custody after mediation

[Proserpina]

i tried to get some advice, but it seems its a little lacking here, everyone wants to be up on moral issues and forgets its a custody BATTLE! I think that describes it all.

Then why are you here?

You obviously know everything, and know far better than us.

 

[jimmyd916]

i dont think anybody understands. i dont want full custody i dont want for the kids never to see their mom, i just want things to go back to how they were. If i show the judge some pictures and he doesnt approve of what the mom is doing, i dont think it will get me full custody, but i do think it shows that the mother is lacking in integrity and couple that with the two restraining orders ive beaten, it definetly shows she is out of line and with that he shouldnt give her full custody, i mean honestly how can you argue with that.

 

[futuredust]

i dont think anybody understands. i dont want full custody i dont want for the kids never to see their mom, i just want things to go back to how they were. If i show the judge some pictures and he doesnt approve of what the mom is doing, i dont think it will get me full custody, but i do think it shows that the mother is lacking in integrity and couple that with the two restraining orders ive beaten, it definetly shows she is out of line and with that he shouldnt give her full custody, i mean honestly how can you argue with that.

Oh, you're still here.. Funny, I thought you were leaving.

Still beating that moral drum..

Moving along..

 

[WittyUserName]

im pretty sure none of you have ever won a custody battle. i shouldnt show pics because it will make me look vindictive please, this is a court room playing nice doesnt get you anywhere, you can sit around and take the high road all you want but im pretty sure nice guys always finish last and by the way things are going ive been coming in first everytime. i dont want full custody i just want my half back so if i have to destroy my ex's character to do it then i will, but ill be damned if i sit by passively and take the high road and watch my kids be taken away from me. I've won every court appeareance to date so im telling you know-it-alls that what im doing works.

First of all, custody isn't something you "win". This is a child, not a stuffed animal at the county fair.

Second, you are asking for joint custody, which means that a judge is going to want to see that the two of you can work together. Co-parent effectively. If you show up trying to hang Mom for pictures of her doing stuff that is legal and does not involve the children, you are going to show that judge right there that neither one of you is mature enough to CO-PARENT.

You have plenty in your favor - but getting hung up on morality issues might seriously backfire on you. Why not just focus on your strengths and not on Mom's facebook pictures or whatever. Focus, dude.

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

i dont think anybody understands. i dont want full custody i dont want for the kids never to see their mom, i just want things to go back to how they were. If i show the judge some pictures and he doesnt approve of what the mom is doing, i dont think it will get me full custody, but i do think it shows that the mother is lacking in integrity and couple that with the two restraining orders ive beaten, it definetly shows she is out of line and with that he shouldnt give her full custody, i mean honestly how can you argue with that.

Well.... we CAN argue that one. Judges don't like their decisions mocked. Seriously. Don't go there. Read my signature line, which is the direct quote from Confucius, which I believe mistofolees quoted earlier. "When ebarking on a journey of revenge, dig two graves". FOCUS, seriously. You're not fooling anyone here, and I highly doubt that you going into court with the attitude you've shown here is going to get you anywhere positive.

Show the court that you're mean, vindictive and you'll get NOTHING of what you've asked for. Adults are ALLOWED to party a bit, even if they are parents. Are the children cared for by a sober adult when she's doing this? Ok then, you haven't a foot to stand on.

 

[frylover]

The thing is it sounds to me like you want to destroy mom's character just because you CAN. Do you think that makes you seem like a mature, rational human being?

If you are a good dad, show that. Show YOU can work with mom, despite what she did/did not do in the co-parenting relationship. Show that you have been providing your kids with a loving, suportive home when they are with you. Show what a great thing it is for the kids to be with you, NOT how awful it is to be with mom. PLAY UP YOUR STRENGTHS! Or, will your "win" only be satisfying if you crucify mom in the process?

And, I hope you and your ex BOTH realize that your kids are the ones who are REALLY getting hurt here. And don't give me any crap about how they don't know. They may not know the specifics but they know on some level mommy and daddy hate each other and are drgging us along for the ride. Wouldn't it be nice if they had at least ONE rational, mature parent. That COULD be you, dude, if you stop thinking in terms of revenge and start thinking about THEM.

 

[stealth2]

i dont think anybody understands. i dont want full custody i dont want for the kids never to see their mom, i just want things to go back to how they were. If i show the judge some pictures and he doesnt approve of what the mom is doing, i dont think it will get me full custody, but i do think it shows that the mother is lacking in integrity and couple that with the two restraining orders ive beaten, it definetly shows she is out of line and with that he shouldnt give her full custody, i mean honestly how can you argue with that.

All you're going to do with those pictures is show that you won't be able to co-parent with Mom. And you will likely end up with eow/e.

And yes, a lot of us HAVE been through custody battles. I know I have. And taking the high road certainly paid off for me. But never mind - you "know" what you're doing.

 

[CJane]

And taking the high road certainly paid off for me.

And not just in the court room, but in your relationship with your children too, I'd gather. I know that my relationship with my children is a whole lot better than it would be if I allowed anger and a need for control to infuse every situation.

 

[frylover]

And Stealth and CJane, the flip side of that is what NOT taking the high road did to your exes relationships with the kiddos.

 

[stealth2]

And Stealth and CJane, the flip side of that is what NOT taking the high road did to your exes relationships with the kiddos.

That, too. I thought things were getting better with the one, but it would appear I was mistaken.

 

[frylover]

That, too. I thought things were getting better with the one, but it would appear I was mistaken.

Well if you behave like the backside of horse long enough, your kids are gonna get old enough to realize it, and lose respect for you. Respect lost isn't easy to regain. It's sad for everyone involved but the ex chose that path.

If Jimmy didn't "leave for good" and sees this, I hope he thinks about that.

 

[stekkinekko]

I think it would be in your best interest to get a lawyer and see what they have to say on the subject. It's tricky to try to damage the character of someone in the court room, and it doesn't always pay off. While the photographs you have may be distasteful, and you fear they might have a negative influence on your children, there is unfortunately nothing illegal about them. Immoral, maybe. But illegal, no. As long as it's not putting your children in immediate danger, there's not much you can do. Attempting to use them to discredit her and her character very well might backfire on you, and make it look like you are grasping at straws. If you are a good father and she has nothing to prove otherwise then you should have no problem getting back the custody that you had to begin with.

It seems to me that she has been the vindictive one- trying to slap you with restraining orders that were only dismissed. It is stuff like that that will work in your favor. I can honestly understand your wanting to use the photos to embarrass her in the courtroom after what she has done. It is human nature to want revenge on the people who have hurt us. The trouble with the courtroom is that emotional reactions to things are dangerous. Vengeance is especially dangerous.

My fear for you is that using the photos would not have the effect you are intending. As I said before- you seem to be a good father who just wants to protect his children. As long as you haven't done anything yet to prove otherwise, you should be fine. Don't do anything irrational because you are pissed off about how she has treated you. I don't see any reason you would need to use the photos anyway- your case should be solid enough without them.

 

[Ohiogal]

yes i am hell bent on destroying the mom, if you had 2 years of joint physical custody then all of a sudden youre hit with a false restraining order two times and your stopped from seeing your kids for two months how would that make you feel, and i swear the advice you people give is horrible, i had to hear somany times that i would probably not get my half custody but what happened i did. everything i put on here has been the truth and you people people call me a vindictive moron and act like im the one who wanted started this whole nonsense. i guess this will be my last post if you guys dont know about family custody stop acting like you do.

You are pathetic. Destroying MOM does NOT help the child quite frankly. All it does is HURT the child.

Pictures? Seriously? Not impressive. I have had clients show me pictures of sexting from the other parent and it has not really mattered. And trust me, I didn't really want to see a picture of the hubby's penis. NOT interested. Nor is the court.

 

[Proserpina]

Pictures? Seriously? Not impressive. I have had clients show me pictures of sexting from the other parent and it has not really mattered. And trust me, I didn't really want to see a picture of the hubby's penis. NOT interested. Nor is the court.

Llama, llama...RON!

 

[frylover]

Just in case you come back, OP...

OhioGal is a family law attorney and a guardian ad litem. Are you STILL going to argue that everyone responding to you is an idiot and you know it all?

(Probably so)