Does mom have a say in who dad brings around child?

[tbohio72]

What is the name of your state? ohio & michigan
I am getting married in 4 months to a man who has a 3 year daughter living in Michigan. He was never married to the mom. He has always lived in Ohio, and the mom and child have always lived in Michigan. He very recently filed a motion for visitation thru their "Friends of the Court" system. No attorney. The mom will not allow me to come with my fiance' to visit with his daughter unless we spend the day with her and her new boyfriend so they can evaluate how the child is going to react to me. She said she has the right as her mother to say who she can and cannot go with and doesn't want her child to be around me if she's not comfortable. Does she have the right to do this? My fiance' is 36 and I'm 32 w/a 7 year old. The relationship with my son's father is very open. My fiance' and him have went to ball games, etc together. I just don't get this girl. She's emotionally immature and I could write a whole chapter on the lies and mindgames she's already pulling, but I'm hoping she'll hang herself as far as her personality is concerned. My main concern is does she have the right to keep her child from me? I want a relationship with this child. THANK YOU, THANK YOU for any insight.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Until a court order is issued allowing him visitation (which will require first a finding of paternity), she can tell you to leap off a bridge.

Simply put, until a court says he is, he IS NOT the father.

 

[seniorjudge]

Until a court order is issued allowing him visitation (which will require first a finding of paternity), she can tell you to leap off a bridge.

Simply put, until a court says he is, he IS NOT the father.

Assuming that your sweetie is somehow the legal daddy, then the answer to the question, "Does mom have a say in who dad brings around child?" is NO.

 

[stealth2]

But I wonder - why is spending some time all together - you, your b/f, her, her b/f - such a big deal if it will make the kiddo more comfortable? WOuldn't it be in the child's best interests to see the parents (and their respective SO's) getting along?

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Assuming that your sweetie is somehow the legal daddy, then the answer to the question, "Does mom have a say in who dad brings around child?" is NO.

Without a custody/visitation order she does. There is no order yet. So, mommy doesn't even have to let daddy see the child.

 

[SM5NY]

Well if that were the case then dad "the father" should have say in who mom brings around. I mean as a parent and safey of his child.. hr should. Basically that is what mom is say and just playing a control game.
Truth is.... in court the judge will tell you this is not true and the dad can bring whoever he wants around unless proven and shown harm throw the courts eye ( in that case mom would have to bring you back to court and prove it). In other words, he is no longer with mom and is intitled to a life and relationship. More then likely the judge will find mom being knit picky and controllling, as this action is not allowed unless proven harmful the the child.

 

[seniorjudge]

... knit picky ....

Isn't that nit picky?

 

[kidoday]

Well if that were the case then dad "the father" should have say in who mom brings around. I mean as a parent and safey of his child.. hr should. Basically that is what mom is say and just playing a control game.
Truth is.... in court the judge will tell you this is not true and the dad can bring whoever he wants around unless proven and shown harm throw the courts eye ( in that case mom would have to bring you back to court and prove it). In other words, he is no longer with mom and is intitled to a life and relationship. More then likely the judge will find mom being knit picky and controllling, as this action is not allowed unless proven harmful the the child.

Stick to NY law. You are completely wrong here and your advice to our poster gives her falsified hope.

Michigan judges quite often rule that an unmarried parent may not bring b/f or g/f's around their children.

A side from that issue you are missing the point. This father has no legal visitation rights. Re read this: He very recently filed a motion for visitation thru their "Friends of the Court" system. The mother at this point doesn't even have to allow the father visitation if she doesn't want to. There isn't a court order, or a temporary order in place.

Edit: I have two friends currently going through a divorce and both were stipulated that neither one is allowed to bring a b/f, g/f around their children. Neither party had to prove that by doing so would harm the children. It was asked and given.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Stick to NY law. You are completely wrong here and your advice to our poster gives her falsified hope.

Michigan judges quite often rule that an unmarried parent may not bring outside influences around their children.

A side from that issue you are missing the point. This father has no legal visitation rights. Re read this: He very recently filed a motion for visitation thru their "Friends of the Court" system. The mother at this point doesn't even have to allow the father visitation if she doesn't want to. There isn't a court order, or a temporary order in place.

MEOW

 

[kidoday]

Got me there Belize.

Posters like that just get under my skin at times.

 

[critterperson]

I totally agree

But I wonder - why is spending some time all together - you, your b/f, her, her b/f - such a big deal if it will make the kiddo more comfortable? WOuldn't it be in the child's best interests to see the parents (and their respective SO's) getting along?

I agree with Stealth2, if it will ease the transition why not......you will be (indirectly through your husband)dealing with this woman until this child turns 18 so why not start out on the right foot. If the bio-mom gets out of hand, leave and consider it a lesson learned

 

[tbohio72]

.

Thanks everyone for your input. A clarification:
1. Paternity has been legally established. He is the biological father.
2. I have no problem in meeting and spending some degree of time around the mother. What I don't feel is fair is her making us sit in her home so she can watch me play with my future husband's daughter.

? regarding MI law.. after a court ordered visitation is established, how is the "wife" of the biological father viewed. Everyone kept refering to me as the girlfriend. We are getting married this year. So when we have our own children, the courts find it acceptable that he be permitted to visit with his out of state daughter without bringing along her extended family? What about when she gets to come to Ohio? The biological mom will still have a say if he brings her around me-- when we are married?

And yes, she is a control freak. I contacted her via a very very polite e-mail explaining that I wanted to be part of this little girl's life and that we would have to deal with each other from here on out. I told her I wasn't looking for a new best friend but that we needed to be friendly with each other for the child's sake. I told her to call me anytime so that we could maybe talk a little without the kids being around and I told her I didn't want to replace her role as mom and would never make her daughter view me as mom, etc. Trust me, I am the mature one in this matter.

 

[kidoday]

If I am getting this right, your fiance has not had visitation up to this point. So the courts may rule that your fiance must establish a relationship with his daughter prior to establishing a relationship with you, his fiance.

You need to get past point A - estabishing a set visitation schedule, before you can get too concerned with point B, your relationship with the daughter.

Right now, the best thing you can do is support your fiance in order for him to get visitation outside of her home and Michigan.

 

[tbohio72]

to kidoday

No, the father (my fiance') does not have court ordered visitation. But, he has almost religiously been driving 6 hrs to MI every other Saturday for 2 yrs to spend about 6 hrs with his daughter, and then driving 6 hrs back to Ohio in the same day. Their relationship has been very well established.

 

[kidoday]

You are still going to be in limbo until the FOC decides what is best for his daughter. So until the time the FOC make the recommendation, and a judge orders it, the mother can stipulate who is allowed to visit their daughter in her home ever other Saturday for those 6 hours.

Is your fiance requesting standard visitation? I honestly don't know if I would bring this situation up to the FOC unless she does. Then I would have your fiance ask why you are any different than the mothers new boyfriend?