that we were to have joint custody of our 2 children and that I was to pay 58% of any of their expenses and my ex-husband was to pay 42% of any of their day to day expenses. It also outlined that he was to pay 42% of any of their extra curricular activities (ie. band equipment, uniforms, costumes,etc.)."

I did read that, thanks. But I also know that in Michigan many factors are taken into consideration when deciding who pays how much. The CP will most likely be responsible for a greater percentage because he/she has custody. If the NCP had custody and was then the CP, he would probably be paying more than 42%. Also, the 58% number doesn't reveal ANYTHING about how much MONEY the CP or the NCP earns. It might be $20,000 per year or it might be $200,000 per year. We don't know. The 58% is 58% of the child's expenses...not 58% of her income toward the child's care. The mom may very well earn less than the dad, but becaus she is the CP, she pays a higher percentage of their care (housing would be included in this number).

 

[tigger22472]

I did read that, thanks. But I also know that in Michigan many factors are taken into consideration when deciding who pays how much. The CP will most likely be responsible for a greater percentage because he/she has custody. If the NCP had custody and was then the CP, he would probably be paying more than 42%. Also, the 58% number doesn't reveal ANYTHING about how much MONEY the CP or the NCP earns. It might be $20,000 per year or it might be $200,000 per year. We don't know. The 58% is 58% of the child's expenses...not 58% of her income toward the child's care. The mom may very well earn less than the dad, but becaus she is the CP, she pays a higher percentage of their care (housing would be included in this number).

In the same respect she stated when these figures were made there was not a support order in place. So the NCP was not paying support and was still only supposed to pay 42% of the extras so this does indicate that CP made more money then NCP, seems to me quite a bit more.

 

[Vote4Pedro]

To Silverplum

And....do you have any legal citations for your points? Or was that just an emotion-based outburst?

Edited to add: And this sentence of yours, "This country is based on people who went against the grain...people who didn't take orders from those who were infringing upon their rights..."
is one of the stupidest pronouncements foisted upon a child support board I have EVER read. Good grief.

I was not trying to offer legal citations (and if you read most of the posts, those posters weren't either). What I did do was try to defend this poor woman who has been bashed personally by people who know little or nothing about her situation. My post was in response to a myriad of posts that were nothing but ripping into the original poster. However, I did say that it was worth her time to try to get the NCP to pay for the summer school.

My comment about "this country is based on people who went against the grain..." was in response to those who seem to think that just because this child failed some classes, he's in major need of help from the military. I'm pointing out that resistance, rather than following blindly, can be a very good thing.

Can you point out Michigan law that show that she doesn't have a chance in hell of getting a modification to include the summer school expenses? Up until now, I don't believe you have provided such; and until you do, why would you get on someone else's case for lack of such legal citations?

 

[Vote4Pedro]

Response

In the same respect she stated when these figures were made there was not a support order in place. So the NCP was not paying support and was still only supposed to pay 42% of the extras so this does indicate that CP made more money then NCP, seems to me quite a bit more.

Yes, but in Michigan, many factors are taken into consideration--including who has custody. Maybe father does make more money; but even if that were the case, it doesn't mean the mother can get by with what she gets from father. She is, after all, paying for at least 58% of children's support (and more because father only pays for certain things and the summer school and such comes out of her pocketbook alone it seems).

HT

 

[Vote4Pedro]

a legal "citation"

http://www.courts.michigan.gov/scao/resources/publications/manuals/focb/2004MCSFmanual.pdf

This site lists the guidelines for establishing support in Michigan. The fact that NCP has more children with new family is also taken into consideration and his "net" income is decreased by a certain percentage for each subsequent child.

HT

 

[dannysmyboy]

I'm not in agreement with everything the OP has to say, but she says the NCP gets the son EOW only. He chooses to not attend school meetings, etc. I'm in the same situation. Personally, I'm sick of my ex and would rather never have to talk to him again. HOWEVER, I make sure he knows of ever function, meeting, game, activity that the boys have. I want him to be there for the boys. In my case, my ex can have them on Wednesday evenings and I allow it to be overnight - he chooses to not exercise this during the school year because home work and all (we have a 1st grader!).

Don't bash the OP because maybe the NCP chooses to not be and active parent and is satisfied with 4 nights a month.

I'm not bashing the OP. The fact that the NCP chooses to not be an active parent is the OPs OPINION and her intepretation of the facts. We haven't heard from the NCP. Who's to say the OP isn't a vindictive X that's angry at the "new wify" as she puts it. My husband is the NCP and he wants to spend more time with his kids, go to events, school programs. Does she inform him of any of this? The kids were told, by her, not to share any information about activities with their father about school activities, events, etc. Not to "bother him with it". "It's too far, he can't drive that far (45 minutes). He will probably tell you he is busy anyway." The kids "accidently let it slip one day, that they had a school Christmas recital, and my stepson was the main character, when my husband was going to call their mother to swap a weekend, So now my husband has the school mail us the school's monthly schedule and events calendar. When he showed up to watch the recital, she accused him of "trying to see the kids on her days" and that he had no right to be there. Big fight occurred, kids witnessed the screaming match and mother promptly left with the children. Took my stepson out of the recital. So we've been there, done that and there's 2 sides to every story. It's not easy being a NCP, especially one that has to deal with an angry X.