There is nothing wrong with wanting more for your daughter. There is something wrong with demanding your ex also feel the same. There should absolutley not be an obligation to pay for higher education, for anyone. It is not an entitlement, but rather a personal choice. If the government wants to dictate that an additional four years of schooling is required of children, then it needs to be a law of the land. And, available to ALL.
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strider5
Guest
nextwife said:
amen! I would have loved a free ride through school.
"the sweet just ain't as sweet without the sour"
your daughter will thank you for letting her struggle through school when she is 30, and as an added side-bonus your Ex won't want to have a contract taken out on you for forcing him to pay for something he obviously doesnt feel obligated to pay. oh yeah, and letting your daughter know that you feel that your Ex should be paying her way through school is just going to strain her relationship with her father because she is going to feel that he cheated her, or worse that he doesn't love her enough to give this to her.
sit her down, explain to her how tough college is going to be, and why it is so well worth the price she is going to have to pay in blood, sweat, and tears. Her father may actually want what is best for her. Even if I were a millionnaire, I wouldn't give my kids expensive cars and free rides through school.
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MindyT
Guest
Gotcha stealth2
Yep, and she also has her own income as well, so $873 a month plus her own income to raise only 2 kids, where my husband and I were doing it with $1600 a month for 4 kids, young kids 8 and under. Now it will be even less since we're separated, until I start to work more hours. It will be hard, but it CAN be done, my friend.
Yep, and she also has her own income as well, so $873 a month plus her own income to raise only 2 kids, where my husband and I were doing it with $1600 a month for 4 kids, young kids 8 and under. Now it will be even less since we're separated, until I start to work more hours. It will be hard, but it CAN be done, my friend.
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MindyT
Guest
Pretty much....we EARNED more than that but he pays child support so that was our net income (he has a full-time job, I do childcare and only make $600 a month). The 4 kids are ours together. So since we are separated I will have to earn more money but it's OK, I don't mind working. It is tough but we don't do without and we don't depend on welfare either.
Yep, and she also has her own income as well, so $873 a month plus her own income to raise only 2 kids, where my husband and I were doing it with $1600 a month for 4 kids, young kids 8 and under. Now it will be even less since we're separated, until I start to work more hours. It will be hard, but it CAN be done, my friend.
It's all up to the individual. It's a personal choice. Choosing to help with your child's tuition does not make you any better than the person who chooses not to. Choosing not to doesn't make you any better or any smarter or anymore knowledgable as far as what it takes to make a kid grow up or anymore loving than the person who chooses to help their child.
What I don't understand is how this poster's question turned into an opportunity to bash her for having opinions that differ from some here.
Mindy, if you can provide for 6 people on $1600 a month and be satisfied then FINE. That doesn't make you better than anyone else, it doesn't make you superior or give you the right to verbally abuse someone whose opinions on what they want out of life and what they want for their children differs from yours.
We all live our lives based on what we feel is right for us as individuals. I'm not going to shove my beliefs off onto someone else just because their's differs from mine. I'm certainly not going to demean someone's character the way people have done here.
Bottom line, this woman wants something different that some people. Some people agree with her, some don't. No one is going to change anyone's core beliefs...especially not by bashing them the way this poster has been done.
We all have a right to our own opinion. Why not state that opinion and move on? Why the bashing and defamation of character?
snodderly
It's all up to the individual. It's a personal choice. Choosing to help with your child's tuition does not make you any better than the person who chooses not to. Choosing not to doesn't make you any better or any smarter or anymore knowledgable as far as what it takes to make a kid grow up or anymore loving than the person who chooses to help their child.
What I don't understand is how this poster's question turned into an opportunity to bash her for having opinions that differ from some here.
Mindy, if you can provide for 6 people on $1600 a month and be satisfied then FINE. That doesn't make you better than anyone else, it doesn't make you superior or give you the right to verbally abuse someone whose opinions on what they want out of life and what they want for their children differs from yours.
We all live our lives based on what we feel is right for us as individuals. I'm not going to shove my beliefs off onto someone else just because their's differs from mine. I'm certainly not going to demean someone's character the way people have done here.
Bottom line, this woman wants something different that some people. Some people agree with her, some don't. No one is going to change anyone's core beliefs...especially not by bashing them the way this poster has been done.
We all have a right to our own opinion. Why not state that opinion and move on? Why the bashing and defamation of character?
snodderly
stealth2
Under the Radar Member
Okay - so you chose to have 4 kids knowing he had his obligations. But I don't know that it's fair to blast the OP simply because they make more.
As for college expenses, my ex volunteered in the original decree to pay for college for both kids. Six years later, he's suddenly realized how much money that is. Now, I'm certainly not going to be a b*tch about it and insist he pay for 4 years at an Ivy for both while I pop bonbons all day. We're going to be busting our humps to make sure that the kids ge tthe best possible deals they can get between scholarships, loans, work study, and my own contribution to living expenses. But I'll be damned if I'll let him off the hook that he asked for.
As for college expenses, my ex volunteered in the original decree to pay for college for both kids. Six years later, he's suddenly realized how much money that is. Now, I'm certainly not going to be a b*tch about it and insist he pay for 4 years at an Ivy for both while I pop bonbons all day. We're going to be busting our humps to make sure that the kids ge tthe best possible deals they can get between scholarships, loans, work study, and my own contribution to living expenses. But I'll be damned if I'll let him off the hook that he asked for.
But I'll be damned if I'll let him off the hook that he asked for
Exactly!! Why should anyone be let off the hook. I was married 17 years. He suddently decided the family thing wasn't for him. My children and I had to continue on without him and 75% of his income. Just because his mind changed one day does not mean ours did.
My son and I have done whatever we have had to do for 2 years to make sure he was in school. That included 2 part time jobs by him, federal aid, loans and working our asses off.
I paid my way through college. Did not have any plans to help a child of mine with college because I never thought I would be in a position to do such a thing. These big plans were his for 17 years. He wanted the "yuppie" family...right down to the damned Golden Retriever. When it no longer fit his agenda he was gone...he fed us a face full of dust and never looked back.
No one gets off the hook for something like that. Mindy, if you feel it is OK to pull double duty and raise 4 kids on your own just so your ex husband doesn't have to work a little harder than that is fine. This woman and a few others in the world feel differently. It's not a crime, it's a right and does not merit abuse.
snodderly
Exactly!! Why should anyone be let off the hook. I was married 17 years. He suddently decided the family thing wasn't for him. My children and I had to continue on without him and 75% of his income. Just because his mind changed one day does not mean ours did.
My son and I have done whatever we have had to do for 2 years to make sure he was in school. That included 2 part time jobs by him, federal aid, loans and working our asses off.
I paid my way through college. Did not have any plans to help a child of mine with college because I never thought I would be in a position to do such a thing. These big plans were his for 17 years. He wanted the "yuppie" family...right down to the damned Golden Retriever. When it no longer fit his agenda he was gone...he fed us a face full of dust and never looked back.
No one gets off the hook for something like that. Mindy, if you feel it is OK to pull double duty and raise 4 kids on your own just so your ex husband doesn't have to work a little harder than that is fine. This woman and a few others in the world feel differently. It's not a crime, it's a right and does not merit abuse.
snodderly
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MindyT
Guest
I didn't mean to come across that I was bashing her; it just angers to me to see CP's that recieve a pretty substantial amount in support complaining that it isn't enough when a lot of people get much less and make the best of what they DO get. Some of the things that I have seen CP's claim they need the child support for are unnecessary things, things that are not vital to raising a child; sometimes you have to cut corners and do without certain things based on what you are dealt in a situation. Some CP's don't get all they should be entitled to, and some get more, and some get just the right amount, and the ones that get more than they should or get a pretty reasonable amount and then complain just tick me off, when I've known CP's who don't get near what they should, or even get NONE, and don't complain. That's all I meant.
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PenutButterChip
Junior Member
I am sorry tMindy but you keep saying that getting $873 for two kids is ooh so much, and that it should be sufficient, but you dont know where they are? Maybe compared to the backwoods, podunk town you live in where soda still costs 65 cents, its alot, but what about the people that live in urban areas, or hell it doesnt even have to be that, alot of places now a days are just damned expensive. Why should the husband be able to jump up and say' Oh you know what I changed my mind, I am outta here, you all fend for yourselves." Not even.
Are you a jerk or WHAT, you are going to spite your daughter just to get back at the woman YOU laid down with? How is that the kids fault. Granted you dont HAVE to pay for college, but that statement is typical of a man
Are you a jerk or WHAT, you are going to spite your daughter just to get back at the woman YOU laid down with? How is that the kids fault. Granted you dont HAVE to pay for college, but that statement is typical of a man
stealth2
Under the Radar Member
PenutButterChip said:Are you a jerk or WHAT, you are going to spite your daughter just to get back at the woman YOU laid down with? How is that the kids fault. Granted you dont HAVE to pay for college, but that statement is typical of a man
Why shouldn't both parents hold some responsibility? Like I said, my ex is 100% responsible. But I still intend to do my part. And that may well include a year or two at a CC for core courses - it's much more cost efficient!
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